Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?

daffydillie

I was lurking earlier and saw someone mention wishing wells as poor etiquette?

FI and I built one for our yard that we were going to save for the wedding next year to use as a card box and for guests to write their "well wishes" to us. Is that tacky or is there another wishing well tradition that I dont know about? I've seen them before or the jars for "wishes" with the wish cards and we thought it was a cute idea.

ILoveToRobot

I didn't see the post you're referring to but I don't think that's tacky especially if you're going to have it as a yard decoration which seems even more special.

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:6cfcbb3c-9319-436f-b893-309a1831a3b5">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't see the post you're referring to but I don't think that's tacky especially if you're going to have it as a yard decoration which seems even more special.
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

Heres the link to the original thread

<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-thought-this-was-bad-pip" target="_blank">clicky</a>

jesslynn1012

That post was specifically about guests being solicited for money for their honeymoon.  A wishing well is completely different because it's asking for advice, well wishes, congratulations, etc written to the couple. 

LeiselEB

If you're talking about a physical wishing well that people will write advice or "wishes" for you and then put in the well, that's fine.

Wishing well is also a term for a cash box, essentially, that couples put out at the wedding and then expect guests to fill with money. That is tacky and rude. 

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:d515b342-2f7c-4a17-9826-37ba19e9871c">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you're talking about a physical wishing well that people will write advice or "wishes" for you and then put in the well, that's fine. Wishing well is also a term for a cash box, essentially, that couples put out at the wedding and then expect guests to fill with money. That is tacky and rude. 
Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

I have luckily have never seen that. So they just make a money box and ask guests for money? That is so strange to me.

LeiselEB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b52972f6-d0f5-41a7-ad06-e12afccd0ab8">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette? : I have luckily have never seen that. So they just make a money box and ask guests for money? That is so strange to me.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep. I worked at a stationery shop for a while and had several brides ask that "wishing well" be put on their invitation so guests knew to bring cash to the wedding. We try to talk people out of that sort of thing, but it's ultimately up to them. I hated having to print those.</div><div>
</div><div>It's good that the term now, more often than not, is referring to something like you're describing with wishes for the couple.</div>

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b52972f6-d0f5-41a7-ad06-e12afccd0ab8">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette? : I have luckily have never seen that. So they just make a money box and ask guests for money? That is so strange to me.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]
Yup. You'll see little signs on them sometimes too. "Honeymoon Fund", "New Home", "Car Fund". It's pretty tacky.

utterrandomness

I'm probably going to get slammed by the ettiquette harpies who think that what they think is polite is the only way, but I think that having a honeymoon fund instead of a registry would be a cute idea for a wedding, especially if the couple is starting out with all of the household things that they need, but not enough money for a honeymoon. How is that more tacky than a honeymoon registry, or even a gift registry? I can see it being rude if it's in addition to a gift registry, but not otherwise. Flame away.

Your wishing well full of good wishes and advice is an awesome idea and is in no way rude.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b6998eb6-c6bc-4b14-8d68-a747ce6f85da">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably going to get slammed by the ettiquette harpies who think that what they think is polite is the only way, but I think that having a honeymoon fund instead of a registry would be a cute idea for a wedding, especially if the couple is starting out with all of the household things that they need, but not enough money for a honeymoon. How is that more tacky than a honeymoon registry, or even a gift registry? I can see it being rude if it's in addition to a gift registry, but not otherwise. Flame away. Your wishing well full of good wishes and advice is an awesome idea and is in no way rude.
Posted by utterrandomness[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Honeymoon registries are essentially asking people for money.  Nothing says you HAVE to have a registry at all, and couples who really don't want or need towels or place settings can simply not register.  Everyone knows that money makes a good gift.  Many people will see the small registry (or lack of registry) and give the couple money, at which point the couple can do whatever they want with the money they receive, including take a honeymoon.</div><div>
</div><div>Also, honeymoon "registries" usually take a 5-10% cut of the money guests give as a fee.  So your guests think they're getting you a $200 couple's massage, but really all you get is a check for $185 from the registry company and no massage.    So on top of being rude, it's also a rip-off.

