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Moms and Maids

New name for Personal Attendant

I'm having one of my good girlfriends be my personal attendant but I absolutely hate the name "personal attendant". I want her to feel like she is a special part of my bridal party and not my assistant. Anyone have any cute suggestions for a different title?
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Re: New name for Personal Attendant

  • I don't even know what that is.  What exactly will her "job duties" be?
    [Deleted User]
  • MOH or bridesmaid will do.
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    [Deleted User]
  • I'm sorry, but no matter what you call it, it's insulting.  May I ask why if she's so special, she's not a bridesmaid? 
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    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyes[Deleted User]
  • Uhm, the knot seems to eat my post.

    MOH or bridesmail will do.
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  • OBX2011OBX2011 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2012
    I agree PP.

    Why do you need a personal attendant for your wedding day? 

    If she was such a "good friend" then you should have made her a BM.  There is nothing that says "hey, be my biitch & lackey for the day" like asking someone to be your personal attendant.
     

     

    Blue_Bird
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You know how to make her feel like a special part of your bridal party and not your assistant?  Make her part of your bridal party, and not your assistant.  There's no way to put a bow on a turd and pretend it's a gold doubloon.



    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyes[Deleted User]
  • In Response to Re: New name for Personal Attendant:
    [QUOTE]You know how to make her feel like a special part of your bridal party and not your assistant?  Make her part of your bridal party, and not your assistant.  There's no way to put a bow on a turd and pretend it's a gold doubloon.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE

    Too funny! ;)

     

    Blue_Bird
  • Bridal b!tch.

    Blue_Bird
  • What's with The Knot today?  My earlier response disappeared...

    Hlstrean, what is a personal attendant?  What "job duties" are you requiring?
  • In Response to Re: New name for Personal Attendant:
    Wow, I've read lots of things about brides having a personal attendant. I'm a little taken back by these responses. She's not a bridesmaid because we wanted to keep the bridal party at an even number and my FI didn't have anyone else to ask. Plus her and I have lost touch a bit in the last two years but still chat and I wanted her to be a part of the wedding somehow. It was important for me to still have her included in the bridal party, in pics and ride along on the bus. Basically even though it didn't work out to be a bridesmaid because I currently do have closer friends, I still wanted her there with us. Didn't think that was rude... And like I said, I don't want her to be a personal assistant. Hence the post for help on a different name.
    Posted by hlstrean
    So what you're saying is even numbers is more important than honoring your friendship with her? You could have had an unven bridal party. Your vows still would have been legal. Just tell her she wasn't good enough to make the final bridesmaid cut because of numbers but you still want to honor your friendship with her by making her hold your dress over your head while you pee.

    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyesjendemeyerknottiebee_21
  • As for job duties, I hadn't really given it much thought. Most likely nothing out of the ordinary... I've talked to her a bit about ideas for decorations, she's offered to help with some of the DIY projects, maybe ask her to do a reading at the ceremony...??
  • Asking her to do a reading is a much nicer option. 
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    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyes[Deleted User]
  • Zitiqueen - I also said we've lost touch a bit over the last two years. Didn't think trying to include someone would somehow result in me being a b*tch. Apparently its nicer for me to just not include her at all.
  • peeing assistant?
    Blue_Bird
  • While it's nice that you want to include her, but if you've lost touch, why bother?  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Blue_Bird[Deleted User]
  • I agree with ALL PP..that is a crappy job. Bet you ask her to hold your dress for you while you take one too.

    I have a friend who doesn't want to wear fancy dresses and told me years ago she loves me but can't do the spotlight so wouldn't want to be in my bridal party. However she was with me THROUGH A LOT and was at my baptisim a few years ago (only friend not from church who was) and I asked her to do a reading for me and she is honored by it. The only people she would ever stand up in front of a crowd for besides her own wedding is her favorite cousin and me.

    Your MOH should be your potty buddy if you need one so bad.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Re: New name for Personal Attendant:
    Zitiqueen - I also said we've lost touch a bit over the last two years. Didn't think trying to include someone would somehow result in me being a b*tch. Apparently its nicer for me to just not include her at all.
    Posted by hlstrean
    What everyone is getting at here is that you picked numbers over people.  You said we wanted an even wedding party so you, my friend, can't be a bridesmaid.  Isn't that silly?  It's just a number.  Even numbers don't make or break a wedding.  Even numbers have nothing to do with weddings!

    I think it's much kinder to break your arbitrary even wedding party rule and make this girl a bridesmaid.  Personal attendants just reek of "being the bride's slave all day" while bridesmaids are honor positions.  See the difference?  If your choice is honor her or make her a slave, yes, it would have been better to not include her at all.
    Blue_Bird
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So she is basically a bridesmaid but just won't be allowed to walk down the aisle and stand up with you as you get married because even numbers is more important to you then her feelings. 

    If you really want her to be a part of your wedding then have her in your wedding party...uneven sides are ok...a lot of brides now-a-days have uneven sides (I myself had 2 BMs and my H had 5 GMs)...and guess what, the pictures and them walking down the aisle and everything else looked just as wonderful as someone with even sides.

    I don't care what new fangled name you decide to call this girl, she will still be a personal attendant and basically acting like your b*tch for the day with is degrating.

