Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony

AdeleDazeem · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:334d1aa8-76f8-47fc-8378-eb96c1750f68">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony : If we want to get REALLY technical, it was Joy who transposed her words.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

Truth. My brain works faster than my fingers sometimes.

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:2842fe44-c340-4772-9cd5-41a341f14d96">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Julie, honestly, with the exception of my last post, where have I been rude to you? I did make a comment on the length of the post, because yes, it was rather long. Can posters here be close-minded/mean about vow renewals? Sure. Some can. But I wasn't. Nor were several other posters who responded. You, however, are coming off as belligerent. Chill.
Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Here: "A vow renewals board? Huh. Well, at least Second Weddings will lose some of the PPDers." Those of us doing vow renewals understand that "PPDers" is a derogatory term aimed at us. Most of us find it hypocritical for most brides to say, considering they are planning their own PPD. But I explained that, went on with a bit of a vent that wasn't aimed at you, then said, "I apologizing for turning that into a vent. I don't know if you have ever done or said any of that." Then I explained why I feel that way: hence, the long post.

Once again, I will say, I don't have a problem with you having a different opinion. The OP is allowed her different opinion, too. And not every single thing I have posted today is aimed at you.

Julie

kaos16 · September 2012

Holy cow! This thread went all sorts of awry! I love that OP is long gone too, lol. . . . . perhaps even she got lost on where this went like most of us did.

Julie2013 · September 2012

I have no problem with anybody having their own opinions, CMGr & RetreadBride. The two of you may be the absolute authority for vow renewal information and etiquette in your circle of friends, family, and workplace, for all I know. But you definitely don't have your finger on the pulse of what is considered fine in mine. You are determined that vow renewals are tacky unless played by your rules or should wait until a couple is at your idea of a milestone anniversary, I get it. And I'm just as determined that they aren't tacky and that there is no need to wait until 25+ years. I doubt I need to go into my reasoning or get into some crazy back-and-forths like many of us on this thread have done today, since my thoughts are already all throughout this thread and wouldn't make you see my point of view anyway.

But I do like the idea that more than one side has been represented on this topic today. Maybe people thinking about a vow renewal will consider seeking out opinions from their friends and family about the idea instead of assuming there is a definite right or wrong on this one.

Julie

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:34e464e6-1cf1-47ec-94b5-6ac35d54333e">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't be so certain that it's considered "just fine." Do you believe your best friend will tell you, "This is the tackiest thing I've ever heard of in my life. I can't believe you are having a 'wedding' when you've been married for the last five years. You have no right to ask all of us to attend a grand masquerade and shower you with attention and gifts." I really doubt your family and friends will do that....even if it's what they are thinking. I grew up in Texas, right next door to Arkansas, and the Arkie way of thinking wasn't much different. Have the vow renewal if you must, but please don't expect your friends to shell out for bridesmaids dresses or a bachelorette party. Please, please, don't have a shower!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Oh my, there is no way I plan to take unasked for advice from people I don't personally know about whether my vow renewal plans are appropriate or not! Besides the fact that we don't have one single idea set in stone yet, we'd just rather stick with the opinions of the people who we know will be attending and weigh that with what WE want. But your advice is noted and it might be just what somebody else reading this thread needs to hear.

RetreadBride, I've seen your posts around a lot and I have a hard time believing somebody with your personality doesn't have a really, really good friend or two that would find a way to let you know you are about to embarrass yourself. I can most definitely be wrong on that one (like I said above - I don't know you personally), but you do not hold back when giving your opinion and it seems to me most people attract friends a lot like themselves. My best friend would without reservation have my back with this topic. She and I have been best friends for over 30 years and have no problem laying the truth (as we see it) out there to each other. Then there's my family -- have mercy! An older relative I have deep respect for completely disagreed with the whole idea of us doing a vow renewal for our 15th anniversary. Her generation/peer group feels it should only be done after 50 years. She has since decided it must be a generational thing, and although she's not in love with vow renewals, she plans to be there "with her party hat on" (her words). Then there's the rest of my very large family, who keep volunteering to help left and right and keep making suggestions every time I run into them. They sure don't strike me as going along with it reluctantly! Sure, they might just be hiding their true feelings, but I think I'll risk it.

