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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

toga/roman wedding

Hello all!  I'm a newbie, just got engaged last weekend! :)  My parents knew it was coming bc my fiance asked for my hand in marriage, so they are already on full planning mode, which is the reason I am on here already :)

Here is the background to my question- My fi and I met at a toga party 5 years ago and had our first kiss in togas, so we are seriously considering having a toga themed wedding because not only is it fun and unique (which completely fits our personalities) it is also sentimental to us.  I have been asking peoples advice and I have gotten a lot of mixed reivews, mainly people saying "it sounds like a fun idea, but do you think I will regret it?"   Honestly, no, I don't think I will regret it, but I do have my doubts, although my fi has his heart set on the idea.

My question is- who has had a very unique wedding and how did it turn out? Do you regret it?  Any suggestions on how I can make a roman/toga wedding classy and unique, and not just turn into a college party/remake of Animal House?

Thanks in advance for any help and advice you can provide! :)

PS.. my parents are completely on board with the idea b/c they also got married in an non-traditional way, on a lake with my mom in a white dress and my dad in a hawaiin shirt.. the pics I have seen are beautiful!

Re: toga/roman wedding

  • Catwoman708Catwoman708
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    member
    edited July 2010

    It's perfectly fine to have a non-traditional wedding, or a fun theme for decorations and the WP attire. 

    But if you expect your guests to also wear costumes, even if it's optional, then you are crossing the line into ridiculous. 

    Yes, there are many classier ways to add subtle touches for a more sophisticated "Romanesque" look, it doesn't have to be a sheet draped across one shoulder, lol.  

    There are tons of Roman/Grecian styled gowns you and your bridesmaids could choose, as well as strappy "roman" style sandals, or hair styles and accessories.  Finding a Meditteranean or Romanesque style venue, and decorating with stone look columns and look footed urns, tables decorated with piles of fruits/grapes, loaves of artisan bread, cheeses, and bottles or jugs of wine.  Italian or Meditteranean inspired food. 

  • vsgalvsgal
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    member
    It depends.  If you are planning on having a true toga party, I would very quickly decline your invitation.  Toga parties scream college kegger.  If you want to have some grecian elements, like your dress or menu choices, then you will be okay.

    Please don't have people come to your wedding wrapped in sheets.  That is beyond tacky
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • I am kind of in the same issue as you. I am having a very unique themed wedding also, and when I shot the idea out to family and friends.... I wouldn't say it was loved.

    My fiance is a HUGE comic book nerd. He collects them- goes to conventions- all that stuff. Well I really wanted to incorporate something that he loved in the wedding, so what better than to have a comic book themed wedding?

    The way that I am pulling it off, with out having my mother having a heart attack, is that we have made most of our theme go towards the reception. I am throwing some splashes into the ceremony, but most of the fun will be at the reception.

    If it was me? I would do a grecian dress, but put him in typical wedding wear. Maybe have the guys wear a ceaser-ish crown? 

    It took me a while to step back and remember that it wasn't just a party, it was a wedding with a party. If you think togas will work for both, then by all means go with your gut and wear the togas. For me, I wanted my wedding to be about our vows, and our reception to be the reflection of us.

    Good Luck and let us know what you decide!!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!
  • i agree with above. themes are usually best used in your reception. however, you could easily find a romanesque type wedding dress. (my fi is STRONGLY into his Italian heritage, so I know tooooons about Roman style, etc). I definitely think you shouldn't have people wearing togas though. imagine grandma and other people who wouldn't be comfortable wearing a sheet draped over their shoulder. You don't want your theme to detour people who truly love you and want to share your day into not coming because of a gimmicky theme.

    while it has sentimental value to you, I think you should add touches of it to your ceremony (your dress, attendant's dress, decorations) and let people know they can dress to the theme, but its not required. then go all out at the reception and have togas available for people to put on over their clothes or change into.
    image
    Anniversary
  • Thank you everyone!

