EDIT: What does the label "wedding" mean to you?

[Deleted User]

STARMOON44 said:

I I get not wanting a winter wedding. So either he buys health insurance, he pays the penalty, or Republicans dynamite the whole system and we all just die anyway. 

I'm guessing the third at this point 

banana468

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

banana468 said: You can't just tell your priest, "Oh, we got married already but we don't count it."   They do.  And they don't look favorably upon what you're proposing to do at all.  

 We aren't catholic. 

Ok, so you're having your "ceremony" in the same place where you have the reception.    Do you still think that the country's definotion of a married couple and an uncle's are so different?

It's a lie.    

[Deleted User]

banana468 said:

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

banana468 said: You can't just tell your priest, "Oh, we got married already but we don't count it."   They do.  And they don't look favorably upon what you're proposing to do at all.  

 We aren't catholic. 

Ok, so you're having your "ceremony" in the same place where you have the reception.    Do you still think that the country's definotion of a married couple and an uncle's are so different?

It's a lie.    

I already stated IF (somehow you all set these plan officially for me apparently) It wouldn't be a secret, everyone would be let know. However I do have people in my family that have chosen this path, and neither myself, my parents or other people have seemed to mind it. 
once again this was a thought I had after my friend decided to do it. I have everything set up for June of 2018, venue/dj/florals/ext. 

banana468

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

banana468 said:

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

banana468 said: You can't just tell your priest, "Oh, we got married already but we don't count it."   They do.  And they don't look favorably upon what you're proposing to do at all.  

 We aren't catholic. 

Ok, so you're having your "ceremony" in the same place where you have the reception.    Do you still think that the country's definotion of a married couple and an uncle's are so different?

It's a lie.    

I already stated IF (somehow you all set these plan officially for me apparently) It wouldn't be a secret, everyone would be let know. However I do have people in my family that have chosen this path, and neither myself, my parents or other people have seemed to mind it. 
once again this was a thought I had after my friend decided to do it. I have everything set up for June of 2018, venue/dj/florals/ext. 

I will buy that if you opt to have all of this out in the open it's not as bad.

It's not a wedding though either.

OurWildKingdom

Please don't do this. You can plan the wedding you want in less than a year, without lying to anyone.

lovesclimbing

Lots of people don't want winter weddings. I would have much preferred a summer wedding, but we had a winter one anyway because that's what worked out. And I live in Alaska so the cold temps and heavy snow are just as bad, probably worse, than New England. 

PrettyGirlLost

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottiee851c9e7736c0e3c said:

I was thinking of getting married in the beginning of 2018 to help avoid getting health insurance penalties (in MA if you dont have health insurance for more than 90 days of the year you get killed in you income tax ) since my FH doesn't have health insurance because he is self-emplyeed and doesn't qualify for state/fed healthcare. 
But my friend was hated on in a WW board when she asked a similar question saying she was lying to her friends and family, lying to the state as well as insulting people that consider their court wedding their one and only wedding. 

If I was to do that I would consider calling one a "legal marriage" and then the ones with friends, family and religion my wedding. I wouldn't change rings or bring God into the legal marriage however. I'm not saying court marriages are not equal or anything like that, but I have the ability to have a larger wedding ceremony with friends and family, and I would hope that people that have some kind of reception after to celebrate.   

Except that is exactly what you are saying. 

Also, you are lying to friends and family and defrauding the state, (FOR A PARTY!) so I don't really think you should be concerned what God thinks about your marriage (spoiler alert: he isn't that in to liars and cheaters).

Throw a 'we eloped' party, be honest with everyone. Skip the fake ceremony and don't have any wedding-related activities and you are fine. Everyone loves a party. If your religion is important, have your vicar do a private blessing. 

But it it is pathetic for a grown woman to lie and play pretend for a party. 

missJeanLouise said:

Knottiee851c9e7736c0e3c said:

I was thinking of getting married in the beginning of 2018 to help avoid getting health insurance penalties (in MA if you dont have health insurance for more than 90 days of the year you get killed in you income tax ) since my FH doesn't have health insurance because he is self-emplyeed and doesn't qualify for state/fed healthcare. 
But my friend was hated on in a WW board when she asked a similar question saying she was lying to her friends and family, lying to the state as well as insulting people that consider their court wedding their one and only wedding. 

If I was to do that I would consider calling one a "legal marriage" and then the ones with friends, family and religion my wedding. I wouldn't change rings or bring God into the legal marriage however. I'm not saying court marriages are not equal or anything like that, but I have the ability to have a larger wedding ceremony with friends and family, and I would hope that people that have some kind of reception after to celebrate.   

What would your FI do if he wasn't in a relationship? Why can't your family come to you legal wedding? Especially if it is still 8 months away? Was your friend surprised to learn that people don't like being lied to? Because they don't.