Julie

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:bc997b10-97bc-4bf0-b199-d6fbbb43b82f">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the feeling Julie will do what Julie wants, and she's not going to hear anyone else's point of view. She'll SAY she does, but I'm guessing that she wants validation for her plans. As I said before, I don't care what you do, Julie, but Retread is right, don't assume it's considered "just fine". I'd never in a million years tell a good friend what I've said here. I actually think vow renewals are fine, but parading around pretending to be the bride you're not is not the purpose of a vow renewal.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

Whoa! Did commenting in this post also require me to agree to everything I read? Well, then kick me right on outta here, please! I'm wanting validation for my plans? What plans? Other than the date, I don't have any yet, so why would I be seeking validation for them? I didn't assume anything was "just fine", either. I talked to the people we plan to invite. They're excited and tend to be truthful to a fault, so I think I'll take them at face value (as I'm sure they would want me to). And since we'll have been married for 15 years, I'm going to assume they know I'm not a bride, but I'll check with them and get back to you on that.

Julie

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:9431ebdc-07fe-4711-85ad-8fe3bb8bfa54">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Julie, I grew up in Memphis, TN, and I'm pretty sure things haven't changed all that much. My sister, who lives in Arkansas, agrees with me. Arkansas does not have a different set of etiquette rules than the rest of the country. Don't fool yourself.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I still think I'll take my chances with the opinions of the people invited, but thank you for your advice.

Julie

Julie2013 · September 2012

Now my "tits" are excited, Darth Queen of Irony? Wow. When did this morph into high school "mean girl" territory? Sorry, but I outgrew all that decades ago and you'll just have to excuse me from the trading of meaningless insults (even though it can get really tempting!).

RetreadBride, I'm telling people how to talk? Hmmm... I will definitely take a look at my words yesterday and see if I can understand where you are coming from on that. As I said in my original post directed at the original poster, "the previous posters' opinions absolutely do represent a distinct attitude on TK about vow renewals. Then there's a large group of people who feel anything goes for vow renewals." It was never my intention to tell people they could only "talk" a certain way, only that the previous posts were not the ONLY opinion out there. I also asked the OP not to let negativity about her plans run her away from the TK boards. Perhaps THAT'S where I'm telling people how to talk? I can think of a whole lot of areas I openly disagreed, but I don't recall "tell(ing) other adults how to talk."

Julie

Peavy · September 2012

It's fine to have a PPD for a WEDDING. It's entitled and spoiled to have the PPD AFTER the person is married, and attempt to pass it off as a wedding.

Vow Renewals used to be for milestone anniversaries such as the 25th or 50th. Now they've been hijacked by entitlement-minded people who can't make a decision, live with that decision, and simply enjoy being married.

They honestly believe that they "deserve" to have the big white wedding and especially the attention from others. They are "missing out" in life if they don't get to do this. So they inconvenience their family and friends, who must expend time and money to come to a wedding that has already taken place. Often the attention-seeking couple ends the friendship because their acquaintances are "bad friends" if they can't/aren't willing to expend time and money to uphold their entitlement issues.

It's not the trimmings, it's the MARRIAGE that counts.

Retread Bride, thank you for saying so articulately why vow renewals -- which in my opinion are just a BS thinly veiled excuse for a do-over wedding -- are so offensive. Wives, if vow renewals are so very important to you, then just renew your vows privately without trying to re-create the wedding that you've now decided you want.

Lisa50 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:431d121a-6833-43be-b839-236583c2411c">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE] Retread Bride, thank you for saying so articulately why vow renewals -- which in my opinion are just a BS thinly veiled excuse for a do-over wedding -- are so offensive. Wives, if vow renewals are so very important to you, then just renew your vows privately without trying to re-create the wedding that you've now decided you want.
Posted by Peavy[/QUOTE]

Brava! My husband and I renew our vows when we stop to say "I love you." We worked together, planning the wedding we wanted -- talked about it, budgeted and paid for it. I was sick (ear and sinus infections) on the big day. Would I have preferred to have been 100% healthy? Absolutely. Would I re-do the wedding? Heck no! We're married, which was the intent.

