is this normal????(venting)

jlmeier5

OMG! ok so i whine alot at my fianc about this wedding planing. But today was all about petticoats! I know what i want to get but can not find it for less then 35 bucks each which to me is a little pricey for something that is only gonna be worn once! so today out of the blue he tried to help find some at a lower price. when i told him what he had found was what i had found and i didnt want to pay that much he go pushy and insisted that it was the only resolution to my issue and after about twenty mins or talking loadly about it i said i would vent to him anymore because he sucks (lol) at helping. why does he want to be pushy with my money since i have to pay for the whole tooting thing anyways because he lost his job and i want to have some money left out of my tax return after paying off this wedding. omg! this is sooo frustrating and i know i was overly dramatic but i dont think its normal for guys to wanna help with wedding planing.....someone please give me some words of wisdom!

kelleyku05

I've learned not to ask for help, because I never hear what I want to!  My FI would just tell me not to get one if I couldn't find what I want!  Communication is key, I had to sit him down when we weren't talking about the wedding and explain things to him.

Nukke

Your FI is basically right--if what you want is $35 bucks, then that's the only solution to your problem. 

What he doesn't seem to get (most dudes don't) is that you probably just wanted to vent.  Probably the better answer to your problems would have been him grabbing you and snuggling you and reminding you that you'll be the most beautiful bride in the universe, with or without your blue crinny. 

I wouldn't say it's not normal for dudes to want to help with wedding planning, but I think what happens more often than not (case-and-point here) is that even when they do try to help, their help is not usually met with "OMG that's amazing, thank you!" from the brides, but rather, "OMG you just don't get it!  Let me do it".

Don't be upset that your FI doesn't get it.  Just be happy that he loves you so much that he tried his best to make you feel better. 

GracefulMeadow86

honestly, just keep in mind the good stuff about what happened in the situation --- he saw you all stressed out over something and WANTED to help you so you'd feel better.

i know wedding planning is so stressful, especially the money aspect. i was probably a complete b!tch to ziggy when i was stressed over planning stuff....i know i was. but you have to put it into perspective....is this one thing 5/10/50 years down the line going to really matter? probably not.

in regards to the crinny ----have you tried looking on etsy ?--- put up one of those bidding things (dont remember the name) to see if someone coudl make you what you are looking for for less money? i couldnt hurt to try!

ps if you need to vent, we're all here so you don't stress out the FI as well!!!

graysquirrel

Ditto pps. It is nice that he wanted to help, but guys often try to "solve" the problem when we really just want someone to listen. They just don't get that and I don't know if they ever will. I think it's just the way their brains are wired to see a problem and focus entirely on it when really we're just wanting someone to listen to the problem. 

At the risk of not helping, what kind of crinoline are you looking for? I've seen a few for like $10 on ebay, but from my experience, most of the good ones on there are going to be about $40 or more. On the bright side, you can always sell it again. I may do that with mine if I don't choose to use it for costumes. 

Chandler2Be

I also agree with pps.

And Kelly is right on track! I stopped asking FI for help mainly because he just doesn't understand what the hell is going on. I asked him what was most important to him in our wedding he picked 3 things that he most cared about...and those 3 things are literally the ONLY things I talk to him about. Everything else I just vent to my BM's about and they are all pretty handy in helping me find solutions or just letting me cry a bit if I need to.

jlmeier5

thank you all! it really means alot to know that you all know what I'm saying and I dont feel so crazy anymore. we did talk more that night and decided that we would go for it and buy them because making then is way to much work and stress. I will let him know that he doesnt always have to try and fix the problem just listen to me vent about it and i will figure out away to get what i need for the wedding! And I did appologize for freaking out on him! he said that he understood and i think next time i'm gonna start here instead of asking him for help lol! he thinks thats a good plan too!

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_retro-vintage-weddings_this-normalventing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:667Discussion:7a7810a9-5be9-4a7c-81d5-d9b87d0ff3bcPost:3d70d93a-aa26-42b7-b24b-7af52edebab5">Re: is this normal????(venting)</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FI is basically right--if what you want is $35 bucks, then that's the only solution to your problem.  What he doesn't seem to get (most dudes don't) is that you probably just wanted to vent.  Probably the better answer to your problems would have been him grabbing you and snuggling you and reminding you that you'll be the most beautiful bride in the universe, with or without your blue crinny.  :) I wouldn't say it's not normal for dudes to want to help with wedding planning, but I think what happens more often than not (case-and-point here) is that even when they do try to help, their help is not usually met with "OMG that's amazing, thank you!" from the brides, but rather, "OMG you just don't get it!  Let me do it". <strong><font color="#ff0000">Don't be upset that your FI doesn't get it.  Just be happy that he loves you so much that he tried his best to make you feel better.  :)
</font></strong>Posted by Nukke[/QUOTE]

And ... given that he lost his job, give him some (a lot of) slack.  I lost my job over a year ago and, let me tell you, after 14 months of job hunting ...  I am about to lose my mind.