Go with the flow Groom

Classic_amity · February 2010

Any of you girls have a fiance who is soooo laid back that it makes me want to scream? I love my guy dearly and he's taught me how to relax when I needed it but really, I'd like for him to start actually having an opinion about stuff rather than just saying, "Yeah, I'm cool with that." He's def involved but... not really inputting anything into the wedding that he would like to see. He is genuinely cool with anything I say. He's a photographer and I would have liked him to come up with some way of incorporating that into the reception but again, he is just cool with whatever. He is def not lazy but I'm thinking... is this what grooms say when they just don't want to or care to be a part of the planning?

This may be a blessing in disguise? I just feel alone in the planning and I want to be able to walk into our reception and feel like it's a representation of us, rather than just me.

What are some insightful words I could say to him that may turn him around without getting his back up?

jesi_nickles · February 2010

Mine!

He's cool with everything to do about the wedding, I can have whatever I want. But every once in a while, if I ask him to do something for me, he gets all nervous and tells me we should hold off on the wedding because he doesnt think we are going to have enough money.

Between the two of us and my parents, and possibly his, we have about 20k to work with. I'm going with around 15k total, but who knows.

We are already waiting 2 years as it is, how much longer does he want me to wait?!

Jesi

akhensley81 · February 2010

OP: I would talk with FI and get a read on expectations for his role in planning. Perhaps he feels that this is your gig and he wants you to do it the way you want.

I know when we got started, I asked FI how involved he wanted to be. He told me he had three things he had an opinion on - everything else he said, "I'll figure it out when I get there." I still run some things past him - like who our photographer will be, what kind of flowers I'm going to have - but he's very content and frankly, so am I.

nthomas983 · February 2010

My guy is the same, and I love it. Like PP said, make sure that he has input where he wants it (mine wanted a say in the cake and the menu and wants to pick our first dance song). I also run things by him - invitation design, flowers, etc - but when he says "Whatever you want is fine with me," I believe him. Makes things pretty easy, actually!

krmabojo · February 2010

My FI is laid back as can be. My FI (told me) is not good at matching colors or picking out details and making things match. He will give is opinion but he says he is leaving all that up to me since I care more about the colors and details than he does.

He has told me, "as long as we agree on the price, you can do whatever you want."

He is more of the bargainer when it comes to our vendors. I am not good at swaying others, so he has taken that up to help with planning. he also enjoys it, haha.

It is not that he does not care, he may honestly, not have an opinion on what napkins go with the centerpieces or what bra you think would be better with the dress.

Try to find some middle ground- and do not get mad if he does not seam interested.

KatelynS07 · February 2010

My FI is involved the perfect amount in just about everything, and has asked some great questions when meeting with vendors. Luckily for me, he is not overbearing and neither am I, we just take things nice and easy, especially since we have a year and a half to plan.

etaraskewich · February 2010

I totally know what you mean. My FI says, "Yeah, that's good." Then if I change my mind or show him something else, he says, "Yeah, I like that too."
GRRRR.

suz62984 · February 2010

I have one of these grooms. My guy has given me opinions on certain things. You just have to find what interests him.
Ex. My FI didn't care about the photography so when I gave him two choices it was like pulling teeth to get a preference from him. However, he loves music so when it came to the band he was all about giving his input.
Just try to find what he is interested in. Tastes tests, cake flavors, band/dj songs. Don't go for anything to girlie like colors for the linens. Guys just don't seem to care about that stuff. Who would have thought???

splint00 · February 2010

I would say just enjoy his laid back, easy going attitude. I think I may be the "go with the flow" bride type while my fiance basically plans the entire thing. I'm happy and so relieved that he handles the arrangements and planning and phone calls. He always asks my opinion which I happily give him but I can't imagine doing any of this on my own, it would be just so annoying. I think what I'm trying to convey is that maybe just appreciate that he is taking things in stride and is agreeable, it could have gone in completely the opposite direction. He probably very much appreciates the fact that you are in the drivers seat with this, that's how I feel about my fiance.

sweetpea0911 · February 2010

I wish my FI were like that! He's the reason we're having the church wedding - I wanted to go to the courthouse and be done with it. (I do not like crowds at all, even if I know most of them). He has all of these ideas in his head planned out, and it's been difficult at times to make him understand that they might not happen IRL due to budget concerns. Sigh...

sep72fendr · March 2010

My Fi is like this. I keep trying to run ideas by him and all I ever get is "I suppose" or "it's nice". He's always been passive about things like that.

Give him a chore list. Sit him down, talk to him about what he wants a say in. How much involvement he wants in it. Give him tasks to do with deadlines (such as research and find good photographers within this price range by this date with info from them). It will streamline your process and you won't have to think about that one thing until that deadline.
Plus it will get him involved.

Go with the flow Groom

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