Is a limited open bar really ok?

ohwhynot

We are having a ceremony/reception at the same community hall, and we would love to host an entirely open bar, but we probably can't afford it.  Is it really okay to only host beer, wine, and, say punch or lemonade?  If we do that, I don't want to offer a cash bar, too, because I don't want my guests opening their wallets at all.  However, what if they're bourbon drinkers?  Or prefer a martini to beer or wine? 

Is it really acceptable to host an open, but limited, bar?  Or should we cut our guest list enough to be able to host an entirely open bar? 

I am also wondering if heavy hors d'ouerves is acceptable if the wedding is held at 6 p.m., or if a full meal is required.   We will adjust our guest list accordingly or make other adjustments if the consensus is that a full meal is the only acceptable option.  Thanks for the input!

ac_in_dc

I think just beer/wine is fine. Cash for mixed drinks is OK too IMO, folks won't have to open their wallet if they don't want to and it's better to give them the option.

If you're doing heavy hors d'oeuvres, then I'd have the wedding at 7:30 or so and specify "cocktail reception" in the invite.

sarabellam

Yes, a limited hosted bar is perfectly acceptable. If you have the ceremony and reception at a normal meal time, make sure that the heavy hors d'oeuvres are enough to constitute a meal.

opalsky007

Open but limited is fine. Better to provide some options than none at all. FWIW, my "full" open bar doesn't include any bourbon either-- but I'm sure a bourbon drinker could find something else to keep them happy.

If you have heavy hors d'eouvres at 6, they need to be heavy enough to replace a meal. In my experience, this can be just as expensive, if not more than, a full meal.

Are you locked into the 6 PM timeslot? You might be able to save a lot by having a cocktail reception in the afternoon instead of an evening reception. Maybe even enough to afford a full bar.

Nebb

I think limited+cash is perfectly fine, you are providing for your guests while still allowing them to enjoy something else if they so choose. Go for it.
Can we see the menu for your heavy hors d'oeuvres?

Brie2010

It's perfectly acceptable.  I may prefer macaroni and cheese to most wedding foods, but I'll eat it because it's what I'm served and I'm a guest.  Everyone's never going to get their favorite of everything at a reception--as long as you provide a decent range of options that the average bear would be happy with, you'll be fine.

sarahmk5

Yes, a limited bar is perfectly fine.  Maybe you can throw in a specialty cocktail or two, so that the liquor drinkers are satisfied.

Personally, 6 is my dinner time.  If you want to do hors d'ouerves, make it later (I'm thinking around 7.).  That way people have enough time to have dinner before your wedding, so they won't be starving because there's no dinner.  (Also, make sure you indicate on the invitation that it's hors d'ouerves and not dinner, so your guests aren't expecting a full meal.)

MeaghanandMichael

I would have to see your menu to determine if the heavy apps work. Also, know your crowd. If all the apps are passed it may be harder for Granny and Great Aunt Loulou to grab them as they roam by. Make sure some things are stationary.

The bar thing is just fine.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If the heavy apps are enough for a meal, then that's fine, but put "cocktail reception" on the invitations.

Are most of your guests bourbon drinkers? If so, can you have a bourbon cocktail? Maybe a whiskey sour? If people like a variety of things... well, most people will drink some sort of beer or wine.

nda_roxybabe

Totally fine.

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:0f45e5ec-4a31-49ed-9236-3bf0dda78f00">Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a ceremony/reception at the same community hall, and we would love to host an entirely open bar, but we probably can't afford it.  Is it really okay to only host beer, wine, and, say punch or lemonade?  If we do that, I don't want to offer a cash bar, too, because I don't want my guests opening their wallets at all.  However, what if they're bourbon drinkers?  Or prefer a martini to beer or wine?  Is it really acceptable to host an open, but limited, bar?  Or should we cut our guest list enough to be able to host an entirely open bar?  I am also wondering if heavy hors d'ouerves is acceptable if the wedding is held at 6 p.m., or if a full meal is required.   We will adjust our guest list accordingly or make other adjustments if the consensus is that a full meal is the only acceptable option.  Thanks for the input!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Limited bar is fine, but can you offer sodas, too? It's always weird when you can't just get a Diet Coke!

At our wedding, we did heavy hors d'ouerves, but we had tons of food. We also added a pasta bar. Everybody ate their fill and there was still some of everything left over. That's what you need to shoot for!

Pirata13

We are doing limited bar as well. The one thing to remember is that no mattter what you do in relation to the wedding, whether it's food, drinks, etc, you won't please everyone.  The way I figured, most of our crowd will drink beer or wine if they are both available. Will there be someone who'd rather have a martini or something? Sure, but we're also confident that people will be able to find something that night and be satisfied. 

danieliza1127

I really do think limited bar is okay.  Most drinkers will drink beer or wine, even if they normally prefer a mixed drink.  It's one night of their lives.  They'll deal with it.

At our wedding, we did heavy hors d'ouerves, but we had tons of food too.  We had about 15 pieces per person and since it was enough to constitute a meal, we did not put "Cocktail Reception" on the invitation.  Our ceremony was at 6 and reception was at 7:30 with a cocktail hour with light appetizers in between.

kkchisholm

I think its fine. and I think its fine too have a cash bar too. but then again I have never ever been to a wedding with an open bar. once I went to one that had open bar just during the cocktail hour... and these were very nice weddings too.

Galaxy8227

I think that's a fine option for the bar, I usually drink mixed drinks so having the option of cash bar for that, and open for beer and wine is a good idea. 

