Having a wedding/ reception but already married***CLOSED***

MobKaz

Poster #1 said..........

 My husband and I decided to get married at the end of last year. But I want to still have a wedding

Poster #2 said........

 I know someone who got married in a small ceremony just so her dying father could walk her down the aisle. Then had a wedding and a reception at a later date.

Poster #3 said.....

 My husband I are having our wedding this upcoming December

Poster #4 said.......

Guess what I'm married and I'm having a WEDDING!

Poster#5 said.....

You probably have very good reasons as to why you got married at the court house instead of a real wedding.  My sister married my brother in law and she's still trying to get a wedding planned.

Poster #6 said.......

 we had to get married quickly due to military reasons and now we are having a FULL BLOWN WEDDING, 

If you have a husband, you are married.  No matter where it happened, no matter how it happened, if it is legal, it is real.  Anything else is theatrical, egotistical entertainment.

 

Rebl90

The more I read on these boards, the more concern I have for the education systems in our country.

OP, please become familiar with the correct definitions of "hate", "attacked", and  "wedding"

vt&dt

Rebl90 said:

The more I read on these boards, the more concern I have for the education systems in our country.

OP, please become familiar with the correct definitions of "hate", "attacked", and  "wedding"

You said it.  

I wish that everyone who is already married and having a PPD would just have a kick-ass anniversary party.  I would never go to a "wedding" of someone I knew who was already married, but I would LOVE to go to an awesome anniversary party.  Current marriages as well as new ones should be celebrated.

naarengo

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

MobKaz

naarengo said:

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

NYCBruin

naarengo said:

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

You chose to get married. The Navy didn't make you. If your faith is so important, why wasn't it worth the sacrifice to wait to get married "correctly" by church standards?

banana468

NYCBruin said:

naarengo said:

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

You chose to get married. The Navy didn't make you. If your faith is so important, why wasn't it worth the sacrifice to wait to get married "correctly" by church standards?

This. You're sinning if you choose to get married first and have the Catholic Sacrament 2nd.

photokitty

banana468 said:

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

You chose to get married. The Navy didn't make you. If your faith is so important, why wasn't it worth the sacrifice to wait to get married "correctly" by church standards?

This. You're sinning if you choose to get married first and have the Catholic Sacrament 2nd.

PP did not say she was Catholic so we don't have to jump saying she is sinning. And who among us hasn't sinned? 

naarengo, you can have the church blessing to fulfill any religious requirements with out having a full blown redo. 

BTW I've never heard of bridal showers being an excuse to get drunk - maybe I'm missing out on the fun ones??? Stupid punch isn't even spiked at any I've been to

banana468

photokitty said:

banana468 said:

WOW, I came across this thread via google, cause I'm in the same boat as well. I laugh at peoples constructive criticism, but they did not have to lash back at you like that.

Getting married at the courthouse is far different than having a wedding in the church. I'm doing a church wedding for my faith, not just for papers and the showering of presents. 

People who probably plan those big weddings probably did the unnecessary engagement, and bridal shower too just for presents and increase in their social circle. WE GET IT, YOURE GETTING MARRIED. Those party's are just as important as american's celebrating Cinco De Mayo, it's an excuse to get drunk

My husband who is in the Navy got deployed, so I didn't get the luxury of doing all those things. But yes, I will be doing the ceremony and reception as you, but with Filipino Traditions because thats what I am, and we're all about family. Even though this post was forever ago, I'm sorry these people can't put themselves in our shoes. 

You chose to get married. The Navy didn't make you. If your faith is so important, why wasn't it worth the sacrifice to wait to get married "correctly" by church standards?

This. You're sinning if you choose to get married first and have the Catholic Sacrament 2nd.

PP did not say she was Catholic so we don't have to jump saying she is sinning. And who among us hasn't sinned? 

naarengo, you can have the church blessing to fulfill any religious requirements with out having a full blown redo. 

BTW I've never heard of bridal showers being an excuse to get drunk - maybe I'm missing out on the fun ones??? Stupid punch isn't even spiked at any I've been to

I made the assumption based on the statistic that 80% of the Filipinos are Catholic with other Christian faiths taking up other percentages.

Bottom line - if you put the marriage in the state ahead of the marriage in your faith it's not viewed favorably.   It's not about whether anyone else has sinned.    There are only two humans to walk the planet who haven't.    If you put the marriage on paper ahead of the marriage in your faith then the marriage in your faith couldn't have been that important in the first place.  

rw65053

Screw everyone. Do what you want. They don't know your life. If you want to throw another wedding to celebrate with your friends and family. Do it!!! I am. I even had a wedding shower and a non bachelorette party. Everyone was fine with it. Screw these uptight bitches!!!

