Miserable Maid

SamFunk

..

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:78c3ec6a-344a-4d6d-888c-f80bab082826">Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend, MM, is my bridesmaid. My sister is my MoH (something her and I had always planned- we're each other's only sibling and I helped raise her when she was tiny). MM is pissy that she has to do a lot of the leg work with helping me plan my wedding since my sister lives almost 1200 miles away (getting a nursing degree-very proud). She's helped me rearrange the entire plan after moving the date for family reason, reconfigure the color scheme (new season- May instead of December), and come up with new wedding party ideas. I've been very appreciative. Until now she's been supportive. Now, she's miserable to do anything wedding related with. She is very vocal with the fact that she's the "real" MoH and that my sister doesn't really deserve it since she;s not doing any of the work. She whines that the dresses don't look good on her because she's gained 5 pounds and gone up to a 14 instead of a 12. She complains that the colors don't look good (think easter but a shade darker- pinks, greens, purples). She even wanders off and starts planning her wedding (she's not even engaged) when we're out shopping for things. This happened at Michael's the other day- I was trying to plan wedding invites, which I'm making myself with her assistance, and she disappeared. I found her in another isle, trying to choose which seashell she'd like better for her centerpiece!I Am I being a bridezilla for wanting her attention to be focused? Am I taking too much advantage of her since she's not my MoH but a bridesmaid? She's the ONLY one of my maids that lives in the same town as I do- the others are in WI, UT, and OR. Please let me know who's being the brat in this situation. Thanks!
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

First, your FI should be helping you to plan your wedding, not your MOH or BM.  Your BM is probably exhausted with all of the wedding talk with you.  Stop asking for her help, hang out with her and don't talk about the wedding.  And your BM & MOH don't need to do anything other than buy the dress and show up. 

zitiqueen

I hope you're paying her.

SJM7538

Yes you are wrong. All she needs to do is show up on time in her dress. If she offered to help you with all of this it's one thing but you shouldn't expect any of this out of her. And even if she did offer is sounds like you're now taking advantage of her generosity. It sounds like she has done A LOT and maybe she is just tired of wedding planning. Why is your fianc not helping you with all of this stuff? It's his wedding as well, not your friends.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:78c3ec6a-344a-4d6d-888c-f80bab082826">Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend, MM, is my bridesmaid. My sister is my MoH (something her and I had always planned- we're each other's only sibling and I helped raise her when she was tiny). <strong>MM is pissy that she has to do a lot of the leg work with helping me plan my wedding since my sister lives almost 1200 miles away</strong> (getting a nursing degree-very proud). <strong>She's helped me rearrange the entire plan after moving the date for family reason, reconfigure the color scheme (new season- May instead of December), and come up with new wedding party ideas.</strong> I've been very appreciative. <strong>Until now she's been supportive. Now, she's miserable to do anything wedding related with.</strong> <strong>She is very vocal with the fact that she's the "real" MoH and that my sister doesn't really deserve it since she;s not doing any of the work.</strong> She whines that the dresses don't look good on her because she's gained 5 pounds and gone up to a 14 instead of a 12. She complains that the colors don't look good (think easter but a shade darker- pinks, greens, purples). She even wanders off and starts planning her wedding (she's not even engaged) when we're out shopping for things. This happened at Michael's the other day-<strong> I was trying to plan wedding invites, which I'm making myself with her assistance</strong>, and she disappeared. I found her in another isle, trying to choose which seashell she'd like better for her centerpiece!I<strong> Am I being a bridezilla for wanting her attention to be focused?</strong> <strong>Am I taking too much advantage of her since she's not my MoH but a bridesmaid?</strong> She's the ONLY one of my maids that lives in the same town as I do- the others are in WI, UT, and OR. Please let me know who's being the brat in this situation. Thanks!
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

Wow, there is so much wrong in one post.

First, where the heck is your FI?  Unless he has been deployed or on some other planet he should be the one helping you plan the wedding since you are marrying him not your MOH or BM or any other member of your wedding party.

