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Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!

ahdyerahdyer
in Moms and Maids
One of my bridesmaids whom I have known all my life got a new tattoo that I was not aware of prior to picking out my bridesmaid dresses. Would it be wrong for me to ask her to cover it up? And how should I ask her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or want her to think I am being Bridezilla.
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Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:611daacd-227b-4e11-a1bd-25a2ea405852">Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids whom I have known all my life got a new tattoo that I was not aware of prior to picking out my bridesmaid dresses. <strong>Would it be wrong for me to ask her to cover it up?</strong> And how should I ask her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or want her to think I am being Bridezilla.
    Posted by ahdyer[/QUOTE]
    Yup.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:611daacd-227b-4e11-a1bd-25a2ea405852">Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids whom I have known all my life got a new tattoo that I was not aware of prior to picking out my bridesmaid dresses. Would it be wrong for me to ask her to cover it up? And how should I ask her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or want her to think I am being Bridezilla.
    Posted by ahdyer[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it would be wrong.  And, if it's in church and the priest or minister says it can't be visible, then you get a shawl for all bridesmaids and make that part of the attire for everyone.

    The examples often cited here about asking someone to change their appearance include:  would you ask her to change her hair color?  What about gain or lose weight?  Cover up a mole?  The tattoo is now part of who she is.

    I assume you asked her to stand with you because of what was in her heart, not because of her appearance.

    FWIW:  I don't have tattoos.  I wouldn't have a tattoo.  But my DD, my DIL and my SIL all have tattoos.  It's who they are and they are meaningful to them.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It would be wrong. You should accept your friend the way she is.
                       
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    CTGirl30CTGirl30
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Unless you are getting married in a place of worship that has strict specifications regarding body modifications...then it would be wrong of you to ask her to cover it up. 3 of my BMs have tattoos - 2 of them were visible in the gowns they wore. I didn't care - it's part of who they are.

    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why do you want her to cover it up?

    Unless she has an offensive racist or vulgar tattoo I would see no reason in asking her to cover it up.
    panther
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It would be very wrong to ask her to cover it up.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ditto pp.

    Don't ask her to cover it up. Who cares if she is covered in tattoos as long as she is a good person you want to stand beside you on your wedding day?
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    monique026monique026
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    my FI sister is a BM, and she has huge teradactyls tattooed in the middle of her chest. He and I both agreed that it would be incredibly distracting, and since we're paying so much for pictures that it would be reasonable to ask her to cover them. I sent her a message explaining our reasoning and saying I wasn't trying to offend her, but if I bought the makeup if she would use it, and she was more than happy about it, saying "she didn't want to take anything away from our day and it was no problem at all". She even has tattoos on her arms that we didn't ask her to cover, but on her own decided that she wanted to cover them as well.

    I myself have tattoos, but I keep them in places that they can be covered. And if they were exposed and I were a BM , I would not be offended if they asked me to cover them up.
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    suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If the tattoo is vulgar, or breaks some kind of rules for your religious venue, then it is ok to ask her to cover it. Otherwise, no don't ask her to cover it up. Just be a friend and accept your friend the way she is.
    Anniversary
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    TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't think she would be offended and ask in a nice way, I think it's fine. 
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Please look in my married bio.  One of my BM is covered in tattoos.  It did not "ruin" the look or pictures.  Let your friend be who she is.
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    mbarnhartmbarnhart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Cranberry. If a friend asked me to cover one I wouldn't be offended at all. You know how she will react better then we do though. Good luck!
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If I was asked to cover mine I wouldn't be offended whatsoever.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    (I'm going to take a page from Trix's book and start keeping these within easy reach so I don't have to dig through old posts on the same topic...)

    Look at it this way: one of the traditional duties of the MOH is to throw a bridal shower.  But if the bride initiates a conversation asking her to throw a shower, the MOH will have one of two reactions: if she was planning to throw a shower anyway, she'll be hurt that the bride couldn't trust her to figure it out for herself, and if she wasn't willing or able to throw a shower, she'll be really put off by the presumptuousness of the bride and will want even less to bend to her whims.