NYCMercedes

There seems no end to the stupidity of these women who think they can have weddings when they are already married. Seems to me to be at the level of Honey Boo Boo.

MobKaz

rw65053 said:

Screw everyone. Do what you want. They don't know your life. If you want to throw another wedding to celebrate with your friends and family. Do it!!! I am. I even had a wedding shower and a non bachelorette party. Everyone was fine with it. Screw these uptight bitches!!!

Says the first time poster seemed intent on stirring a pot....do you have many alter ego names?

banana468

rw65053 said:

Screw everyone. Do what you want. They don't know your life. If you want to throw another wedding to celebrate with your friends and family. Do it!!! I am. I even had a wedding shower and a non bachelorette party. Everyone was fine with it. Screw these uptight bitches!!!

Why didn't you just make your screen name SPOON if you just came on here to stir the pot? 

andi294

Wow. I had no idea that there was so much emotion behind this subject. I have to be honest. I want my "Pretty Princess Day!!" These comments have been helpful on both sides as I plan a 3rd Anniversary celebration. My husband has MS and we were married because while we have faith, we also no that God's plan has no guarantees and anything could happen to him before we had enough money for a full wedding ceremony, so we chose to have "civil vows" read. "Religious vows" will be read by the pastor at our celebration. We are very much in love and pray for continued happiness. My friends who had weddings the "right" way are in full agreement and we have our family's support. Please open your hearts and minds and be tolerant because life isnt guaranteed and judgment has no understanding of everyone's circumstances.

Thank you for the wording for the invitations because I didnt want ro call it a wedding, but that has been the only way I could describe it up until reading this post. Wedding celebration sounds wonderful!

Have a happy new year ladies and good luck in life!

mcgarci2

Screw everyone. Do what you want. They don't know your life. If you want to throw another wedding to celebrate with your friends and family. Do it!!! I am. I even had a wedding shower and a non bachelorette party. Everyone was fine with it. Screw these uptight bitches!!!

Shocker that someone having a PPD is fully in support of another PPD. Alert the media! We've never seen this before.

Edit: Quote box

photokitty

andi294 said:

Wow. I had no idea that there was so much emotion behind this subject. I have to be honest. I want my "Pretty Princess Day!!" These comments have been helpful on both sides as I plan a 3rd Anniversary celebration. My husband has MS and we were married because while we have faith, we also no that God's plan has no guarantees and anything could happen to him before we had enough money for a full wedding ceremony, so we chose to have "civil vows" read. "Religious vows" will be read by the pastor at our celebration. We are very much in love and pray for continued happiness. My friends who had weddings the "right" way are in full agreement and we have our family's support. Please open your hearts and minds and be tolerant because life isnt guaranteed and judgment has no understanding of everyone's circumstances. Thank you for the wording for the invitations because I didnt want ro call it a wedding, but that has been the only way I could describe it up until reading this post. Wedding celebration sounds wonderful! Have a happy new year ladies and good luck in life!

That is incredibly rude of you to dismiss and insult everyone else who had a small or civil ceremony by suggesting they didn't do their wedding the "right" way just to justify your redo. You can do whatever you want, but there is no excuse for insulting other's choices by suggesting they didn't do it the "right way." It is was right for them, and it should have been right for you. I feel bad for your that you feel when you got married you didn't do it right. Don't tell your Husband how you feel about your actual wedding day, unless you want to find out how truly hurtful your words are… 

You might want to heed your own words before you go saying what is the "right way" to get married - Please open your hearts and minds and be tolerant because life isn't guaranteed and judgment has no understanding of everyone's circumstances.  - it works both ways!

ETA - stupid autocorrect

manateehugger

Just going to say my standard statement here - nothing about being in the military or marrying someone in the military justifies lying, fraud, poor etiquette, and a lack of common decency. 

martamay17

I looked on this to get ideas for wording invites as I am in a similar situation. I couldn't believe the backlash you received. Jeez. Hope it all worked out for you.

