MOH is pregnant

indiana108 · March 2011

My daughter is getting married in Oct. It is a destination wedding. Her MOH recently found out she is pregnant. The logistics of her MOH having to travel 1000+ seems unreasonable, even barring any complications. She will be nearly 8 mos pregnant. My daughter gave her the opportunity to opt out, but her MOH was insistent..she would be at the wedding! This puts the bride in a situation of maybe having to replace her at a later date, not to mention the dresses which need to be ordered by May. My daughter asked for my advice and i am stumped, should she just ask her MOH to step down? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

waltzingmatilda13 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:ecc298c0-95b1-4a7a-b341-50b9d32d4f81">MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter is getting married in Oct. It is a destination wedding. Her MOH recently found out she is pregnant. The logistics of her MOH having to travel 1000+ seems unreasonable, even barring any complications. She will be nearly 8 mos pregnant. My daughter gave her the opportunity to opt out, but her MOH was insistent..she would be at the wedding! This puts the bride in a situation of maybe having to replace her at a later date, not to mention the dresses which need to be ordered by May. My daughter asked for my advice and i am stumped, should she just ask her MOH to step down? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by indiana108[/QUOTE]

No. Your daughter should not replace her even if the MOH cannot attend. People aren't pawns in a wedding just to fill a dress, they are there because the bride and groom value their friendship and want them there. Your daughter did all that was needed by asking this woman if she still felt up to traveling. The MOH is a grown woman and can make her own decisions based on what she and her doctor discuss.

As far as ordering the dresses, I would ask the dress shop what's appropriate or allow the MOH to choose a similar dress that she would feel comfortable in.

SirJuliusVonHaast · March 2011

Don't replace her or ask her to step down. Replacing a bridesmaid is really frowned on around here because it makes the original girl feel replaceable and makes the new girl feel like a second choice. It's considered pretty rude.

I would just keep her as MOH, in the program and everything, let her order the dress (maternity, as necessary), and if she can't make it at the last minute, so be it. It's not the end of the world to have uneven numbers at the last minute.

Replacing someone is sort of treating the girls as props, instead of as people who are being honored. Asking someone to 'step down' is also often a relationship-ending move.

katiedidthat · March 2011

My MOH is actively trying to conceive and our wedding is now at just under 9 months away. This means she may be 8 months pregnant the day of my wedding. But I haven't even mentioned "stepping down" to her. She is very important to me(hence why she's my MOH) and I can't imagine having someone else "fill her spot." Your daughter should let the MOH make her own decisions-which she has- and then not worry about it. If the MOH ends up not being able to make it, she will still be in the program and I'm sure will be disappointed enough to have missed the wedding without the added pain of being demoted or replaced. The dress isn't a big deal, most shops carry maternity wear and can work with a pregnant woman to get a dress that will fit her appropriately.

AdeleDazeem · March 2011

My sister will be six months pregnant at my wedding (which is over 1000 miles away) and she is MOH.

Should any complications arise and she couldn't attend, I would be heartbroken. The idea of "replacing" her is not remotely a possibility. I'd send her the bouquet and webcast the ceremony.

Replacing her would be such a slap in the face.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

Kicking out a bridesmaid for being pregnant is just about the worst thing a bride can do. It's unspeakably rude and selfish. She should apologize for having even brought up the idea of asking her to step down, and be thankful that the MOH is still interested in being friends with her. Booting a BM is usually a friendship ender.

As for what she wears, it would probably be easiest for her to buy a maternity dress off the rack in a coordinating color. The MOH is often in a different dress anyway, and no one with an ounce of sense would question why a heavily pregnant woman is wearing something different.

jerseydevil · March 2011

You've been given very sound advice. I hope you pass it on to your daughter. Her MOH has not put her in any position by being pregnant.

Your daughter will have to be mature enough to understand that and if her MOH can't travel due to complications, she should not be replaced. Futhermore, obviously the MOH won't know what size she will be in May, so she will just need to buy a maternity dress that will make her comfortable closer to the wedding as PPs have said.

AutumnFair · March 2011

I'm going to go with a role reversal.

What if your daughter was the one pregnant and her friend was the Bride? Do you think it would be alright for the Bride to treat your daughter who is suppose to be a close friend to the Bride like a pawn just because she is getting married? Do you think your daughter would be upset if the Bride said, "hey, since your pregnant and the wedding is 1000 miles away you should probably step down?" Because that is essentially what your daughter is behaving to her friend.

