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Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?

CynciaCyncia member
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in Wedding Woes

I have 4 bridesmaides and the wedding is in the fall. Originally I wanted my girls to not be clones so I let them choose whatever dress they wanted as long is it was the same color. A friend suggested to not do that, they should all be one length short or long so it's not all choppy. So then I thought to go for all long dresses. I brought it up and 3 out of the 4 were happy with it. The fourth one, really wants a short one. Long story short my MOH said it's rude that she won't bend, and another one of the bridesmaides agreed. The third one is doesn't care what she wears. I finally decided, let's go with 2 in long and 2 in short, in honoring my 4th bc she is the only one that is flying out, making a reservation, and she let me know is financially strapped on dress budget (I respect that). Im happy with what I decided, but I've been cornered twice about how it's going to look bad in pics with people being different, while I am absolutely fine with the whole thing! So as my heading suggests, am I being too lenient or should I say who gives a damn!?

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Re: Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?

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    KermitTheKittyKermitTheKitty member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's your wedding, so you have the final say. No matter what you want to do, someone is always going to have a different idea. In fact, different people are going to have conflicting ideas when advising you. That just creates even more stress. While its always good to take other's ideas into consideration, in the end, it is you who calls the shots.
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    Copper2008Copper2008 member
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    edited December 2011
    Would it be a fair compromise to offer to pay for the dress of the one who's flying in and demanding a short dress?  (Just be careful how you handle this with your other BMs. Either swear shorty to secrecy, or tell the others straight up that you've had to do this to save your sanity and you wish you could take care of all 4 but it's just not in the budget)

    That way her extra contribution is being recognized and you may be able to take away some of her arguments for the short dress  

    Why is she demanding short anyway? Does she think it's cheaper? Does she feel it should be her choice since it's her money? If you find that out you may be able to find a solution that takes care of her concerns as well as yours.

    Good luck!


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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lenient-gives-damn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8619cee3-8449-4a95-ab79-a89a97d1fd83Post:e50d8f67-53db-4c24-af69-73661031f5a6">Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have 4 bridesmaides and the wedding is in the fall. Originally I wanted my girls to not be clones so I let them choose whatever dress they wanted as long is it was the same color. A friend suggested to not do that, they should all be one length short or long so it's not all choppy. So then I thought to go for all long dresses. I brought it up and 3 out of the 4 were happy with it. The fourth one, really wants a short one. Long story short my MOH said it's rude that she won't bend, and another one of the bridesmaides agreed. The third one is doesn't care what she wears. I finally decided, let's go with 2 in long and 2 in short, in honoring my 4th bc she is the only one that is flying out, making a reservation, and she let me know is financially strapped on dress budget (I respect that). Im happy with what I decided, but I've been cornered twice about how it's going to look bad in pics with people being different, while I am absolutely fine with the whole thing! So as my heading suggests, am I being too lenient or should I say who gives a damn!?
    Posted by Cyncia[/QUOTE]

    <div>Why are these women in your wedding? Because they all photograph well, or because you love them and want them to help you stay married?</div><div>
    </div><div>The purpose of having people stand up with you is not to create a homogeneous chorus line for photos. It is because these are the people closest to you, who will most help support you in your marriage. I think that should help you make a decision. </div>
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    KirstenAleciaKirstenAlecia member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with baconsmom. I have to say that I have my best girl friends in the wedding. The girls who support me and if I ran to them with a problem they are there for me.

     I went into this wanting to make my girls happy too and each and every one of them (7 girls agreeing...wow!)  said the exact thing to me and that was that it was MY decision because it was my wedding and they were more than happy to wear what I chose. I told them I wanted them to carry parisols instead of flowers because of the theme of my wedding and its a huge $$ saver and they also all wondered why the heck I was asking them if they liked the idea of parisols instead of flowers

    . My girls get it. I would hope that anyone standing up for you on your wedding day is there in support and wont give you crap about the decisions u are making. If they do they are thinking of themselves only.
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    missmeikrantzmissmeikrantz member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I vote for the "who gives a damn" option. I've seen some GREAT wedding photos where the girls weren't in matchy matchy dresses. :)
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I dont think its a big deal to ask them to choose a similar style (either long dresses, tea length, or short).

    But if you are talking about them getting them all altered so that they are they exact same length from the floor etc then thats silly.

    If you already told them to pick their own, then I dont think its a good idea to recind.  Having 2 long and 2 short is not a big deal at all.

    In the grand scheme of things is this really a big deal?  No one is going to notice the BM's gowns anyway.  They are going to be looking at yours.  These girls are your friends, do you really want a fight over the dresses?  Your MOH needs to relax.
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    tesskerrtesskerr member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Everyone looks different anyway (different hair/faces/height, I think having BM same but different looks great. I remember a post once about a bride who was hemming the dresses all the same length from the floor (as apposed to the same length on the BM eg. knee length) so she wouldn't get a "wave" effect - now that was strange!

     
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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think if you originally told them they'd get to pick their own dresses you should follow through with that.  

    I had a mix of long and short and nothing looked choppy.
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    markandtiffanymarkandtiffany
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's your wedding...period. If these girls are such great friends they would suck it up and wear what you'd like them to wear. Not all of my bridesmaids like the dress or the color that I selected...but guess what...becuase they're my best friends...they're wearing the dresses anyway.
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lenient-gives-damn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8619cee3-8449-4a95-ab79-a89a97d1fd83Post:7f758098-43f3-4aaf-9dc7-6fa158919568">Re: Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's your wedding...period. If these girls are such great friends they would suck it up and wear what you'd like them to wear. Not all of my bridesmaids like the dress or the color that I selected...but guess what...becuase they're my best friends...they're wearing the dresses anyway.
    Posted by markandtiffany[/QUOTE]

    <div>Aren't you a peach. </div>
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    CynciaCyncia member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ya'll! This place tells it like it is, and is my place i come to when im exausted of asking the people i know. Best of the best to everyone :)
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    markandtiffanymarkandtiffany
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Actually I am. Let's be honest...we've all dreamed of what our wedding would be like and we all deserve to have the wedding of our dreams. I've been in plenty of weddings where I didn't like something or other...but it wasn't about me so I rolled with whatever the bride wanted. I expect no less for my wedding.
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    baconsmombaconsmom member
    5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lenient-gives-damn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8619cee3-8449-4a95-ab79-a89a97d1fd83Post:be568dce-3fe7-45bd-8393-ea6cc7777284">Re: Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually I am. Let's be honest...we've all dreamed of what our wedding would be like and we all deserve to have the wedding of our dreams. I've been in plenty of weddings where I didn't like something or other...but it wasn't about me so I rolled with whatever the bride wanted. I expect no less for my wedding.
    Posted by markandtiffany[/QUOTE]

    <div>I never dreamt of a wedding, and I wasn't too chuffed on the details when it did happen. Hell, I had a bridesmaid go completely missing - I didn't really think to myself, "She ruined my day" so much as "She's ruining her life, and I wish she'd let me help her out of this mess". </div><div>
    </div><div>So, no, actually, I don't think you're as wonderful as you seem to. </div>
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    Blueyed228Blueyed228 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_lenient-gives-damn?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:8619cee3-8449-4a95-ab79-a89a97d1fd83Post:7f758098-43f3-4aaf-9dc7-6fa158919568">Re: Too Lenient or Who gives a damn!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's your wedding...period. If these girls are such great friends they would suck it up and wear what you'd like them to wear. Not all of my bridesmaids like the dress or the color that I selected...but guess what...becuase they're my best friends...they're wearing the dresses anyway.
    Posted by markandtiffany[/QUOTE]

    Lame
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