Sister in law wants to use same Venue

levioosa

Knottie1467423250 said:

I'm not harping on it, I haven't even said anything to them. But I am upset there is no regard or consideration for our feelings. And I personally think it's a bit tacky on their part considering so many guests will have just recently attended a wedding there for the same family

JFC, they are not being "tacky" or disregarding your feelings.  You sound like an entitled brat right now.  They are free to have their wedding wherever they like. No one is going to care about attending two family events at the same location.  If anything it will be more convenient for them because they'll know how to get there, which hotels are in the area, and how long the travel will take.  YOU are the only one upset about this. And yeah, you are harping on it.  

SP29

Knottie1467423250 said:

Wow thanks, it's not like I'm throwing a fit over it. But yes I am upset.  If it were a friend and not a BIL/SIL and HALF of the same guest list, I wouldn't mind. 

But why? How does this change anything?

You're getting married at a public venue. Sharing half the guest list doesn't make your wedding less valid, or less special. Sorry, I'm just not putting the two together to see how this is a big deal at all.

Your wedding is before theirs (not that this matters either)- your guests will see it for the first time at your wedding. You will likely decorate different and use different colours.

The bride and groom are entirely different! That makes it an entirely different wedding. The WP will be different. There will be different music, different things to laugh and cry at.

The venue we got married at is a pretty popular place. I've met so many people over the past few years who have been married there as well, and I recommend it to any new bride in the area looking for a venue- it's beautiful and a great price! I even run past the venue sometimes and stop to use the public washrooms there at the park. It doesn't stop me from having a little inward sigh, "this is where we got married 3 years ago!". It's still special.

At the end of the day, your BIL/SIL are free to get married on whatever day and at whatever venue they choose- they don't need to ask your permission first, so best to push past it. 

Knottie1467423250

Yes, that's why I haven't said anything to them about it? Right,  I'm harping away. I came here looking for advice, not to be called a brat and taken down for being a little upset, Jesus. 

You can tell me your take on it without being completely rude, but thanks

levioosa

Knottie1467423250 said:

You are so dramatic. I'm not asking her to put her wedding off further, just not the same venue within such a close time frame.  But yup I'm a crazy bitch. I clearly won't let her make any decisions for herself

Uh huh, you are freaking out about someone using the same venue as you six months later, but I'm being dramatic. *eye roll*  And for the record, I never said you were a crazy bitch. You're making that conclusion all on your own.  

Knottie1467423250

Okay

MyNameIsNot

Knottie1467423250 said:

Yes, that's why I haven't said anything to them about it? Right,  I'm harping away. I came here looking for advice, not to be called a brat and taken down for being a little upset, Jesus. 

You can tell me your take on it without being completely rude, but thanks

You asked if being upset about this is crazy. You got an emphatic yes.

Instead of behaving like a mature adult and realizing that you are upset over nothing, you came back and threw a temper tantrum that people weren't nice enough about answering your question. You need to get a grip. 

Should we really be surprised that someone who is upset over this would over-react on the internet? 

lyndausvi

It would never occur to me that feelings would be hurt by using the same venue as a family member or friend.  It's a public place, free for anyone to use.

My sister got married at the same place as my parents.  Which was also the same place as a lot of my cousins also got married.  She also got married the same date as another cousin.  Who was one of the cousins who got married at the same location.  My cousin and her husband thought it was great. It was no big deal.

My SIL and her husband got married on our 6th wedding anniversary.  Again, NBD.

There is literally nothing to be upset about.

MobKaz

Knottie1467423250 said:

help, 

i am getting married in September 2017, we have had the venue booked for months.  I chose this venue because I don't know anyone else who has had a wedding here, is beautiful, and something that can be special to us.

my fiances brother just got engaged, and now my future sister-in-law want to book the same venue for about 6 months after ours
the thing that's really bothering me is that they haven't even asked how we feel about it. My fiance's brother called to let him know they might do it, and there was no stopping his bride. 

Im trying to be okay with it, since it is after ours. However, I keep finding myself upset that we won't have something special to ourselves. Especially since half the guest list will be repeats at the same venue 

am I crazy for being so frustrated by this?!

Serious questions here.... What is there to "be okay" about?  Is it the time frame?  If a friend booked this venue, would you decline attendance?  Why would you think you should have been consulted on THEIR choice of venue?

You may be the first in your crowd to host a wedding at this venue, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why you would consider this venue now "off the market" for any future weddings for anyone you know, whether related or not.

If you really wanted something special (by which you clearly mean "exclusive"), then you should have chosen a private location or eloped.

