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Catholic/Protestant Predicament

KHollyTXKHollyTX member
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in Interfaith Weddings
Ladies,

I'm protestant and my fiance is Catholic.  We just found out over the weekend from the priest he had hoped would marry us at the Filter Building that not only is he not allowed to perform a marriage outside of church walls, but if my fiance gets married outside of the church he will no longer be allowed to take communion.

Without going into too many details let me just say that our desire to get married outside of the church had nothing to do with snubbing the church and we still want a religious ceremony.  Do any of you know if there is any wiggle room?  My fiance' is too furious at the moment to do any further investigating.  I'm not a Catholic and so I really don't know much about how all of this works, but I don't want my future husband to not be able to take part in communion.

Any help or advice would be MUCH appreciated.

Thanks!
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Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament

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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
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    edited December 2011
    Ask about convalidation.  It'd be a small ceremony after the fact, requiring only two confirmed Catholic witnesses, whereby the Catholic church validates (in their eyes) your marriage that did not conform to Catholic rules.

    On the other hand, if your local priest is giving you "get married here or get out" ultimatums instead of suggesting this in the first place, maybe he's not willing.  But I'd start by asking.  The other option might be a small, private ceremony in the church to satisfy church law, then have your planned ceremony to satisfy everything else that the marriage is supposed to represent.

    You have my sympathies.  This sort of blind obedience to arbitrary dogma is why I left the Catholic church.


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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
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    edited December 2011
    Following the form in marriage is not dogma. It is discipline. Nor is it arbitrary... there are reasons that there is a form to be followed for valid sacraments in the church. There are rules governing how we marry in our state, but a church can't have them? 

    No priest is going to suggest marrying invalidly outside the church. Priests are not "blindly obeying"...they make promises to obey, but most do so because they know why and what they are doing, even beyond obedience.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    agape is correct. Why on earth would a priest encourage you to go against the Church? Convalidations are meant for those whose initial ceremony was not valid to the Church and most of the time these are cases where the couple did not realize the lack of form. For instance, the priest did not have all of his faculties at the time and didn't disclose this to the couple. But the couple should not go into the initial ceremony, knowing it does not follow form and expect the convalidation later. Convalidations aren't to be used to get around the teachings of the Church.

    I also agree that it is completely unfair to assume that rules that governments impose are absolutely acceptable and expected, however a Church cannot maintain some sort of standard to protect their beliefs? There are actual reasons for these rules. And they are good reasons, if you care to take the time to understand them.

    Unlike Raptor, I came back to the Church because of it's structure and consistent doctrine that maintains high standards. Why would I want to be part of something wishy-washy, especially with regards to my beliefs? If everyone can do everything however they want to then what is the belief system, except weak? I want to know that the foundation of my beliefs are sturdy and unwavering.

    Sorry for the rant, but insulting my faith and the "blind obedience' to "arbitrary dogma" is highly insulting.

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    RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't blame you for being insulted.  But many aspects of the Catholic dogma are deeply insulting and offensive to me.  So while I can respect people I disagree with, I do not and will not pretend a respect for the Catholic faith.
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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
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    edited December 2011
    Well, calling it arbitrary shows that you probably don't understand it. I respect differences in beliefs and all that, but if anything, its not "arbitrary". Most protestant and non-Christians that understand mere basics about Catholic faith agree with this statement and wouldn't call it that. 

    If someone is to leave, or reject a belief system, they should at least know what they are rejecting. 
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    bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_catholicprotestant-predicament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:097ac39b-cf76-41f5-87d7-63391ac79b4dPost:ac4e7de4-602b-47c0-b1a8-189ee7487d37">Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't blame you for being insulted.  But many aspects of the Catholic dogma are deeply insulting and offensive to me.  So while I can respect people I disagree with, I do not and will not pretend a respect for the Catholic faith .
    Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

    I find this highly insulting as well. There are certainly faiths I disagree with, but I can respect those faiths <em>and</em> their followers for what they are. I seek the good in them instead of focusing on the bad.  I understand that some Catholic dogma is difficult and that some of it is made more difficult by a lack of knowledge/understanding of the full teaching, but to turn it into this vitrol seems unfair.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_catholicprotestant-predicament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:396Discussion:097ac39b-cf76-41f5-87d7-63391ac79b4dPost:fd4f9b3b-6f1d-450d-b816-cde504b8120a">Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament : I find this highly insulting as well. There are certainly faiths I disagree with, but I can respect those faiths and their followers for what they are. I seek the good in them instead of focusing on the bad.  I understand that some Catholic dogma is difficult and that some of it is made more difficult by a lack of knowledge/understanding of the full teaching, but to turn it into this vitrol seems unfair.
    Posted by bibliophile2010[/QUOTE]

    This.

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    MedStudent13MedStudent13 member
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    edited December 2011
    Back to the OP's origional question, I'm pretty sure it is possible to have a Catholic wedding in a protestant church, and have both the protestant pastor AND the priest presiding... I've been to a Baptist/Catholic wedding and the pastor and the preist shared duties. I'm pretty sure you need special permission from a bishop though
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    Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_catholicprotestant-predicament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:097ac39b-cf76-41f5-87d7-63391ac79b4dPost:a6ecd95d-21fb-4f52-8606-ccf67dc64154">Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament</a>:
    [QUOTE]Back to the OP's origional question, I'm pretty sure it is possible to have a Catholic wedding in a protestant church, and have both the protestant pastor AND the priest presiding... I've been to a Baptist/Catholic wedding and the pastor and the preist shared duties. I'm pretty sure you need special permission from a bishop though
    Posted by MedStudent13[/QUOTE]

    Yes, there are dispensations that can be given, under the proper circumstances. I believe the ceremony still needs to take place in a Church/religious building, though.

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    MedStudent13MedStudent13 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yes I think that wedding was in the Baptist church
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    blush64blush64 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_catholicprotestant-predicament?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:396Discussion:097ac39b-cf76-41f5-87d7-63391ac79b4dPost:ac4e7de4-602b-47c0-b1a8-189ee7487d37">Re: Catholic/Protestant Predicament</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't blame you for being insulted.  But many aspects of the Catholic dogma are deeply insulting and offensive to me.  So while I can respect people I disagree with, I do not and will not pretend a respect for the Catholic faith .
    Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

    This is really offensive.

    EDIT I am fully aware how old this post is I just had to respond after reading this because it was really offensive.

    I think OP should try to do as someone suggested and try to get permission to marry in another church by the priest and other minister if that is what is preferred. I wouldn't try to marry outside the church and then have it made convalidated.
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