    Togas would NOT be required, they would definitlely be optional.  We were thinking of putting something on the invite that said "roman-styled attire optional. No bedsheets please" My main concern are what you guys already expressed- making sure people don't picture it as a college toga party when they get the invite, and also making sure it looks classy and not tacky.  But really, with all the cute one strap dresses and strappy roman looking shoes, it should be very easy for girls to get into the theme if they wanted, without wearing a toga, although I'm stll struggling with what the guys could wear.  I cannot really think of anything but a toga, but maybe we could get them professional made.  The wedding is next July though, so there is still plenty of time.

    For the cermony, we had in mind using the stone pillars and lots of green plants (and possibly white flowers).  I love the idea of using lots of grapes, cheese and bread as appetizers and/or center pieces. I also love the idea of having togas at the reception for anyone who wanted one later!  That is a great way for people to still wear what they want, but get into the theme later.  

    I mentioned before, it wll not be a "toga kegger", that is my main concern and I don't want it to be like that.   Also, a few people mentioned concern about family members being uncomfortbale, but I promise you that will not be the case for my family, nor my fiances family.  My family has a long standing tradition of non-traditional weddings.  My parents got married with my dad in a hawaiin shirt and white slacks and my mom in a simple white dress, on a pontoon on the lake.  My uncle got married also on a lake, but had smoke bombs going off as the bridal party was introduced, along with sparklers and a stuffed dear as the "best man".   Our families and friends will fit right in.  Thanks for the concern though, it does make perfect sense.

    Thanks again for all the advice, I really appreciate it! Laughing
  • You get to choose your attire and that of your wedding party. 

    It is highly inappropriate for you to put ANY mention of attire on invitations for your guests, even with the disclaimer "optional" on it.

    Personally, I think there are a lot of elegant ways that you can incorporate "roman" style into your wedding ceremony/reception.

    Togas is not one of them.  
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I would incorporate it in a non-attire fashion.  I would serve Greek food and have ouzo for the toast.  Maybe have some roman colomns and draped fabric to decorate? 

    I like themed weddings, but I am a traditionalist when it comes to clothing.  I too instantly think college keg party when you said toga themed. That's just me though :)

    Just ponder these ideas if you still want to have the toga theme with clothes

    Romantic Wedding Dresses


    http://www.weddinginspirasi.com/tag/evening-wear/

    Roman Hair Comb
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/49787423/roman-lover-hair-comb-brooch-feminine?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=roman+wedding&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

    Athena Headpiece
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/48884802/athena-ii-grecian-headpiece?ref=sr_gallery_20&ga_search_query=roman+wedding&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

    DIY cuff links with some roman coins

    Ring Idea for Him
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/32093708/6mm-14k-white-gold-roman-ivy-leaf-style?ref=sr_gallery_34&ga_search_query=roman+wedding&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

    Bridesmaid dresses that have a simmilar style as this one (lots of big gold bangles!)
    http://www.etsy.com/listing/31522581/glamor-white-maxi-grecian-dress-elegant




    Photobucket
  • Thanks all, I really appreciate all the OPEN-minded comments.  I have received many invites saying "formal attire" or "beachy attire" or "casual attire"... all from different groups of people in different parts of the United States. I think your idea that putting attire on the invite is inappropriate is very outdated. I googled it just to make sure and I see many websites saying that is is completely appropriate.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with Togas if they are done propery and classy.  If you wouldn't accept an invite to a wedding like mine, that makes sense because I wouldn't be friends with someone so closed minded and snobby anyways.

    To the rest of you with actual suggestions, thanks!  Nillawafer10, thanks for those suggestions!  I actually saw that same exact dress earlier todayand love it, along with this one:

    http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=A3242

    And I love those bridesmaids dresses, those are perfect!  Pretty much exactly what i was looking for.  And I still really like the idea of providing togas at the reception instead and maybe having the groomsmen change into togas then, instead of during the cermony.

    Thanks again for all the suggestions.  I think I'll have to tell people "roman wedding" instead of "toga wedding", that might go over better since almost everyone seems to think Animal House and college right away, which is not my goal!
  • "We were thinking of putting something on the invite that said "roman-styled attire optional. No bedsheets please"."

    Do you want a classy wedding or not?  If you want a "classy" event then you need to use some classier manners. Most websites are not reputable etiquette sources, especially ones that tell you it's ok to suggest how others should (or especially should NOT) dress.  There are very few exceptions.

