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People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!

BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi friends!

I have a concern with my guest list!

My wedding day is fast approaching, and people are just not feeling the urgency to RSVP to my wedding!

Everything so far has been relatively stress free so far, but this is just causing me to pull my hair out!

Would it be OK to make some kind of PSA that those who have not yet responded are no longer invited?!?

I don't mind having my mom call around!
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Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!

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    Epiphany1031Epiphany1031
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    What is the reply-by date? Wait until at least that date, and then start making calls to those that didn't respond.

    It is NOT okay to disinvite those that haven't responded. What if someone didn't get their invitation? Or what if they simply forgot to mail it back? (it happens).
    *EDIT: or what if they mailed it back but it never got to you? That could happen too. Etc.. you get the point.
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    DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Ditto Epiphany.  It's totally ok to call and find out if they're coming or not - and if you can't reach them, it's ok to say "If I don't hear from you by X date I'll assume you aren't coming and put you down as a no."  But it's completely not ok to just call and tell them that since you didn't receive their RSVP they can no longer come, especially since they might have sent it back and it got lost in the mail!
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    They could have called or emailed, so I don't buy the "I forgot" excuse for a second! If they can't take that extra minute, why should they get to share my special day?!?
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    angelsong21angelsong21 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:72f8b91a-8751-49d9-9472-6f8103497272">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>What is the reply-by date? Wait until at least that date, and then start making calls to those that didn't respond.</strong> It is NOT okay to disinvite those that haven't responded. What if someone didn't get their invitation? Or what if they simply forgot to mail it back? (it happens).
    Posted by Epiphany1031[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.  Approximately half of our guest list did not RSVP by the date requested.  My mom called their guests, MIL called their guests, and that was that.  We even received an RSVP a week after the wedding.</div>
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    The RSVP by date was today!
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    Angelsong, a week after the wedding?!? How horrid! I do hope you spoke to them about this!
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    angelsong21angelsong21 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:a7d0fcb8-db11-4a40-a10b-0406c97f25ec">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]The RSVP by date was today!
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Great. So tomorrow, you can start making phone calls to those that you have not received RSVPs from. We left ourselves plenty of time between the RSVP deadline and our venue's deadline for our final headcount.  We allowed several extra days for the RSVPs to continue to trickle in before making phone calls.  If you've cut things too close, you won't have that option.

    </div>
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    Epiphany1031Epiphany1031
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:5c21ec5c-2f8f-4654-9817-1608b559343d">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]They could have called or emailed, so I don't buy the "I forgot" excuse for a second! If they can't take that extra minute, why should they get to share my special day?!?
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    But see... if they "forgot" to send it back to you, perhaps they also forgot to call or email. It happens. Some people are good with RSVP'ing, some aren't. And as I mentioned, it might not just be that they forgot. Could have gotten lost in the mail too.

    You are going through something every bride goes through. I had to call approx 20 guests for ours. It is what it is.
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    I just don't feel that they deserve the extra effort from me when they wouldn't give it! It's not right or fair and I don't feel that they should be allowed to attend!
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    I know they've gotten the invites!
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:bfb2dc22-b146-4346-9423-622fc00f9530">People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi friends! I have a concern with my guest list! My wedding day is fast approaching, and people are just not feeling the urgency to RSVP to my wedding! Everything so far has been relatively stress free so far, but this is just causing me to pull my hair out! Would it be OK to make some kind of PSA that those who have not yet responded are no longer invited?!?<strong> I don't mind having my mom call around!</strong>
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    <div>Of course YOU don't mind having your mom call, but are you unable to call people on your own?</div><div>
    </div><div>You hae to remember that it's summer, and some people are OOT and doing summer things, so they may have set it aside thinking they'll get to it and have forgotten about it. Call around starting tomorrow, and politely tell them that you need their RSVP info. Not a big deal.</div>
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    She's my mom and that means we do each other favors! I don't see anything wrong with that! The thing I see as wrong is everyone saying to let go of the RSVP thing (which is bad etiquette on the guests part) and insisting I do the work to fix their mess!
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:bcc45305-7a9a-4089-8eb5-62f31a0c0a30">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's my mom and that means we do each other favors! I don't see anything wrong with that![/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I didn't say that it's a problem, but the way you said it, it's lke you<em> expect</em> her to do it. Just don't forget to offer. After all, it's YOUR wedding, not hers.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:bcc45305-7a9a-4089-8eb5-62f31a0c0a30">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    <div>[QUOTE]The thing I see as wrong is everyone saying to let go of the RSVP thing (which is bad etiquette on the guests part) and insisting I do the work to fix their mess! Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]</div></div><div>
    </div><div>If the deadline was today, people just think you need to take a breath, because via the internet, it seems as though you're a little panicked. </div><div>
    </div><div>In terms of etiquette on your guests' part, unfortunately, not everyone knows what goes into planning a wedding and that the RSVP is important. </div><div>
    </div><div>You will have to do the work to fix "their mess", but it's not that hard to make phone calls, you know?</div>
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:01b8191d-73d7-407a-b979-a6e5a3bb7446">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Angelsong, a week after the wedding?!? How horrid! I do hope you spoke to them about this!
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    Why would she need to speak to them about it?  By that time it was kind of a moot point.

