Call Me, Maybe?

tigerlily6

Okay, stupid title aside. A social media acquaintance posted this article the other day, agreeing that she could not imagine being with her bf without daily texts:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a52614/not-texting-boyfriend-for-a-week/

I don't normally give Cosmo articles much time of day or space of my thoughts, but this one caught my eye and shocked me a bit just because it seems so needy to me and different from my experience.

FI and I share one cellphone right now. If one of us anticipates that we will need it, we request it during the day. Otherwise, if we need to communicate during the day when we're apart, we email. And when we take trips apart visiting family, we call one another on our parents' home phones. 

I have told FI that when we have kids, I certainly expect us both to have cell phones so we can be more immediately accessible. But right now it just is not a big priority.  *shrug*

Are we just weird? I guess I could see wanting to keep in touch via text more if you are long distance, but even then, I personally would prefer a good phone call at the end of the day. Thoughts?

kvruns

I read that article too. H and I have always communicated by text because it was so prevalent in the beginning of our relationship. I like having quick texts during the day but admit that when there aren't those texts for a while I sometimes worry something is wrong bc you get used to contact throughout the day. In general I think social media and the way things seem to be have gotten us into the habit of sharing every little thought with people and texting plays right into that.

WinstonsGirl

Perhaps I'm a bad example, as I don't have a cell phone, so I rarely text (usually my brother from DH's phone).  We've always used phone and e-mail to communicate, but I still get a daily phone call when DH is on the way home.  We do use e-mail to communicate stuff throughout the day (dinner, plans) cos it's easier when I'm teaching and he's usually with clients/in meetings.  If DH is out of town, we either talk on the phone or use FaceTime if he can get a good connection

climbingsingle

Do I think it's weird you share a cell phone? Yes. My H and I both use our cell phones for work, so that's something that would never work for us. He also runs his own business and if I need to get in touch with him, texting is the easiest way to do it. He doesn't sit at a desk all day like I do.

I didn't read the article. But it's nice to be able to pick up my phone any time during the day to tell him I love him and vice versa. There are also many times we're both so busy we don't talk until we're both home at the end of the day. It changes day to day.

climbingsingle

Ok, I just skimmed the article. I'm 13 years older than the person that wrote this article. I didn't grow up with cell phones and texting so I obviously have a much different relationship with this kind of stuff.

STARMOON44

tigerlily6 said:

Okay, stupid title aside. A social media acquaintance posted this article the other day, agreeing that she could not imagine being with her bf without daily texts:

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a52614/not-texting-boyfriend-for-a-week/

I don't normally give Cosmo articles much time of day or space of my thoughts, but this one caught my eye and shocked me a bit just because it seems so needy to me and different from my experience.

FI and I share one cellphone right now. If one of us anticipates that we will need it, we request it during the day. Otherwise, if we need to communicate during the day when we're apart, we email. And when we take trips apart visiting family, we call one another on our parents' home phones. 

I have told FI that when we have kids, I certainly expect us both to have cell phones so we can be more immediately accessible. But right now it just is not a big priority.  *shrug*

Are we just weird? I guess I could see wanting to keep in touch via text more if you are long distance, but even then, I personally would prefer a good phone call at the end of the day. Thoughts?

Yeah I think you're really really weird. You share a cellphone?!? Do you never need to call your friends, or family, or office, or AAA, or 911?!? Do you not spend any time away from a land line phone? I don't think it's weird not to call or text each other during the day but I think it's incredibly weird to share a cellphone.

tigerlily6

Apologies for the confusion. I know sharing a cell phone is fairly unusual (my friends balk at this a lot). FI works at home, I am at campus all day, so right now, having two phones is just not justified in our budget. I have an old model cellphone that FI keeps in the house while I'm out, which can call 911 still even though it is not with a main service provider. And with internet connection, we can IM or call through Skype if we need. We both predominantly use the bus for transportation -- we only have one car, and since it is in crappy shape, we try to avoid driving it except on our weekend trip to the grocery store. Calls to friends and family happen during the evening when we're both free.