    Likewise, most people with visible tattoos understand that there might be times in which it's best for said tattoo to be covered, and usually if a bridesmaid is willing to take this step, she'll do it without prompting from the bride.  So swap out "throw a shower" for "cover a tattoo" in the previous scenario, and the reactions remain the same.

    No matter how you slice it, it's an inappropriate conversation for the bride to start, and the relationship is going to be damaged, EVEN IF everything is outwardly cordial and smiles and rainbows and puppies.  One way or another, said bridesmaid is going to come out rightfully thinking less of the bride.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    aerin:  that is so worth saving for repeat performances.  =)  beautifully said.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    jkornilukjkorniluk
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Exactly! Several of my BM's have tattoos... but I'm getting married in the winter...hence, long dresses and bolero jackets with pashminas for everyone. :)
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:ed84af3d-b374-47ef-ad8f-563d41b1d1ce">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE](I'm going to take a page from Trix's book and start keeping these within easy reach so I don't have to dig through old posts on the same topic...) Look at it this way: one of the traditional duties of the MOH is to throw a bridal shower.  But if the bride initiates a conversation asking her to throw a shower, the MOH will have one of two reactions: if she was planning to throw a shower anyway, she'll be hurt that the bride couldn't trust her to figure it out for herself, and if she wasn't willing or able to throw a shower, she'll be really put off by the presumptuousness of the bride and will want even less to bend to her whims.<strong> Likewise, most people with visible tattoos understand that there might be times in which it's best for said tattoo to be covered, and usually if a bridesmaid is willing to take this step, she'll do it without prompting from the bride. </strong> So swap out "throw a shower" for "cover a tattoo" in the previous scenario, and the reactions remain the same. No matter how you slice it, it's an inappropriate conversation for the bride to start, and the relationship is going to be damaged, EVEN IF everything is outwardly cordial and smiles and rainbows and puppies.  One way or another, said bridesmaid is going to come out rightfully thinking less of the bride.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, it would never cross my mind to cover my tattoo unless someone specified.
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    DavidandAmyClarkDavidandAmyClark
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My sister and best friend have tattoos on their fore arm and calves respectively and I would never ask them to cover them.  While FMIL will be clutching her pearls while FI lies to her about not having his tattoo, these girls are my dearest girlfriends and I love them for who THEY are. 

    Although I have seen many girls cover tattoos for their friends wedding, I am seconding aerin as well.  Nicely put.. Especially the part belle bolded, ditto to that.

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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:ae003d2b-6f8c-470b-9dfa-555ac3199712">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If I was asked to cover mine I wouldn't be offended whatsoever.
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    Well that's you then.   Not everyone is the same.  And you may not be offended, but everyone is saying that the bride is wrong to force or demand for it to be covered up
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:9482b296-b8a5-4b4a-989a-a150829bdd67">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!! : Well that's you then.   Not everyone is the same.  And you may not be offended, but everyone is saying that the bride is wrong to force or demand for it to be covered up
    Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]

    If you continue to read, others say they wouldn't be offended also. As someone who has a tattoo, it is a valid contribution to the conversation, where as your comments don't seem add anything but do add to your stalker mannerisms. The OP didn't ask if she can FORCE the bridemaid to cover it up, rather she asked if she can ask them. HUGE difference.
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    mbarnhartmbarnhart
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:9482b296-b8a5-4b4a-989a-a150829bdd67">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!! : Well that's you then.   Not everyone is the same.  And you may not be offended, but everyone is saying that the bride is wrong to force or demand for it to be covered up
    Posted by PeonyPrincesskdd[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>We were just trying to let her know that not everyone would be offended, just like you were letting her know that not everyone thinks it's appropriate. 

