Less excited than expected

knorddy99

i have been feeling like I need a place to rant for awhile and I just stumbled upon this. I have been dreaming of my wedding for years. Even before I met my fiancé. I had it all set in my mind exactly how I wanted it to be; what I would look like, what my future husband would look like and overall how I wanted the day to go down. Now that I am in planning mode and realizing how expensive everything is, I feel like there is no way to have the "wedding of my dreams" without completely compromising it all.. I can't decide on a honeymoon because I feel like it is all too expensive, I can't decide if I want to make the wedding smaller than originally planned (which means cutting people out). I also can't decide if I should just run to city hall and forget the rest. If any of you brides out there have ny advice for me I would greatly appreciate it.

lls31

You and your FI should sit down and create a priority list and work from there.  For example, what's more important - a fancy venue or a large wedding?  Your dream dress or a fancy honeymoon?

When we first realized how expensive everything could be, we came up with priorities.  For us, having our closest friends and family in attendance is most important.  We could've chosen a fancy, expensive venue and had a smaller wedding.  But we found a less expensive venue and worked from there.  

The wedding we're planning isn't what I pictured in my mind.  We're not even able to get married on the date we originally wanted.  But I'm going to be marrying my best friend in front of all our friends and family and that's the most important part of my dream wedding.

I also always dreamed of going to Bora Bora for my honeymoon.  We were faced with a decision: fancy honeymoon or downpayment for a house?  We decided that a house is more important to us at this point in our lives, so we're doing a cheap cruise for our honeymoon.  

The money thing SUCKS.  I cried for several nights straight when we first got engaged and the reality of expenses sunk in.  You will find a way to make the best of it!  There are so many DIY projects you can look into as well as other ways to cut costs (for example, use a less experienced photographer, use artificial flowers instead of real ones, make your own centerpieces, look for sales when you shop for your dress, etc). 

Good luck!

kantonik

totally agree with lls31. The first few months of wedding planning can be extremely overwhelming, and stressful. But definately sit down with FI and talk about what you both want and what you can afford.
When I started planning, I had an absolute dream wedding all thought up in my head like you. But once we started looking at venues, dates, etc, that ALL changed. It's still going to be an amazing wedding, just slightly different, and FI and I couldn't be more happy or excited with the way things are turning out so far. You just need to be able to sit back, relax, think, and compromise with some things. Things always have a way of working themselves out in the end.

KayCee85

I completely agree with you! The reality for me wasn't as exciting as the dream and vision Ive had forveer, because everything is so damn expensive! I used to watch (and still do) those wedding shows and be completely smitten by everything that has to do with weddings. But I'm just wondering what those people on tv do for a living? Or what their parents (or whoever are footing the bill) do?!

 I know for sure, that as a middle class person, from South Jersey, I could never in my life (even with the help of my parents) afford a 90,000 wedding! Its just crazy to me! But like others said, you can still make it beautiful. Now that I'm planning, I get stressed out easily, and just wish I could snap my fingers and have all the small, detail-oriented things done for me by some wedding planning fairy.


 It was fun choosing the dress and the vendors....but as for color schemes, centerpieces, and decor....I just don't want to be bothered! Luckily, I've heard ppl rarely remember the decorations. They only remember the food and music! And at the end of the day, I just want to be married to the love of my life. I don't feel like waiting for 10 more months!!!

kmariejohnson

I was completely shocked by the cost of everything as well. Thankfully my parents are helping us, but we're still doing a lot on our own. It's so stressful!

I am trying to save a ton of money by using DIY stuff and cutting out little things that no one will miss, even me. I will not have programs or menus, they get thrown out anyway, I'm not having a wedding party, and I am not doing flowers for center pieces. I will cut out other things along the way i'm sure.

I just realized that our love and marriage is more important than the "stuff", you can have a beautiful wedding without all of extra fluff. Keep in mind that even though it is the most important day of your life it is only ONE day of our life! Pick the most important things, forget the rest and enjoy!

knorddy99

Thank you ladies so much for all of your replies. They have been extremely helpful (I thought I was all alone in my wedding planning struggles!!). I am the first to get married in my family (not counting cousins) so I feel like i have to go along with all of my moms wishes and what SHE wants for my wedding.  Originally me and my fiance did have a nice chunk of money in savings for the wedding but due to rent and christmas and other silly expenses we have almost completely used it.  I do not come from money at all so having my parents pay for the wedding is not an option. I am now realizing that "the dream" is not as good as "the reality". You only get married once though right? I am having a hard time deciding what is necessary and what is not.  At the end of the day, all i care about is marrying the man of my dreams, the rest is just gravy. 


P.S. if you guys have any D.I.Y sites other than pinterest that you wouldn't mind sharing i would greatly appreciate it!

amymaysa

I think everyone at one time has had the same thoughts. There is great advice from the PPs.
You can always ask questions here and the DIY board is an awesome resource too!

Taminka

The first couple months are seriously the worse cause its getting everyone's expectations in line (as well as yours once you see the cost of things).

The best thing I heard at our marriage prep course (through the Catholic Church) was... "Do you want a wedding or a marriage?" At first its so easy to get caught up into the money and the details and colours and such... but remember at the end you are marrying the man of your dreams which will last long after the party is over.

Having said that, you still want it to be beautiful and memorable... but I did a lot of DIY....  I found our favors online.. ordered one to see the quality... like seriously AMAZING!!! check it out!

www.favorwarehouse.com

librababy

I am still pretty excited and loving wedding planning but my bubble did burst a little (ok a lot) when I saw how much everything was. My top choices for venues were so far out of my budget. Caterers are ridiculously pricey. It's all just so much money. But I am finding ways to have the wedding I want on a smaller budget.

Like many little girls, I had dreams of my wedding day. Thankfully I waited this long to get married because living a life, I have changed my mind a lot on what I truly want (like, no longer wanting 30 bridesmaids, a horse and carriage, ect). I still want a dream wedding though because I have waited this long and I am getting married only once so I want it done right. But I have to compromise. So i can't get the $10,000 venue with the package but I can find a nice venue for $500 (with tables and chairs included). I can bring in my own decorations and food.  I am finding that the more I research, the more I find more afforable options that allow me to still have what I want without spending an arm and a leg.