Guest List Issue (long)
This is a long one, sorry in advance for that.
We've got our guest list pretty much hammered out, but we've got one couple we're kind of stuck on. We're at the upper limit of guests and don't want to go beyond that number, because it has the potential to put us into a bigger tent size, a larger bartending package, etc, at a considerable cost (like an extra $1,000).
So, here's the problem: My fiance's parents are friend with this couple, Mr. & Mrs. Smith. My fiance was friends (although not super-close) with their son, Smith Jr., in high school, but they drifted apart and haven't really socialized/kept in contact for several years. However, Smith Jr. got married last fall and invited us to his post-destination wedding reception/party. My future mother-in-law is insisting that we invite Mr. & Mrs. Smith, despite the fact that they don't really socialize with the Smiths much anymore.
My fiance and I are both firmly of the mindset that we do not want to invite Mr. & Mrs. Smith, because a.) there are other people we've already cut off the guest list that we'd rather invite, if we were going to add more people, b.) If we invite Mr. & Mrs. Smith, my future mother-in-law thinks that Smith Jr. and his wife should also be invited, and c.) since we're not close to these people, it kind of feels like it's a gift-grab.
For what it's worth, our parents are both contributing comparable amounts of $$ towards the wedding, and we made it clear when they offered the money that it was all going into one big wedding fund, along with our contribution. So, it's not a matter of his parents paying for the reception or anything like that. We just really, really want to try and stay where we're at with the tent rentals/bartenders and everything, because our list is tight as it is and a few more people means a decent sized additional expense that we'd like to avoid (as we're trying not to spend every single penny available). We kept the guest list to people that we feel sure will come, so we really do not feel comfortable banking on a couple of declines.
So...what would you ladies do? Tell the future mother-in-law that the guest list is set and we're not adding Mr. & Mrs. Smith (and Smith Jr. and Wife)? Add Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Smith Jr. & Wife, just to keep the peace, and risk having everyone RSVP yes and bump up a level on all of our rentals? B-List Mr. & Mrs. Smith (yes, I know this is not the etiquette-approved option)? She keeps pestering us about the guest list, so we've got to make a call on this soon.
Re: Guest List Issue (long)
I think B listing them would be the best way out. Most likely not everyone will be able to attend anyways, but just in case they do you won't have to pay the extra $1,000 which you can spend towards something more important. I know I'll be having a B list for a few people from work who I like and hang out with occasionally, but not to the point where I will be super dissapointed if we simply can't afford to invite them. I've talked to a few friends and they said that everyone understands with times being tough and all. And although I understand it's against etiquette, I think in this day and time it's not that big of an issue.
I am trying to cut our list too. Because there are relatives I don't want to invite. Lets just say some are just gonna complain. So I can save room and money.
ktappa, we're not really inviting extra guests (other than possibly the two mentioned in my original post, who we'll probably only end up inviting if we get a couple of people who decline). We decided we really wanted to stay at 175, and we did our guest list off of that. By sticking with a firm number, it forced us to really sit there and consider who we really wanted there. It also helped us weed out the people who, ten years from now, we'd sit there and think "Why the heck did we invite them, anyways?"
Thanks to everyone for your advice with this!!