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:db4e3ff7-9ce7-4206-9d62-d52a394b27b5">Re: Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am confused about how you do a cocktail reception with just beer and wine? I am obviously not against having just beer and wine at your reception, but how is that a cocktail reception then? That doesn't seem right...
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

well, i think the correct term for it is a "flowing reception." but i knew what she was talking about with "cocktail reception."

thesuninherhead

I went to a cocktail reception recently that only had beer and wine on tab. I wasn't surprised, as I don't think the term 'cocktail' necessarily dictates drinks so much as style- but then, I do read a lot of wedding forums and perhaps the idea of a 'cocktail reception' to others necessitates literal cocktails, and not just a stand up canape style reception as it did to me.

 

In any case, I think limited bar is fine, and I also think that cocktail type food is fine as long as you ensure there's lots and lots of it.

dianenjnj

ohwhynot

you have excellent instincts.

  it would be fine to have beer, wine, and whatever alcoholic beverages you can offer...if you know there are a few burbon drinkers you can add a bottle or two, if you like....without a cash bar.

heavy...very heavy hors'deuveres (or however you spell it)would be fine..as long as they are plentifull and a good selection of hot and cold.

kee80

I think beer & wine is perfectly ok!  If a bourbon drinker can't go one night without it, they have the problem, not you

I don't agree with a cash bar, though.  Guests have already spent money on a gift, & (most likely) travelling to the wedding.  You'd be surprised how many of your guests will be fine with beer or wine.

JMU_Bride09

We're going to do a limited open bar...if someone doesn't like beer or wine they can make themselves a drink when they get home

CaitieC

In reference to the "cocktail reception", the term means a reception where a meal is not served... it is not referring to the kind of beverages (wine/beer vs. liquor) that are served.

I am voting with just about everyone else, a limited bar is perfectly acceptable!

My only concern is that 6:00 is the dinner hour and if you have guest during that time, you really need to provide an actual meal for them. If you want to do heavy hors d'ouerves you need to make sure you have plenty to fill up your guests since it will be replacing their dinner. I would price a meal option and a heavy hors d'ouerves option before you make that decision. Good luck!

Ckirwin

we're doing beer, wine, and one/two signature drinks. cash bars a big no-nos where i'm from and we couldn't afford a full open bar. plus most of our friends are beer or wine drinkers anyway, so we thought adding one or two cocktails to the mix would satisfy everyone. maybe you could look into something like that (one vodka drink and one bourbon/whiskey drink). GL!!

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:27f5cf22-8c63-40bc-baec-f9c4ea74015f">Re: Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]In reference to the "cocktail reception", the term means a reception where a meal is not served... it is not referring to the kind of beverages (wine/beer vs. liquor) that are served. Posted by CaitieC[/QUOTE]

i think it refers more to the set up of the tables than anything else. you could serve a full meal's worth of finger food with a cocktail reception, but you would still have some high top tables with mingling and background music.

JBrandy19

Yeah that is perfectly acceptable. We are having a cash bar since neither of us drink, but our family does, we will provide non alcohol drinks, so they can either drink what we provide or pay for something different.

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:033adfaf-bc35-40a6-85ea-bb77387863fb">Re: Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah that is perfectly acceptable. We are having a cash bar since neither of us drink, but our family does, we will provide non alcohol drinks, so they can either drink what we provide or pay for something different.
Posted by JBrandy19[/QUOTE]

now that's NOT acceptable!

MeaghanandMichael

Nono JBrandy. Just no.

Don't you just love when people answer etiquette questions with personal opinions, and selfish ones at that?

tb583

One of my friends got married lat year.  Both her and her H are recovering alcoholics (they actually met in AA).  Even though neither of them drink anymore they still offered a full open bar.

I think a limited open bar is fine, but I would also like the option to purchase a mixed drink as well if I wanted.  One of my friends got married a few months ago and had a full open bar and the rum available was Bacardi.  I much prefer Captain in my Coke so I paid for Captain and Cokes rather than drinking Bacardi and Coke.

Sweetcheeks521

Hi,


Yes it is fine to have a limited bar. You have limited funds, and you don't want to go broke after the wedding.  You can add assorted juices and sodas to it.  It is perfectly acceptable to put on your invitations "Cash Bar"  too. 

Good luck!

SarahSmile23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:cc614e57-e388-4ed8-9426-d22ebf021a4d">Re: Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE] It is perfectly acceptable to put on your invitations "Cash Bar"  too.  Good luck!
Posted by Sweetcheeks521[/QUOTE]

HAHAHAHAHA. I would laugh so hard if i got an invitation that said that. And then I'd feel sorry for the poor soul who has no concept of etiquette.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_limited-open-bar-really-ok?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0c24d373-21bb-4f5b-85d7-820adf16dc39Post:cc614e57-e388-4ed8-9426-d22ebf021a4d">Re: Is a limited open bar really ok?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, Yes it is fine to have a limited bar. You have limited funds, and you don't want to go broke after the wedding.  You can add assorted juices and sodas to it.  It is perfectly acceptable to put on your invitations "Cash Bar"  too.  Good luck!
Posted by Sweetcheeks521[/QUOTE]

Hi.  No, it is not fine to answer etiquette questions when you have no idea what you are talking about.  It is perfectly acceptable for you to LURK before opening your mouth.  Good luck!

emh777

We are doing beer, wine (4 different selections) and a signature cocktail + non-alcholic options.  If you are concerned - try adding a signature cocktail.  People will be fine with that - if not...oh well!