It's not a perfect system that I expect to last forever, but it works for now. Once we are both working and driving places, then I think it will make more sense to both have phones.

The point of the article that just surprised me, though, is that it seemed the author really struggled with the notion of having to limit herself to calling her boyfriend at the end of the day rather than texting all the time. Even when FI and I did both have phones, when we were first dating, we were not big texters, and if we needed to communicate, it was usually through calling later in the evening. I guess that was the point that seemed weird to me. 

STARMOON44

tigerlily6 said:

Apologies for the confusion. I know sharing a cell phone is fairly unusual (my friends balk at this a lot). FI works at home, I am at campus all day, so right now, having two phones is just not justified in our budget. I have an old model cellphone that FI keeps in the house while I'm out, which can call 911 still even though it is not with a main service provider. And with internet connection, we can IM or call through Skype if we need. We both predominantly use the bus for transportation -- we only have one car, and since it is in crappy shape, we try to avoid driving it except on our weekend trip to the grocery store. Calls to friends and family happen during the evening when we're both free.

It's not a perfect system that I expect to last forever, but it works for now. Once we are both working and driving places, then I think it will make more sense to both have phones.

The point of the article that just surprised me, though, is that it seemed the author really struggled with the notion of having to limit herself to calling her boyfriend at the end of the day rather than texting all the time. Even when FI and I did both have phones, when we were first dating, we were not big texters, and if we needed to communicate, it was usually through calling later in the evening. I guess that was the point that seemed weird to me. 

Like, if you were my friend I'd be seriously concerned you were in a controlling relationship if I could never text you or call you during the day because you leave your phone with your fiancé all day.

I'm sure you aren't and things are great and all, but disconnect yourself from people long enough and they stop trying.

tigerlily6

@STARMOON44 , I know it is weird, and I'm not trying to challenge that. It certainly isn't the norm anymore, especially for younger people. But what about friends/ family members who only have landlines? My uncle still operates that way. You couldn't call or text him during the day either. I don't think that qualifies as disconnected. (Technically, I am the one with the operational cell phone usually, so I do use it to call friends and family more. But I usually don't do so during the day anyway while I'm working.)

I guess in sum, I'm just not a big texting person. Which may be the root of my weirdness. I compensate with long phone calls to loved ones, though.  

STARMOON44

tigerlily6 said:

@STARMOON44 , I know it is weird, and I'm not trying to challenge that. It certainly isn't the norm anymore, especially for younger people. But what about friends/ family members who only have landlines? My uncle still operates that way. You couldn't call or text him during the day either. I don't think that qualifies as disconnected. (Technically, I am the one with the operational cell phone usually, so I do use it to call friends and family more. But I usually don't do so during the day anyway while I'm working.)

I guess in sum, I'm just not a big texting person. Which may be the root of my weirdness. I compensate with long phone calls to loved ones, though.  

I know no one who only has a landline. And I know no one of my same age cohort who owns a landline at all. If it's working for you, great! But I worry that you are inadvertently isolating yourself from communicating with your peers.

tigerlily6

Also, just to clarify (as I reread now, I realize this wasn't well-spelled out), we have an actual cell phone through a service provider -- that's the one I usually carry with me, and which we make calls to friends and family with. The old one that has 911/ Skype capability is the one FI keeps with him during the day in case of emergencies. 

RomanceManaged

Nope. UO here, but FI and I share one too. Its just not a justified expense for us. If one of us needs it, we take it for the day. Otherwise it stays at home. All my friends and family have the number, and i still keep contact, but I'm not glued to it non stop. If I need to get in touch with him, I just call him from work, or use the phone of whomever I'm with. Maybe in a while when things settle, but right now there is other things that money can go towards.

