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ummmm before you get married.....

RomysDannieRomysDannie
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in Not Engaged Yet
Take a look at the "relationships" board over at the nest. There are some pretty sad things going on right now. A wedding band is not a magic band of metal that fixes everyone's personality flaws. If you see red flags during the relationship before marriage, don't let it slide because you deserve so much better than to be unhappy just to keep a fantasy of a husband, two kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. I know sometimes I get caught up with the whole "I can't wait for the proposal because I can't wait to be his wife and wel will live happily ever after." I come from a family where people do not stay married and most people get divorced. looking at the aftermath some of them could have been different situations had people really got beyond the emotions of the fantasy and saw people for who they really were because not many people just change all of a sudden. So... becareful what you ask for, keep your eyes open, and don't sell yourself short. I know I will definitely be paying more attention because I would much rather call off an engagement han have to get a divorce.
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Re: ummmm before you get married.....

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    meshellyoomeshellyoo
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    edited December 2011
    Amen to that!  I tell people all the time, I am so glad I have waited to get married because if I married the man who I was intending to marry, I would already be divorced.  I thought I could change him and by us getting married, our problems would vanish.  Boy, i'm so glad I woke up from that nightmare!  I am so happy that I waited and now I found the man of my dreams.  I know he isn't going anywhere and we will be married someday.  In my opinion, I think everyone should have to do premarital counseling before they get married.  Whether you have problems or not, it gives you a lot to think about before you do the deed. 
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    trevette1981trevette1981 member
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    edited December 2011
    I went over there once and I was like WOW. I saw a lot of problems and I was like, now I know this stuff didn't pop up over night! I agree with the PP who talked about premarital counseling. We certainly plan to do it, even before we met each other we each said when we meet someone and it gets to that point- premarital counseling.
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    karenttroublekarenttrouble
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    edited December 2011
    good advice!  check out trouble in paradise as well
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    No amount of education could convince Betty to be nice to possums
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    kelkel21kelkel21
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    edited December 2011
    I actually never went to the relationship board but i just did and yes, there are many issues and of the married ones it seems as though there were issues before the wedding. I'm glad I read those and know what kind of  struggles couples are facing... i think so many women are scared of being alone. It's really sad.
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    BF and I agreed years ago that we'd go through some premarital counseling sessions when we get engaged. A couple of months ago, he asked if I still thought we needed it.I should have told him to check out the Nest. lolBut I just told him that I'd rather do it and not "need it" than need it and not do it. It's worth the time and the money (assuming we don't have a church then, which we probably won't) to make sure that we have thoroughly discussed the important stuff.Especially since he has issues with his mom and I have issues left over from past relationships.Nobody's perfect. I think it's worth it.I also thing people should be WAY more careful about getting married. So many just jump right in like "Why not?" without asking "why?" instead.
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    Pirata13Pirata13
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    edited December 2011
    Premarriage counseling is well worth it, IMO. Even if there aren't issues really, some of the topics covered can make you think about and discuss things you never thought of on your own. The biggest issue is money. Disagreeing about money and/or how it's saved/spent is probably the most "popular" reason things fall apart. FI and I talked a lot about things early on--if we'd ever consider moving, if so where, what would the limitations be, etc.  Another thing I see/hear a lot about is people who want kids/don't.  If you or your BF/FI say they don't want kids, don't think that once you are married, they will change their mind.  While people CAN change their minds, no one can bank on that. That was the last serious thing FI & I talked about. We'd covered everything else, and finally one day I brought it up. I was scared because I knew that it could be a potential issue, but in the end we both agreed.  And we have options if we would ever change our minds.  But I often read things on here and think "They'll be divorced."  Sad...
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    AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
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    edited December 2011
    That board makes me sad. I say it all the time on here (and in real life), but getting married isn't going to fix anything, but people don't seem to get that. I also tend to think that if he's The One, he'll still be The One if you wait another couple years (this is more for the younger girls, and people who haven't been together very long), but people seem to miss this too. I definitely think pre-marital counseling is an excellent idea. Sad thing is, I know people who avoid getting married in their church so they can avoid pre-marital counseling. Healthy relationship for sure! Of course, you can do everything right. You can get to know your partner like the back of your hand, you can be totally happy with your relationship, you can go to pre-marital counseling, and have it all worked out...there is still no guarantee you'll be married in 10 years.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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    RomysDannieRomysDannie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Stagemanager you can quote it :)
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