</div>

OwningAHome1981

Wishing wells can also be done at showers... In addition to the larger shower gift usually from the registry, guests buy little odds and ends unwrapped like chip clips or a shower radio etc etc... Just cute little useful things for the bride.

pkontk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b6998eb6-c6bc-4b14-8d68-a747ce6f85da">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably going to get slammed by the ettiquette harpies who think that what they think is polite is the only way, but I think that having a honeymoon fund instead of a registry would be a cute idea for a wedding, especially if the couple is starting out with all of the household things that they need, but not enough money for a honeymoon. How is that more tacky than a honeymoon registry, or even a gift registry? I can see it being rude if it's in addition to a gift registry, but not otherwise. Flame away. Your wishing well full of good wishes and advice is an awesome idea and is in no way rude.
Posted by utterrandomness[/QUOTE]

Harpies, eh?  That's nice.

Honeymoon registries are tacky because they are a cash grab (couples get a check, minus the company fees).  Guests are basically being lied to, because they think they're buying you an excursion, when really you get a check, but not even the full amount that your guests paid.

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b6998eb6-c6bc-4b14-8d68-a747ce6f85da">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably going to get slammed by the ettiquette harpies who think that what they think is polite is the only way, but I think that having a honeymoon fund instead of a registry would be a cute idea for a wedding, especially if the couple is starting out with all of the household things that they need, but not enough money for a honeymoon. <strong>How is that more tacky than a honeymoon registry, or even a gift registry?</strong> I can see it being rude if it's in addition to a gift registry, but not otherwise. Flame away. Your wishing well full of good wishes and advice is an awesome idea and is in no way rude.
Posted by utterrandomness[/QUOTE]

It's equally tacky to a honeymoon registry, which we also tell people not to do. 

A gift registry is different because you're not asking people to give you those gifts, you're just saying "hey if you want to buy us a gift here are some things that we want / need / will go with our decor".  People know that money is a good gift, they're not stupid, they don't need a list to tell them that money is a good idea. Having a honeymoon registry or cash-grab jar at your wedding is like telling your guests they're too stupid to know that you'd like cash.

msuprincess04

It's pretty simple. Anytime you ask for money (despite whatever you are telling people the moeny is for), it's rude. But, here, you are asking for advice, cute notes, and funny stories. That kind of thing. Totally acceptable. And awesome.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:b6998eb6-c6bc-4b14-8d68-a747ce6f85da">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably going to get slammed by the ettiquette harpies who think that what they think is polite is the only way, but I think that having a honeymoon fund instead of a registry would be a cute idea for a wedding, especially if the couple is starting out with all of the household things that they need, but not enough money for a honeymoon. How is that more tacky than a honeymoon registry, or even a gift registry? <strong>I can see it being rude if it's in addition to a gift registry, but not otherwise.</strong> Flame away. Your wishing well full of good wishes and advice is an awesome idea and is in no way rude.
Posted by utterrandomness[/QUOTE]
That's exactly what we're discussion; a wishing well at the wedding itself. Guests have <strong>already</strong> brought a gift or card (with cash/check) to a wedding. They should not be asked to open their wallets again to give a second monetary gift as soon as they enter the reception. Period. End of story.

Luv,

Harpie #437

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wishing-well-poor-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:507c9cc0-b4a4-4a63-8af4-4efb7ff8de7cPost:ff5f5d23-bb42-42ac-ab33-e73d8352e23c">Re: Wishing Well Poor Etiquette?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wrigley... in no way related to this post, but your sig pic is hilarious.
Posted by mrskaiser22[/QUOTE]
Thank you. :) That song makes me insane.

PhoneCardLady

The wishing wells I have seen at weddings have been a deposit for wedding cards.