Creepiest Minister Ever

[Deleted User]

Okay, so definitely a Wedding 911 emergency here! 
Went to meet the minister today to plan the ceremony with my fiance.
Everything seemed normal at first.
But then the minister made a joke aimed at me: "So, how would you both feel if secretly I am a Pagan Minister and am required to have sex with the Bride before the Groom can?"
He then stated that "The devil made me make that joke"
And then he demanded, over and over again that I slap his hand for the joke, to punish him.
I refused.
Then he proceeded to tell my fiance and I about the end of the world coming near.
Then he tried to ferret out if my fiance and I are waiting for the wedding night or.....

I am in shock. My fiance is in shock. We had spoken to him many times before and everything checked out, seemed normal.
And now we're out of a minister, a month before the wedding 
HELP! I don't know what to do!

OurWildKingdom

Holy shit. That man is disgusting.

photokitty

Knottie1446384818 said:

Okay, so definitely a Wedding 911 emergency here! 
Went to meet the minister today to plan the ceremony with my fiance.
Everything seemed normal at first.
But then the minister made a joke aimed at me: "So, how would you both feel if secretly I am a Pagan Minister and am required to have sex with the Bride before the Groom can?"
He then stated that "The devil made me make that joke"
And then he demanded, over and over again that I slap his hand for the joke, to punish him.
I refused.
Then he proceeded to tell my fiance and I about the end of the world coming near.
Then he tried to ferret out if my fiance and I are waiting for the wedding night or.....

I am in shock. My fiance is in shock. We had spoken to him many times before and everything checked out, seemed normal.
And now we're out of a minister, a month before the wedding 
HELP! I don't know what to do!

Hire a new minister, that's all you can do. What a weirdo!!

[Deleted User]

OurWildKingdom said:

Holy shit. That man is disgusting.

HOLY SHIT....Figuratively and literally!

MesmrEwe

I'd choose a JOP at the courthouse over that ANY day!!!!

downtondiva

Well, this is a new one. I have never heard of a minister sexually harassing a couple he was about to marry. That is disgusting...and that's one of the nicer things I could say about this pervert's behavior.

Anyway, start looking for a new minister IMMEDIATELY, and start also looking into whether you could get a judge or JOP to perform the ceremony in case no ministers near you are available. Also look into your state's laws about who is qualified to perform a marriage and how long it takes to become qualified; perhaps you could have a friend or family member do it. A month may, unfortunately, not be enough time, but it's worth looking into. 

Basically, do whatever the hell it takes to not have this creep officiate at your wedding. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

holyguacamole79

I'm curious .... how did you find this guy to begin with? 

RomanceManaged

Holy crazy bag of cats.

That reminds me of my sisters minister. Her and her husband got married in the church he grew up in, and the minister always gave such great sermons, they did the pre-marital counseling he required and he was the absolute nicest man. Well, during the ceremony he added in all this stuff about a womans job, and how her "jobs" change to a wifes "job", and how her husbands hand (at ths point he placed her husbands hands over hers) were meant to be loving but firm should she not complete her "jobs" in a timely matter that suited her husband. He went into detail about those "jobs", they included bearing him children (Completely inappropriate and sad, as at the time they had been told she was infertile and cannot conceive), taking care of his carnal wants/needs, taking care of the home, ect. I have never seen so many angry people at a wedding before.

[Deleted User]

downtondiva said:

Well, this is a new one. I have never heard of a minister sexually harassing a couple he was about to marry. That is disgusting...and that's one of the nicer things I could say about this pervert's behavior.

Anyway, start looking for a new minister IMMEDIATELY, and start also looking into whether you could get a judge or JOP to perform the ceremony in case no ministers near you are available. Also look into your state's laws about who is qualified to perform a marriage and how long it takes to become qualified; perhaps you could have a friend or family member do it. A month may, unfortunately, not be enough time, but it's worth looking into. 

Basically, do whatever the hell it takes to not have this creep officiate at your wedding. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

It was shocking to say the least. It was said in jest, as a joke, but even so I've never had anyone say anything like that before. Worse yet, from a minister?!
And he showed my fiance and and I some verses that I'm supposed to say to my fiance as part of my vows that are totally 100% submissive/meek/undermining as a woman. My fiance read the verses and was like "And which bible did that come out of?! No, you're not saying that!"
And he gave me a cute little pink book about what a woman must do to make God & her husband happy. Is there a vomit emoticon here?!