Her friend is pregnant, but she is still a fair minded adult that can determine for herself if she can make the trip. She says she can so tell your daughter to stop worrying about it and to stop pressing the issue with her friend. If something happens and her friend no longer can make it, there is no need to replace her, a wedding can easily go on without a MOH.

Kniblet · March 2011

She may not be able to attend due to her doctor telling her not to travel. It happens. Being that close to her due date, it might not be a good idea for her to travel that far.

DO NOT let your daughter "replace" her if she cannot make it. That's awful.

8daysaweek · March 2011

The general rule of thumb is that women having a healthy pregnancy can fly up to 36 weeks (I flew at 8 months pregnant from Ohio to Arizona). Your daughter has asked MOH if she will be able to travel and MOH has made her decision. If for some reason her doctor recommends against it at that point, it would be unfortunate that your daughter won'thave her best friend at her side but she should not, under any circumstances replace her - presumably the MOH would be someone of such importance to your daughter that she could not possibly be replaced.
Many bridal shops have bumps that can be attached to estimate the size she wil need or your daughter could just tell her to pick something in the right color off the rack closer to the wedding - if that's the way she goes, she will likely need to be ready to give her some leeway or additional color options though. When I was shopping for dresses last year the maternity dress selection off the rach was not fabulous.
There are also websites that allow you to rent formal maternity wear.

indiana108 · March 2011

Thanks for the advice "8days a week"! My daughter was concerned for her friend feeling comfortable on the wedding date. Her MOH may feel different then, and my daughter wanted to let her know it would be ok if she couldn't do it. I'll definitely pass on the info about "the bump"..thats good to know.

awick14 · March 2011

if your daughter asks her to step down or if she can't make the wedding and your daughter replaces her she may lose a very good friend forever. If my MOH was pregnant and she couldn't make the wedding, the only request that I would have is for her to take tons of pictures if the little one comes an I couldnt be there. I would NEVER replace a member in my wedding party if for some reason that she couldn't make it.

jcamm11 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:ecc298c0-95b1-4a7a-b341-50b9d32d4f81">MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter is getting married in Oct. It is a destination wedding. Her MOH recently found out she is pregnant. The logistics of her MOH having to travel 1000+ seems unreasonable, even barring any complications. She will be nearly 8 mos pregnant. My daughter gave her the opportunity to opt out, but her MOH was insistent..she would be at the wedding! This puts the bride in a situation of maybe having to replace her at a later date, not to mention the dresses which need to be ordered by May. My daughter asked for my advice and i am stumped, should she just ask her MOH to step down? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by indiana108[/QUOTE]

I think people use the phrase, "asking to step down" to make themselves feel better. Your daughter's MOH wouldn't be stepping down, your daughter would be kicking her out. Everyone's going to know that no matter how you put it.

Also, pay close attention to PP's advice about "replacing" BP members, it's insulting to everyone involved.

ksteeb611 · March 2011

It sounds as if your daughter is happy for her MOH, as she should be. Congratulations to her!

mhickey426 · March 2011

I dont think you can fly at 8 months preg. I think the MOH needs to check with her dr. my sis in laws dr said after 7 months not to fly so this is something she needs to check out and then decided

heinz11msw · March 2011

Why would you replace a MOH? Is a best friend replaceable or something? That is so rude and there is really no point of doing that. The MOH does not do anything special at a wedding except for say a speech if she chooses to. Having all bridesmaids is perfectly normal.

fluffymunky · March 2011

I was a pregnant MOH. (I was about 7 months along at my sisters wedding)

Replacing her is not the way to go. She can be a MOH if she is there or 1000miles away in a delivery room!

AKSaucier · March 2011

I think that you should consider another take on this. I was recently asked to be a "back up" MOH because the MOH is going to be 9 months pregnant at the wedding.

Not only does the wedding put a huge amount of stress on the MOH which she doesn't need at the end of the pregnancy, but it also isn't the best situation for the bride. That is crunch time where she needs her MOH to be fully available. People who are 9 months pregnant aren't fully available. I think that the MOH is selfish for refusing to recognize the needs of your daughter.