Yes, you are crazy for thinking you had a claim to any public venue.  Your DAY is what is special, not the locale.

LD1970

If she's a normal human, she's not taking your feelings into account because she probably assumes you are also a normal human, who wouldn't have any issues with this.

My own blood sister offered for me to use the same venue as she did, but I happened to decide to use a different one.

I'm telling you, my mother's entire side of the family witnessed my cousin have the exact same CEREMONY content as I did, 5 months after my wedding, and I thought it was awesome.

MobKaz

lyndausvi said:

It would never occur to me that feelings would be hurt by using the same venue as a family member or friend.  It's a public place, free for anyone to use.

My sister got married at the same place as my parents.  Which was also the same place as a lot of my cousins also got married.  She also got married the same date as another cousin.  Who was one of the cousins who got married at the same location.  My cousin and her husband thought it was great. It was no big deal.

My SIL and her husband got married on our 6th wedding anniversary.  Again, NBD.

There is literally nothing to be upset about.

 
This had to have invalidated at least one of these marriages. 

Knottie1467423250

Okay guys,  I was just asking honest opinions. The few people I have talked to about it (non-family) have had mixed reactions, some said they would be upset too. 

I appreciate the honest, straight-forward replies. I'm sorry if I came off like I'm going on a rampage or something, but I seriously haven't said much to anyone about this. Like I said, I'm a little hurt cause I personally would not want to have my wedding where such a close family member just did. But overall, I've been very calm about this

However, I didn't ask to be called names, and am just surprised at how rude some people are right off the bat. Especially when I was asking for advice... 

STARMOON44

I went to a wedding like this! My friends sister was getting married three months after her, same venue, half the same guests. They were both excited! It was a beautiful venue, convenient for their family, and within the budget. I don't think this is a big deal at all unless you want to be mad. 

ei34

Knottie1467423250 said:

Okay guys,  I was just asking honest opinions. The few people I have talked to about it (non-family) have had mixed reactions, some said they would be upset too. 

I appreciate the honest, straight-forward replies. I'm sorry if I came off like I'm going on a rampage or something, but I seriously haven't said much to anyone about this. Like I said, I'm a little hurt cause I personally would not want to have my wedding where such a close family member just did. But overall, I've been very calm about this

However, I didn't ask to be called names, and am just surprised at how rude some people are right off the bat. Especially when I was asking for advice... 

SITB

You didn't ask for advice, you asked if you were crazy for being frustrated.  The consensus was yes.  The beauty of internet strangers is there's no need to hold back.  The coworker or friend or whoever you asked IRL that to your face may have a mixed reaction or said they would've also been upset may have been really thinking "this is not a big deal at ALL!". 
Maybe you didn't fully explain your venue.  Is your wedding the first wedding that'll ever be there?  Did you have to petition with your local government to permit a wedding?  Did you plant a bunch of flowers and now it's a gorgeous garden, and you're angry that your FBIL and FSIL are reaping the benefits when you did all the work?  I just fail to see how two members of the same family using the same venue is something that would bother anyone.  I personally love going to weddings at the venue DH and I were married at. 

ernursej

Knottie1467423250 said:

I'm not harping on it, I haven't even said anything to them. But I am upset there is no regard or consideration for our feelings. And I personally think it's a bit tacky on their part considering so many guests will have just recently attended a wedding there for the same family

Knottie1467423250 said:

You are so dramatic. I'm not asking her to put her wedding off further, just not the same venue within such a close time frame.  But yup I'm a crazy bitch. I clearly won't let her make any decisions for herself

I don't think most people would think it was something they needed to check in with. They probably think (like many posters have mentioned above) that it would be amazing to reminisce. I would love if my BIL would use my venue. Any opportunity to relive my day in my mind is something I would jump at. 

I think you need to vent, have a cupcake and hopefully this will be small potatoes or even something you learn to love. 

Knottie1467423250

Yes, I am just saying there are many people who replied who stated it is nothing to be upset about, and did so in an appropriate and straight forward way. 

I don't apprciate those other people assuming I'm a terrible person or not "human" for asking a question I have seen others post on here who felt the same way. 

I hear you, okay? Please don't attack my character. Some People feel so entitled behind a keyboard 

MairePoppy

Knottie1467423250 said:

I'm not harping on it, I haven't even said anything to them. But I am upset there is no regard or consideration for our feelings. And I personally think it's a bit tacky on their part considering so many guests will have just recently attended a wedding there for the same family

You are wrong. It's not tacky, nor inconsiderate for your FSIL to choose the same venue as you, regardless of your date. It's good that you haven't said anything to anyone about it because that would make you look tacky. 

