Doubts

antwil720

My partner and I have been together for 3 and a half years.  We have talked about marriage for a while now and he finally said he would like to do it on May 7th.  Awesome right?

Well...first off, he is still married to his ex.  They did file for divorce about 3 years ago, but missed a court date and the case was pretty much accidentally dropped.  I was fine with that, like no biggie, but now that he wants to actually "do the deed" I feel like he is dragging his feet.  

Also, yesterday, we went to his mothers house to tell her the good news, specifically to tell her, like planned on going there to tell her, and he would not bring it up.  His mother is a lesbian and has been with the same woman for 15 years, so its not like he had to "come out" to her, she is kind of like a second mother to me as well.  But I thought it would be nice for him to bring up the conversation.  Unfortunately he wouldn't say anything. 

On the ride home I told him I was frustrated that he wouldn't say anything,  He said it never came up, which scarily it did come  up!  His mom asked when we were going to get on the same medical benefits and he said "when we decide to get married".  REALLY!!!  Then he said he didn't want to make it sound like we were asking for money help with the wedding.  OK, if she said "I got it" I wouldn't have argued, but I'm not a moron, I would NEVER have asked her.  This was supposed to be a moment to have some excitement, not begging, ya know.  I'm not dumb.  And this is what I said...

So here I am, wondering what the problem is.  If you weren't ready, why were you asking me to start looking at things.  Why did we see ceremony and reception sites?  Why are we talking about colors and design?  Its kind of like he wants to get married but is embarrassed by it at the same time, thats what it looks like to me.  

I just need another opinion before I pull my hair out.

Thanks

missloquacity

I think a lot of people react to things differently. When we got engaged, I called everyone and went into super planning mode whereas my girlfriend didn't call any of her family of friends. She said she just didn't think they would care or take it seriously or that she doesn't like calling people. I let her go. It's her friends and family and they found out through each other and Facebook anyways but she did tell her mom since they are really close. It bothered me at first because I felt like I was more excited than she was but in reality, we're just very different people in that aspect.

I would try to talk to him (again) and just calmly state your opinion on the matter and tell him that it upset you that he didn't tell his mother when you are both close to her. Announcing an engagement to a parent isn't asking for money at all since nowadays the majority of couples are paying for the majority of the wedding themselves.

Most of all, enjoy being engaged and congratulations!!!!!