Help! Need advice on tipping, fast

Deminicosta · December 2012

Hi all!

My fiance and I are getting married in NINE DAYS (Dec 22nd). We have spent the last year and a half saving every dime we could to pay for the wedding of our dreams on our own. We had some problems come up and we're just finising paying off everything with very little left over. We rode a victory high for all of three hours... when someone asked us how much we were tipping everyone. We had forgotten about the tips! We're nine days away with no more paychecks until the wedding, and we have nothing left in the bank for tips.

I don't know what to do about this. I don't even know where I should post this! I can't make money appear out of thin air, and I don't want to be some 'cheapskate' who doesn't tip either. We've had some wonderful people help get us this far, and I'd give them the world if I could... but we have nothing left to give. If anyone could give some miraculous advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.

V

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:09f89cca-c407-499d-ab71-3466c515ad34">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]Send the "tip" in thank you cards to your vendors after the fact?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This. It's not the best way to do it, but it's better than not tipping at all or under-tipping.

s-aries8990 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:09f89cca-c407-499d-ab71-3466c515ad34">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]Send the "tip" in thank you cards to your vendors after the fact?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. Is the tip for service staff included in your contract? That would be the hardest one to try and postpone.

s-aries8990 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:d06bb550-48bf-4d89-b985-8628547d91f8">Re:Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]And please, PLEASE do not let wellmeaning friends or family tell you its ok not to tip. And please, PLEASE follow through with the tipping even if you have to postpone it. Not tipping for a horrible job is one thing, but not tipping for a great job is inexcusable, IMO. I always say everyone should be a sever once in their life so that they understand the importance of tipping.
Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY.

Maggie0829 · December 2012

Am I wrong in thinking that a tip is a completely voluntary thing? I was always under the assumption that tipping is not a requirement and that you only tip when you believe you have received excellent service that you feel that the vendor deserves something extra.

I understand that some tipping (hairstylists and waitstaff) is "required" because that is how they really make their money, but for other vendors (DJ, florist, photographer, etc) they are typically getting paid a wage that is not below minimum wage (like waiters) and so a tip is completely voluntary.

I would check your contract to see if gratuity is included for the waitstaff or just ask your venue POC if that would be easier. If it is not I would atleast scrounge up enough money to cover their tip (and your hair stylist/MUA if you are having one) and then worry about tipping the other vendors later but only if you feel like they deserve a tip.

MrsJoshuaParker4 · December 2012

it's probably not the most appropriate way of doing it, but you could always send them a really nice thank you card after the wedding and tip them then.
you can always make a white-lie and say you were so caught up in the excitement of your wedding that you completely forgot to give it to them then.

i'd rather get it later than never.

zantster · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:28e33863-f7c7-4717-a211-462cce61141f">Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]We rode a victory high for all of three hours... when someone asked us how much we were tipping everyone. We had forgotten about the tips! We're nine days away with no more paychecks until the wedding, and we have nothing left in the bank for tips. I don't know what to do about this. I don't even know where I should post this! I can't make money appear out of thin air, and I don't want to be some 'cheapskate' who doesn't tip either. We've had some wonderful people help get us this far, and I'd give them the world if I could... but we have nothing left to give. If anyone could give some miraculous advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. V
Posted by Deminicosta[/QUOTE]
Everyone's situation is different and the other PPs are right as well. But if it is at all possible to borrow the tip money from a close family member or friend and pay them back asap that would be great! Weddings and receptions are all day events and as someone who has been a server for them in college it can be literally exhausting. Also, minimum wage does not apply to food servers based on federal law. So, you can imagine at the end of it once you've given 110% you really hope you can get whatever's coming to you in tips at the end of the night instead of being told wow, great job, I'll send you something in a couple weeks. It's not that you're not trustworthy. But it can feel like a letdown to have to wait an indefinite period of time after such an intense day. If it's not possible then you've got to do what you you've got to do and that's cool. But if you can figure something else out that would be wonderful.

