Long engagement...

sharayahtcox

Hello,

So my fiancée and I just got in engaged in February and we aren't getting married until June 2012 which is a long engagement. Our families are not in a position where they can pay for our wedding and so we have to save our money and we are also trying to finish school. I feel like whenever people ask when the wedding is and I tell them they think I am crazy because it is so far away. Is anyone else having to have a long engagement because of money or school? It's frustrating, I wish I could get married tomorrow but weddings are expensive. 

LauraT25

Ours is pretty long, and we just told people something like, "We needed time to plan the wedding since we're both so busy with school."  With family/close friends I might add that we needed time to save money, but in general that's nobody's business.

diamondx423

My FI and I were engaged in December and will also be waiting to June 2012 because we need a bunch of time to save as well as being very busy with school.

as4119

ditto! we got engaged in december, but no wedding till june 2013! good school= wayyyyy too much debt. but it'll be worth the wait

prg0630

You are not alone. We're having the same issue. We got engaged in May, but we're waiting to have the wedding until May 2012 or 2013, depending on how quickly we can save money.

On another note, we're struggling with who to invite. My FI has a very small family. I, on the other hand, have a very large family, not to mention lots of close friends and family friends. Just looking at the bare minimum, our wedding attendees will add up to about 150 people.

Each set of parents will contribute about 5000. I want my FI's family to contribute less, obviously because many of the attendees are from my side. We want to save up enough money to cover most of it ourselves. I don't want to cut anyone out, but I also don't know what we can afford. Any suggestions?

jesscka

i have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years and he told me this year he will propose and we discussed about our engagement. He thought I wanted to wait only a year, which I didn’t. he wanted to have our lives straight along with money, since were the type who don’t want to ask our parents for money, nor ask the guest to help(gift certificates) to pay the wedding, and try to finish school.  He was very relieved when her heard this from me when I have been pushing an engagement for about 7 months now. But all in all I know I will be waiting a good 4 years until I say I do. Because I want to be able to pay off my wedding and not drown in debt.

ljewel422

I do not see a problem with long engagements. You do what's best for you. It's no one else's business. Good luck!

sharayahtcox

WOW! Its awesome to be able to talk with so many people who can relate to what I am going through! Thank you everyone for all of the advice and support!

Prg0630- I understand your struggle it is hard when deciding who to invite and not to invite, especially when you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe what you could do is sit down with your FI's family and let them know your feelings and thoughts I am sure that would appreciate the fact that you are being conscious of their money. Maybe you can work something out to where your family and your FI and you pays for more of the wedding and then what you do need help with in the end your FI's family could help out as well. That way everyone is involved, and no one is getting left out. I hope this helps a little! Good Luck!

jesscka- I can totally relate to how you are feeling and some people might say why get engaged now when you have so long to wait, but before my FI and I got engaged I knew we would have to wait at least 2 years but there is something special with getting engaged for me I wanted everyone to know that I was taken and for us to know we had taken a serious step in our relationship and made a big commitment. Just being engaged is AMAZING and waiting a few years to get married is OK! We dont have to be like everyone else and get married 6mos to a year later we do what is best for our relationships and us. So if you do decide to get engaged just enjoy that for awhile GOOD LUCK! 

kitkatherine

Ours was two years.  We tell people that we needed all the time we had to plan it with school projects and graduation.  I think it's better that way too - more time to plan, less stressful!

People will think what they want.  I know a close family friend of mine thinks I am too young at 23!  Just enjoy your engagement and let the congratulations flow - we got a happy engagment dinner from a family member about 9 months after we got engaged!

justinsfiancee

We got engaged in May of 2008 and are getting married in August.  I know what you mean!  If you sound okay with it people will be more okay with it and not give you a crazy look.  If you plan on summer/winter/spring breaks it is great. 
ADVICE: Don't tell your bridal party they are in it for a while.  I know you want to, but even friends of ours we've had our whole lives we've grown apart and now its awkward.

sharayahtcox

Oh That is really great advice! Are the friends still in the wedding now that you have grown apart? Because you had such a long engagement when did you start planning?

Thanks for the advice!

lynzandgreg

We just got engaged in May and we aren't planning on getting married till June 2012. When I tell people they are like "omg that's so far away" and then I am like well it seems like a long time away but it really isnt. I have one more semester of school so we wanted to wait a little longer so that I hopefully have a job soon. I don't care what anyone else says. This is what WE want. So don't worry about it!

I wish I waited to tell my bridesmaids, but I was just so excited lol! But I am really close friends with all the girls so I don't mind!

alysia0615

i have been engaged sense nov of 2008 and we are not getting married until june of 2012 he proposed before i started college and we are waiting until im done to get married i get weird looks all the time when people ask when but i know that we are waiting until WE are finanially ready. as much fun as planning is the funds and time out of school just arent there right now.

brilibby4

We are also getting married June or July 2012.  It sounds far away but we are graduating next year and wanted to have enough time to save since we are paying for the wedding ourselves but can only manage to work part time while in school. 

raw1299

me and my boyfriend do have the financial means to have a wedding, but we are waiting to get engaged until we can live together (after i graduate college) which will be next summer. he lives 1.5 hours away from my college, so commuting everyday would be hard on me. i'm hoping that as soon as i get engaged, we can get married asap, or possibly use the money to buy a house together.

miah_23_ncb

we got engage din 2009. N our wedding is in sept this yr & ppl still said that i was far away. but we didnt care we did what is best for us. & ahving over a yr to save  money was a good decison for us. the time will be here in no time esepcially when you get in planning mode