I remember the days when a 25th anniversary vow renewal received the side-eye (that had been reserved for 50th anniversaries). It blows my mind when someone married a year or two (or five) launches one of these events. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:ecb09eab-3e42-4c8c-bdba-80bb5c09f028">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Julie, you repeatedly post that "I didn't ask for...." You "asked for" opinions and commentary when you decided to post. Get over yourself.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Retread, I looked through my posts for that quote by me and can't imagine where you are getting it from once, let alone repeatedly. I did say that I had no plans to take advice I didn't ask for from people I don't know, especially about plans I haven't even made yet. Those aren't my exact words, so your quote isn't there, either. I am certain I never once told anybody they aren't allowed to voice their opinion! I would much rather make my plans with my dh and the people I plan to invite. Does that really seem so odd? I won't apologize for that plan. But if you can show me where I've been "tell(ing) adults how to talk" and "repeatedly post that "I didn't ask for ..."" you will definitely get an apology for my oversight.

Also, I haven't attempted to tell anybody they can't think what they want or post what they want. Several times I did say that the nature of the internet means people will say what they want and the OP needs to accept that. On the other hand, you and several others seem all up in arms that I have an opinion different than yours (and the backbone to say so!) and that there can't possibly be any other correct way but your way. I'm think you may need to redirect that, "Get over yourself."

Julie

ootmother2 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:e4d018cd-151a-4f4c-a840-e9bf4bc8f926">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Julie, if I am being rude to someone, there will be no ambiguity. I was raised in the South, and I know how to insult someone. I am a retired organist and I have played at several lovely vow renewals and one inappropriate one. (I didn't know they were already married.) The appropriate vow renewals were for older couples who were celebrating important anniversaries. They were lovely ceremonies in a church, with the couple standing before their friends and family and re-stating their wedding vows. No wedding dresses, attendants, or any wedding stuff. Nobody on the Knot has any problems with this kind of celebration. The inappropriate one (Ugh!) featured a bride in a dress that looked like it fell off of a parade float, with crystals, bling, and the poofiest skirt ever. She had 8 bridesmaids. She was a very young "bride" who wanted her PPD. She wanted it all. I never understood why she didn't just wait until she could have it all. I know her father paid a huge amount of money to give little princess her dream day. Oh, I think I heard they got divorced a few years later. Too bad - all that money! In contrast, there was my grandmother, who was widowed, and then remarried. Both times, she eloped with her groom. She didn't want anybody to spend money on a wedding ceremony, though by the second marriage she could have easily afforded it. If anyone had suggested to her that she should have a vow renewal because she somehow had missed having a wedding, she would have been insulted. Both her marriages lasted 35+ years, and she died at the age of 98. My own wedding was somewhere in the middle. Grandma approved, especially since she had picked out my husband when he was 17 years old. (Relax. We were 25 when we got married! Grandma sat in the front row and said, "I told her so!") No DJ, dancing, dinner, alcohol - just cake and punch in the church hall. Should I re-do my wedding because I didn't have the big blow out? No, thanks. It was enough for us.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

clue: I seriously doubt that she gave a sh!t

mnwatson1 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:3c00088f-1267-40fc-be06-754351096c9d">Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]My name is Khloé and I'm new here. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 amazing years and have a beautiful 2 year old son together. We ran away together and eloped, and got married by the JP so we never got to have an *actual* wedding and reception with all the photos and memories to remember our special day by. Because of that -and also because we want to renew our vows and recommit our marriage to ourselves and to God-, we're planning a vow renewal for our 5th year. We want to go all out; big dress, tux w/ a rockstar twist to compliment my hubby's style, bridesmaids, first dance, tiered cake, etc. Both of us are way tooo excited about it and have already started planning! I was wondering for those who have renewed their vows, did you walk down the aisle together, or did you walk down the aisle to your husband after the wedding party has entered? I want to do things like we would have done them the first time, the "traditional" way. Just wondering what you have all done. :)
Posted by xoKhloe[/QUOTE]

