Chinese Traditions

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

I'm marrying my Chinese boyfriend next year and am wondering what are some traditions would a Chinese wedding have. I'm an Irish girl and would like to include a bit of that culture, as it would make my boyfriends parents really happy. What are some things you do, decorate with or wear? Thank you!

ShannonEM · January 2013

I'm Caucasian marrying my Chinese fiance in a couple months. We are going to have a tea ceremony before our wedding ceremony as this is important to my fiance's parents. I will be wearing a traditional Chinese dress for that, and then change into my white dress after. I asked my fiance to talk to his parent so that we knew what was important to them.

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

I just heard about the tea ceremony today, which is basically why I asked. How are you going to go about doing that yourself? Will all guests watch this? I'm mainly concerned about guests seeing me before my aisle reveal, and my boyfriend! I want the first time anyone sees me to be in my dress, down the aisle. I could do it during the reception, but I don't want to change basically three times.

artbyallie · January 2013

I know some people who have multiple cultural ceremonies do them on consecutive days instead of all on the same day. But to choose what traditions, you really should be talking to your fiancé (if you've both agreed to marry, you're engaged) and/or his family. China is a huge country, after all, and you have no way of knowing what traditions they might use... until you ask.

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

I mostly wanted to do it as a surprise, so I've been holding back from asking his mother. My fiance and I have just been talking about it ourselves. We both know the tea ceremony would make his mom incredibly happy and it's a big part of the area where they're from.

I wouldn't want to do it the day before because I want to keep to my tradition of not seeing my fiance for the full day before. And I'm sure I'll need to recuperate the next day! Plus I really like the idea of wearing a qipao at my wedding to introduce my family to something outside of their culture.

I think I may just do it after we're introduced into the ballroom, switch into it and then switch out. The entire ceremony won't be long, maybe ten minutes tops so I guess that should be ok!

s-aries8990 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_chinese-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:3d64bb10-da76-400d-b34a-cad9485b8b5aPost:31786e46-ef03-448a-a496-eafc5c2b499e">Re: Chinese Traditions</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I mostly wanted to do it as a surpris</strong>e, so I've been holding back from asking his mother. My fiance and I have just been talking about it ourselves. We both know the tea ceremony would make his mom incredibly happy and it's a big part of the area where they're from. I wouldn't want to do it the day before because I want to keep to my tradition of not seeing my fiance for the full day before. And I'm sure I'll need to recuperate the next day! Plus I really like the idea of wearing a qipao at my wedding to introduce my family to something outside of their culture. I think I may just do it after we're introduced into the ballroom, switch into it and then switch out. The entire ceremony won't be long, maybe ten minutes tops so I guess that should be ok!
Posted by Ohhh beautiful[/QUOTE]
As a surprise to whom?

So you're planning on a tea ceremony and a traditional American ceremony? I suggest doing a tea ceremony with only your VVIPs - parents and BP - the day before, then doing a RD, then you go separate ways and do your American ceremony the following day.

Jen4948 · January 2013

In Response to Re: Chinese Traditions:
[QUOTE]I mostly wanted to do it as a surprise, so I've been holding back from asking his mother. My fiance and I have just been talking about it ourselves. We both know the tea ceremony would make his mom incredibly happy and it's a big part of the area where they're from. I wouldn't want to do it the day before because I want to keep to my tradition of not seeing my fiance for the full day before. And I'm sure I'll need to recuperate the next day! Plus I really like the idea of wearing a qipao at my wedding to introduce my family to something outside of their culture. I think I may just do it after we're introduced into the ballroom, switch into it and then switch out. The entire ceremony won't be long, maybe ten minutes tops so I guess that should be ok!
Posted by Ohhh beautiful[/QUOTE]

I'd nix doing it as a surprise to anyone. Something that means that much to someone won't go over well as a surprise, especially if there's any possibility that they may think that you changed your mind from not doing it out of pressure. This is not to say that your FMIL will think that way (you obviously know her and I don't), but I think it's not worth risking.