You will personalize your wedding to suit your relationship with your fi and that's what will make your wedding special. 

levioosa

Knottie1467423250 said:

Yes, I am just saying there are many people who replied who stated it is nothing to be upset about, and did so in an appropriate and straight forward way. 

I don't apprciate those other people assuming I'm a terrible person or not "human" for asking a question I have seen others post on here who felt the same way. 

I hear you, okay? Please don't attack my character. Some People feel so entitled behind a keyboard 

Oh please. No one called you names or attacked you.  I said you sounded like an entitled brat, not that you are an entitled brat.  It's an important distinction and everything that was said here was straight forward. You just didn't like it.  You continued to argue and say they were tacky and dismissive of your feelings even after everyone answered your question (which was "am I acting crazy?").  Yes. Yes you were acting crazy.  

And FWIW I knew someone like you who got suuuuper butt hurt that her FBIL dared get engaged within six months of her engagement, and then married within 6 months of her marriage date.  Everyone thought she was being the pettiest brat, but no one would tell it to her face.  It affected her relationship with her FMIL, FSIL, FBIL and, I'm sure with others.  Those are just the ones I know about.  You want to talk about entitlement, but you're the only one here who has come off entitled.  There's nothing to be upset about. You get one day.  

Knottie1467423250

I never said anything wrong about when she got engaged or the sole fact of the wedding being so close. I could care less about the timing, so stop trying to make it sound like I'm suuuuuper butt hurt too about everything 

like I said, I asked, I get it okay? Chill

levioosa

Knottie1467423250 said:

I never said anything wrong about when she got engaged or the sole fact of the wedding being so close. I could care less about the timing, so stop trying to make it sound like I'm suuuuuper butt hurt too about everything 

like I said, I asked, I get it okay? Chill

Jesus, read the similarities. You are butt hurt because they chose the same venue (and you expressly mentioned it being six months away from yours and "so close" for family members to attend two different weddings within the family). Different stories, same concept.  I mean, you could say "thanks, I was overreacting, I'll have a margarita and move on," but instead you seem more concerned about the responses here you don't like.  

Knottie1467423250

Not really, just your responses because it's actually entertaining and annoying how much you keep going back into it, even when I try to say I get it (twice) and dismiss the conversation.

But I'm guessing you don't have anything better to do...to keep antagonizing some random person on a wedding board. but I'm done.

I appreciate everyone else's responses, and I will try to learn from them, I do feel better about it, thanks!

MesmrEwe

OP - let it go!  This is not a hill to die on.  This is not something for you to get worked up about.  Your only option if you do not want them to use this venue is to purchase it yourself and shut it down for all weddings now and into the future.  That sounds overboard - because your reaction right now is.  

DH's family used the same venue for all of the siblings' weddings, IL's anniversaries, MIL's 80th B-day party, my FIL's funeral luncheon, etc.  Each event brought a different energy and vibe to the location.  Each event was decorated uniquely to that event.  Back by my family, there literally is only one reception hall large enough to handle an event of 200+ people, and it's NBD for everyone to use it.  Having their wedding there lets you have an event there that you can enjoy the food there again and be relaxed and enjoy yourselves (no one tells you that you're going to mainly be working on your wedding day as you're the host/ess of all of your guests)..  

No one is asking how you feel about it because you should be feeling awesome that you picked a venue that someone else loves just as much as you do.  Even if they chose every detail exactly the same as you, hair, dress, flowers, menu, decor', it'd still be unique to both of you because there'll be a different energy in the room.  Either way, it's no big deal - take a deep breath in and just relax the negative feelings away!

LondonLisa

Seriously OP, is this your personal home? Is your FSIL rocking up with caterers and florists to a building you own and forcing her way in to host her wedding? Did you pay for an annual exclusive use of this venue?  No? Then stop embarrassing yourself by being upset over this. 

I guarantee you found it because it's a 'Wedding Venue' which means weddings happened before you and weddings will happen after you. Popular venues have over 100 weddings a year. Statistically, someone you know tangentially has had their wedding there. 

The only thing I see as 'tacky' is a grown woman throwing her toys out of the pram that another couple would have the audacity to use a (again) local WEDDING venue half a year later. If you have reached the level where you are polling family members for opinions, you are 'butt hurt' (what a disgusting term, btw). 