    </div>
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:9d72a283-4725-413a-966d-dd6355d3251f">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!! : We were just trying to let her know that not everyone would be offended, just like you were letting her know that not everyone thinks it's appropriate. 
    Posted by mbarnhart[/QUOTE]
    Sure, not everyone would be offended.  But a lot of people would.  So why risk it, when it's such a minor issue?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-huge-tattoo?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:84b8f709-1c94-42d3-a5ed-f1ed9974fea0Post:c330a92a-7706-42be-ba1f-1ee49234c34c">Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid has a huge Tattoo!! : Sure, not everyone would be offended.  But a lot of people would.  So why risk it, when it's such a minor issue?
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    That's why I say the OP should think about whether her friend would be offended or feel "forced" into doing it if she asked her.  If she thinks her friend is cool with it, no harm in asking, otherwise she will just have to live with the tattoo or risk offending her friend.
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    superjules916superjules916 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think there is anything wrong with asking. I think what people on these boards too often forget is that if you are asking these people to be your bridesmaids then they are your BEST FRIENDS! I know that isn't an excuse to be rude but I do think that makes it ok for you to ask. I think that the important thing is that if she doesn't want to cover it, that you don't try and throw her out of the wedding or something. That would make you a bridezilla. You'll never know if she is willing to cover it or not unless you ask.
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    JessicaRichardson85JessicaRichardson85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess being someone with many visable tattoos I have a hard time wrapping my mind around why this is such a big deal. Are you really going to be sitting there on your wedding day or looking back over your pictures going "damn I wish that girl didn't have so much ink, it really ruined the day/photos/etc" ... I was the MoH in my best friends wedding a few months back and the pictures were gorgeous, classy, and representative of the people who are ACTUALLY important in their lives, not the illusion of a perosn she wishes I was.
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    JaeMoBuJaeMoBu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Would it be wrong if she had a huge birthmark and you asked her to cover it up??? Yes. The same goes for the tattoo. If it's on her back it won't even be in your wedding pictures, so what difference does it make if your guests see it?

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    donnaoneilldonnaoneill member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It could also depend on the formality of the wedding. If the bride is having a super formal wedding, she may want to ask the BM to cover up the tattoo. Or perhaps it's just personal taste of the bride that she doesn't like tattoos, and she's just a little thrown off by it. I don't have any tattoos, but I know if I asked my MOH to cover up her large back tattoo, she wouldn't mind at all. I accept all my friends for who they are, but they all knew when I asked them and they all acknowledged happily that it's the bride's day because when their day comes, they want to have just as much fun and perfection on their day. 

    I'm not saying tattoos are bad, but some people really really don't like them. Also, it could be a vulgar tattoo that doesn't match the formality of the wedding like I mentioned above. 

    Now, after that rant, I think I would ask her nicely if she wouldn't mind covering it up, and offer to pay for the coverup. If she says no, then move on and get over it.
    "And this, our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything." William Shakespeare
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    JessicaRichardson85JessicaRichardson85
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    "I'm not saying tattoos are bad, but some people really really don't like them"

    I dont know, it seems like such a cop out ... a lot of people don't like lots of things - I hate platinum blonde hair but would never ask one of my girls to dye her blatantly false hair to a more "natural" color. Part of loving people is accepting them for who they are, and asking them to cover or change something about themselves just feels tacky. IMHO
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    JenO24JenO24 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You know your friend best.
    No one one here does.
    So while some will say dont ask them to cover it up and some say they woudn't be offended...only you know how your friend would react if you tactfully brought up the subject.

    I personally have tattoos, nothing offensive or in areas that couldn't be covered up, but I wouldn't be offended if i was asked to cover them up.  Someone could become offended by that though.  Everyones different.  Everyones got their own opinion.

    You'll do whats right for you and your friend no matter what anyone says on here.
    imageAnniversary
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    sabatronsabatron member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As Kurt Cobain so eloquently put it: "Come as you are."
    Scrabble high score: 531
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