Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?

vegasgroom · June 2010

Getting married next year, fiancee's dad gave us a very generous budget, I'm covering anything we do that takes us over the budget, which looks like it will be a lot LOL. My dad is cheap, but has the money to pay for the rehearsal dinner if he wanted to, although he hasn't offered. I don't have a problem paying for it, was planning on it anyway since I didn't expect him to offer, but since we are way over budget there are some 'bonus' things I might have done for the reception that have now been cut, so just curious if I should ask him if he'd like to pay for the dinner so I can put that money towards the reception or just ignore it since I don't really want to make him uncomfortable thinking I'm going to be upset about it and it's not that big a deal anyway.

LesPaul · June 2010

Don't ask other people to pay for anything.

shoegal715 · June 2010

Do not ask. Wait until if and when he offers. Plan it like you are paying for it.

strlzfan11 · June 2010

You should never ask someone else to pay for any part of your wedding.

georgia_bride09 · June 2010

If he hasn't offered, then you can't ask. You'll just have to pay for it and not have the reception upgrades. If you'd wanted the reception upgrades, you probably should have had a smaller guest list.

vegasgroom · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:cb1d219d-04c7-4720-b779-24ccbef2ff4c">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]If he hasn't offered, then you can't ask. You'll just have to pay for it and not have the reception upgrades. If you'd wanted the reception upgrades, you probably should have had a smaller guest list.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Nah, I'd never cut guests for the things I'm talking about, it's just 'fun' stuff, for example I wanted an ice luge thing to pour drinks through, but those are like $1000 so I cut it since I'm paying for the dinner which will probably be a few grand. :) The wedding will survive having drinks poured over cubes; I'll just tell the bartenders that my dad can't have ice. LOL

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

It's rude to ask people for money. And I'm sorry, but even if you THINK he has the money, it's none of your damn business what he choses to do with it. If he wants to offer, he will. If not, you just have to suck it up and not have "extras." Some people work on shoestring budgets. You can deal.

Mrs.B6302007 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:a9541279-c83e-485f-8be9-5f97a2f426fe">Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]Getting married next year, fiancee's dad gave us a very generous budget, I'm covering anything we do that takes us over the budget, which looks like it will be a lot LOL. My dad is cheap, but has the money to pay for the rehearsal dinner if he wanted to, although he hasn't offered. I don't have a problem paying for it, was planning on it anyway since I didn't expect him to offer, but since we are way over budget there are some 'bonus' things I might have done for the reception that have now been cut, so just curious if I should ask him if he'd like to pay for the dinner so I can put that money towards the reception or just ignore it since I don't really want to make him uncomfortable thinking I'm going to be upset about it and it's not that big a deal anyway.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

No asking others to pay for your party.

georgia_bride09 · June 2010

I'd probably give an ice luge the side eye anyway. It's not 1989.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

You should never ask for money. It's rude. If he offers on his own, then great. Otherwise, plan an RD you can afford and pay for it yourself.

vegasgroom · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:4db44b45-6c55-448c-ab06-27c10fe5fd94">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's rude to ask people for money. And I'm sorry, but even if you THINK he has the money, it's none of your damn business what he choses to do with it. If he wants to offer, he will. If not, you just have to suck it up and not have "extras." Some people work on shoestring budgets. You can deal.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Good God, forget to take your meds today?; I didn't say I expected him to pay for it, I said I expected him to not offer, I know he has the money because my dad and I are close and we talk about financial-related things affecting each other, and as I posted several times, the things that would be cut are not a big deal to begin with, I even said I would not want to ask if it would have made him uncomfortable and I was simply trying to determine whether it was proper etiquitte to ask him or not, which evidently it is not so I won't. Why you got all worked up I have no idea but thank you to the other folks who were capable of replying with some civility.

baystateapple · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:b69118ba-d4a8-4db0-9027-8f76302b2a22">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner? : Good God, forget to take your meds today?; I didn't say I expected him to pay for it, I said I expected him to not offer, I know he has the money because my dad and I are close and we talk about financial-related things affecting each other, and as I posted several times, the things that would be cut are not a big deal to begin with, I even said I would not want to ask if it would have made him uncomfortable and I was simply trying to determine whether it was proper etiquitte to ask him or not, which evidently it is not so I won't. Why you got all worked up I have no idea but thank you to the other folks who were capable of replying with some civility.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Mery didn't say anything that was rude. She was blunt. And it ISN'T any of your business whether he has enough money to pay for the rehearsal dinner or not; if he hasn't offered, you shouldn't ask.

jessjo04 · June 2010

Wait, youre kidding about the ice luge at the wedding, right? RIGHT?!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:b69118ba-d4a8-4db0-9027-8f76302b2a22">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner? : Good God, forget to take your meds today?; I didn't say I expected him to pay for it, I said I expected him to not offer, I know he has the money because my dad and I are close and we talk about financial-related things affecting each other, and as I posted several times, the things that would be cut are not a big deal to begin with, I even said I would not want to ask if it would have made him uncomfortable and I was simply trying to determine whether it was proper etiquitte to ask him or not, which evidently it is not so I won't. Why you got all worked up I have no idea but thank you to the other folks who were capable of replying with some civility.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Ah, I love the smell of bitchiness in the morning. (My morning, anyway, it's still 10:00 here).

