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Why now!! Need to vent

jnsainijnsaini
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in South Asian Weddings

So the day of my bday my in-laws tell my FH that they are not coming to the wedding because they didnt get to plan it, regardless of me begging them numerous times to come down and help me (they reside in california and the wedding is in philadelphia). Its really bumming that they try to do this now, when they know the wedding is only 3 months away and am so stressed with the planning as it is. My FH said he expected them to act immature like this, he is not too bothered but am so bummed, I took a sick day off work.Ruined my bday completely and am trying to get it out of my head and wondering what should I do. I called up his parents to talk, they said they didnt get to plan I asked them i have been asking you guys for a long time to come and help I cant wait three months right before the wedding to plan it all, his mom said she didnt want to help financially, I had no issue with that. I have had the worst of luck dealing with his fam sigh. I hope they get over this and come to the wedding, I dont want my most important day to be a disaster..:(
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Re: Why now!! Need to vent

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    dublintomadrasdublintomadras
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    edited December 2011

    Yikes!  I hardly ever come on the Knot anymore so I don't know your backstory, but it sounds like you have pretty interesting future in laws.  I hope they turn around in time for your wedding.  I doubt they'd want to miss their son's big day!! 

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    ZRexZRex
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    edited December 2011
    I think they will come.  If they are anything like my parents, they aren't going to be able to hold their heads up in front of their friends if they know that they didn't go to their own son's wedding (because holding your head up in front of your friends is *everything*).

    I'm sorry about your birthday, though. :-(
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    jnsainijnsaini
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you Ladies for the advice,

    Bells,you are right I have let this get to me too much. If they come good, if not they will miss the most important day of their son's life. I have tried any and everything to win them over, am fed up and tired of it, anything I say is taken and manipulated into something else. I am glad my FH is not influenced by their bs at all, gives me strength to deal with it and makes our relationship stronger. I know after being talked down to several times by them, I will start to get thick skin about this. Its a desi thing I guess sadly, his parents dont have a daughter and dont know how to treat one.
    I am going to take them out of my mind and go on with my planning.
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    Jeff and DeepthiJeff and Deepthi
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    edited December 2011
    I hope this doesn't come from nowhere I've been stalking for a while. Your FI's parents sound like mine. They are already threating not to come or to do this or that. If your FI says don't worry then don't.. the only reason he says that is because he's so use to it. I tell my boyfriend not to worry about what my parents do or say in the end they'll do what they need to.. ie show up and act like loving parents.
    Btw.. Happy belated birthday.. Really don't let them get you down.. it'll probably happen all the time and for no reason.
    Best of luck
    ~D
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    jnsainijnsaini
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    edited December 2011

    I am not glad to know, but it feels better to know am not alone dealing with this... and you ladies know what am talking about because you are in the same boat.
    I had a long talk with my FI last night(I kept the poor guy up till 12am, yikes), and he relieved my fears and made my mind feel at ease a bit more...I was thinking now I know why I fell in love with this man despite his fam driving me up the wall
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    HinajHinaj member
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    edited December 2011
    I have to say Desi parents love drama or something.  Is it only in our culture or what?

    Btw, Nicky Happy Belated Birthday!!!! I am so sorry that your B-day was ruined by this. 

    First, I am like 98% sure that your Fi's parents are bluffing.  Even if they don't want to come because they did not help in planning the wedding, they will show up for the fact that it is their son getting married and what will their friends and family will think if they did not attend their son's wedding.  So I highly doubt you have anything to worry over. 

    My FMIL uses this similar tactics with my FI in general, so I know I am going to be expecting tons closer to the wedding.  FI and I just go about ignoring such things.  You are not alone in the In law drama. 

    As for his parents who are now complaining about not being involved in the wedding, where were they in the beginning and not offered then especially since you asked if they want to be a part of this.  Is there anything they can do at this point in your wedding so they can feel more involved?  And there is only so much they can do from California when the wedding is on the opposite end from them. 
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