Also, You can not have a wedding ceremony after you are married unless you get divorced or someone dies first! What is so hard to understand about that? You get One wedding, the time you get married is it. After that it is just grown ass adults playing make believe. WHICH IS FINE (imo) if you just OWN IT. Be an adult who makes choices and then stands by them. You want to get married for insurance, fine but you will be Married, no longer single, no longer a bride, a wife. (That's why bridesmaids, showers, bachelorette parties, etc are not appropriate b/c those are for brides, not wives) As someone's wife you are not able to get married again without a divorce or death. 


Side bar:
DH and I had a great conversation the other night about the difference between a Reason and an Excuse. After looking at definitions online we found, a Reason is an explanation (I was late because I had a flat tire and didn't have a spare) (we got married because we didn't want to have to pay the fine for not having insurance) and an Excuse is a reason that deflects personal responsibility (I was late because the tow truck took forever) (we got married but it doesn't count because it wasn't my vision)

I don't  agree with that. you may get one legal marriage, but a wedding is different.  Its my belief and its not going to change  
I think that if you want a court wedding to be special you can and people do all the time. but that's not what I want. I want my family and friends, my court house limits to 5 people.
 I don't know why you are saying that we are "lying"? because in order for that we would have to not be honest. . . which it would be (aka everyone would know).  
I believe a wedding is what you make it, out vows, our family and being led by a church member (who knows that we would be  legally married already ) to join us together in God.  There will be people form all over Europe and south america to join this day. its not just about "a party", its the uniting of two families and the couple socially celebrating their love.  I can sign a paper in a court house with two witnesses and that is supposed to represent the same thing?  weddings are about love, marriage is about law.  

Great!  But it's FUCKING WRONG!  Facts are facts, they are not subjective even if they don't support your belief. 

A wedding day is the day that a couple is legally married, and the process in which that occurs- at the courthouse, in a church, in a fish tank, with or without a ceremony- is a wedding.

If you are already legally married, then you are married.  Period, Full stop.

If you are already married and then you throw a redo ceremony where you pretend to be married during the ceremony you are participating in a Pretty Princess Day. Period, Full stop.

If you want to have a PPD, then go right ahead, but DO NOT lie to anyone about your marital status and allow them to believe that you aren't already married.  That's a shitty thing to do to your loved ones.

I personally think PPDs are stupid considering it is 100% possible to plan accordingly and get legally married on your wedding day- the overwhelming majority of people have done this and continue to do this to date.

However, I have been to 2 PPDs, both couples were 100% honest with everyone that they were already married, and they were very lovely faux ceremonies and fantastic parties.  AS long as you are honest with me and not committing a crime or something I personally find morally reprehensible, I don't really give a flying rat's ass what you do.

But don't lie to me in an attempt to evade judgement for something.

LD1970

PSA:  You don't get to make up new definitions for words.  The English language is a thing.  Wedding means the event at which you get married.  And that's all it means.

mollybarker11

LD1970 said:

PSA:  You don't get to make up new definitions for words.  The English language is a thing.  Wedding means the event at which you get married.  And that's all it means.

Yup this. "weddings are about love, marriage is about law." is a nonsense sentence.

A wedding is an event in which some paperwork is signed (it can include a religious or secular or loveydovey ceremony but doesn't have to) and a marriage is the state the couple enters once the wedding has taken place.

MyNameIsNot

PrettyGirlLost said:

knottieb1c39f361c50e67c said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottiee851c9e7736c0e3c said:

I was thinking of getting married in the beginning of 2018 to help avoid getting health insurance penalties (in MA if you dont have health insurance for more than 90 days of the year you get killed in you income tax ) since my FH doesn't have health insurance because he is self-emplyeed and doesn't qualify for state/fed healthcare. 
But my friend was hated on in a WW board when she asked a similar question saying she was lying to her friends and family, lying to the state as well as insulting people that consider their court wedding their one and only wedding. 

If I was to do that I would consider calling one a "legal marriage" and then the ones with friends, family and religion my wedding. I wouldn't change rings or bring God into the legal marriage however. I'm not saying court marriages are not equal or anything like that, but I have the ability to have a larger wedding ceremony with friends and family, and I would hope that people that have some kind of reception after to celebrate.   

Except that is exactly what you are saying. 

Also, you are lying to friends and family and defrauding the state, (FOR A PARTY!) so I don't really think you should be concerned what God thinks about your marriage (spoiler alert: he isn't that in to liars and cheaters).

Throw a 'we eloped' party, be honest with everyone. Skip the fake ceremony and don't have any wedding-related activities and you are fine. Everyone loves a party. If your religion is important, have your vicar do a private blessing. 

But it it is pathetic for a grown woman to lie and play pretend for a party. 

missJeanLouise said:

Knottiee851c9e7736c0e3c said:

I was thinking of getting married in the beginning of 2018 to help avoid getting health insurance penalties (in MA if you dont have health insurance for more than 90 days of the year you get killed in you income tax ) since my FH doesn't have health insurance because he is self-emplyeed and doesn't qualify for state/fed healthcare. 
But my friend was hated on in a WW board when she asked a similar question saying she was lying to her friends and family, lying to the state as well as insulting people that consider their court wedding their one and only wedding. 