I can see why your friend is not as into wedding planning with you as she was in the beginning.  It is not as much fun planning someone elses big day as it is to plan your own.  You have completely worn her out with wedding crap.  Stop.  She is being snippy with you because she is most likely irritated that you have basically been using her as free labor.  Did she even volunteer for any of this?  If not, you are way out of line.

As for the invites, same question, did she volunteer to help you or did you just tell her that she had to help?

Yes, you are being a bridezilla.  People's lives do not stop because you are getting married.  No one will be as excited about your wedding as you are so stop pushing.  She has a life and I am sure she would like to live it.

And yes, you are taking too much advantage of your friend, but not because she isn't the MOH but because she is your friend not your slave.  All your MOH/BMs have to do is buy the dress and show up the day of your wedding looking presentable and ready to smile for pictures.  They do not have to do anything else.  Just because you decided to honor them with the titles does not mean that when the accepted they unknowingly signed a contract stating that they will be at your beck and call and help plan your wedding.

SamFunk

My fiance would be helping if SHE wasn't working somewhere very far away from me. Just an FYI. She's farther away from me than my farthest bridesmaid. Thanks for the advice. But you shouldn't bash a fiance (regardless of their gender) because they aren't interested in wedding planning. The DAY I got engaged, MM wanted to be involved in everything. I actually had to ask her to step back once because she was so involved. But I get the point. I do.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:78c3ec6a-344a-4d6d-888c-f80bab082826">Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]My best friend, MM, is my bridesmaid. My sister is my MoH (something her and I had always planned- we're each other's only sibling and I helped raise her when she was tiny). MM is pissy that she has to do a lot of the leg work with helping me plan my wedding since my sister lives almost 1200 miles away (getting a nursing degree-very proud). She's helped me rearrange the entire plan after moving the date for family reason, reconfigure the color scheme (new season- May instead of December), and come up with new wedding party ideas. I've been very appreciative. Until now she's been supportive. Now, she's miserable to do anything wedding related with. She is very vocal with the fact that she's the "real" MoH and that my sister doesn't really deserve it since she;s not doing any of the work. She whines that the dresses don't look good on her because she's gained 5 pounds and gone up to a 14 instead of a 12. She complains that the colors don't look good (think easter but a shade darker- pinks, greens, purples). She even wanders off and starts planning her wedding (she's not even engaged) when we're out shopping for things. This happened at Michael's the other day- I was trying to plan wedding invites, which I'm making myself with her assistance, and she disappeared. I found her in another isle, trying to choose which seashell she'd like better for her centerpiece!I Am I being a bridezilla for wanting her attention to be focused? Am I taking too much advantage of her since she's not my MoH but a bridesmaid? She's the ONLY one of my maids that lives in the same town as I do- the others are in WI, UT, and OR. Please let me know who's being the brat in this situation. Thanks!
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

Yes you are being a bridezilla.

your WP is under no obligation to help you plan or prepare for your wedding.  The BMs should get a say in what they are wearing since they, not you, will be wearing the dresses. "Support" means supporting the relationship, not being your unpaid labor force.  If you need help tell your FI to get off his a$$ and help you.  If that doesn't work then you need to budget for a wedding planner.

SJM7538

Male, female, black, white, cow or zebra. I don't care who or what your fianc is. They should be helping even from long distance. That's great that she offered to help you but clearly you should be realizing its taking a toll on her and its not fun anymore. If I Noticed any of the things you mentioned in the initial post it would be a huge red flag that I was taking advantage of my friend.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:8f49898a-ef2c-47f1-a258-558faddcbc27">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance would be helping if SHE wasn't working somewhere very far away from me. Just an FYI. She's farther away from me than my farthest bridesmaid. Thanks for the advice. <strong>But you shouldn't bash a fiance (regardless of their gender) because they aren't interested in wedding planning. </strong>The DAY I got engaged, MM wanted to be involved in everything. I actually had to ask her to step back once because she was so involved. But I get the point. I do.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

First, no one was bashing your FI.  And really the "regardless of their gender" statement.  What the heck is that suppose to be about.  Unless you specifically say that your FI is a woman how are we suppose to know that?