While I may regret getting involved in this, I must say that I agree with most of the other posters. If you want to do a vow renewal, go for it, but you already had your wedding, that was when you actually got married. If you wanted all those things when you got married, you should have waited and done what you wanted in the first place, period. You're going to offend a LOT of people, friends, family and strangers alike. If I received an invitation to a wedding recreation, I would probably throw it away, amazed that someone would expect me to pay for the clothes, to get ready and travel to a fake wedding and reception, and probably expect me to get them a gift as well, when they've been married for five years already. This is completely inappropriate. If you want to do a vow renewal, keep it simple, wear a nice dress or evening gown if you want the formality. Have portraits taken if you want, etc, but skip the traditions that are wedding-specific like attendants, spotlight dances, etc. You can still have just as much fun with it, of course, just perhaps change a few things: instead of a cake that looks like a big, white wedding cake, perhaps style it more along the lines of what you and your husband like/love. Just make it a day that you and your guests will remember for what it is: the celebration of your marriage to your husband for the last five years.

If you choose to pursue the whole white wedding vow renewal thing, well, good luck.

HobokensFury · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:eb65401f-e8ec-4309-b813-06561d3f9d70">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony : While I may regret getting involved in this, I must say that I agree with most of the other posters. If you want to do a vow renewal, go for it, but you already had your wedding, that was when you actually got married. If you wanted all those things when you got married, you should have waited and done what you wanted in the first place, period. You're going to offend a LOT of people, friends, family and strangers alike. If I received an invitation to a wedding recreation, I would probably throw it away, amazed that someone would expect me to pay for the clothes, to get ready and travel to a fake wedding and reception, and probably expect me to get them a gift as well, when they've been married for five years already. This is completely inappropriate. If you want to do a vow renewal, keep it simple, wear a nice dress or evening gown if you want the formality. Have portraits taken if you want, etc, but skip the traditions that are wedding-specific like attendants, spotlight dances, etc. You can still have just as much fun with it, of course, just perhaps change a few things: instead of a cake that looks like a big, white wedding cake, perhaps style it more along the lines of what you and your husband like/love. Just make it a day that you and your guests will remember for what it is: the celebration of your marriage to your husband for the last five years. If you choose to pursue the whole white wedding vow renewal thing, well, good luck.
Posted by mnwatson1[/QUOTE]

Don't regret it. You're with the program. Feel free to stay.

Julie2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_wedding-vow-renewal-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:feb54e04-385e-413e-96e8-8ad446af8fcdPost:497811ec-fa96-411d-a81e-c659cb3a56f3">Re: Wedding Vow Renewal Ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Last post on the second page is one example, Julie. Oh my, there is no way I plan to take unasked for advice Gotcha. What Peavy says is true. It's Wedding As An Entitlement, also known in some circles as Attention Prostitution. Why not go on a terrific second honeymoon, and renew your vows there?? I do have friends who "renew" their vows on every anniversary. They don't have an imitation wedding, though. Most times they don't even have an officiant. They simply hold hands, express how wonderful the last year was, and they look forward to another year of love. They've renewed their vows in Hawaii, on the Great Barrier Reef, and the rim of the Grand Canyon.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Not only is that not the quote you accuse me of "repeatedly" saying, but it's not at all me telling posters what they can say as you originally decided I was doing. I simply said I won't be taking advice I didn't ask for. So, gotcha back, I suppose. Whatever.

Julie

tally7 · September 2012

OP if you are still out there: as far as walking down the aisle -- walk by yourself - and good luck with the renewal/wedding !

s-aries8990 · September 2012

Yum popcorn!

sunshine82582 · October 2012

Wow... this thread has certainly been entertaining.

IMHO, this whole AW/PPD thing can be applied to both BRIDES and WIVES doing vow renewals. If the woman is a complete pain in the a**, she will come off as an AW regardless. What gets me is when people say that women doing vow renewals come off as gift grabby, attention seeking, spoiled brats. I have been to many a WEDDING where the BRIDE showed her a** in the very same fashion. The whole "you're not ENTITLED to.... because you are already married can be applied in the same way to a bride-you aren't ENTITLED to a damn thing simply because you are getting married for the first time, either.

I would side eye ANY woman who carried herself in that manner....

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