If I was to do that I would consider calling one a "legal marriage" and then the ones with friends, family and religion my wedding. I wouldn't change rings or bring God into the legal marriage however. I'm not saying court marriages are not equal or anything like that, but I have the ability to have a larger wedding ceremony with friends and family, and I would hope that people that have some kind of reception after to celebrate.   

What would your FI do if he wasn't in a relationship? Why can't your family come to you legal wedding? Especially if it is still 8 months away? Was your friend surprised to learn that people don't like being lied to? Because they don't.

Also, You can not have a wedding ceremony after you are married unless you get divorced or someone dies first! What is so hard to understand about that? You get One wedding, the time you get married is it. After that it is just grown ass adults playing make believe. WHICH IS FINE (imo) if you just OWN IT. Be an adult who makes choices and then stands by them. You want to get married for insurance, fine but you will be Married, no longer single, no longer a bride, a wife. (That's why bridesmaids, showers, bachelorette parties, etc are not appropriate b/c those are for brides, not wives) As someone's wife you are not able to get married again without a divorce or death. 


Side bar:
DH and I had a great conversation the other night about the difference between a Reason and an Excuse. After looking at definitions online we found, a Reason is an explanation (I was late because I had a flat tire and didn't have a spare) (we got married because we didn't want to have to pay the fine for not having insurance) and an Excuse is a reason that deflects personal responsibility (I was late because the tow truck took forever) (we got married but it doesn't count because it wasn't my vision)

I don't  agree with that. you may get one legal marriage, but a wedding is different.  Its my belief and its not going to change  
I think that if you want a court wedding to be special you can and people do all the time. but that's not what I want. I want my family and friends, my court house limits to 5 people.
 I don't know why you are saying that we are "lying"? because in order for that we would have to not be honest. . . which it would be (aka everyone would know).  
I believe a wedding is what you make it, out vows, our family and being led by a church member (who knows that we would be  legally married already ) to join us together in God.  There will be people form all over Europe and south america to join this day. its not just about "a party", its the uniting of two families and the couple socially celebrating their love.  I can sign a paper in a court house with two witnesses and that is supposed to represent the same thing?  weddings are about love, marriage is about law.  

Great!  But it's FUCKING WRONG!  Facts are facts, they are not subjective even if they don't support your belief. 

A wedding day is the day that a couple is legally married, and the process in which that occurs- at the courthouse, in a church, in a fish tank, with or without a ceremony- is a wedding.

If you are already legally married, then you are married.  Period, Full stop.

If you are already married and then you throw a redo ceremony where you pretend to be married during the ceremony you are participating in a Pretty Princess Day. Period, Full stop.

If you want to have a PPD, then go right ahead, but DO NOT lie to anyone about your marital status and allow them to believe that you aren't already married.  That's a shitty thing to do to your loved ones.

I personally think PPDs are stupid considering it is 100% possible to plan accordingly and get legally married on your wedding day- the overwhelming majority of people have done this and continue to do this to date.

However, I have been to 2 PPDs, both couples were 100% honest with everyone that they were already married, and they were very lovely faux ceremonies and fantastic parties.  AS long as you are honest with me and not committing a crime or something I personally find morally reprehensible, I don't really give a flying rat's ass what you do.

But don't lie to me in an attempt to evade judgement for something.

This. A wedding is where you get married. You can believe the sky is green, but it's still blue. This is not an opinion, but a fact.

There's no such thing as an alternative facts wedding. 

Knottie1453842836

So my husband and I actually had a conversation while designing our invitations about the word wedding and how to use it.

He didn't like the wording of "Join us for the wedding of X and Y" because he read it in its verb form and thought it sounded too old fashioned. I read it as the noun form as the event where we wed and enter into marriage.

In trying to come up with different phrasings, such as "Join us for the celebration of marriage," I thought that by eliminating the word wedding, the legality of the event was not conveyed. I wanted people to know that they would be witnessing the legal aspect as well as partying afterward.

We used the word wedding.

CMGragain

The words marriage and wedding are interchangeable.  The traditional wording uses the word "marriage", but it does no harm to use "wedding" in its place.  It does not change the meaning of the invitation.  Wording must be crystal clear in regards to the nature of the event.  "Celebration of marriage" indicates that you are already married, and you are inviting people to a non-wedding party to celebrate. 
Traditional wedding invitation wording:

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the marriage of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

or, for a celebration party, where there are no vows or reenactment:

The pleasure of your company is requested
to celebrate the recent marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name

Then, there might be this if you are renewing marriage vows:

The pleasure of your company is requested as
Mr. and Mrs. John George Smith
reaffirm their marriage vows

I think this latter format is what you need.