And great, she wanted to be involved in the beginning.  She doesn't now so stop forcing her to be.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:ba5a3eba-42f1-4aec-9c82-74b5f3af5a90">Re:Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes you are wrong. <strong>All she needs to do is show up on time in her dress</strong>. If she offered to help you with all of this it's one thing but you shouldn't expect any of this out of her. And even if she did offer is sounds like you're now taking advantage of her generosity. It sounds like she has done A LOT and maybe she is just tired of wedding planning. Why is your fianc not helping you with all of this stuff? It's his wedding as well, not your friends.
Posted by SJM7538[/QUOTE]

And be sober.  Given what OP has already put her through, I think that actually has to be said.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:8f49898a-ef2c-47f1-a258-558faddcbc27">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance would be helping if SHE wasn't working somewhere very far away from me. Just an FYI. She's farther away from me than my farthest bridesmaid. Thanks for the advice. But you shouldn't bash a fiance (regardless of their gender) because they aren't interested in wedding planning. The DAY I got engaged, MM wanted to be involved in everything. I actually had to ask her to step back once because she was so involved. But I get the point. I do.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

Seriously? People aren't bashing anyone but if they were, it would be bashing you being a really selfish friend. If your friend showed interest initially, awesome. But she's done now. Also ok. Let her be done and ask her to hang out with you doing non-wedding stuff. If you can't make invitations alone, buy them.

And your fiance could be a koala for all I care. It doesn't change the fact that if your friend is done helping you, you should be ok with that, and ask your fiancee for any further help you may need.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:27b603e0-5bdc-4ae2-9f9d-b52bae217b6e">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid :   And great, she wanted to be involved in the beginning.  She doesn't now so stop forcing her to be.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Everything is fun in the beginning. It's like when I ambitiously set out to make and decorate Christmas cookies. I'm pretty well over it before too long.  She wanted to help, she helped, and now she is tired of helping. Let it go. </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:ab636f23-13ca-495d-96b0-912b1f2dfc97">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid : Seriously? People aren't bashing anyone but if they were, it would be bashing you being a really selfish friend. If your friend showed interest initially, awesome. But she's done now. Also ok. Let her be done and ask her to hang out with you doing non-wedding stuff. If you can't make invitations alone, buy them. And your fiance could be a<strong> koala</strong> for all I care. It doesn't change the fact that if your friend is done helping you, you should be ok with that, and ask your fiancee for any further help you may need.
Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

Sidenote:  Koala's, IMO, are probably one of the cutest animals on the planet.

Ok back to your regularly scheduled program.

MairePoppy

You have a lot of nerve being upset with your friend, after all she has  done for you. The only one who is obligated to help with your wedding is your fiancée. If she isn't available, then you either need to simplify your pans or hire a wedding planner to help you out.

To answer your question. Yes, you are a bridezilla.

MairePoppy

Bet everyone's surprised about the DD!

SamFunk

I don't apologize for deleting. If I could delete the whole thing, I would. I'm also not apologizing for relying on my only friend to help me though a very stressful time in my life seeing as I live alone in a large city many many miles away from my family, other friends, and fiance. I'm not asking anymore questions or advice from people that don't know me, don't know my life, and are completely ignorant of my situation. I'm so very glad that all of you are able to plan your wedding completely independent of any assistance. You all must be very talented or have a large quanitity of time at your disposal. Apparently I lack both seeing as I need another person to help me while I work full time, attend school full time, and work part time at an unpaid internship site with my fiance several thousand miles away workin for te money to pay for the wedding. I guess that deserves such backlash somehow.
All of that, or straight weddings are just easier to plan. To each their own.

Peledreamsofrain

Bless the friend, because she's obviously a large-hearted person who is now hip-deep in alligators because she wanted to be nice and help a bit.

