So my fiance's father has disappeared off the face of the planet...

ISUAthena

Here's the backstory - I've been with my fiance for four years now.  In those four years he has spoken to his father zero point zero times.  We live in Nebraska and he lives in Texas, so it's not like he lives nearby either.  My fiance swears up and down there is no bad blood between the two, they were just never that close.  We did send him and his wife an Xmas card a couple years back and did get one in return, so we know where he lives at least (or, he lived there two years ago...).

We are getting married on Sept. 28.  I suggested to FI that before we send them out, he should at least call his dad and let him know we're getting married, so he's not surprised when he gets the invite.  It literally took me three weeks to convince him to do this.  Finally, the big moment arrives.  He dials the number and....disconnected!  WTF.  We sent out the invites in early July (I know, kinda early) and put a note in his dad's invite explaining that he tried to call him and asked him to call FI back.  This was six weeks ago.  We have not heard a word.  No RSVP, no phone call, nothing.

The first thing I thought was "Well, he's dead."  But when I Google his name and "obituary" or "died" or "dead", I get nothing.  Plus, I would think if that was the case, the invite would have been sent back to us.  And I can't imagine his wife would have made no effort to try and get a hold of FI.  She seemed like a really nice lady when she sent the Xmas card.

I'm stumped!  I feel so bad for my FI, but I think that this is bothering me more than it bothers him.  I'd like to try and make one last effort to get a hold of him, but I don't know what to do.  Any ideas?

Also, let's say that we do not hear from him.  It would be perfectly acceptable to omit his name from the program and the newspaper announcement, right?  Or no?

Thanks so much ladies!

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_so-my-fiances-father-has-disappeared-off-the-face-of-the-planet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:14c4e8a0-a8f2-4a81-9704-155150f4de8bPost:5070f251-2088-4269-808a-f935669648ba">So my fiance's father has disappeared off the face of the planet...</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the backstory - I've been with my fiance for four years now.  In those four years he has spoken to his father zero point zero times.  We live in Nebraska and he lives in Texas, so it's not like he lives nearby either.  My fiance swears up and down there is no bad blood between the two, they were just never that close.  We did send him and his wife an Xmas card a couple years back and did get one in return, so we know where he lives at least (or, he lived there two years ago...). We are getting married on Sept. 28.  I suggested to FI that before we send them out, he should at least call his dad and let him know we're getting married, so he's not surprised when he gets the invite.  It literally took me three weeks to convince him to do this.  Finally, the big moment arrives.  He dials the number and....disconnected!  WTF.  We sent out the invites in early July (I know, kinda early) and put a note in his dad's invite explaining that he tried to call him and asked him to call FI back.  This was six weeks ago.  We have not heard a word.  No RSVP, no phone call, nothing. The first thing I thought was "Well, he's dead."  But when I Google his name and "obituary" or "died" or "dead", I get nothing.  Plus, I would think if that was the case, the invite would have been sent back to us.  And I can't imagine his wife would have made no effort to try and get a hold of FI.  She seemed like a really nice lady when she sent the Xmas card. I'm stumped!  <u>I<strong> feel so bad for my FI, but I think that this is bothering me more than it bothers him.</strong></u><strong>  I'd like to try and make one last effort to get a hold of him, but I don't know what to do.  Any ideas? Also, let's say that we do not hear from him.  It would be perfectly acceptable to omit his name from the program and the newspaper announcement, right?  Or no? </strong>Thanks so much ladies!
Posted by ISUAthena[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Let your FI take the lead on this one and back the hell off. </div><div>
</div><div>If your FI wants to list his dad or not list him, it's his call. If your FI wants to call and invite him or try to track him down, then it's up to him. Why are you harassing him to do these things?</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe your FI doesn't really care if his dad is there because they don't have much of a relationship. Maybe your fFIL has disappointed your FI enough times in the past that your FI doesn't feel it is necessary to make an effort to contact him. </div>

mrsconn23

When your FI says he doesn't really have a relationship with his father and isn't bothered by it, BELIEVE HIM. 

Why are you trying to push him into a relationship that he nor his father seem to want?  What are you trying to accomplish?

Stop this madness.  You can get married without his father being there.  Also, if you keep pushing your FI may start to resent you.

DG1

What they said. 

Also, if they moved more than 6 months ago, the post office doesn't have to forward or return stuff. I CONSTANTLY get mail for people who used to live at this address - in a house that burned to the ground more than 7 years ago. I used to put "return to sender" and put it back in the mail, but the letters would either end up back here because of the post office's automated strip, or the senders would keep sending stuff here anyway. So now I just toss them - whoever lives in your FIL's house now could easily be doing the same.

ISUAthena

Wow, thanks a lot.  I won't be coming back to this board, that's for sure.