I hate to break it to you, I bet 3/4 of the guests won't even remember that your wedding was there as well. Or if they do it will be a quick, chitchat mention before the ceremony 'Oh, yeah, Jane and John's wedding was here too. So anyway, what do you think Susan's wedding dress will be like'. Or else they will even mention ANOTHER couple that you don't even know that had their wedding there. 

Or else buy the venue, burn it to the ground and dance on its ashes because clearly no one else can have what you have, Veruca Salt.

CMGragain

Knottie1467423250 said:

Not really, just your responses because it's actually entertaining and annoying how much you keep going back into it, even when I try to say I get it (twice) and dismiss the conversation.

But I'm guessing you don't have anything better to do...to keep antagonizing some random person on a wedding board. but I'm done.

I appreciate everyone else's responses, and I will try to learn from them, I do feel better about it, thanks!

I have been away from the Knot for a few days, and I have just read this entire thread for the first time.
OP, the ladies have given you excellent advice.  I am sorry you do not like it.
The only one causing drama here is YOU.
I suggest you get a good night's sleep and think about how selfish you have been thinking.  It is good that you only expressed these thought to us, and not to your relatives and friends. 
You can always come here and vent, but you won't get a phony sympathy, especially when you are wrong.  No one intentionally hurt your feelings.  They just told you the honest truth.  You can always find that here.
I think things will look better to you in a few days.
It is your wedding day, not your Royal Coronation.  How flattering that your FSIL admires your taste in venues!

Knottie1467423250

CMGragain said:

Knottie1467423250 said:

Not really, just your responses because it's actually entertaining and annoying how much you keep going back into it, even when I try to say I get it (twice) and dismiss the conversation.

But I'm guessing you don't have anything better to do...to keep antagonizing some random person on a wedding board. but I'm done.

I appreciate everyone else's responses, and I will try to learn from them, I do feel better about it, thanks!

I have been away from the Knot for a few days, and I have just read this entire thread for the first time.
OP, the ladies have given you excellent advice.  I am sorry you do not like it.
The only one causing drama here is YOU.
I suggest you get a good night's sleep and think about how selfish you have been thinking.  It is good that you only expressed these thought to us, and not to your relatives and friends. 
You can always come here and vent, but you won't get a phony sympathy, especially when you are wrong.  No one intentionally hurt your feelings.  They just told you the honest truth.  You can always find that here.
I think things will look better to you in a few days.
It is your wedding day, not your Royal Coronation.  How flattering that your FSIL admires your taste in venues!

Again, I said I understand what you guys are saying and I appreciate the advice but apparently everyone missed that?

and "butt hurt" was stern someone else used, not mine

Knottie1467423250

A term*

Knottie1467423250

And I'm sorry I was initially hurt because I feel we are always upstaged by my FBIL and FSIL and I know they will do their wedding bigger and better at the same venue.

im sorry people can't see that I am slightly hurt by this, but that I was posting because I felt bad for feeling his way and wanted other people to weigh in. Idk why all of a sudden I'm a terrible person.

LondonLisa

Knottie1467423250 said:

And I'm sorry I was initially hurt because I feel we are always upstaged by my FBIL and FSIL and I know they will do their wedding bigger and better at the same venue.

im sorry people can't see that I am slightly hurt by this, but that I was posting because I felt bad for feeling his way and wanted other people to weigh in. Idk why all of a sudden I'm a terrible person.

So this is your issue. I know what it's like to be jealous and feel that other people are stealing thunder. EVERYONE gets jealous at some point.  Those are legitimate feelings, no matter how irrational. We can't control how we feel but we can control how we act. As long as you recognise that this is irrational and actively work to reframe it, it's ok to feel a certain way initially. It's not ok to act on those feelings by gossiping or habitually ruminating that they are taking something from you.  

Do do you really think your SIL is hatching plans to ruin your experience? They are stalking your vendor list just to upstage you? Planning a wedding is an awful lot of effort to just spite someone. Happiness isn't a zero sum game. They are not taking away from your day. 

Also, bigger isn't necessarily better. I have been to black tie weddings at chateaux in France, and the wedding I had the fondest memories was a hog roast in a beer garden of a local pub where we played darts, had craft beer tasting and just relaxed in the summer sun. 

Recognise your jealousy is irrational. Focus on your wedding and be happy. Next time you have these feelings say 'I'm being silly, my wedding will be great because it's my wedding'. 

Knottie1467423250

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1467423250 said:

And I'm sorry I was initially hurt because I feel we are always upstaged by my FBIL and FSIL and I know they will do their wedding bigger and better at the same venue.

im sorry people can't see that I am slightly hurt by this, but that I was posting because I felt bad for feeling his way and wanted other people to weigh in. Idk why all of a sudden I'm a terrible person.