LacyHolly

I have a friend who got married and then had what a lot of people would call a "wedding", which is apparently the incorrect term here, but their friends and family were all there to support them. In a church. In a big white dress. With a "reception" following the "event" I don't remember what her invitation said exactly, but I think whatever you say/write, your family and friends will be okay with it

KatWAG

LacyHolly said:

I have a friend who got married and then had what a lot of people would call a "wedding", which is apparently the incorrect term here, but their friends and family were all there to support them. In a church. In a big white dress. With a "reception" following the "event" I don't remember what her invitation said exactly, but I think whatever you say/write, your family and friends will be okay with it

@lacyholly are you trying to set a record for bad advice?

LacyHolly

Yep, that's my goal, I guess. I'm sorry that my opinions are different that yours. I'm fairly certain this woman is going to have her "wedding" no matter what anyone on this site says. I was just trying to support her and let her know she's not the only one who does it. I don't know what I ever did to make everyone here so angry and feel they should make comments about what I say, but whatever works.

JoanE2012

LacyHolly said:

Yep, that's my goal, I guess. I'm sorry that my opinions are different that yours. I'm fairly certain this woman is going to have her "wedding" no matter what anyone on this site says. I was just trying to support her and let her know she's not the only one who does it. I don't know what I ever did to make everyone here so angry and feel they should make comments about what I say, but whatever works.

Do you always support poor choices?   Just because she's not the only one doesn't make it right.  I, as well as many others here, will not just stand by and "support" someone when what they're doing is wrong. 

LacyHolly

Stop making this thread about my apparent bad choices. It was about a woman asking for help on invite wording.

Viczaesar

LacyHolly said:

Stop making this thread about my apparent bad choices. It was about a woman asking for help on invite wording.

And she's gotten help.  Stop trying to tell us how to post.

majpatron

You guys are all a$$holes. Life isnt as cookie cutter for everyone. Some people have different situations that require different 'wedding' plans. GROW UP you are all adults. 

KatWAG

majpatron said:

You guys are all a$$holes. Life isnt as cookie cutter for everyone. Some people have different situations that require different 'wedding' plans. GROW UP you are all adults. 

Wow, you come out swinging on your first post. Best to lurk before commenting.

Maggie0829

majpatron said:

You guys are all a$$holes. Life isnt as cookie cutter for everyone. Some people have different situations that require different 'wedding' plans. GROW UP you are all adults. 

This is what we are trying to say.  When you are an adult you have to make choices.  You don't get your cake and eat it too.  If you choose to get married for whatever reason through a small ceremony at the JOP then you choose to forgo the big to-do wedding party.  You are an adult and made a decision so stop acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum until you get what you want.

Maggie0829

When will people learn that when you post on these forums you open yourself to opinions on everything you post and not just the question being asked? 

For example if I were to post "Hey so I really want to kill my co worker do you think I should use a gun or a knife?" I seriously doubt people will just answer my question and ignore my intent. Most likely I will get a bunch of "you shouldn't kill people" or "that is illegal" or "you are a horrible person" and zero answers to my question. 

 Same with this thread. When you are doing something rude, that trumps your question asking how to do that rude thing. I will not give you advice or answer your question to help you do a rude thing. I will instead comment on your rudeness.

mrs4everhart

Maggie0829 said:

majpatron said:

You guys are all a$$holes. Life isnt as cookie cutter for everyone. Some people have different situations that require different 'wedding' plans. GROW UP you are all adults. 

This is what we are trying to say.  When you are an adult you have to make choices.  You don't get your cake and eat it too.  Then what's the point of cake? I'd say bake that bitch huge and tasty and dig in! If you choose to get married for whatever reason through a small ceremony at the JOP then you choose to forgo the big to-do wedding party.  No, that's just what you advise, not what's really happening all the time! You are an adult and made a decision so stop acting like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum until you get what you want.

MollyandD

I don't really care if someone wants to have a second wedding. It really doesn't affect me, though I'd be put off if I were expected to send a gift both times.

My close friend made the decision to get married at the court house, because of her own personal reasons. It was not the wedding we had talked about her having since we were in middle school, but it was what she chose in the end. She wore a pretty off-white dress and they did pictures in the courthouse. Those are the pictures she has in her home. She said she sometimes wishes she had waited, but that she would never consider a second wedding. She said that day in the courthouse will always be the day she became a wife, and it's precious on its own. She feels that any other ceremony would make her marriage invalidated.

Every couple makes their own choice. I am choosing to wait and have the wedding I wanted, and my friend is enjoying planning as my MOH.

I don't judge anyone else's choice, unless it directly affects me. Other people do judge though, and you open yourself to criticism having a second wedding. Many guests may secretly feel the same way as the posters here.