stantokm · December 2012

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:8c2396c7-8747-4cae-b605-3b8a0b4bdb0e">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I wrong in thinking that a tip is a completely voluntary thing? I was always under the assumption that tipping is not a requirement and that you only tip when you believe you have received excellent service that you feel that the vendor deserves something extra. I understand that some tipping (hairstylists and waitstaff) is "required" because that is how they really make their money, but for other vendors (DJ, florist, photographer, etc) they are typically getting paid a wage that is not below minimum wage (like waiters) and so a tip is completely voluntary. I would check your contract to see if gratuity is included for the waitstaff or just ask your venue POC if that would be easier. If it is not I would atleast scrounge up enough money to cover their tip (and your hair stylist/MUA if you are having one) and then worry about tipping the other vendors later but only if you feel like they deserve a tip.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I think it comes down to whether you hired them or not. I'm hiring my photographer, for example, so I'm not tipping her. I didn't hire the waitstaff or my hairdresser so I would tip them (unless the gratuity for the waitstaff was already included in the contract).

Now if my photographer went above and beyond, I would probably send her a thank you with a gift card.

I'd recommend borrowing some money for tipping. It's not ideal, but you'll probably get monetary gifts and could pay someone back the day after the wedding.

ETA: formatting. Stupid effing thing keeps reverting to "centered" on me.</div>

Maggie0829 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:3c9705cb-aa7c-443f-9206-197c5566641a">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast : I think it comes down to whether you hired them or not. I'm hiring my photographer, for example, so I'm not tipping her. I didn't hire the waitstaff or my hairdresser so I would tip them (unless the gratuity for the waitstaff was already included in the contract). Now if my photographer went above and beyond, I would probably send her a thank you with a gift card. I'd recommend borrowing some money for tipping. It's not ideal, but you'll probably get monetary gifts and could pay someone back the day after the wedding. ETA: formatting. Stupid effing thing keeps reverting to "centered" on me.
Posted by stantokm[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree with you. I would have tipped my hair dresser and MUA if I had went through the salon but my BM "booked" them (she works with them at a salon) on the side so the full cost of the hair and makeup went directly into their pockets.</div><div>
</div><div>I didn't tip my DJ or florist or baker or photographer. They all did their jobs well but nothing that made me think that they went above and beyond what I paid for.</div><div>
</div><div>We actually weren't allowed to tip the waitstaff at our venue (said so in the contract and was repeated by our venue POC) because they weren't paid the "typical" below min wage, wage. They were employees of ARAMARK who was the food provider at the stadium which we were married so they got paid an actual salary not $2.50 an hour plus tips.</div><div>
</div><div>So I really think tipping isn't something that is done across the board but should be considered on a case by case basis.</div>

s-aries8990 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:a9cc43e9-f49a-4e85-818f-af321ab9219d">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast : I completely agree with you. I would have tipped my hair dresser and MUA if I had went through the salon but my BM "booked" them (she works with them at a salon) on the side so the full cost of the hair and makeup went directly into their pockets. I didn't tip my DJ or florist or baker or photographer. They all did their jobs well but nothing that made me think that they went above and beyond what I paid for. We actually weren't allowed to tip the waitstaff at our venue (said so in the contract and was repeated by our venue POC) because they weren't paid the "typical" below min wage, wage. They were employees of ARAMARK who was the food provider at the stadium which we were married so they got paid an actual salary not $2.50 an hour plus tips. <strong><em>So I really think tipping isn't something that is done across the board but should be considered on a case by case basis.</em></strong>
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, but I also think it would have been wise to work a tip into the budget. I think that the night-of, the only tips that MUST be given are to the waitstaff unless a gratuity is already included.

I think that a tip shows gratitude, like if a florists is able to pull off a last minute request or a hairdresser/MUA goes in early on Saturday/Sunday/travels for you. Set aside an amount you think would be appropriate if the service is phenominal and then, if you expectations are not met, don't tip, if they are met, tip modestly, and if they are exceeded, tip well. I think that it is ok to tip everyone post-event with the exception of the waitstaff

[Deleted User] · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:8c2396c7-8747-4cae-b605-3b8a0b4bdb0e">Re: Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]Am I wrong in thinking that a tip is a completely voluntary thing? I was always under the assumption that tipping is not a requirement and that you only tip when you believe you have received excellent service that you feel that the vendor deserves something extra. I understand that some tipping (hairstylists and waitstaff) is "required" because that is how they really make their money, but for other vendors (DJ, florist, photographer, etc) they are typically getting paid a wage that is not below minimum wage (like waiters) and so a tip is completely voluntary. I would check your contract to see if gratuity is included for the waitstaff or just ask your venue POC if that would be easier. If it is not I would atleast scrounge up enough money to cover their tip (and your hair stylist/MUA if you are having one) and then worry about tipping the other vendors later but only if you feel like they deserve a tip.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