    It's fine to make a small notation in the event it's a formal wedding with "white tie", "black tie", or "black tie optional".  Or in the case the venue has a dress code.  For casual weddings you can use casual manners (less "proper"). 

    It's simply not "classy" to tell people to wear a costume to a wedding, or what not to wear ("no bedsheets").  If I got such an invitation, I'd be "WTH?".  I feel that if you want guests to wear themed costumes, you see them less as guests and loved ones, and more like props so you can live out your little fantasy vision of your wedding. 

    Yes, it's a neat idea, for YOU to wear period attire, or have some elements that go with that theme.  But to expect others to go along with costumes, is a little much.  Most of your guests will care way more about the food and drink than your theme or instructions about attire. 
  • trix1223trix1223
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: toga/roman wedding:
    [QUOTE]Thanks all, I really appreciate all the OPEN-minded comments I have received many invites saying "formal attire" or "beachy attire" or "casual attire"... all from different groups of people in different parts of the United States. I think your idea that putting attire on the invite is inappropriate is very outdated. I googled it just to make sure and I see many websites saying that is is completely appropriate.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with Togas if they are done propery and classy.  If you wouldn't accept an invite to a wedding like mine, that makes sense because I wouldn't be friends with someone so closed minded and snobby anyways. To the rest of you with actual suggestions, thanks!  Nillawafer10, thanks for those suggestions!  I actually saw that same exact dress earlier todayand love it, along with this one: http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=A3242 And I love those bridesmaids dresses, those are perfect!  Pretty much exactly what i was looking for.  And I still really like the idea of providing togas at the reception instead and maybe having the groomsmen change into togas then, instead of during the cermony. Thanks again for all the suggestions.  I think I'll have to tell people "roman wedding" instead of "toga wedding", that might go over better since almost everyone seems to think Animal House and college right away, which is not my goal!
    Posted by jahowe24[/QUOTE]


    Apparently in jahowe-land, OPEN MINDED means "Wow, what a great, fabulous, incredible, creative, clever, unique, and amazing idea!!!  I should have thought of it myself".

    Sorry, you can point to as many websites as you'd like,  which, I'll be willing to bet are wedding websites whose goal is to convince brides and grooms to spend money they don't have/need to on wedding "stuff".  They'll tell you anything if it means that you might just spend money on something their advertisers are pushing.

    You DO NOT get to choose the attire of your guests.  That's micromanaging, controlling, and an indication that you consider your photos more important than the comfort of your guests.

    Your wedding is just not important enough to most of your guests to go out and purchase something that they might only be wearing one time.

    Do whatever Roman/Toga "stuff" you want on your wedding day.  Just remember:  your guests are your guests, not extras on a movie set.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
    member
    In Response to Re: toga/roman wedding:
    Thanks all, I really appreciate all the OPEN-minded comments.  I have received many invites saying "formal attire" or "beachy attire" or "casual attire"... all from different groups of people in different parts of the United States. I think your idea that putting attire on the invite is inappropriate is very outdated. I googled it just to make sure and I see many websites saying that is is completely appropriate.  Personally, I don't see anything wrong with Togas if they are done propery and classy.  If you wouldn't accept an invite to a wedding like mine, that makes sense because I wouldn't be friends with someone so closed minded and snobby anyways. To the rest of you with actual suggestions, thanks!  Nillawafer10, thanks for those suggestions!  I actually saw that same exact dress earlier todayand love it, along with this one: http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=A3242 And I love those bridesmaids dresses, those are perfect!  Pretty much exactly what i was looking for.  And I still really like the idea of providing togas at the reception instead and maybe having the groomsmen change into togas then, instead of during the cermony. Thanks again for all the suggestions.  I think I'll have to tell people "roman wedding" instead of "toga wedding", that might go over better since almost everyone seems to think Animal House and college right away, which is not my goal!
    Posted by jahowe24
    You got some really good advice from people on this thread.  When you are doing a wedding like this, you are walking a very thin line between cool and cheesy.

    Formal, beachy and casual attire are all things people have in their closets and let them know the formality level of the wedding.  What you did equates to "we prefer you wear orange clothing but it's optional."  As Trix said, this is rude. 