STARMOON44

tigerlily6 said:

Also, just to clarify (as I reread now, I realize this wasn't well-spelled out), we have an actual cell phone through a service provider -- that's the one I usually carry with me, and which we make calls to friends and family with. The old one that has 911/ Skype capability is the one FI keeps with him during the day in case of emergencies. 

Oh. So when you said you shared a cell phone and he kept it during the day, you meant that you have two cell phones and you carry one with you and he keeps one at home. Ok, well there's no point to anything I said then!

tigerlily6

STARMOON44 said:

@STARMOON44 , I know it is weird, and I'm not trying to challenge that. It certainly isn't the norm anymore, especially for younger people. But what about friends/ family members who only have landlines? My uncle still operates that way. You couldn't call or text him during the day either. I don't think that qualifies as disconnected. (Technically, I am the one with the operational cell phone usually, so I do use it to call friends and family more. But I usually don't do so during the day anyway while I'm working.)

I guess in sum, I'm just not a big texting person. Which may be the root of my weirdness. I compensate with long phone calls to loved ones, though.  

I know no one who only has a landline. And I know no one of my same age cohort who owns a landline at all. If it's working for you, great! But I worry that you are inadvertently isolating yourself from communicating with your peers.

So far, it has been working fine for the past year and a half. I personally haven't noticed that sharing a phone has affected my communication with my friends or family -- it has remained pretty much the same gig as when I had a phone all to myself. Even if friends and family do call or text me during the day, I'm probably not going to respond until the end of my work day, anyway. Heck, I may not even notice until then (I'm pretty bad about checking my phone during the day). If there is an emergency, I can call FI via Skype. 

thefanciestbeckler

Eta the knot decided I wanted to quote people when I didn't


Anyways..... DH and I do use texts to communicate. It is certainly not our primary means of communication, but it is used when necessary. I honestly can't imagine our lives without it either, simply because it's more convenient. I am not always able to talk on the phone at work and neither is he, so it is just something we've become accustomed to.

lyndausvi

I think it's odd to share a phone.  But if it works for you then who am I to judge.

We do not have a landline. Although I do have a web based desk phone for work.  

When one of us is away then it's normally a "good morning" call.   Mid-day text or call.  Then a "good night" call.  Sometimes it's a text.     

On days DH is working he normally calls before dinner service.   Outside of that I really do not talk/text with him.  His work isn't really conducive to talking or texting either.  He will call me on his way home to ask if I need anything.  We are a one car family.  On days I have the car he will call to be picked up.

On his days off he will call me on his way home from skiing.  Again to ask me if I need anything maybe to say he is picking me up to go shopping or something.

We met when I worked on a boat.  My cell phone was in my backpack. I would only pull it out in between sails or at the end of my shift.  Sometimes it would be 12 hours.   I wasn't communicating with anyone else either.  

Again, DH's job isn't conducive to talking throughout the day either. I use to work with the public a lot and I personally HATE seeing workers on their phones all the time.  So I always make a point of keeping mine in my bag or locker.      Because of that we've never been ones who had to call/text each other throughout the day.   When we got a chance we would.  If not, no big deal.

tigerlily6

Oops, yeah, sorry @STARMOON44. That was my bad not explaining clearly. But point being, we got the bases covered for emergencies if they arise, and can communicate if we need to. Fun-time-talk gets pushed back to the end of the day when we're together anyway, so it just made sense to share a phone for those needs at this point. 

Once cars and jobs and babies enter the picture, though, we are upgrading to two fully functional phones, frugality be damned. That's been a pretty clear non-negotiable on my part.

@RomanceManaged, glad to meet another weirdo like myself, haha. 

levioosa

She uses the word "bae" much too often.

The article came off a little immature to me.  Do cell phones make things more convenient?  Of course.  But I think it speaks to her maturity level that her whole day was that thrown off without a "good morning" text.  There are days when SO and I don't call or text at all.  It's okay, our security is not based in texts to each other.  Occasionally we'll mention to each other that the next day our schedule doesn't permit texting, and we'll call each other later. No biggie.  The amount of texting she was referencing also made it seem like perhaps she is not the most productive employee.  