I think that your daughter should absolutely have a conversation with her about the logistics of this and "ask her to step down" or "kick her out" or whatever the terms this board wants to use. This is your daughters' one wedding and while the MOH isn't "replaceable" your daughter has the right to a team of BM's who can give her the time she deserves.

dragossoul84 · March 2011

My MOH found out she was pregnat before my first wedding by several months just order the dress a or two bigger given how long until the wedding and then have it altered to fit. It was no problem at my wedding. I was so glad she was there to share the day with me

fallonbowman · March 2011

There are plenty of beautiful maternity dresses available, sweet she is so enthusiastic about filling her MOH duties. Cut poor preggo a break and let her try her best. Congrats to your daughter.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:5225e448-ad32-45b9-bcae-c2aac7edfaad">Re: MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that you should consider another take on this. I was recently asked to be a "back up" MOH because the MOH is going to be 9 months pregnant at the wedding. Not only does the wedding put a huge amount of stress on the MOH which she doesn't need at the end of the pregnancy, but it also isn't the best situation for the bride. That is crunch time where she needs her MOH to be fully available. People who are 9 months pregnant aren't fully available. I think that the MOH is selfish for refusing to recognize the needs of your daughter. I think that your daughter should absolutely have a conversation with her about the logistics of this and "ask her to step down" or "kick her out" or whatever the terms this board wants to use. This is your daughters' one wedding and while the MOH isn't "replaceable" your daughter has the right to a team of BM's who can give her the time she deserves.
Posted by AKSaucier[/QUOTE]
Sorry, but the bolded statements are ridiculous. Your friends have lives of their own, pregnant or not, and do not need to drop everything to be at the bride's beck and call. A wedding is not that hard to pull off, so if you really desperately need someone else to be helping to pull the weight, hire someone. And no one "deserves" their friends' undivided attention at any time, weddings included. It's selfish, spoiled, and entitled to think that your friends need to be your ladies in waiting like you're a duchess or something.

Manwaithiel · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:5225e448-ad32-45b9-bcae-c2aac7edfaad">Re: MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that you should consider another take on this. I was recently asked to be a "back up" MOH because the MOH is going to be 9 months pregnant at the wedding. Not only does the wedding put a huge amount of stress on the MOH which she doesn't need at the end of the pregnancy, but it also isn't the best situation for the bride. That is crunch time where she needs her MOH to be fully available. People who are 9 months pregnant aren't fully available. I think that the MOH is selfish for refusing to recognize the needs of your daughter. I think that your daughter should absolutely have a conversation with her about the logistics of this and "ask her to step down" or "kick her out" or whatever the terms this board wants to use. This is your daughters' one wedding and while the MOH isn't "replaceable" your daughter has the right to a team of BM's who can give her the time she deserves.
Posted by AKSaucier[/QUOTE]

No.

Krystlequinn · March 2011

I just found out my MOH is pregnant and will be nine months the time of my wedding and asking her to step aside is just down right wrong. I asked her to stand next to me for a reason and it isnt the MOHs job to do everything, the rest of your wedding party should be a help as well.

oceana919 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:5225e448-ad32-45b9-bcae-c2aac7edfaad">Re: MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that you should consider another take on this. I was recently asked to be a "back up" MOH because the MOH is going to be 9 months pregnant at the wedding.

I'm sorry, but if someone asked me to be a "backup" bridesmaid, I'd be insulted. Why? Because my first thought would be, "well, why wasn't I good enough to be a BM in the first place?"

Not only does the wedding put a huge amount of stress on the MOH which she doesn't need at the end of the pregnancy, but it also isn't the best situation for the bride.

How much stress a pregnant MOH is capable of handling is for the MOH to decide. Making that decision for her insults her intelligence and capabilities. 

That is crunch time where she needs her MOH to be fully available. People who are 9 months pregnant aren't fully available. I think that the MOH is selfish for refusing to recognize the needs of your daughter.

That's funny, I wasn't aware my MOH is supposed to be at my beck and call. She's about 2000 miles away and isn't showing up until the day before the wedding. All I've asked her to "be available for" is to sign the marriage license.

The only "duties" an MOH has is to wear the dress, show up, and look happy for the bride. Most women could pull that off at 8 months pregnant. Frankly, asking a BP member to step down because they don't fit the asthetic, may have to miss the wedding due to giving birth (and therefore disrupting the perfect WP symmetry), or won't be there to wait on her hand and foot is a flat-out sh*tty thing to do. 

I think that your daughter should absolutely have a conversation with her about the logistics of this and "ask her to step down" or "kick her out" or whatever the terms this board wants to use.

Um, no. Big fat honkin' NO. Asking a wedding party member to "step down" = kicking them out. Unless the MOH is sleeping with the groom, threatened bodily harm to the bride, or the friendship is completely and unrepairably over (for damn good reasons), it's unacceptable, immature, rude behavior. Nine times out of ten, it's a relationship breaker (if the relationship isn't already broken to begin with). 