    Your response highlighted above is equally rude.  Quite honestly you remind me of a cousin of mine who threw a fit when her mother lost it when she saw the girl had adressed her invites using friends nicknames like "Bobo", "Valley Girl", etc.  Her response was that they were her friends and they weren't snobs like dear old mom. 

    Don't get huffy when people point out that something you are doing or have already done is a breach of ettiquette.  It's happened to all of us, especially when we first began posting.  If you put it on a public board, it will get commented on.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
    member
    In Response to toga/roman wedding:
    Hello all!  I'm a newbie, just got engaged last weekend! :)  My parents knew it was coming bc my fiance asked for my hand in marriage, so they are already on full planning mode, which is the reason I am on here already :) Here is the background to my question- My fi and I met at a toga party 5 years ago and had our first kiss in togas, so we are seriously considering having a toga themed wedding because not only is it fun and unique (which completely fits our personalities) it is also sentimental to us.  I have been asking peoples advice and I have gotten a lot of mixed reivews, mainly people saying "it sounds like a fun idea, but do you think I will regret it?"   Honestly, no, I don't think I will regret it, but I do have my doubts, although my fi has his heart set on the idea. My question is- who has had a very unique wedding and how did it turn out? Do you regret it?  Any suggestions on how I can make a roman/toga wedding classy and unique, and not just turn into a college party/remake of Animal House? Thanks in advance for any help and advice you can provide! :) PS.. my parents are completely on board with the idea b/c they also got married in an non-traditional way, on a lake with my mom in a white dress and my dad in a hawaiin shirt.. the pics I have seen are beautiful!
    Posted by jahowe24
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • I just spoke to some of my girlfriends and they laughed when they said I was posting on theknot message boards.  They had the same horrible experience on here. I did get SOME good advice and I thanked those people. 

    I'll be taking my questions to other websites.   This place is ridiculous!  My friends and family as props?  Hysterical....
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: toga/roman wedding:
    I just spoke to some of my girlfriends and they laughed when they said I was posting on theknot message boards.  They had the same horrible experience on here. I did get SOME good advice and I thanked those people.  I'll be taking my questions to other websites.   This place is ridiculous!  My friends and family as props?  Hysterical....
    Posted by jahowe24
    Buh-Bye.  Hope you enjoy the insipid "advice" you will get on wedding wire.  Friends recommended I join when I got engaged.  Then again, we are all grown ups.
    image
    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • In Response to Re: toga/roman wedding:
    It's perfectly fine to have a non-traditional wedding, or a fun theme for decorations and the WP attire.  But if you expect your guests to also wear costumes, even if it's optional, then you are crossing the line into ridiculous.  Yes, there are many classier ways to add subtle touches for a more sophisticated "Romanesque" look, it doesn't have to be a sheet draped across one shoulder, lol.   There are tons of Roman/Grecian styled gowns you and your bridesmaids could choose, as well as strappy "roman" style sandals, or hair styles and accessories.  Finding a Meditteranean or Romanesque style venue, and decorating with stone look columns and look footed urns, tables decorated with piles of fruits/grapes, loaves of artisan bread, cheeses, and bottles or jugs of wine.  Italian or Meditteranean inspired food. 
    Posted by Catwoman708
    I am a classical archaeology major studying ancient Greece and Rome. My honest opinion is that a toga themed wedding screams fraternity/sorority parties. It would be very difficult to pull off a toga theme appropriate for a wedding. I do think that the advice given above would work very well for a beautiful, Mediterranean themed wedding with touches of ancient Rome. I can't really give you many ideas on Roman weddings because marriages were really just a business contract between the father and husband. Good luck planning!
    Anniversary
  • Any mention of attire on a wedding invitation is inappropriate, barring black tie, white tie, or venue restrictions (i.e. men without ties will not be admitted).  Additionally, the only defined attire classifications are as follows: casual, semi-formal, formal, black tie, white tie.  Anything else is entirely subjective, and thus meaningless.  To me, "beach attire" is jeans and a T-shirt with a swimsuit underneath, but I doubt many brides would intend their guests to show up so dressed.  So yes, any invitation you ever received with such a notation was worded incorrectly.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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