My grandparents and parents have a landline.  At least my parents have a cordless landline.  My grandfather is so convinced that cordless phones are worthless that he has a corded phone resting on the edge of his couch next to his recliner. It's a hazard and really not the best option, but he won't budge.

As far as the sharing a single phone deal, I think it's weird too.  Not because I need to be "plugged in" all the time, but because life experiences have made me apprehensive of emergencies.  I would have a second phone even if it was a $5 go phone from Walmart with $15 on it.  It wouldn't mean I needed to be using it constantly, just that it was there and ready if someone really needed to contact me in an emergency, or vice versa.  

ILoveBeachMusic

I am much older than all of you. H and I text if necessary during the day but wouldn't feel my day was a disaster if I didn't hear from him. It does bother me though that my kids prefer to text than talk. I think that is a breakdown in connectedness. We still have a landline at our house - and a 1983 corded phone (along with cordless phones). Every few years we have a power outage in our area that lasts a couple of days. Without the corded phone we wouldn't have a way to call in an emergency.

Jells2dot0

H and I each have our own phones, and I have a VoIP phone at home, but he does not have a smart phone and he cannot have his phone during the day at work. I can have my phone during the day, but my signal is blocked most of the time. So, we don't use our cells during the week very much at all. So, we rarely text each other.

H also does not have a computer at his desk. So, while I can e-mail him, I know he won't get it right away. I can call him at his desk, obviously, but he's not always there. In fact, he's on travel for the next two weeks and because of where he is and what he does, I have no way of getting in touch with him until he has the time to call me. I think I've only spoken to him a few times this week for about 5 minutes each time.

I remember when I was on travel and ended up in the hospital (actually, that has happened more than once. Odd. LOL) It took me FOREVER to get in touch with him to let him know I was sick. The less serious time, he was on travel as well so there was nothing he could do anyway.

So, I'm not super bothered by not being able to talk to him on a regular basis. But, we've also lived apart (due to work) for a good chunk of our relationship, so we're used to not having each other around.

ETF spelling before caffeine is hard.

PamBeesly524

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I am much older than all of you. H and I text if necessary during the day but wouldn't feel my day was a disaster if I didn't hear from him. It does bother me though that my kids prefer to text than talk. I think that is a breakdown in connectedness. We still have a landline at our house - and a 1983 corded phone (along with cordless phones). Every few years we have a power outage in our area that lasts a couple of days. Without the corded phone we wouldn't have a way to call in an emergency.

About this - I never get this excuse for keeping a landline. A corded phone limits the area that you have to be in to be able to make a call. Your cell phone is portable, so if there was a fire/break in/whatever, you could essentially move around and be able to call from wherever in the house you need to be. If there is a power outage there are tons of options for back-up battery packs for electronics.. H and I have several that we keep charged and in the same drawer as our power-outage flashlights in case there is a long outage.

Totally your (general your) prerogative to have a land-line or not, but I just don't think a corded phone is fantastic for emergencies compared to cells. 

Maggie0829

Okay, I couldn't make it to day two of her article.  I hit this line "(1) They are heavy and holding it up to your ear is a workout you're not trying to participate in." and was done.  How freaking large is your landline phone that it is that heavy?  And yes, I do have a landline phone and use it daily.

I'm sorry, I am almost a decade older this girl and it is just so hard to relate to this first world problem of hers.