Even if you know he "has" money, it's pretty selfish to assume he'll want to spend it on YOUR party. I "have" savings, that doesn't mean I want to loan it out to people or even spend it on my own wedding.

And yes, as EVERYONE has told you, it's rude to ask for money. Would you ask a friend for $100 to put towards your wedding? A distant relative for some money to throw a BBQ? Then no, you shouldn't ask your dad, no matter how close you are.

I get annoyed by rude people. Plus, we get questions like this a LOT. Never ceases to amaze me.

sarah0725 · June 2010

Ah, the ice luge: the sign of a classy party.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · June 2010

You plan.....You pay

vegasgroom · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:34cd67b8-9257-4b26-92b0-3494d1a7f486">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, youre kidding about the ice luge at the wedding, right? RIGHT?!
Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

Not what you're thinking, I just dont have a better name to describe it. :)

vegasgroom · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:4899d0c8-fbc1-4a60-9a31-379104d14249">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner? : Mery didn't say anything that was rude. She was blunt. And it ISN'T any of your business whether he has enough money to pay for the rehearsal dinner or not; if he hasn't offered, you shouldn't ask.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Ok, great, point was made, point was taken, I posted more than enough information to make it clear in my first post that I didn't need the money, didn't want to ask him for it if it would make him uncomfortable, from the fact that I posted it should have been clear that I also didn't want to ask if it was bad etiquitte or rude, so a simple polite resopnse would have been sufficient, telling me his finances are not my "DAMN" business and that I need to 'suck it up' was unnecessary and unwarranted, particularly since the whole point of my post was to find out if doing something was bad etiquitte or rude.

But thanks again to the others who aren't bi-polar.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

Bless your heart. If It wer bi-polar it would mean I had large swings in my personality over a long period of time. But since all you know of me is that I'm consistantly bitchy, that's a pretty big generalization.

jessjo04 · June 2010

I think vegasgroom needs to grow a pair.

ETA: Maybe big girl panties would be a better suggestion.

baystateapple · June 2010

Reacting to rudeness doesn't make someone bi-polar. Thanks for playing.

shoegal715 · June 2010

OP is a piece of work.

mrs.mims · June 2010

VEGAS GROOM
seriously if you and your dad are close, ask him to pay for it.
really people? its not that big of a deal. my parents are helping us and we're ALL on a shoestring budget. they love me and they have offered. for instance FMIL asked if she could help with $$ i said, sure, can you do the rehearsal dinner? YEAH PEOPLE NO FREAKIN BIG DEAL AT ALL!!!
people swear they are so fucking above everyone and everything.
all etiquitte aside, only you know how to deal with your wedding, your parents, your budget.
and have you seen platinum weddings lately??? yeah, the ice luge thing is not only very expensive, but many wealthy people are doing them at their weddings. it's considered a pretty upscale thing right now, esp in Miami.
Dont take all these opinions (and some of them are rude) as gospel.

jessjo04 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:65be788c-08df-46f0-bd7e-5d149f485c0c">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]VEGAS GROOM seriously if you and your dad are close, ask him to pay for it. really people? its not that big of a deal. my parents are helping us and we're ALL on a shoestring budget. they love me and they have offered. for instance FMIL asked if she could help with $$ i said, sure, can you do the rehearsal dinner? YEAH PEOPLE NO FREAKIN BIG DEAL AT ALL!!! people swear they are so fucking above everyone and everything. all etiquitte aside, only you know how to deal with your wedding, your parents, your budget. and have you seen platinum weddings lately??? yeah, the ice luge thing is not only very expensive, but many wealthy people are doing them at their weddings. it's considered a pretty upscale thing right now, esp in Miami. Dont take all these opinions (and some of them are rude) as gospel.
Posted by mrs.mims[/QUOTE]

I'm gonna have to give this an 8/10 on the *gigglesnort* scale. Havent you guys seen platinum weddings lately?!?!?!?

georgia_bride09 · June 2010

"Mrs." Mims, bless your heart. I bet you're having an ice luge, too, huh?

baystateapple · June 2010

Etiquette.