You are correct but many people that are involved in your day may get an hourly rate but not as much as you think. But depending on how their business is run it may not be as much as you think. For example, my husband drive limo on the weekend. He gets a decent hourly rate, but once you take away taxes, it's not too much higher then minimum wage. And he doesn't just drive up to a spot, stop open the door and then wait for people to get out. He gets out and runs over the door, helps all passengers in and out of the limo bus, helps with loading or unloading their stuff (food, coolers, bags, etc). He takes them wherever they want to go, on time, and sometime that includes stops for booze or McDonald's. He stops in a location that is best for the people to get out, not in a huge puddle or ditch. Is this part of his job, for the most part, but not all of it. He does his best to help make the part of the day he is involved as enjoyable for the guests as possible. So it's nice when he gets a nice tip for all the extra work he did.

So same goes for anyone that is involved in helping with your wedding, did they go out of their way to help make your day go smoothly & enjoyable? Yes, they say thank you & the best way is through a tip.

mcda04 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-need-advice-on-tipping-fast?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc29e30e-76e9-4c6d-a760-ab81fe97bde4Post:d06bb550-48bf-4d89-b985-8628547d91f8">Re:Help! Need advice on tipping, fast</a>:
[QUOTE]And please, PLEASE do not let wellmeaning friends or family tell you its ok not to tip. And please, PLEASE follow through with the tipping even if you have to postpone it. Not tipping for a horrible job is one thing, but not tipping for a great job is inexcusable, IMO. I always say everyone should be a sever once in their life so that they understand the importance of tipping.
Posted by BartenderBW[/QUOTE]

Amen. My first job was as a waitress at a local restaurant and it really sucked when people didn't leave a tip. especially since our base pay is normally min wage and the major income comes from gratituity.

I agree that you should check your contracts but if it's not included, send a tip a week later.

RWolff · December 2012

I agree with Maggie about tipping for exemplary service. A tip is a gratuity meant to express gratitude for a job well done, over the price that you have paid for that service to be done. So if a vendor does the job he or she said he would do in your contract for the agreed upon price, I see no reason to tip. If the florist throws in extra blooms, or the cake baker makes you a special flaor normally not on her menu, that is above and beyond the price.

OP, check your contracts for waitstaff, because it would be difficult for them to NOT go above and beyond. They're on their feet for your whole wedding, and their attitude and demeanor directly affects your guests. You personally interact with your hairdresser, so she is one to tip as well. Besides that, I would not feel personally obligated to tip on your wedding day.

I'm probably the odd man out with this opinion, though. I've worked as a waitress, a photographer, a stylist's helper, and an event coordinator. The only time I was peeved not to get a tip was when I showed up early to scope out the venue as a photographer, and ended up helping set tables because the hostess was short-handed.

I also think cards are perfectly fine. I actually plan on making up cards for all of our vendors to show my appreciation, and tipping when they provide excellent service.

hottovy · December 2012

One other thing to check on.... If your vendor owns their own business then they generally do not get a tip. ie our florist owns her business so we don't tip her. Our photographer owns her business so we don't tip her (that said she seems pretty awsome so we may give her a gift card for her and her husband to go out to dinner), but we do tip the second photographer (non-business owner).

QueerFemme · December 2012

I think this is the one time I would recommend borrowing from either a person or a credit card or something. My bank lets me take an advance from my next direct deposit of a few hundred dollars for a very small fee (like $10 or something like that). I'm not suggesting to go into thousands of dollars in debt for your wedding, but I would really try to figure this out somehow.

Waitstaff count on tips the day they work. I know a tip is never "required", but for waiters and bartenders, it is an expectation. I would figure out SOME way to come up with tip money for them. Send other major vendors (DJ, Day of Coordinator, Florist (if necessary) the tip after the wedding (but within 30 days if possible).

Cortney1982 · December 2012

I know your not suppose to count on it, but you probably will receive cash gifts. Take out of that if necessary.

Dreamergirl8812 · December 2012

Who are you worried about tipping? Will you have waitstaff and a bartender or is it a buffet. I cannot imagine going into debt for a tip.

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