Fiance and I are laughing now, but we sure were in shock earlier! 
We'll get married at the courthouse if we have to, and then do a 'fake' ceremony at the church for the guests, no one will be the wiser except for the friend who 'officiates'

MesmrEwe

Knottie1446384818 said:

downtondiva said:

 

Fiance and I are laughing now, but we sure were in shock earlier! 
We'll get married at the courthouse if we have to, and then do a 'fake' ceremony at the church for the guests, no one will be the wiser except for the friend who 'officiates'

This is where it can get tricky if the minister is tied in to the use of the church and something you're going to need to clear up ASAP if that is the case. 

downtondiva

MesmrEwe said:

Knottie1446384818 said:

downtondiva said:

 

Fiance and I are laughing now, but we sure were in shock earlier! 
We'll get married at the courthouse if we have to, and then do a 'fake' ceremony at the church for the guests, no one will be the wiser except for the friend who 'officiates'

This is where it can get tricky if the minister is tied in to the use of the church and something you're going to need to clear up ASAP if that is the case. 

That was something I'd been wondering about - is creepy minister connected with the church you're getting married at? If it's not going to be possible get married there without him officiating, you may want to find out if a ceremony can be done at your reception venue or a local park or something like that. I don't want to give you more to do, but I'd hate for you to think you've found a solution and then Creepy continues to make things difficult for you. 

As for a "fake ceremony," I wouldn't normally advocate that, but desperate times call for desperate measures. But first I'd find out if whoever would marry you at the courthouse can marry you somewhere else with your guests present.

Jen4948

Do 2 things:

1) Hire a new officiant.

2) Report this one to the elders of your church so they can take appropriate action with the minister.

[Deleted User]

He is not affiliated with the church, the church is actually an old church that originally burned down in England, the remaining pieces of the church were transported to the US and rebuilt, so it's also a museum, thus, non-denominational.

I agree Downtowndiva, I've already reached out to a former minister (who also used to be my professor), and I'll reach out to a couple others. My goal is still to have a normal wedding but desperate time do call for desperate measures...My wedding is on Easter weekend, we may not be able to find another minister.

Jen, he's very old, like 70. And I think technically retired minister, so I don't care enough to report it.

Jen4948

Knottie1446384818 said:

He is not affiliated with the church, the church is actually an old church that originally burned down in England, the remaining pieces of the church were transported to the US and rebuilt, so it's also a museum, thus, non-denominational.

I agree Downtowndiva, I've already reached out to a former minister (who also used to be my professor), and I'll reach out to a couple others. My goal is still to have a normal wedding but desperate time do call for desperate measures...My wedding is on Easter weekend, we may not be able to find another minister.

Jen, he's very old, like 70. And I think technically retired minister, so I don't care enough to report it.

His age and retired status don't excuse those comments (although they might be the result of senility or something medical).  But the church elders need to know so as not to make him available to other couples as a future officiant at other weddings.

artbyallie

UU ministers are usually pretty flexible. Maybe see if you can find one of them without their own congregation? Or inquire at the courthouse. They likely have a list of civil officiants you can contact.

thisismynickname2

The Dear Abby enthusiast in me says report it because a switch in normal behavior could be the result of a medical issue (as senility mentioned above). 
I don't know much about the structure of religious organizations outside of Catholicism but surely there's a superior this can be reported to. 
Good luck finding a new one! 

Cookie Pusher

Can your friend get ordained so they can legally perform your ceremony?

[Deleted User]

Cookie Pusher said:

Can your friend get ordained so they can legally perform your ceremony?

I would try to do this asap.  I know it took me less than an hour to get ordained online (just had to spell my name right) and less than $15 (actually only cost $6.50 to get ordained and $7.50 to get a certificate mailed to me.)  Once I had the certificate, I scanned it to my sister so she had a copy of it for when she went to get her license.  They said it was valid, granted her a marriage license, and I signed her marriage license on her wedding day.  The longest wait was the wait for the certificate to come in the mail.  But you might even be able to pay for an expedited mailing.  Universal Life Church in case you were curious.

tigerlily6

adk19 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Can your friend get ordained so they can legally perform your ceremony?