This is your daughters' one wedding and while the MOH isn't "replaceable" your daughter has the right to a team of BM's who can give her the time she deserves.

Again, the only duties a WP member has is to wear the right outfit, show up, and smile in the pictures. Any time, assistance, or duties a BP member chooses to fulfill beyond that is for the BM to offer, not for the bride to demand. 

Posted by AKSaucier[/QUOTE]

AKWinterBride · March 2011

Wow, are you girls kidding me? She was asking an honest question and you all hopped all over her. You can feel all holier-than-thou and try to make her feel awful for her daughter having concerns about her bridal party, but you are all coming off horribly to a woman who just wanted a little help.

aerinpegadrak · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:dc543a2a-a369-415e-b029-de40ce4a4249">Re: MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, are you girls kidding me? She was asking an honest question and you all hopped all over her. You can feel all holier-than-thou and try to make her feel awful for her daughter having concerns about her bridal party, but you are all coming off horribly to a woman who just wanted a little help.
Posted by AKWinterBride[/QUOTE]
Kicking out a bridesmaid for having the audacity to continue living her life is about the worst thing a bride can do. And yes, both the bride and her mother SHOULD feel bad for considering it. That's called having a conscience: you feel bad when you do something wrong.

oceana919 · March 2011

Wow, are you girls kidding me? She was asking an honest question and you all hopped all over her. You can feel all holier-than-thou and try to make her feel awful for her daughter having concerns about her bridal party, but you are all coming off horribly to a woman who just wanted a little help.
Posted by AKWinterBride

Kicking out a bridesmaid because she slept with the groom? Acceptable.

Kicking out a bridesmaid because she threatened you with bodily harm? Logical.

Kicking out a bridesmaid because your friendship with her is completely and totally irreparable for logical, justifiable reasons? Understandable.

Kicking out a bridesmaid because she has the audacity to get pregnant? Totally and completely unacceptable.

You don't kick bridesmaids out of your wedding party for reasons that are not gravely justifiable. You don't "replace" bridesmaids - they're not a plate you broke in the dishwasher or a pair of sheets. You don't destroy friendships over a single day. That's not acceptable behavior for a woman with any ounce of class or integrity.

LindzMarie19 · April 2011

The biggest concern is not having an uneven number of bridesmaids or ordering dresses. My biggest concern would be the MOH and the baby's safety. Being 1000+ miles away from the doctor when you're 8 months pregnant is not a great idea, and i feel sure the MOH's doctor will voice his concerns about this. However, it is ultimately the MOH's decision on if she can make it or not. You and your daughter should definitley voice your concerns about the safety of traveling so far away with her due date being so close.

tiffanycdemeo · April 2011

i think that it is too risky and dangerous to have an 8 month pregnant women traveling! your daughter's MOH has to consider the health of herself and the child. Of course she doesnt want to step down cause she doesnt want to let your daughter down. prehaps have two MOHs or even just make her a matron/bm because her importance should not be taken away. instead by having two MOH someone can always step in, in her place. this way no feelings are hurt in the matter

aerinpegadrak · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-pregnant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:6cec322a-fd74-48a8-aed7-b97848ea33b8Post:9df716d5-8b44-45ee-b4de-047b521de22b">Re: MOH is pregnant</a>:
[QUOTE]i think that it is too risky and dangerous to have an 8 month pregnant women traveling! your daughter's MOH has to consider the health of herself and the child. Of course she doesnt want to step down cause she doesnt want to let your daughter down. prehaps have two MOHs or even just make her a matron/bm because her importance should not be taken away. instead by having two MOH someone can always step in, in her place. this way no feelings are hurt in the matter
Posted by tiffanycdemeo[/QUOTE]
Promoting someone else is just as bad as demoting the original MOH. OP's daughter will be just as married if there's no MOH there, it's not a required position. There's no need for anyone to step in and fill the role if the MOH can't attend.

1FutureOC · April 2011

Everyone sounds so hard. Take it easy.

I am planning a wedding at this very moment and my bride's MOH found out she was pregnant. She volunteerily stepped down. My bride replaced her (termed used in this conversation) and my bride recognized her as an honorary bridal party member in her program.

Another thought is, if something happens, the day would be overshadowed by sadness. I understand the question and the bride has the right to be concerned, (more about health though, not her dress and how her MOH is going to look.)

MOH is pregnant

Re: MOH is pregnant

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