Do I text H throughout the day?  Sometimes.  It really depends on the day and usually it is a reminder to do X before he comes home.  Sometimes I call him on the way home from work just to shoot the shit.  But in regards to a typical conversation, that happens in person or over the phone.  I couldn't imagine having a full blown conversation with H, or with anyone, via text.  I guess this is where the disconnect between those who grew up with cell phones and texting and those who didn't comes into play.

tigerlily6

@PamBeesly524, I agree that cells are generally better for emergency, but I think the idea is that if the power is out for several days, your cell phone could be dead and you can't charge it. Obviously, to avert such a situation, you could just turn your cell off when you're not using it. But I know my mom likes to keep a corded land-line phone around in her home just in case, also. 

nerdwife

I mean, the article was difficult to read because it was annoying, but I don't think it's that weird to text often, especially if you don't live together. I usually do more emailing during the day because I am at a computer at work and it's way easier to pretend I'm doing a work thing via email than if I'm sitting at my desk texting. A lot of our emails back and forth are about articles we read with links to them and such. Depending on his rotation, FI can sometimes email right back and sometimes not so much. When he is on crazy busy rotations, I email him anyway without expecting a response, just so I have documented the things I want to tell him - I have a super bad memory. I think maybe the girl in the article took to making a list of things to discuss? So it's kinda like that.

So, in sum, I don't think it's weird to want to talk to your SO all the time and to do so using whatever communication. When FI can't respond to emails or texts all day because of a busy rotation, I do miss him a little. Maybe that makes me pathetic? I just like talking to him.

ETA - We actually recently got a landline in case of emergency, like if one of us was home alone and our cell phone was dead or something and we needed to make a phone call. We also try not to use our phones when we're at home spending time together, so I gave the landline number to a couple of people in case they need to reach me in an emergency.

Also, when we didn't live together, we would talk on the phone most nights we weren't spending together in addition to whatever texting or emailing we were doing. Still don't think it's weird.

emmaaa

Dh and I text basically everyday. We're both 25 and started dating at 17, so texting has been around throughout our whole relationship.

DH drives 45 minutes to work and I drive an hour. so when we each get to work, we shoot a quick text to let each other know we made it safely since we drive so far. Generally throughout the day we may get a few more texts in but when I'm at work i'm busy and he works outside and can't be on his phone much. I always call him when I leave work.

If we had to not text for one week, it wouldn't be too hard. I would just call him instead of text to let him know i got to work.

As far as a landline, I know a ton of people who still have a house phone and I wish we did actually.

lyndausvi

PamBeesly524 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I am much older than all of you. H and I text if necessary during the day but wouldn't feel my day was a disaster if I didn't hear from him. It does bother me though that my kids prefer to text than talk. I think that is a breakdown in connectedness. We still have a landline at our house - and a 1983 corded phone (along with cordless phones). Every few years we have a power outage in our area that lasts a couple of days. Without the corded phone we wouldn't have a way to call in an emergency.

About this - I never get this excuse for keeping a landline. A corded phone limits the area that you have to be in to be able to make a call. Your cell phone is portable, so if there was a fire/break in/whatever, you could essentially move around and be able to call from wherever in the house you need to be. If there is a power outage there are tons of options for back-up battery packs for electronics.. H and I have several that we keep charged and in the same drawer as our power-outage flashlights in case there is a long outage.

Totally your (general your) prerogative to have a land-line or not, but I just don't think a corded phone is fantastic for emergencies compared to cells. 

it depends where you live and the emergency.      After a storm in the islands the power can be out for days.   The winds would tweak the cell phone towers where we would not have cell phone service for a day, sometimes more.     The land line was you only option at times.

Then you still have areas with limited or no cell service.   At my home, the only way I can get AT&T to work is through a $200 MircoCell booster.   Basically it uses WiFi to boost the cell signal.   My Verizon and Sprint friends have ZERO cell service at my house.   There are other parts of this area that have no cell service at all.  None.  You have to drive down some 8 miles to get service.   In the islands there was one neighborhood who put in a "cell area" parking lot because only in this one area could you get service.     Land lines work the best because if the power goes out then even Voip phones will not work.

  Now granted things have changed since 9/11, but if you were living in the greater NYC area on Sept 11 you found you couldn't use your cell phones.  Partly because some of the signal towers were on the WTC, plus the shear amount of people trying to use the phones at the same time jammed the service.