Please leave your friend alone, and be a friend to her in return.  She's not free labor, and she's not a mannequine/puppet without her own life.  If I were in her shoes, I'd take the opportunity of having my friend with me to look at wedding stuff too.  She wants the exact same thing of you that you are asking of her (to share ideas/excitement about weddings).  But for some reason, you are more important?  Does that sound right to you?  It really shouldn't.

kmmssg

Your gender reference makes me mad.  I can't remember a time here when anyone bashed a same-sex couple so get over yourself.  As far as you being too busy to plan your wedding, scale it back or hire a DOC.  Sounds like your friend has had enough.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:c399fc7e-7a11-4172-b2bb-184b96894936">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't apologize for deleting. If I could delete the whole thing, I would. I'm also not apologizing for relying on my only friend to help me though a very stressful time in my life seeing as <strong>I live alone in a large city many many miles away from my family, other friends, and fiance.</strong> I'm not asking anymore questions or advice from people that don't know me, don't know my life, and are completely ignorant of my situation. <strong>I'm so very glad that all of you are able to plan your wedding completely independent of any assistance. You all must be very talented or have a large quanitity of time at your disposal.</strong> Apparently I lack both seeing as I need another <strong>person to help me while I work full time, attend school full time, and work part time at an unpaid internship site</strong> with my fiance several thousand miles away workin for te money to pay for the wedding. I guess that deserves such backlash somehow. All of that, or straight weddings are just easier to plan. To each their own.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]
  
You want to play this game.  Okay.  DH was involved in all of our planning after I did the legwork.  Here's a list of everything I did in the nine months of my engagement:

1. Was laid off from my firm.
2. Moved to the sixth largest city in the country to start over - 600 miles from all family and friends.  I knew nobody except DH who has a career that kept him insanely busy during this time.
3. Studied for the bar exam (a full time job and then some)
4. Worked a part-time job
5. Attended every CLE I could and networked my butt off.  Wrote countlesss cover letters (ie - if you don't have a job, your job is finding a job)
6. Passed the bar exam
7. Did all the heavy lifting in wedding planning.  Told my MOH to get a red dress that she loves and wear whatever else she wanted to wear.

So whenever someone comes on these boards and tells us that her life is too busy to plan a wedding without any help and that nobody else can comment because they don't know her or just how busy/stressed she is, I really do not have a lot of sympathy for her.  It's all about time management and keeping things in perspective.

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:c399fc7e-7a11-4172-b2bb-184b96894936">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't apologize for deleting. If I could delete the whole thing, I would. I'm also not apologizing for relying on my only friend to help me though a very stressful time in my life seeing as I live alone in a large city many many miles away from my family, other friends, and fiance. I'm not asking anymore questions or advice from people that don't know me, don't know my life, and are completely ignorant of my situation. I'm so very glad that all of you are able to plan your wedding completely independent of any assistance. You all must be very talented or have a large quanitity of time at your disposal. Apparently I lack both seeing as I need another person to help me while I work full time, attend school full time, and work part time at an unpaid internship site with my fiance several thousand miles away workin for te money to pay for the wedding. I guess that deserves such backlash somehow. <strong>All of that, or straight weddings are just easier to plan. </strong>To each their own.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

If your planning is that difficult and time consuming that it takes two people, hire someone to help or scale back.  Wedding planning can be a bit overwhelming at times, but if it shouldn't be as hard as you are making it sound.  Don't expect your local friend to do everything because then you are going have even fewer friends so far away from everyone else.  We planned our wedding far away from my whole family and WP in 9 months, I did a bunch of diy stuff and <em>never</em> required my friends to help.  You are like 15 months out too.  What all could have possibly needed to be done this far out that you are burnt out your friend so much?! 
And the bolded part is ridiculous.

libby2483

If you are this stressed about your wedding, you are doing it wrong.  This isn't a time that you should need "support".  You're planning a party, not battling a disease or dealing with the death of a loved one.  If you are this stressed, hire a wedding planner to help you.  

