Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I USED to exchange presents with a coworker. She trained me at my current job. She is now a supervisor. Not exactly MINE, but she's a supervisor on my account. I don't want to exchange presents anymore. I didn't really want to last year, because we aren't friends outside of work and I don't know how this all started. 

My plan was to just not buy anything and hope she does the same. 

I'm kind of in the same situation with this person where I want to delete her from my Facebook now that she's a supervisor, but I feel like she might be upset. She has made life very hard for some coworkers (including, at times, me, before I knew how to handle her personality), and Facebook played a role in that. 

I'm so socially awkward. The internet makes it worse.
Report Reply to Post

Re: NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Was she a supervisor last year?  Could you possibly approach her and tell that you now feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts due to her supervisory position.  And explain that even though she isn't your supervisor, you don't want anyone else in the office or management to think that you are trying to unfairly get ahead by giving her a gift. 

    As for FB, I would just limit her exposure to your timeline.
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-christmas-presents-with-coworkers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:116fc176-3dd8-4182-8830-9c82f690f7dfPost:10bfa18f-a019-48e9-ae34-c67010990fe2">Re: NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers</a>:
    [QUOTE]Was she a supervisor last year?  Could you possibly approach her and tell that you now feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts due to her supervisory position.  And explain that even though she isn't your supervisor, you don't want anyone else in the office or management to think that you are trying to unfairly get ahead by giving her a gift.  As for FB, I would just limit her exposure to your timeline.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    <div>This sounds like what I would do. This steps on no toes, hurts no feelings, etc. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Yeah.  I'd put her in your restricted list on FB rather than outright defriending her.  

    As for the gifts, if you're comfortable talking to her about it, I'd follow OOM's tack.  Otherwise maybe get something small, but keep it in a drawer and only pull it out if she comes to you with something first? That ones a little trickier.
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    You have questions! I have answers!

    Was she my supervisor last year? Not really. It's a weird set up. She was above me in the same job role. NOW, she is actually a supervisor over me, but we work on shifts. And she isn't MY shift's supervisor, although we do overlap.

    Can I restrict her on FB? Well. I did that with another coworker who is awful at trying to get people in trouble (I wrote about her, actually, when she went through another coworkers desk to find my Save The Date and then went around the room showing people who weren't invited, like herself, and pulling up my website and showing everyone. I was afraid she would run to management and say it was inappropriate that I didn't invite everyone--even though I DID mail them to homes, privately, but that person had her mail with her and had stashed it in her desk--not on display. So far, she hasn't said anything.), and she figured it out when someone else said "Aw, look at what Domino posted on her Facebook!" and she said "Huh, I can't see that." She then got REALLY pissy and got me in trouble completely non-related out of spite.

    SO, if I do that again, I run that same risk happening with someone else. Otherwise, that totally would have been my plan of attack.

    It gets trickier when I mention that I DO have other supervisors on my Facebook. But. They aren't vindictive. Although. They probably should be taken off. That's the politically correct thing to do, even though I REALLY don't post ANYTHING about work on there.

    Loopy--I'm leaning towards your idea of the "something small," but that's what I did last year. It's a cycle that never ends. This year SEEMS to be a clear way to cut it off--she's management. I'm just chicken.




    Report Reply
  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I just keep all co-workers in a separate list with various restrictions on FB access.  That way all coworkers see the same restricted information.
    Report Reply
  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-christmas-presents-with-coworkers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:116fc176-3dd8-4182-8830-9c82f690f7dfPost:58d6e8bf-d410-41ab-bad5-5f08cfc2bbd2">Re: NWR: Christmas Presents With Coworkers</a>:
    [QUOTE]Regarding FB, you can also add her to your Restricted list so she has VERY limited access to your FB.  The only things she would see are things you make 100% public that anyone could see. <strong>She wouldn't know she's on Restricted</strong> but that would save her being pissed/upset about being unfriended. People are FB stupid sometimes.  One of my CW's who is a supervisor posted a bunch of crap bad mouthing the company on his FB this weekend and his final post was something like: Ok, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening.  I can't wait to get fired tomorrow. So, yeah, he got fired.  And was surprised.  Idiot.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    This just isn't true; you can tell when you're on a restricted list when you go to someone's page and their wall is missing. 

    OP I wouldn't buy her anything this year (not even a small what-if gift).  If she gives you something I'd either thank her and move on (and hope that by not reciprocating she gets the message that the tradition is over) or tell her straight up that since she's a supervisor now you don't think it's appropriate.

    I'd also just go ahead and de-friend her.  it's FB and it shouldn't matter.  if and when she does realize it you could always just play dumb and let her think one of you hit the button by mistake.

    image

     

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards