quick questions about confirmation and wedding..

jen2013 · July 2010

Hey everyone! I have a quick question.. heres the situation, my FI is Catholic, he has gone through his first communion as a kid, but was never confirmed. what exactly does this mean?
We want to have our wedding at the Catholic church. I am not Catholic, but am thinking about taking the RCIA. I guess what I am asking is, if he is not " confirmed" would he still be concidered a Catholic in the church? AND the other question is, if he is Catholic and I am not, do I have to be Catholic to marry in a Catholic church?
Thankyou!

lililuvsrocky · July 2010

in order to have a Catholic wedding you must both be Catholic and must have done both Baptism, Communion, and Confirmation. Confirmation is completely different than Communion. You must both have the 3 sacraments in order to have a Catholic wedding.

meltoine · July 2010

PP is right. In a nutshell (this is what I teach my Sunday School kids):

Baptism - your parents and godparents take responsibility for raising you as a Catholic and seeing to your education in the faith.

Communion - you become one with the rest of the Catholic Church through the Eucharist.

Confirmation - you, now an adult (at least in the eyes of the Church as most people are confirmed between ages 9-16) take responsibility for practicing your own faith and you have a sponsor who promises to help guide you along the way.

Confirmation is the official "coming-of-age" ceremony in the Catholic Church, and you can't be married if you're not confirmed. If you are already thinking of checking out RCIA, why not do it together? If you decide to join the Church, you will receive all three sacraments at once, and your FI will make his confirmation alongside you. Sounds to me like a great way to start a life together!

As to your other question - no, you do not have to be Catholic for you and your FI to marry in the Church. However, depending on what religion (if any) you are, it may be a little difficult. Regardless, your FI will have to promise, with your consent, to raise your children Catholic and educate them in the faith.

If you are baptized in another Christian denomination you can be married in the Church pretty easily. I think FI will still need permission from the bishop (head priest) of his diocese (area). But that's really pretty easy to get. And, you get the bonus of the marriage still being a sacrament.

If you were never baptized (you're Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, etc... or no religious affiliation at all) it will be a lot more difficult. Most priests and bishops will strongly suggest that you be married outside of the Church. When a Catholic marries a non-baptized person it is called a "valid, natural marriage" meaning that although the Church recognizes the union as valid, your marriage is not a sacrament because all parties involved must be baptized for it to be a sacrament. Because it's not a sacrament, it really shouldn't take place in the Church - especially since the ceremony will have very little meaning to you if you're not some denomination of Christian.

I can explain more if you want after I know if you were baptized or not.

ev4149 · July 2010

Just a comment on whether you can get married in a Church if you are non-Catholic. My FI's family are non-practicing Muslims, and we are getting married in a Church. It was no big deal. The priest just discussed with us whether we planned to raise the children Catholic, and I had to sign a form saying that I would do my best to raise them Catholic. That was it, besides having to fulfill the normal requirements (Pre-Cana and such). No one ever suggested to me that I get married outside of the Church because of FI's religion. However, we are not having a Mass, as FI's side of the family could not receive Communion. Hope that helps!

agapecarrie · July 2010

Meltoine,

Actually, the priests still want natural marriages done in the church. A Catholic is bound by canon law even when entering a natural marriage...if they don't do this, they cannot keep receiving the sacraments.

They may get permission to have the marriage of a church site, for good reason.

jen2013 · July 2010

thanks!
Yes, I have been baptized as a Methoodist as a child

Calypso1977 · July 2010

confirmation is not required for marriage, although strongly encouraged. check the canon laws.

Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.

bibliophile2010 · July 2010

OP - the PPs have great advice and are all really well-versed in Catholic teachings. I would just add this bit of practical advice. Go talk to your priest. He will be able to guide you two through the best way to handle things (or at least the way he wants you to handle things). Seeing as you are both baptized, there shouldn't be a (major) problem.

However, whether or not it is an impediment to marriage, your FI should look into confirmation to complete his own spiritual formation, especially since I get the sense that he considers himself Catholic and, when marrying, will make a promise to raise your children Catholic.

For you, I would definitely take the RCIA classes. Learn more about the faith and if you are feel called to enter into the Chruch, do so. Otherwise, you will have learned a huge amount about your future husband's and family's faith (often more than cradle Catholics).

catarntina · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_quick-questions-confirmation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f1dfe33-33b5-4090-8b8b-de832bc07112Post:ed2b3200-5b94-45bd-99ef-e182ee1229b9">Re: quick questions about confirmation and wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]confirmation is not required for marriage, although strongly encouraged. check the canon laws. Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Yep. Neither FI nor I are confirmed but we're both baptised Catholic, and we are getting married in the Church. It was encouraged that we take RCIA, but we missed the boat on signing up for that particular round of classes, so we have to wait until the next time. But we're still getting married in a Catholic church.

jen2013 · July 2010

Yes, I need to go talk to them about it. Okay so if FI was baptized and raised Catholic, but not confirmed, and I am baptized but not Catholic, you think we would still be able to marry in the Catholic church? I am suppose to meet with a lady about RCIA and they have already started but she is letting me join in now if I wanted to. I am just on the fence about it. I think it would be a great opporunity to learn more about the Bible and about the Catholic religion, but at the same time I don't know if I believe in EVERYTHING that the Catholics believe. So I'm kind of torn. If I were to do it I would obviously want to be a devout Catholic but I don't know.

Riss91 · July 2010

If you are unsure, I'd suggest attending the classes. They would be a very good way to help you decide if you want to officially become Catholic.

In order to be married in the Catholic church, only one party needs to be Catholic. Cross-denominational weddings happen all the time in Catholic churches. You do need to agree to raise your children according to the Catholic faith. Best wishes!

lililuvsrocky · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_quick-questions-confirmation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:7f1dfe33-33b5-4090-8b8b-de832bc07112Post:d9ad276d-6c78-42e9-9dd1-b387a19bf1d8">Re: quick questions about confirmation and wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I need to go talk to them about it. <strong>Okay so if FI was baptized and raised Catholic, but not confirmed, and I am baptized but not Catholic, you think we would still be able to marry in the Catholic church?</strong> I am suppose to meet with a lady about RCIA and they have already started but she is letting me join in now if I wanted to. I am just on the fence about it. I think it would be a great opporunity to learn more about the Bible and about the Catholic religion, but at the same time I don't know if I believe in EVERYTHING that the Catholics believe. So I'm kind of torn. If I were to do it I would obviously want to be a devout Catholic but I don't know.
Posted by jen2013[/QUOTE]

I am getting married in a Catholic church and according to their standards if we are both catholics we can marry however, if we are not then we cannot. My church is very conservative. You may want to schedule an appointment to talk with a Priest before jumping to conclusions. Even though all of the Catholic Churches have the same overall concept, some are more conservative and strict than others (believe it or not).

Calypso1977 · July 2010

it used to be that you both had to be catholic. then it used to be that at least one of you had to be catholic, and hte other one at least baptised in some christian denomination. now it just requires that one of you be catholic.

different priests may have reservations about marrying a couple based upon whether you are both catholic or both baptised, one not baptised, etc. while a priest can refuse you, the church cannot.

based on the fact that your FI is catholic, and and you are a baptised christian, you shouldnt have issues.

i think it would be beneficial to you to do some research and learn about the faith. you do not have to convert to get married; but you will have to agree to raise your children catholic. this, i think, would be easier if you were both catholic. it may also be that you marry and learn abotu the faith in your marriage, and as you raise your kids, and convert later. my BIL did this. things became quite clear to him once they had their first child, and he felt that it was the right choice for him, and he wantedt o share the same faith as my sister as they raised their family.

ive never done RCIA, but it seems like you can go through the program and then at the end decide if you want to follow through with being officially converted. someone here can correct me if i am wrong on this.

bibliophile2010 · July 2010

Calypso, you are correct that you can go through the RCIA classes without receiving the sacraments. Although the Church would like to see people received fully received into the faith, they certainly do not want people to take it lightly or if they do not fully believe the faith.

Jen -- talk with your contact person at the church about the option of making a decision this spring (probably right before Lent, which does not begin until March next year), but beginning classes now. It should be a choice. If you do receive the sacraments (and since you are baptised, you will receive confirmation and your First Eucharist), you will make a profession of faith that includes a statement that you believe all that the Catholic Church holds to be true. As you said yourself, you do not want to do that unless you believe it. I really admire that, because I believe a lot of people take it more lightly than that.

I would also suggest that you pray about it. I know that I have struggled with some Church teachings, but generally when I put them on my heart and give them to God in prayer, I usually find peace in the teachings. I come to find that the Church was right all along, and my views were corrupted by society. I truly believe that prayer will help you discover God's will for you.

bellashauntee · July 2010

I am Catholic, received all three sacraments, but FI has not even been baptised. You can still get married in the church, just let the priest know. Most likely there will not be a full mass.

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