It's right there at the top of the page.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:65be788c-08df-46f0-bd7e-5d149f485c0c">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]my parents are helping us and we're ALL on a shoestring budget. they love me and they have offered. for instance FMIL asked if she could help with $$ i said, sure, can you do the rehearsal dinner? YEAH PEOPLE NO FREAKIN BIG DEAL AT ALL!!!
Posted by mrs.mims[/QUOTE]
The difference between this and the OP's situation is that your FMIL ASKED you (i.e., offered) if she could help with the wedding expenses. Also, the fact that your parents are helping pay for your wedding does not mean they love you any more than the parents of a couple who are paying for their wedding themselves love them.

colsta · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:1b63e20a-f0d5-4a7d-bb9e-6af096d32bcd">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner? : Ok, great, point was made, point was taken, I posted more than enough information to make it clear in my first post that I didn't need the money, didn't want to ask him for it if it would make him uncomfortable, from the fact that I posted it should have been clear that I also didn't want to ask if it was bad etiquitte or rude, so a simple polite resopnse would have been sufficient, telling me his finances are not my "DAMN" business and that I need to 'suck it up' was unnecessary and unwarranted, particularly since the whole point of my post was to find out if doing something was bad etiquitte or rude. But thanks again to the others who aren't bi-polar.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

1. Nothing MsMeryMac said was any different from what the other posters said. She just used the words "damn" and "suck it up".

2. It is extremely ignorant of you to call someone who disagrees with your opinion "bipolar". Why are you stigmatizing a mental illness like that? Everyone who doesn't like you isn't mentally ill. I take medication for depression and you can be damn sure that the reason I express my disagreement with your OP has nothing to do with "taking my meds today" and everything to do with you sounding entitled (whether you actually are or not.) Please think about who you could be hurting by assuming that someone who isn't all smiles and kisses "missed their meds" or is "bipolar" - it could be someone you know and love who is too ashamed to tell you they have a mental illness because they would have to deal with your attitude.

Leslie&Ralph · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:a9541279-c83e-485f-8be9-5f97a2f426fe">Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]G I don't have a problem paying for it, was planning on it anyway since I didn't expect him to offer, but since we are way over budget there are some 'bonus' things I might have done for the reception that have now been cut, so just curious if I should ask him if he'd like to pay for the dinner so I can put that money towards the reception or just ignore it since I don't really want to make him uncomfortable thinking I'm going to be upset about it and it's not that big a deal anyway.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Holy Run On Sentence!

You can't ask the guy to pay for anything. If he hasn't offered, then it's off the table.

My parents gave us a very generous budget, but traditionally the rehearsal dinner is the groom's parents responsbility. They haven't offered (in fact I doubt it's even crossed their mind), so we're covering it. I wouldn't even think to ask. Well, that's not entirely true, I've thought of asking. lol But wouldn't have the balls to ask.

Krysti21 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:65be788c-08df-46f0-bd7e-5d149f485c0c">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]VEGAS GROOM seriously if you and your dad are close, ask him to pay for it. really people? its not that big of a deal. my parents are helping us and we're ALL on a shoestring budget. they love me and they have offered. for instance FMIL asked if she could help with $$ i said, sure, can you do the rehearsal dinner? YEAH PEOPLE NO FREAKIN BIG DEAL AT ALL!!! people swear they are so fucking above everyone and everything. all etiquitte aside, only you know how to deal with your wedding, your parents, your budget. and have you seen platinum weddings lately??? yeah, the ice luge thing is not only very expensive, but many wealthy people are doing them at their weddings. it's considered a pretty upscale thing right now, esp in Miami. Dont take all these opinions (and some of them are rude) as gospel.
Posted by mrs.mims[/QUOTE]

I've never heard of an ice luge, but I googled it and found one for $22.99.

<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Lush-Life-Party-Ice-Luge/dp/B000JL2XNW">http://www.amazon.com/Lush-Life-Party-Ice-Luge/dp/B000JL2XNW</a>

Yeah, I'm sure they're huge with "wealthy people".

And I'm amused that you're scolding others for what you percieve to be an entitled attitude.

shoegal715 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ask-dad-hed-like-pay-rehearsal-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:de14383f-4971-4b5a-89ef-1305ddea7ec9Post:65be788c-08df-46f0-bd7e-5d149f485c0c">Re: Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?</a>:
[QUOTE]VEGAS GROOM seriously if you and your dad are close, ask him to pay for it. really people? its not that big of a deal. my parents are helping us and we're ALL on a shoestring budget. they love me and they have offered. for instance FMIL asked if she could help with $$ i said, sure, can you do the rehearsal dinner? YEAH PEOPLE NO FREAKIN BIG DEAL AT ALL!!! people swear they are so fucking above everyone and everything. all etiquitte aside, <strong>only you know how to deal with your wedding, your parents, your budget.</strong> and have you seen platinum weddings lately??? yeah, the ice luge thing is not only very expensive, but many wealthy people are doing them at their weddings. it's considered a pretty upscale thing right now, esp in Miami. Dont take all these opinions (and some of them are rude) as gospel.
Posted by mrs.mims[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If that is the case, then why did OP need to ask strangers how to handle this situation? </div><div>
</div><div>You are a beaut.

</div>

Ask dad if he'd like to pay for rehearsal dinner?

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