Complications

Grenk

Hello all, this is my first post. I really wasn't quite sure if there was anyone to ask about this. I became recently engaged over the holidays. During this time, I found out some unsettling news that my fiance has done hallugenics a couple times in the past, while we were dating. I've always maintained an anti drug stance, and I feel betrayed. I love her so much, but am so hurt, and i don't know how I should feel and have no one else to talk about this with. I love her so incredibly much. She has never said she wouldn't do them again, and if I give her an ultimatum I feel like I am a horrible person, as she is her own person and can do what she wants. The drugs are all natural, and not the type manufactured in a lab. This is the only thing wrong that this girl has ever done, how can I get over it?

quick Ben

SCD1126

counseling STAT (either by yourself or as a couple).

If you're just finding this out now, what else don't you know.

Grenk

I already goto counseling but I don't want to give my therapist a bad impression of her. She is the most important person in my life, and I don't want to lose her. She has only done it a couple times and I believe her.

SCD1126

In Response to Re:Complications:

I already goto counseling but I don't want to give my therapist a bad impression of her. She is the most important person in my life, and I don't want to lose her. She has only done it a couple times and I believe her.
Posted by Grenk

Is it an issue, or isn't it. In your OP you make some pretty strong statements, but in this response you sort of sweep it under the rug. You asked for advice and I gave you my opinion.

A therapist's job is to remain objective. 

It's not about bad impressions, it's about reality. 

Is your FI someone you would have been happy to call your mom growing up? If no, why would you want your potential future children to call her mom. If yes, then proceed. Deal with her "issue" as you see fit. I already gave you my best advice.

Of course, this is all providing this post is even real and not spam. Based on the conflicting posts, I have my doubts.

Grenk

I'm sorry. I am conflicted myself. I really don't know how to think right now. I definitely appreciate your advice, and I'm sorry if I offended you.

cwaggoner07

I think you need to care more about your relationship than what your therapist THINKS of your FI, and go to counseling together to sort out the distrust you have with her.

coopergirl15

I'm sorry. I am conflicted myself. I really don't know how to think right now. I definitely appreciate your advice, and I'm sorry if I offended you. Posted by Grenk

I would second the recommendation for counseling. I would specifically recommend a counselor who has experience or a focus in drug treatment. I would postpone any further wedding plans until you and your fiancee are on the same page. I am very sorry you are going through this. Please remember to keep a clear head and do not only what is best for your relationship, but what is best for yourself and your future.

jakigaudet

I know some married men who still hide their drug use from their wives. It isn't healthy. Another idea is to maybe talk to her about her drug use and perhaps be open to it?! I mean if she's eating some mushrooms from time to time is that really a crime? I'm just saying, I don't think anyone in a relationship should try to dictate what the other does (unless they are truly hurting themselves or others). If she's only doing them at a concert a couple times a year then it shouldn't be a big deal. 

I also think it was wrong of her to get involved w you if she knew how you felt about drugs. That is what is putting you in this position now which you shouldn't be faced with. I'm so sorry about that.

I can just say that you telling her never to do it again probably isn't going to work.