And, no, I didn't have huge amounts of time on my hands.  I was a first year teacher when I planned my wedding, so I regularly worked over 60 hours a week, as did my H.  I also planned a wedding over two hours away from where I lived.  I purchased a house, and moved to a new city a month before my wedding.  Sure, I was busy at times, but I was able to handle everything with careful planning and time management.  So, lose the "poor me" attitude.

pink34562000

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:c399fc7e-7a11-4172-b2bb-184b96894936">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't apologize for deleting. If I could delete the whole thing, I would. I'm also not apologizing for relying on my only friend to help me though a very stressful time in my life seeing as I live alone in a large city many many miles away from my family, other friends, and fiance. I'm not asking anymore questions or advice from people that don't know me, don't know my life, and are completely ignorant of my situation. I'm so very glad that all of you are able to plan your wedding completely independent of any assistance. You all must be very talented or have a large quanitity of time at your disposal. Apparently I lack both seeing as I need another person to help me while I work full time, attend school full time, and work part time at an unpaid internship site with my fiance several thousand miles away workin for te money to pay for the wedding. I guess that deserves such backlash somehow. All of that, or straight weddings are just easier to plan. To each their own.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]


I see so many brides complaining about their WP not helping. First, your BMs responsibility is to show up and to buy dresses within their budgets. They are not responsible for sending out invitations, picking out centerpieces, putting together favors, etc. It's your and your FI's wedding and your responsibilities for planning it. If your FI chooses not to participate in planning his wedding, then either you will have to do everything yourself or hire someone. It is as simple as that.

renegade gaucho

You're right, OP.  You are the busiest person who ever lived and the rest of us just have hours every day to sit around planning our weddings with our thumbs up our butts.

And for the last time, if you are engaged to a woman, she's your fiancee.

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:07b3e51e-d190-4ae8-971f-fd53a7936840">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>A wedding is a celebration. A PARTY.  Anyone who is getting "stressed" planning a party, is DOING IT WRONG.</strong> All that is required to get married are the officiant and the two partners. Everything else is a frill. If you are getting stressed, then you need to sit down, put your feet up, and cross the thing that's stressing you off your list, because you don't need it. If your fiance won't help - and vendors can be phoned and interviewed from a distance - then that's a big red flag for your marriage. Do you want a spouse who goes to work and then comes home and puts their feet up, thinking that their day is done? Leaves you with the housework and the kids? That's what happens with partners like that. I planned three weddings (widowed once, divorced once prior to this) by myself.  During one of them I had a knee injury and hobbled over downtown Austin, Texas on crutches on the bus to interview vendors.  Try that for stress. Hire a wedding planner.  Don't use and abuse your friends as free labor.  All wedding planners are not thousand-dollar-an-hour David Tuteras. They are very affordable and worth the money. No one was rude to you here.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely disagree with this. Planning a housewarming party can be stressful. Planning ANYTHING can be stressful. Sometimes other people cause your stress during wedding planning. Planning your wedding can be even more stressful especially if your FI (whichever gender they might be) isn't near to help with much. </div>

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:832846cd-2424-409c-954a-1fbb02acc653">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid : I completely disagree with this. Planning a housewarming party can be stressful. Planning ANYTHING can be stressful. Sometimes other people cause your stress during wedding planning. Planning your wedding can be even more stressful especially if your FI (whichever gender they might be) isn't near to help with much. 
Posted by mdupon70997[/QUOTE]

I will agree that I got stressed and overwhelmed a few times while planning our wedding, and I had a FI that would help with <em>some</em> of the decisions......however, instead of taking one decision at a time (with well over a year until the date, which is more time than I had, and many, have to plan the whole thing), she is playing slave driver to her friend and making excuses. 

mdupon70997

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:c5b00b84-e1ee-4395-8c2e-a9f72d532c44">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid : I will agree that I got stressed and overwhelmed a few times while planning our wedding, and I had a FI that would help with some of the decisions......however, instead of taking one decision at a time (with well over a year until the date, which is more time than I had, and many, have to plan the whole thing), <strong>she is playing slave driver to her friend</strong> and making excuses. 
Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes. If the friend wants to help, then it's fine to involve her. Many of my bridesmaids are helping out (because they want to.) But if she seems sick of it, give it a rest.</div>

Summer2011Bride

OP, you're ridiculous. Your comment about straight weddings being easier to plan is ridiculous. if ANY wedding is causing you that much stress and angst, then you either need to 1) hire a wedding planner--someone who gets PAID to work for you, or 2) scale back your wedding. A party shouldn't be this stressful and a wedding is just a huge party.

