Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Surprise Wedding!

Hi all!
My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years and have lived together for 5 of them.  We own our own house together and aren’t really the traditional type.  We got engaged last month and since then, we have decided to have a very small, intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding!  We’re really considering a surprise wedding!  We’ve discussed the negative “consequences” of a surprise wedding and we’re fine with them, haha ;)  Right now, I’m just trying to figure what fake event we could invite our guests to, so that they would actually come and I could request a semi-formal dress.  Has anyone had experience with a surprise wedding?  Anyone have some ideas for me?  Thanks in advance!!
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Re: Surprise Wedding!

  • I think JLo and Marc Anthony said it was someone's 40th birthday or something?  I didn't get it then and I don't get it now. 

    Hi all!
    My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years and have lived together for 5 of them.  We own our own house together and aren’t really the traditional type.  We got engaged last month and since then, we have decided to have a very small, intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding!  We’re really considering a surprise wedding!  We’ve discussed the negative “consequences” of a surprise wedding and we’re fine with them, haha ;)  Right now, I’m just trying to figure what fake event we could invite our guests to, so that they would actually come and I could request a semi-formal dress.  Has anyone had experience with a surprise wedding?  Anyone have some ideas for me?  Thanks in advance!!
    What are the negative consequences?  Some of the VIP guests declining and then missing the wedding?  I mean I guess if your guests are properly hosted it's okay, I just don't really get it.  From the guest POV, one of the best parts of a wedding is it's something to look forward to.

    cowgirl8238ernursejMairePoppyppgbeb
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited August 2016
    Hi all!
    My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years and have lived together for 5 of them.  We own our own house together and aren’t really the traditional type.  We got engaged last month and since then, we have decided to have a very small, intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding!  We’re really considering a surprise wedding!  We’ve discussed the negative “consequences” of a surprise wedding and we’re fine with them, haha ;)  Right now, I’m just trying to figure what fake event we could invite our guests to, so that they would actually come and I could request a semi-formal dress.  Has anyone had experience with a surprise wedding?  Anyone have some ideas for me?  Thanks in advance!!
    It's possible to have a "very small, intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" without making it a surprise.

    If someone I was close to had a surprise wedding, I might turn down the invitation if I had something else to do that day, because since I wouldn't know it was a wedding invitation, I might prioritize something else over their event and then feel deeply hurt that I'd missed their wedding because they wanted to be "cute" about it with a fake event.

    Honestly, not all "surprises" are "fun," and sometimes the surprise can take the "fun" element out of it. Weddings are such occasions. The only people who would be having "fun" are the couple - not the guests, including those who don't attend because they don't know it's a wedding or who come but didn't want to attend a wedding.

    If you're okay with the consequences of your loved ones being hurt because you felt the need to "surprise" them by inviting them to a fake event (aka "lying") to them to have "fun" at their emotional expense, then we can't help you if you decide to go through with it anyway, even if we suggest you don't.


    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238ppgbeb
  • edited August 2016
    Although I respect everyone’s opinion on the matter.  All I ask is that you please also respect mine.  I know that a surprise wedding may not be your cup of tea, but whatever happened to “it’s my day”? Respectfully - I asked for ideas on how I should throw a surprise wedding - I didn’t ask IF I should throw one. Your points would have been extremely valid if I had asked for your opinions on surprise weddings in general.  Also, did you consider that maybe I know my family and friends better than you do, so I probably have already taken their feelings and reactions into consideration?

    For those that are just genuinely interested in why I would want a surprise wedding - it’s simple.  I think that, as a guest, I would have a great time at a surprise wedding.  It’s fun, unique, and exciting.  And, as a bride, I feel the same way.  I personally don't like the idea of having a banquet hall wedding with 200 people, because that's not the type of person I am (but note how I am not going around berating brides who are having these type of weddings). You don’t have to understand it, but I like the idea.  

    If you don’t agree with my choice, and don’t have any helpful insight to the actual question I asked, please just don’t comment.  I joined this website to talk and celebrate with other, who I had hoped to be, supportive brides.  I would never judge another bride because I don’t agree with their choices, so please don’t do it to me.  Also, my cat may be my ring bearer - but unless you're me, my fiancée or my cat - it shouldn't matter to you. 

    Thanks!
    k&n62517ppgbeb
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Although I respect everyone’s opinion on the matter.  All I ask is that you please also respect mine.  I know that a surprise wedding may not be your cup of tea, but whatever happened to “it’s my day”? Respectfully - I asked for ideas on how I should throw a surprise wedding - I didn’t ask IF I should throw one. Your points would have been extremely valid if I had asked for your opinions on surprise weddings in general.  Also, did you consider that maybe I know my family and friends better than you do, so I probably have already taken their feelings and reactions into consideration?

    For those that are just genuinely interested in why I would want a surprise wedding - it’s simple.  I think that, as a guest, I would have a great time at a surprise wedding.  It’s fun, unique, and exciting.  And, as a bride, I feel the same way.  I personally don't like the idea of having a banquet hall wedding with 200 people, because that's not the type of person I am (but note how I am not going around berating brides who are having these type of weddings). You don’t have to understand it, but I like the idea.  