So this is your issue. I know what it's like to be jealous and feel that other people are stealing thunder. EVERYONE gets jealous at some point.  Those are legitimate feelings, no matter how irrational. We can't control how we feel but we can control how we act. As long as you recognise that this is irrational and actively work to reframe it, it's ok to feel a certain way initially. It's not ok to act on those feelings by gossiping or habitually ruminating that they are taking something from you.  

Do do you really think your SIL is hatching plans to ruin your experience? They are stalking your vendor list just to upstage you? Planning a wedding is an awful lot of effort to just spite someone. Happiness isn't a zero sum game. They are not taking away from your day. 

Also, bigger isn't necessarily better. I have been to black tie weddings at chateaux in France, and the wedding I had the fondest memories was a hog roast in a beer garden of a local pub where we played darts, had craft beer tasting and just relaxed in the summer sun. 

Recognise your jealousy is irrational. Focus on your wedding and be happy. Next time you have these feelings say 'I'm being silly, my wedding will be great because it's my wedding'. 

Thank you. I will try to keep these positive affirmations in mind

and no, I know she's not doing this to spite me

LondonLisa

Knottie1467423250 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1467423250 said:

And I'm sorry I was initially hurt because I feel we are always upstaged by my FBIL and FSIL and I know they will do their wedding bigger and better at the same venue.

im sorry people can't see that I am slightly hurt by this, but that I was posting because I felt bad for feeling his way and wanted other people to weigh in. Idk why all of a sudden I'm a terrible person.

So this is your issue. I know what it's like to be jealous and feel that other people are stealing thunder. EVERYONE gets jealous at some point.  Those are legitimate feelings, no matter how irrational. We can't control how we feel but we can control how we act. As long as you recognise that this is irrational and actively work to reframe it, it's ok to feel a certain way initially. It's not ok to act on those feelings by gossiping or habitually ruminating that they are taking something from you.  

Do do you really think your SIL is hatching plans to ruin your experience? They are stalking your vendor list just to upstage you? Planning a wedding is an awful lot of effort to just spite someone. Happiness isn't a zero sum game. They are not taking away from your day. 

Also, bigger isn't necessarily better. I have been to black tie weddings at chateaux in France, and the wedding I had the fondest memories was a hog roast in a beer garden of a local pub where we played darts, had craft beer tasting and just relaxed in the summer sun. 

Recognise your jealousy is irrational. Focus on your wedding and be happy. Next time you have these feelings say 'I'm being silly, my wedding will be great because it's my wedding'. 

Thank you. I will try to keep these positive affirmations in mind

and no, I know she's not doing this to spite me

Good. Now stop gossiping to your family members about it. That is bratty and not ok. Recognise you are in the wrong here and move on. 

Knottie1467423250

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1467423250 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie1467423250 said:

And I'm sorry I was initially hurt because I feel we are always upstaged by my FBIL and FSIL and I know they will do their wedding bigger and better at the same venue.

im sorry people can't see that I am slightly hurt by this, but that I was posting because I felt bad for feeling his way and wanted other people to weigh in. Idk why all of a sudden I'm a terrible person.

So this is your issue. I know what it's like to be jealous and feel that other people are stealing thunder. EVERYONE gets jealous at some point.  Those are legitimate feelings, no matter how irrational. We can't control how we feel but we can control how we act. As long as you recognise that this is irrational and actively work to reframe it, it's ok to feel a certain way initially. It's not ok to act on those feelings by gossiping or habitually ruminating that they are taking something from you.  

Do do you really think your SIL is hatching plans to ruin your experience? They are stalking your vendor list just to upstage you? Planning a wedding is an awful lot of effort to just spite someone. Happiness isn't a zero sum game. They are not taking away from your day. 

Also, bigger isn't necessarily better. I have been to black tie weddings at chateaux in France, and the wedding I had the fondest memories was a hog roast in a beer garden of a local pub where we played darts, had craft beer tasting and just relaxed in the summer sun. 

Recognise your jealousy is irrational. Focus on your wedding and be happy. Next time you have these feelings say 'I'm being silly, my wedding will be great because it's my wedding'. 

Thank you. I will try to keep these positive affirmations in mind

and no, I know she's not doing this to spite me

Good. Now stop gossiping to your family members about it. That is bratty and not ok. Recognise you are in the wrong here and move on. 

I have not said one thing to family about it