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Moms and Maids
Alternatives to having bridesmaids - with help from our friends
I love my friends but don't want to dress them in matching dresses. My fiance and I are getting married in a field and want to be as low maintenance as possible. So I really don't want to have bridesmaids, but want to 'honor' my fiance's sisters with other duties /lead roles in various activities. I would also like to have my friends plan things like flowers or music, but without putting too many burdens on them (some of them love "crafting" and are very organized, so I trust them).
Does anyone have suggestions of how to deal with this issue to avoid offending anyone and without having to do everything myself? I am not a great event planner so I do need help.
Thanks for your suggestions and ideas!!
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Re: Alternatives to having bridesmaids - with help from our friends
[QUOTE]I love my friends but don't want to dress them in matching dresses. My fiance and I are getting married in a field and want to be as low maintenance as possible. So I really don't want to have bridesmaids, but want to 'honor' my fiance's sisters with other duties /lead roles in various activities. I would also like to have my friends plan things like flowers or music, but without putting too many burdens on them (some of them love "crafting" and are very organized, so I trust them). Does anyone have suggestions of how to deal with this issue to avoid offending anyone and without having to do everything myself? I am not a great event planner so I do need help. Thanks for your suggestions and ideas!!
Posted by MissRose80[/QUOTE]
<div>The only other honors when it comes to being involve with the wedding is Ushers (which either gender can be), Readers, or if they are musically talented play or sing during the ceremony. </div><div>
</div><div>Basically, I would leave anything you do an open invitation and leave it up to them if they want to be involve with certain wedding things. If they can't or do not want to help they certainly do not have to since it's not their wedding. If you really stress about not being organize there are professional event planner/wedding coordinators out there to assist you. </div>
Also note that bridesmaids don't have to wear matching dresses. I just told my girls to wear any black dress and whatever accessories they wished (within our color scheme), and it was entirely drama-free. If you really would prefer not to have bridesmaids that's a perfectly legitimate choice, but skipping them just because you don't want to pick a dress is kind of lame.
As far as the sisters, also remember that honr =/= duty/job. It's not "honoring" someone to make them work at your wedding. Guest is an honor too. Since they're your FI's sisters, he would probably know what best to do with them (including if he wants them to stand up as his attendants).
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
If people express an interest in helping, you can absolutely find something for them to do, but it's best to let them approach you. I had a lot of people help with the wedding, but they always offered without my asking for anything.
If you've already asked your sister to be your MOH, then it would be a major insult to decide that you don't want attendants after all. No one is ever going to be as excited about your wedding as you (and hopefully your FI). Just because she's not pumping you for details or beside herself at her venue choice doesn't mean that she doesn't want to be a part of it when the time comes.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]Good suggestions re: reading and being ushers. Thanks. Regarding my friends though if they express interest in helping could I have them do something simple like get a bunch of wildflowers and put them in jars? I guess I don't understand what bridesmaids do besides posing together and planning shower and bachelorette parties. Is there a function they perform that I am missing by not having bridesmaids? My sister is not very enthusiastic about being a maid of honor, which I asked her about by phone ... She has been a bridesmaid three times recently so maybe that's why her enthusiasm for weddings has waned.
Posted by MissRose80[/QUOTE]
Some brides think their BMs need to do additional "duties," which may be why your sister is no longer excited about the prospect. They aren't required to do anything other than stand next to you, but they may choose to.
Really, it's just an honor position. If you want to honor your friends then ask them to be BMs, or do readings, or whatever. If you want them standing next to you, you don't have to force them to buy matching dresses. They can stand next to you in whatever they want to wear, or you can pick a color and let them choose any dress in that color, or whatever.
GL
If they come up to you and say "Hey, what can I do to help you out with the wedding?" Then you gracefully accept that offer of help. But don't ask them. Also, asking someone to be a part of the ceremony is more like working than being a BM or GM. Some people really enjoy that, but others don't.