Rather than "surprising" her, why don't you just say to her, "FMIL, I really would like to have a tea ceremony because I know it's an important part of your tradition" in advance?

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_chinese-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:3d64bb10-da76-400d-b34a-cad9485b8b5aPost:2facb886-94f7-4840-915d-5a92c49b121e">Re: Chinese Traditions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Chinese Traditions : As a surprise to whom? So you're planning on a tea ceremony and a traditional American ceremony? I suggest doing a tea ceremony with only your VVIPs - parents and BP - the day before, then doing a RD, then you go separate ways and do your American ceremony the following day.
Posted by sydaries[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't want to do the tea ceremony the day before because I don't want to see my fiance that day. Plus that'll be the day to prepare and spend with my family at a spa. It was supposed to be a surprise for his mother because she knows in my planning, there's no real aspect of Chinese culture. I didn't see such an issue with surprising her. </div>

Peledreamsofrain · January 2013

I ditto not surprising the parents. This isn't a small issue, and may create drama along the way for you and create resentment. If I was a parent, I'd be MUCH more touched by a future daughter in law approaching me about including my family's traditions somehow, and consulting with me to ensure that everything is being done correctly.

Also, and this is a BIG issue, PLEASE READ THIS: It is traditional in a tea ceremony for the parents to give the new couple gifts AT THE CEREMONY. In fact, it is very popular to give the bride gifts of jewelry, and to put them on her. If you do not tell the parents that the tea ceremony will be happening, they will be potentially extremely embarrassed because they didn't show up prepared for their traditional roles. DONT do this to them, please.

It would be the same as not telling your parents that they are attending a wedding, and they show up in sweatpants to your ceremony. It will make them self-concious, uncomfortable, and wonder why in god's name you didn't tell them what they were attending. Not a good way to start your relationship with them.

ShannonEM · January 2013

I second what was said above, there is traditionally an aspect of gift giving and I don't think anyone would want to find themselves unprepared. If you want to surprise them, you could keep the fact you will buy a traditional dress a surprise, or something like that.

I originally felt like you, in that I didn't want my fiance to see me before I walked down the aisle, but I have decided to let it go. He won't see me in my white dress until I walk down the aisle though. My future in laws did offer to have it after the wedding ceremony, before the reception, but I think it will be rushed and I know its a big deal to them so I prefer to do it before.

Our tea ceremony won't be in front of all our guests, just his family and maybe some other key people (my parents, bridal party). I'm letting him sort out what is the proper etiquette and I will go along with whatever they want

Regarding changing dresses, that could definitely work. I'm not sure where your boyfriend is from, but I know where my fiance is from it is very common for brides to wear three or four dresses during the reception

I think that aspect of Chinese culture sounds like a lot of fun! However at my reception I will just be wearing one dress at dinner...I love my dress and want to wear it as much as I can!

Just as an FYI - there are certain colours that are considered bad luck in Chinese culture. If his mom is traditional and/or superstitious you may want to check on that. My FI's parents are not superstitious but I still ran my colour choices by them just to be sure.

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

I was watching videos and reading how to properly do the ceremony and I noticed that they gave gifts back. I didn't consider the tradition of that, I just figured we're not doing it for gifts and it wasn't necessary. I'l definitely bring it up to her and ask for help planning it and getting everything we need for it. I'll keep the qipao a secret.

My fiance is from Hong Kong and they said they switch dresses a few times, but I definitely want to stick to my one white gown! How important in the tradition is it to do it privately as opposed to in front of all of the guests? I feel like I would really like my family to watch and see me in my qipao too. I want to know as much as possible before I bring it up to his mom, so it looks like I know what I'm talking about and not just coming to her unprepared!

Ohhh beautiful · January 2013

Oh and color wise, my fiance said not to wear black. I figured I would just go the traditional red with gold.

s-aries8990 · January 2013

Where do his parents live now? And how long are they staying for?

If you can try and do it within a few days of eachother, i think that it's ideal. Plan for a small ceremony with his parents & siblings, and your parents and siblings. It's now part of your (you& your husband's) culture, so your family really should be there too. Then go out for some traditional Chinese food.

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