I would try to do this asap.  I know it took me less than an hour to get ordained online (just had to spell my name right) and less than $15 (actually only cost $6.50 to get ordained and $7.50 to get a certificate mailed to me.)  Once I had the certificate, I scanned it to my sister so she had a copy of it for when she went to get her license.  They said it was valid, granted her a marriage license, and I signed her marriage license on her wedding day.  The longest wait was the wait for the certificate to come in the mail.  But you might even be able to pay for an expedited mailing.  Universal Life Church in case you were curious.

^ This. My brother is doing the same thing for a friend couple of his, and my MOH is actually officiating a wedding for another friend a few months before standing up in mine -- also ordered her ministerial license online. Both my brother and my MOH were surprised at how quick and inexpensive process was. If you have a friend who would be willing to do this for you, it may work out best of all.

Glad you have dropped Mr. McCreepy Minister the Sinister like the hot potato he is and got out from that situation. 

[Deleted User]

artbyallie said:

UU ministers are usually pretty flexible. Maybe see if you can find one of them without their own congregation? Or inquire at the courthouse. They likely have a list of civil officiants you can contact.

That's exactly who I reached out to, a Unitarian church, I think the reverend might be kind enough to help me out even though I'm not a member. I'm going to try my hardest to get an actual minister/reverend. But worst case scenario, we do have a friend picked out who can 'officiate'
I honestly couldn't stand the thought of keeping Creepy Old dude....right after he made the joke I almost got up and walked away, but I didn't. Too polite to do that.

Now, he did tell us that he had been sick lately, so I wondered about pain meds because those can create loopiness. But, I'm not aware that pains meds would totally mess someone up to that **degree**. The joke he made was so lewd!

At least it's a story that fiance and I will be able to tell at dinner parties    It should get laughs down the road.

drunkenwitch

As the token Pagan of of the board, I feel the need to state, for the record, having sex with the HC is NOT, I repeat NOT part of a Pagan ceremony,  neither is Satan, we don't even believe in Satan.  This man is bat shit crazy, not Pagan.

[Deleted User]

drunkenwitch said:

As the token Pagan of of the board, I feel the need to state, for the record, having sex with the HC is NOT, I repeat NOT part of a Pagan ceremony,  neither is Satan, we don't even believe in Satan.  This man is bat shit crazy, not Pagan.

I don't know what HC stands for, but I do agree he has issues!  And of course, what he said was just so offensive in so many ways  what I can't get over, is that there is really no way to defend what he said and how he acted. It was just awful!

drunkenwitch

HC is "happy couple" easy abbreviation for the 2 people getting married.

[Deleted User]

Ah! Ok! I'm so used to seeing SO 
also, starting to panic here...no one wants to officiate because it's (the wedding) too soon and the Saturday before Easter 

Moppet82

Gross. Please hire someone else. At the end of the day, it only matters if you're married to FH, but do you really want the person that marries you to be a creepy creeperton?

drunkenwitch

Try calling a local Unitarian church, they do minister for hire and work with you on exactly what type of ceremony you want.

[Deleted User]

drunkenwitch said:

Try calling a local Unitarian church, they do minister for hire and work with you on exactly what type of ceremony you want.

I did exactly that! And the Unitarian reverend said she has something going on that weekend! 

pinupbride6189

Knottie1446384818 said:

drunkenwitch said:

Try calling a local Unitarian church, they do minister for hire and work with you on exactly what type of ceremony you want.

I did exactly that! And the Unitarian reverend said she has something going on that weekend! 

I would do what adk said and see if you can get your friend ordained to officiate and have his cert expedited.   

MandyPandy87

Ew! What a gross person!!

If you're worried about a friend or someone officiating, do you think you could find a minister to at the very least help you with the script that your ordained friend could read? I'm sure there's lots of scripts out there, but maybe having someone just look over it would ease your mind a bit about using a friend 

[Deleted User]

MandyPandy87 said:

Ew! What a gross person!!

If you're worried about a friend or someone officiating, do you think you could find a minister to at the very least help you with the script that your ordained friend could read? I'm sure there's lots of scripts out there, but maybe having someone just look over it would ease your mind a bit about using a friend 

Yes, we have a working script that could be used. Luckily, we do have a meeting with a minister on Monday, and then there's another minister that we plan on reaching out to. The major objections we're hearing is that it's the day before Easter and too soon.
Oh and I'm not sure if I said this earlier, but he's a Baptist minister 

CharmedPam

As a Pagan myself, I'm still trying to make the connection.  Anyway - yes, get a new one immediately!

edit: late in the game, so I'm glad you are researching other options.