I went to Grad school, worked full time, H worked full time, and we were planning to move/buy a house while planning our wedding (which I planned long distance with no help from BMs). I was busy but I prioritized. Getting papers graded for my job or doing HW for school took priority over planning a party, which meant I scaled back some things I had originally planned to do. I couldn't afford a wedding planner and was nice enough to not make my friends act as hired help.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:c399fc7e-7a11-4172-b2bb-184b96894936">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't apologize for deleting. If I could delete the whole thing, I would. I'm also not apologizing for relying on my only friend to help me though a very stressful time in my life seeing as I live alone in a large city many many miles away from my family, other friends, and fiance. I'm not asking anymore questions or advice from people that don't know me, don't know my life, and are completely ignorant of my situation. I'm so very glad that all of you are able to plan your wedding completely independent of any assistance. You all must be very talented or have a large quanitity of time at your disposal. Apparently I lack both seeing as I need another person to help me while I work full time, attend school full time, and work part time at an unpaid internship site with my fiance several thousand miles away workin for te money to pay for the wedding. I guess that deserves such backlash somehow. All of that, or straight weddings are just easier to plan. To each their own.
Posted by SamFunk[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh GOD. I cannot stand this "woe is me, no one has ever experienced what I am going through I'm so pitiful" attitude. It makes me want to vomit. You are not special. I'm currently planning a wedding from 2,000 miles away. I'm not special. Most brides have other things happening in their lives besides planning a wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>if you don't have the time to plan a wedding, don't effing have one!! If it's so difficult that you have to force your poor friends to help you and then get mad when they aren't in the same aisle as you in Joanne Fabrics, then simply don't do it. You're ruining friendships because of your brattyness with ONE DAY that means nothing to this poor girl. Is it really worth it? </div><div>
</div><div>And you are absolutely correct. Straight weddings are MUCH easier to plan. Straight weddings have no invites, no centerpieces or dresses. Straight wedding involve no planning and are just magically born out of fanciful dreams. </div><div>
</div><div>Grow the eff up. </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:832846cd-2424-409c-954a-1fbb02acc653">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid : I completely disagree with this. Planning a housewarming party can be stressful. Planning ANYTHING can be stressful. Sometimes other people cause your stress during wedding planning. Planning your wedding can be even more stressful especially if your FI (whichever gender they might be) isn't near to help with much. 
Posted by mdupon70997[/QUOTE]

I do agree that things can be stressful when planning events, but if the stress overtakes the excitement and fun and happiness of the planning for what is suppose to be a very happy event in your life, then yes, you are doing it wrong.

We aren't saying that you can never be stressed but to be stressed the entire time is a bit much.  I think I stressed out once over the planning of my wedding and that was due to not fully knowing my budget in the beginning.  Once that was figured out, I was pretty much stress free for the rest.  I actually enjoyed it.  You shouldn't be so stressed that by the time your wedding day comes you just want to get it over with.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_miserable-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:93777f05-ea88-40e9-8def-60df975d1d79Post:d38d9fef-2abc-4b75-82bb-b1196b02f638">Re: Miserable Maid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Miserable Maid : Oh GOD. I cannot stand this "woe is me, no one has ever experienced what I am going through I'm so pitiful" attitude. It makes me want to vomit. You are not special. I'm currently planning a wedding from 2,000 miles away. I'm not special. Most brides have other things happening in their lives besides planning a wedding.  if you don't have the time to plan a wedding, don't effing have one!! If it's so difficult that you have to force your poor friends to help you and then get mad when they aren't in the same aisle as you in Joanne Fabrics, then simply don't do it. You're ruining friendships because of your brattyness with ONE DAY that means nothing to this poor girl. Is it really worth it?  And you are absolutely correct. Straight weddings are MUCH easier to plan. Straight weddings have no invites, no centerpieces or dresses. Straight wedding involve no planning and are just magically born out of fanciful dreams.  Grow the eff up. 
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

I am kind of loving this response!