    Look, just get off your butt and get on the phone.  People forget. They go on vacation. The invitation gets misplaced. They have two events on the same night. Mail gets lost. We all have to do it, it's part of throwing the party.  If you don't want to bother with having guests, then elope.
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:76b72990-3019-44e9-a975-2d2c41efda9c">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive! : Why would she need to speak to them about it?  By that time it was kind of a moot point. Look, just get off your butt and get on the phone.  People forget. They go on vacation. The invitation gets misplaced. They have two events on the same night. Mail gets lost. We all have to do it, it's part of throwing the party.  If you don't want to bother with having guests, then elope.
    Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

    <div>::ZSNAP::</div>
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:5c1b8fac-4edf-4c92-9c3f-480b7c13557c">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't feel that they deserve the extra effort from me when they wouldn't give it! It's not right or fair and I don't feel that they should be allowed to attend!
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    <div>OMG, I missed this at first.</div><div>
    </div><div>So people that you considered to be close enough to you to be invited to your wedding should now be uninvited because they forgot to RSVP? </div><div>
    </div><div>Will it make you feel better if they bring you presents?!!?</div>
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    At $100/plate, I expect people to show a little more respect towards me! I didn't HAVE to invite them at all! You know? I don't think it's fair to hold the people footing the bill to a higher responsibility of etiquette than those mooching off of me and my family! For those that we've already paid for and don't show, I think it's appropriate to bill them, personally!
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    I don't understand the presents comment? Who doesn't like presents?!?
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think we've moved into troll category.  You can't possibly think like this and have not been called out on it before.  This takes entitlement to an unreal level.
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    cookie0803cookie0803 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re:People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!:[QUOTE]At 100/plate, I expect people to show a little more respect towards me! I didn't HAVE to invite them at all! You know?

    I don't think it's fair to hold the people footing the bill to a higher responsibility of etiquette than those mooching off of me and my family!

    For those that we've already paid for and don't show, I think it's appropriate to bill them, personally! Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    Holy entitled! OP, I hope this is a joke, because billing your guests is totally unacceptable.
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    I'm just running ideas by people, RebeccaB! No need to resort to childish name calling!
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:0622219f-23be-4253-9ee8-50b889a63782">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]At $100/plate, I expect people to show a little more respect towards me! I didn't HAVE to invite them at all! You know? I don't think it's fair to hold the people footing the bill to a higher responsibility of etiquette than those mooching off of me and my family! For those that we've already paid for and don't show, I think it's appropriate to bill them, personally!
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is so riduclous I'm beginning to think you're a troll!</div><div>
    </div><div>I can't believe you're so lucky to have a $100/plate option!</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm sorry you feel disrespected!</div><div>
    </div><div>If you're real, you seriously need to get a grip. Call the guests, or deal with not knowing the exact count, but since you're posting on the <u style="font-weight:bold;">ETIQUETTE</u> board, the proper thing to do is to politely call them and see if they're coming or not. That's part of the work of throwing such a fancy party with $100/plate meals.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, Etiquette will tell you <u style="font-weight:bold;">NOT</u> to "bill" your guests that don't RSVP to your fancy-schmancy wedding. The only time I've ever heard someone say they were going to do that was on <em>Bridezillas.</em> </div>
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    Yes of course billing was a joke! It's not as if I would end up seeing a dime of that money anyway!
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:af813cec-ecd2-48eb-b2b1-9a4957fe74b3">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand the presents comment? Who doesn't like presents?!?
    Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    <div>My point is that if these disrespectful guests show up to your wedding without the RSVP but bring you a present, something tells me you won't care that they were SO INSENSTIVE to not RSVP, because you got a present.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Wow. If someone called and gave me that attitude, I'd RSVP yes.....then not show up.

    How old are you? 4?
    DSCN0078 [URL=http://s1247.photobucket.com/user/LizzieYounce123/media/Dip.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg634/LizzieYounce123/Dip.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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    cookie0803cookie0803 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to Re:People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!:[QUOTE]Yes of course billing was a joke! It's not as if I would end up seeing a dime of that money anyway! Posted by BaffledBride721[/QUOTE]

    That's not the point.

    You don't bill your guests because it's probably one of the rudest wedding related ideas ever considered, not because it won't work.
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:932c0529-5e09-4256-8a2e-f8352b739454">Re: People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. If someone called and gave me that attitude, I'd RSVP yes.....then not show up. How old are you? 4?
    Posted by Lizzieyounce[/QUOTE]

    <div>BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! SHE'S HAVING A $100/PLATE RECEPTION! HER GUESTS ARE SO RUDE!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-dont-rsvp-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba431e1e-5711-4dd0-8737-c02d441671efPost:26ff0e02-9f88-4346-8d75-eb1f196bdcf4">Re:People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:People don't RSVP! Please help! Time sensitive!: That's not the point. You don't bill your guests because it's probably one of the rudest wedding related ideas ever considered, not because it won't work.
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>COOKIE! YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T GET THE SEVERITY OF THE SITUATION! SHE'S THE FIRST BRIDE TO EVER HAVE THIS PROBLEM! IT'S SO DIFFICULT!

    </div>
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    Lizzieyounce, then you could look forward to a bill!
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    BaffledBride721BaffledBride721
    First Comment
    EaglesBride, while you insult my punctuation, please consider your gratuitous use of the letter U!
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