    If you don’t agree with my choice, and don’t have any helpful insight to the actual question I asked, please just don’t comment.  I joined this website to talk and celebrate with other, who I had hoped to be, supportive brides.  I would never judge another bride because I don’t agree with their choices, so please don’t do it to me.  Also, my cat may be my ring bearer - but unless you're me, my fiancée or my cat - it shouldn't matter to you. 

    Thanks!
    For one thing, it's not "your day" but the day of everyone else on the planet.

    And you're projecting how you feel about "surprise weddings" onto everyone else. We don't think surprise weddings are "fun, unique, or exciting," and that's our privilege. It is also the privilege of everyone else in the human race to feel that way. I'm afraid that since you asked this question of other members of the human race, you're going to have to accept that you're not entitled to control how others respond.

    We don't exist to validate ideas we don't approve of by giving advice on how to do them.  An analogy that crops up here is that we don't tell other people how to rob banks just because they think it is "fun, unique, or exciting." We tell them not to do it.

    If you can't accept that not everyone agrees with you that surprise weddings are "fun, unique, or exciting," then our forum is not for you.
    OurWildKingdomeileenrobCMGragainppgbeb
  • Not that it's appropriate but weddings are the only place where adults tell other adults to dress "semi- formal", so your surprise might get ruined by people guessing this is what's going on based on the dress code. Some people "knowing" could cause more hurt feelings in your group of guests


    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238ThisShamanluvsaMageppgbeb
  • Look OP, you can do whatever you want.  There are no wedding police that will show up at your event and shut it down because you decided to make it a surprise.  Its highly unlikely that anyone on this board will be at your event, and at the end of the day what you do will reflect on you, not us.  But seriously if everyone on here thinks its a bad idea than it is probably a bad idea!

    If you want my opinion there is absolutely no event outside of a wedding that I could see making a dress-code appropriate for.  There is absolutely no event (in the realm of parties) that I will prioritize more than a wedding.  There is no way I would take a time off and travel and get dressed up to go to some random event if it wasn't a wedding.  People will prioritize things the way they see fit and honestly anything below "friend or family wedding" can be pretty low on my list.

    YOU WANT A WEDDING RIGHT?  then just have a wedding!!!!  You can keep it small and intimate, it doesn't have to be in months or years, you can get married on the same date as your proposed "party" but I really do think that you should tell people its a WEDDING!

    I don't know who your friends and family are...and I don't care how close you think you are to them, I can guarantee that at least ONE person will get upset if they declined to go and found out it was a wedding.  And honestly, isn't that enough to make you stop and think?

    - Also "It's my day" ended the second you invited a single guest, and you can't tell us how to respond to your post on the internet...sorry but that's just the way it is!

    eileenrobInLoveInQueens
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
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    You want a small wedding, this is fine.  You don't want a banquet hall wedding, this is also fine.  Where do you plan to host your wedding?  Why can't you just always plan for it to be at this non-banquet hall facility and invite your guests to it, with them KNOWING its a wedding?

    You want to keep your surprise wedding AND your day - elope.  When you invite even one other person to your wedding, it stops being solely about your and your FI because you know have guests to host and their feelings to take into consideration. 

    Go back up and read MandyPandy's story again, go ahead, I'll wait. . . Ok, now imagine the feelings that MandyPandy felt about that close cousin and missing her wedding and project them onto your BFF or close relative.  Wouldn't you feel like an ass knowing how upset you made a very important person in your life, when all you had to do was write "wedding" on your invite somewhere?

    eileenrob
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    - Also "It's my day" ended the second you invited a single guest, and you can't tell us how to respond to your post on the internet...sorry but that's just the way it is!

    Actually, "it's my day" never occurred, since it's also her FI's day. The second she invited a single guest, it became that person's day too.

     ;) 
    ppgbeb
  • Jen4948 said:
    Actually, "it's my day" never occurred, since it's also her FI's day. The second she invited a single guest, it became that person's day too.

     ;) 
    True enough...still dislike that mentality though!
    ppgbeb
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Jen4948 said:
    Actually, "it's my day" never occurred, since it's also her FI's day. The second she invited a single guest, it became that person's day too.

     ;) 
    True enough...still dislike that mentality though!
    Oh, me too.
    ppgbeb
  • You can't dictate what your guests wear or how other people respond to your post, OP. That's about all I've got the energy for right now.
    image
    OurWildKingdomSTARMOON44ppgbeb
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Many years ago, a co-worker had a lovely, small wedding at an historical mansion in our city. It was basically a party where they had a marriage ceremony at the beginning. We all knew in advance that it was their wedding. Was it a traditional wedding? No. Was it a lot of fun? Yes. If it had been a surprise, some of us might not have gone and we would have been very sorry to have missed it.
    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueenscowgirl8238ppgbeb
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Knottie1469200134 How about this for a win-win......you could invite them to a fake wedding, and surprise them with a real officiant.

    PaperTigersxThisShamanluvsaMage
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