    Blue_Bird
  • edited February 2012
    If you aren't going to make her a bridesmaid (I agree- even numbers should never be a reason not to include someone) then just ask her to do a reading. If you decide not to ask her to do a reading, than invite her as a guest. Just get the whole personal assistant (or whatever other lame title you come up with it) out of your head. It's not a nice way to treat a friend.
    image

    Anxiously awaiting baby #1! Baby BOY Due: May 30, 2013! Lilypie Maternity tickers

    Blue_Bird
  • She can still hang out with you during pics and ride the bus even if she isn't part of the WP. 
    Photobucket
  • OP, I hope you understand why personal attendants are so looked down upon here.  Typically, that means that they are responsible for a list of activities on the day of the wedding that are really just b*tch errands and aren't really an honor at all.  Hopefully, this isn't what you were intending to do, but that's what the term 'personal attendant' implies, which accounts for the hostility. (and being the same job with a different title doesn't make it any better).

    Again, it's also unnecessary to have even numbers in your bridal party, so making her a bridesmaid is still an option if you really want to include her.  However, if you aren't that close to her to consider giving her the honor of standing up with you at your wedding, I think your best options is to just let her attend as a guest (which is an honor too), or perhaps ask her to do a nice reading during your ceremony.
    Anniversary
    Blue_BirdCLoGreenEyes
  • Personal attendant isn't really an honor-- it is pretty much the same as unpaid wedding coordinator, which sucks for the PA.

    While I understand that you want to include her, think of how it feels on the other end. She is told that there isn't enough room for her to be a BM, but that you want her to do a bunch of DIY projects and be your lady in waiting for the day. And even though she isn't a real WP member, she can tag along on the party bus. That sounds super awkward for her. She is included, but it is like being the unpopular girl asked along at the middle school sleepover. I would just ask her to be a BM and have uneven sides, have her do a reading, or have her be a guest.
    Photobucket
    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Re: New name for Personal Attendant:
    Personal attendant isn't really an honor-- it is pretty much the same as unpaid wedding coordinator, which sucks for the PA. While I understand that you want to include her, think of how it feels on the other end. She is told that there isn't enough room for her to be a BM, but that you want her to do a bunch of DIY projects and be your lady in waiting for the day. And even though she isn't a real WP member, she can tag along on the party bus. That sounds super awkward for her. She is included, but it is like being the unpopular girl asked along at the middle school sleepover. I would just ask her to be a BM and have uneven sides, have her do a reading, or have her be a guest.
    Posted by graysquirrel
    This analogy is perfect. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
    Blue_Bird
  • I'm only going to say this. I wrote a post on this about a month or so ago. Story of A Bridal Attendant. If you want some insight of how it really feels, read it. Please. I have been there, and it is the worst feeling in the world. Even if my friend was a total harpy b!tch, I can say that the dejection of not being a BM is horrible when you get the consolation prize of being a b!tch.

    Here's the post. Please read it and understand why you shouldn't do this.
    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_story-of-bridal-attendant-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7b97ee07-df26-40eb-9678-7e96e3113f82Post:38167d9d-90f3-4691-9c54-f57b0402b200


    Blue_Bird
  • In Response to Re: New name for Personal Attendant:
    Wow, I've read lots of things about brides having a personal attendant. I'm a little taken back by these responses. She's not a bridesmaid because we wanted to keep the bridal party at an even number and my FI didn't have anyone else to ask. Plus her and I have lost touch a bit in the last two years but still chat and I wanted her to be a part of the wedding somehow. It was important for me to still have her included in the bridal party, in pics and ride along on the bus. Basically even though it didn't work out to be a bridesmaid because I currently do have closer friends, I still wanted her there with us. Didn't think that was rude... And like I said, I don't want her to be a personal assistant. Hence the post for help on a different name.
    Posted by hlstrean
    Would you want to be a brides bitch for a day? The personal attendant is basically doing what the MOH should be doing during pictures etc, but instead someone somewhere made up this role to take it away from the MOH. If i'd ever be asked to be a personal attendant, i'd say no and be offended I wasn't good enough to be considered a bridesmade.

     

    Blue_Bird
  • Three years ago, a friend of mine got married and she asked me to coordinate the music for her reception and my mom to coordinate the food.  I knew I wasn't close enough to her to be a bridesmaid, and it never occured to me to be offended to be asked to 'work' the wedding as a lot of others were helping out.  We were there from three hours before the wedding till after it ended and it was actually really fun and I was happy to help.  Now that I am getting married, she and her husband have offered to help with anything I need help with, even using the term 'slaves for the day.'  I asked her husband to help with setting up/tearing down tables and chairs for the wedding, and I asked her and another friend to be with me and the the WP throughout the day, helping to wrangle purses, carrying touch up makeup and water etc.  She is a person with a calming presence, and I know she will be great to have around when I start freaking out.  She won't be on pee patrol though..that I'm leaving my BMs.  I helped two of them pee at their weddings and was a support person for one when she had her baby. 
    I think that some people are happy to help out and other's aren't.  As long as you remember that they are helping you and not working for you, and that you shouldn't ask them to do anything you wouldn't want to do, everything should work out fine. 
    image
    jeull64[Deleted User]Samanthaveltriseefeldtas
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