BrenAndJo

I am another who recently got engaged but isn't planning on a wedding until summer 2012.  I am getting a lot of pressure to move the wedding for next summer but i dont see the point-besides saving money and finishing my masters degree, Im actually excited to have 2 whole years to plan!  My only question is when should I start seriously planning?  Every timeline is based off of a years worth of planning so I'm not sure how early is too early...

stina8348

I'm in the same boat as you! I got engaged in April and am planning a wedding for June 2012.  Some people I've talked with think its a great idea, but others are shocked and tell me its not "normal" and ask why.  I should be graduating from college (far from home) in spring 2011 and will be in grad school closer to home for a year before I get married.  There is also no way my fiance and I could plan a wedding in a year considering he works full time and I am a human bio major with a double minor! yikes! good luck to all you student brides out there :-)

cj5407

I'm in the same boat as a lot of you girls.  My FI proposed in October of 2008.  My parents want to help pay, but she wants us to wait until after I graduate in 2012.  So our date is somewhere in ~june 2012.  Sadly, money talks, even though I'd love to have the wedding sooner!

GARCA6735

Me and my fiance were talking about getting engaged for quite awhile and he proposed to me on my twenty second birthday (march 2) and we aren't getting married until sept 4 2011. His family seems to wish that our engagement was shorter but my family would rather me wait longer!! I wanted to be done with school and have some time to save money, but I won't have a lot. of time ( I graduate from december from nursing school) We have to pay for our wedding with very little help from family so I did so much research finding a venue that was reasonable and got a lot of discounts by having my wedding on a sunday (the sunday before labor day) and also having more time to plan= having more time to save money by making things yourself/diy projects. I wish I could get married sooner or have the wedding that I always wanted and not worry about money but then I just remember that I don't want to be paying off a wedding forever(school loans are enough)!! I think it is smart to wait until you can save up money!!

LauraT25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_long-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:3ec4a884-9ff8-4e3e-b5ae-e754139caf21Post:d48f279a-0008-46ea-b57f-a81be823a090">Re: Long engagement...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am another who recently got engaged but isn't planning on a wedding until summer 2012.  I am getting a lot of pressure to move the wedding for next summer but i dont see the point-besides saving money and finishing my masters degree, Im actually excited to have 2 whole years to plan!  My only question is when should I start seriously planning?  Every timeline is based off of a years worth of planning so I'm not sure how early is too early...
Posted by BrenAndJo[/QUOTE]

We basically picked a date and the venue (ceremony and reception are in the same place) right away, and that was a huge check off the list.  I would casually browse sites like this, or Google, for ideas - so I got a concept of colors, formality, and little things like hairstyles and the type of dress I liked.  We also worked on our guest list pretty hard-core to get an idea of numbers and collected address (it takes longer than you think!) so we were ready to send save-the-dates at 8 months and there was less stress when it got to be time for invitations. 

We didn't really do anything else until we were a year out, and I basically tried to book a vendor per month (one month a photog, another the florist, etc).  I worked at a pretty leisurely pace until about six months out, and then I tried to crack down on the little nitpicky details.  If you plan on doing a lot of DIY, you might need to do things differently, and plan ahead to get certain projects done over breaks.

BrenAndJo

Thanks Laura T!

prg0630

sharayahtcox:

Thanks so much for you advice. I agree with you. We'll just begin saving now! And congratulations to you on your engagement!

kms31690

Its nice to see that I am not the only one with a long engagement! We got engaged in August 2009.  We are planning a February 2012 wedding.  It seems so far away but then I think about how fast this past year went and I know it will be here before I know it.  We decided to wait until we were both finished with school.  FI will graduate in February and I will graduate in December 2011.   

sharayahtcox

@Prg0630

Your welcome its nice to know other people are in similar situations as I am and its great to get advice from other people!!

liciprincess

First of all, Congrats on your engagement! I am in a similar situation! I got engaged on Thanksgiving of 2008 and we are getting married August 19th, 2011. We have a very long engagement but we decided that we wanted to wait until I finished college (this year, my fiance is older by two years). We are also paying for a lot of the wedding ourselves, his family is also contributing to our wedding which helps a lot! Just remember that at the end of the day its all about you and your love. It doesn't matter what anyone says, honestly, everyone I talked to said that it was smart to wait until after graduation! Don't worry about the ones who tell you differently. Do what makes you happy

Congrats again and Best of Luck!

Ali

summerfaun66

We got engaged two years ago, and we have just under a year still until our wedding.  It's hard, and frustrating sometimes, but now that we're in the home stretch, it was totally worth it.  Waiting until after graduation leaves more time for classes and better grades than trying to organize a wedding in the middle of a semester.  But of course, there's always time between study sessions to take a peak at dresses and venues!!!!!!

amarie96

Finally people that i can relate to and can relate to me! My fiance and i got engaged in april and are waiting till i graduate school so the wedding will be in august 2012 and i feel like people just don't understand the long wait! we are saving money but when should we start planning planning? i just don't know where to start!

RaeRae1613

You're definitely not the only one! Me and my fiance are waiting until I graduate (my parents insist on it) until we get married, so our wedding is going to be may or june 2012. 

amarie96

when is everyone starting to plan? i just bought a book to help me out but just want to get some ideas

ericabosco723

im also having a long engagement. We are waiting until October 2012 when i finish school, but then i will be in grad school. We also have to save money and pay for most of it. I like having a lot of time to plan and get everything right, but i also wish i could just get married tomorrow!