Invites and Paper

RSVP no after STD

I've sent the save the dates and two of my cousins have already told me they cannot attend. Do I still send them invitations? I've read that etiquette says not to, but I feel like I would still want the invitation. Are there exceptions to this rule? Is this one of those weird non-rule rules? Here's the source, it's #6. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/24/wedding-etiquette_n_3806349.html

Re: RSVP no after STD

  • Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 

    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
    image
    melbelleupBlue_Bird
  • PDKH said:

    Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 


    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
    ^Great point, but doesn't that require the guest to RSVP twice to the same event? I realize schedules can change, but it seems like getting a mailing and taking follow-up calls about my plans after I'd already expressed my regrets might be annoying.
  • A Save-the Date does not require an RSVP
    Blue_Bird
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!)
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    kitty8403 said:
    Don't use huff post as an etiquette source - they are silly. Try Miss Manners for some good advice. 

    Yes, you send an invitation to every person who got a save-the-date. Save-the-date=invitation. No exceptions. 

    Their schedules/finances may change between now and two months before your wedding. When you get ready to send invitations, just shoot them a little note saying, "I know you said you can't make it, but I still wanted to send you an invite in case your schedule changed!"
    ^Great point, but doesn't that require the guest to RSVP twice to the same event? I realize schedules can change, but it seems like getting a mailing and taking follow-up calls about my plans after I'd already expressed my regrets might be annoying.
    Technically the guest shouldn't have RSVP'd based on the STD.  It's informational only and requires nothing more.  If they want to express their regrets to the couple beforehand, that's fine.

    The invitation is where one expresses acceptance or regrets.  And if the host does it properly, there is a prepaid envelope to mail back their response.....it really isn't that hard if the guest has to say no again.
  • All good points. In this particular case, one cousin is pregnant and will be unable to travel, and the other cousin bought a store, and will be in the midst of a grand opening - neither of these things will change, hopefully. I have no problem adding a note or calling them and asking their preference, but I was just wondering about a rule going forward because I feel like we might have a few more of these situations before the invites go out.
  • The rule going forward is - you send an invitation to anyone who got a save the date. That's the etiquette rule. 

    Save the dates aren't supposed to be something to which you RSVP.
    image
  • OK. Will do. Thanks!
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I would still send them invitations.  Their plans could always change and it is just nice to let them know they are still welcome to come.
    image
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