Etiquette

Shower Gift Etiquette

My husband and I were invited to a shower for one of his friends (it is at least the couple's fourth shower, based on what they've posted on Facebook) and we cannot attend. What is the protocol on sending a gift? Neither of us are in the wedding, and my husband and the groom are not as close as they once were (I am not especially close friends with either the bride or groom). We didn't have any showers when we got married, so I don't have anything to go off. We will be attending the wedding and obviously bringing a gift to that, but do we need to send a gift to the shower we can't go to?

Re: Shower Gift Etiquette

  • I wouldn't count the number of showers a couple has.   I had two.  Some people have more.   

    If you want, send a gift.  If you don't want to send a gift it's OK not to.   
    charlotte989875Knottie1436206522PrettyGirlLost
  • My husband and I were invited to a shower for one of his friends (it is at least the couple's fourth shower, based on what they've posted on Facebook) and we cannot attend. What is the protocol on sending a gift? Neither of us are in the wedding, and my husband and the groom are not as close as they once were (I am not especially close friends with either the bride or groom). We didn't have any showers when we got married, so I don't have anything to go off. We will be attending the wedding and obviously bringing a gift to that, but do we need to send a gift to the shower we can't go to?
    If the couple is registered, that's the best place to go off of, so to speak.

    You aren't required to send a gift if you aren't attending.
    Knottie1436206522
  • If I can't attend a shower I usually don't send a gift unless I am super close with the person/couple. But stop judging with the four showers thing. I had three showers in multiple states due to a large family. In all maybe 40 people but we split it up so the hostesses were comfortable with the size. 
    JediElizabethKnottie1436206522short+sassy
  • Thanks for the help, everyone! I'm sorry for sounding judgey in the original post. We can't afford most of the items left on their registry due to the number of other showers. Apologies for the original tone. 
  • Thanks for the help, everyone! I'm sorry for sounding judgey in the original post. We can't afford most of the items left on their registry due to the number of other showers. Apologies for the original tone. 
    If you can't afford the items you could always send a cookbook or a gift card.
    Knottie1436206522
  • Thanks - I'm never sure about the whole "going off the registry" for gift-giving, esp. at a shower. I'll let my husband know we can go either way on the gift and can send something we can afford, and we'll figure it out. I wanted to make sure that, if we didn't send a gift, we wouldn't be committing a major faux pas. I just never know what is expected! Thanks for the guidance :)
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • If you attend a shower, you bring a gift.  If you do not attend a shower, you send your regrets, and no gift.  No explanation necessary.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44
  • CMGragain said:
    If you attend a shower, you bring a gift.  If you do not attend a shower, you send your regrets, and no gift.  No explanation necessary.
    Not entirely true.   If you don't attend a shower you often DO send a gift.  Plenty of people who said they wouldn't be able to attend my shower sent gifts.   
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    If the shower was for a close friend or family member and I could not attend, I'd still send a gift. But if I was close with the couple, then I wouldn't.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 29
    banana468 said:
    CMGragain said:
    If you attend a shower, you bring a gift.  If you do not attend a shower, you send your regrets, and no gift.  No explanation necessary.
    Not entirely true.   If you don't attend a shower you often DO send a gift.  Plenty of people who said they wouldn't be able to attend my shower sent gifts.   
    It is TOTALLY optional.  A gift is not expected or required by  someone who does not attend a shower.
    Of course, anyone can send you a gift at anytime.  That is their choice...and a thank you note is required, obviously!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MobKazSP29
  • Thanks - I'm never sure about the whole "going off the registry" for gift-giving, esp. at a shower. I'll let my husband know we can go either way on the gift and can send something we can afford, and we'll figure it out. I wanted to make sure that, if we didn't send a gift, we wouldn't be committing a major faux pas. I just never know what is expected! Thanks for the guidance :)
    While it's nice to send one if you can afford to, you aren't obligated to, it's not a subpoena.  Do not count how many showers they have in to your decision making process, this is only on you and your SO.  Four showers could be one for the groom's family, one for the bride's family, and each of their places of employment given their corporate culture "mandating" it.  

    As for registry vs. off registry.  Depends on what is on the registry!  If there isn't anything you can afford on the registry, go off and get something "universal" (steak knives, water goblets, crystal vase, taper candle holders, gift card to a restaurant they frequent, etc.) that is in your budget.  If it's not, then just get them a wedding gift and not worry about it! (and even then, the same parameters apply!)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    MairePoppy
  • I would only get salty about the number of showers they're having if I was invited to more than one of them.

    If I'm unable to attend a shower for family or close friends, I always send a gift (either in the mail or give it to someone I know who's going). In this case, since he's a friend of your husband, I would send something small to kind of maintain the relationship. I like to look on the registry for smaller items that kind of "go together," like kitchen gadgety things, etc. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • CMGragain said:
    banana468 said:
    CMGragain said:
    If you attend a shower, you bring a gift.  If you do not attend a shower, you send your regrets, and no gift.  No explanation necessary.
    Not entirely true.   If you don't attend a shower you often DO send a gift.  Plenty of people who said they wouldn't be able to attend my shower sent gifts.   
    It is TOTALLY optional.  A gift is not expected or required by  someone who does not attend a shower.
    Of course, anyone can send you a gift at anytime.  That is their choice...and a thank you note is required, obviously!
    I understand that it's optional.   However your first response said if you don't attend a shower you send your regrets and no gift.   

    That is OK but it's not exactly practice that everyone follows.   Many people who decline showers often DO send gifts.   And since gifts aren't required ever, technically they're not required even if you DID attend the shower (although I think you'd be looked at like you had 8 heads).    
    charlotte989875MairePoppy
  • I always bring a "boxed gift", usually off the registry, to a shower, because that's the point of the shower. To get physical gifts. But if I can't attend the shower, and I'm very close to the person, I'd typically send a gift card instead of a boxed gift. 

    For weddings I ALWAYS only give cash/check. I've honestly never seen a boxed gift at a wedding, although I know other people have. 
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