Military Brides

he's deployed...

like most everyone on here my fiance is deployed, he is in afghanistan until june and we are getting married in august.  Since he has been gone since mid november I have caught bronchitis, been spotting for a couple of weeks due to stress, and sprained my shoulder.  Today I found out I failed a very important test I need to pass before I graduate to recieve my b.a. and my credential, I have NEVER been close to failing any test.  Overall, I am so stressed out and sad that he is gone.  I have been trying to exercise to help relieve my stress but then I injured my shoulder.  I am trying to stay busy with friends and family but with the wedding planning going on and I am about to start student teaching I am having a really hard time not stressing out and becoming overwhelmed.  The past few days I feel I have been doing nothing but crying.  Does anyone have any advice of ideas to help me keep it all together? 

Re: he's deployed...

  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through all of this :( A lot of the ladies on this board have gone through something similar or are going through it now. Keep in mind that you don't have to keep it together 100% of the time. While it's best to stay busy and stay strong, you have a lot of rough stuff going on, and it's okay to break down once in a while as long as you don't let it last too long. I find that it helps me a lot to unload to one of my close friends. Sometimes it helps just to explain to someone that you're going through a lot, and that you're having a hard time with it. Also, try to focus on what you need to do to be successful at school, that is something really important. Use wedding planning as a fun, distracting activity, but don't stress out about the details. You'll have a nice day, and in a year, no one will remember the details.

    Another thing to consider, if the stress becomes to much or you're not comfortable relying on a friend or family member, is seeing a counselor, or a pastor if you're religious. Sometimes a third party can be the best listener, and can give you really good advice and tools to manage the stress and overwhelming feelings. This is by no means a sign of weakness, and it is important in keeping you healthy.

    I hope things are better for you soon. I've gone through stretches like this, where everything is completely overwhelming, but I promise, it will pass.
  • edited December 2011
    thank you, I really appreciate your advice.  i was thinking about going to a counselor so I should probably look into that.  i figure I need to get back into scrapbooking as a hobby to keep me busy as well-instead of pictures with him that can make me upset I'll just focus on pictures i have with friends or something.  i just want him home. 
  • iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm sending you an extra pair of big girl panties.  I know it sucks, Sweetie.  MH just got back from another trip over there.  I allow myself one week to mope and eat ice cream for dinner.  Then I pick myself up and do what I need to do. 
    The last thing your H needs is for you to be depressed, making yourself sick and failing your classes.  That won't do anything for his moral over there.  He needs you to be strong and independant.  He needs you to live your life and have great days that he can call home to hear about so he can stay focused on his mission over there. 
    Write him a letter every day.  Send him a small package every week.  Plan a special thing that you do to treat yourself once a month.  Get a pedicure, a message, a girl's night out.  Small things that you can look forward to will break up the larger amount of time.  Get together with other people who have deployed SO's.
    Right now, you are digging your self into a hole that is really hard to get out of.  This is not healthy for you.  If you feel you need to see a counselor, I think that could be a could thing for you.  Talk to othr people.  Know you are not alone.  Try to see some good things about this trip over there.  Think of how much closer you two can grow together.  Think of the extra money y'all can put in savings. 
    You can do this! 


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  • Sammy0709Sammy0709
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    I second what Tx.  If your FI has to be worrying about your health and safety, it will be harder for him to make sure he's focused on the task at hand.  Keep yourself busy and do things you enjoy. 

    I focused on finishing school, going to work, working out, and quilting.  You will find things that work best for you.

  • shibbs86shibbs86
    edited December 2011
    I know what your going through, my husband just got back from deployment earlier this month and the wedding was only 4 days after he got home. While he was deployed, the company I work for started going bankrupt, our one and only car started breaking, ad it seemed liek every little thing was becoming such a huge ordeal, especially planning the wedding. My advice: first breath, then ask for help. One weekend sat down with a friend of mine who is a wedding planner, but the time I got up to leave I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I realized I'd felt so on my own after my finance left I started tryign to handle everythign by myself. Once I talked everythign through with a friend, went through step by step what had to be done by when, and just allowed myself to relax, I felt so much better. If you have the time, I really recommend looking for a planner/coordinator. She will become your best friend as far as the wedding goes, and I think you'll be surprised how affordable they are, many even offer package deals that can reduce the cost of minister/photographer/musician. The best thing you can do it just take a night off from all the stressing, do whatever really helps you relax.. weather is a cheesey movie, a nice massage, going for a long hike, getting your nails done just do it. After you catch your breath and regain a tight grip on things, you'll be able to come back the next day and tackle everything. :) Good luck! And I'm sure everything will work out great!
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