Again technology has greatly improved, but calling 911 from a land line often gets better results in remote areas because they know exactly were you are calling from.    From a cell tower they have a good idea, but often not as exact as a land line would give them.    A 100 yards radius can be pretty big area in an emergency. 

This is not a one size fits all situation.

PamBeesly524

tigerlily6 said:

@PamBeesly524, I agree that cells are generally better for emergency, but I think the idea is that if the power is out for several days, your cell phone could be dead and you can't charge it. Obviously, to avert such a situation, you could just turn your cell off when you're not using it. But I know my mom likes to keep a corded land-line phone around in her home just in case, also. 

Again, there are battery packs that you can charge and keep charged in case of emergency. H and I use them on long road trips because our cigarette lighters don't work for a car charger. CLICK

lyndausvi

PamBeesly524 said:

tigerlily6 said:

@PamBeesly524, I agree that cells are generally better for emergency, but I think the idea is that if the power is out for several days, your cell phone could be dead and you can't charge it. Obviously, to avert such a situation, you could just turn your cell off when you're not using it. But I know my mom likes to keep a corded land-line phone around in her home just in case, also. 

Again, there are battery packs that you can charge and keep charged in case of emergency. H and I use them on long road trips because our cigarette lighters don't work for a car charger. CLICK

and if you do not have power for days at some point those need to be recharged themselves.     

Not everyone has the luxury to leave their homes to find a place to recharge their electronics. 

emmaaa

lyndausvi said:

PamBeesly524 said:

tigerlily6 said:

@PamBeesly524, I agree that cells are generally better for emergency, but I think the idea is that if the power is out for several days, your cell phone could be dead and you can't charge it. Obviously, to avert such a situation, you could just turn your cell off when you're not using it. But I know my mom likes to keep a corded land-line phone around in her home just in case, also. 

Again, there are battery packs that you can charge and keep charged in case of emergency. H and I use them on long road trips because our cigarette lighters don't work for a car charger. CLICK

and if you do not have power for days at some point those need to be recharged themselves.     

Not everyone has the luxury to leave their homes to find a place to recharge their electronics. 

This.

I live 3 or 4 roads off a main road...in the South. We are unprepared for winter weather. So if we have some snow or ice and the power goes out, it usually takes a while to come back on. Our road RARELY gets scraped and if it weren't for DH's truck, we would not leave the house at all. We also are prone to hurricanes that leave us without power for days and weeks. 

I don't really see why it matters that people still like the convenience of a land line.

Maggie0829

I prefer using my landline over my cell phone because my landline phone doesn't get freaking hot as hell while I am on a call.  I would much rather hold up a "heavy" landline phone then hold a hot ass phone to my face.

YogaSandy

PamBeesly524 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I am much older than all of you. H and I text if necessary during the day but wouldn't feel my day was a disaster if I didn't hear from him. It does bother me though that my kids prefer to text than talk. I think that is a breakdown in connectedness. We still have a landline at our house - and a 1983 corded phone (along with cordless phones). Every few years we have a power outage in our area that lasts a couple of days. Without the corded phone we wouldn't have a way to call in an emergency.

About this - I never get this excuse for keeping a landline. A corded phone limits the area that you have to be in to be able to make a call. Your cell phone is portable, so if there was a fire/break in/whatever, you could essentially move around and be able to call from wherever in the house you need to be. If there is a power outage there are tons of options for back-up battery packs for electronics.. H and I have several that we keep charged and in the same drawer as our power-outage flashlights in case there is a long outage.

Totally your (general your) prerogative to have a land-line or not, but I just don't think a corded phone is fantastic for emergencies compared to cells. 

---------- qbf ---------


We had a huge storm a few years back that kept the power off for a few days. Even though my phone was charged (and I had powered it off), the generators for the cell towers or something else with the towers, I'm not sure, took out all the cell service. We had a landline, but only cordless at that time, so we had no phones and no internet - and bigger problems like no heat in the winter. Luckily we packed up and went to May parents' because they have the option for wood heat.