Potluck style reception?

scdowd · January 2012

I don't want to spend the money on a caterer... especially with so many good cooks in the family! So I was thinking of doing a potluck style dinner -- at least for the sides. I want really simple stuff to go with a "dry" bbq (i.e. no bbq sauce). Haven't planned a menu to the detail yet as I'm still poring over recipes...

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has done this and kept their sanity? (if so, how?)

Oh, and I plan on serving this buffet style... Any suggestions would be great for this as I have no idea what to do about servers/helpers. I'd like to hire someone to manage the tables but I'm not sure where to turn to for that.

Mrs.B6302007 · January 2012

SHort answer: don't do it.

There are tons of threads on this topic. Here are a couple to get you started.
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_potluck-not-potluck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9bb5e8f9-2044-49e8-b102-a2a24ae2abb8Post:10d10712-7636-4a64-b0b4-9ce4869393f0

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_pot-luck?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:e5c5ac3f-ff74-47c2-800a-977464c978d0Post:f53c8a7b-9f19-46e9-a9ff-d5149e99a200

If you scroll down and type "potluck" in the search box and choose "all boards" under that, you will see the others.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:e99a07c0-cda0-42b7-9c6b-699cafddfcfd">Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't want to spend the money on a caterer... especially with so many good cooks in the family! So I was thinking of doing a potluck style dinner -- at least for the sides. I want really simple stuff to go with a "dry" bbq (i.e. no bbq sauce). Haven't planned a menu to the detail yet as I'm still poring over recipes... Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has done this and kept their sanity? (if so, how?) ;) Oh, and I plan on serving this buffet style... Any suggestions would be great for this as I have no idea what to do about servers/helpers. I'd like to hire someone to manage the tables but I'm not sure where to turn to for that.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

Don't do this.

It means that the two of you are going to be doing every bit of cooking, setting up, making sure that everything that needs to be hot is hot and what is cold is cold. It means that you will be refilling the food as it is running out. It means that you will be doing all of the cleanup afterwards. It means that you will be responsible for getting Aunt Silvia's heirloom serving spoon back to her and Aunt Gretta her disposable tupperware that she can't live without. Sounds like the dream way to spend your wedding reception.

<u><em>Do not for a single second consider asking any of your guests to do any of this nor should you take them up on any offers to do so</em>. </u><em><u> A guest is never an unpaid employee for your wedding.</u>

</em>Add up the costs of the following: Linens, tables, chairs, china, silverware, glassware, servers, clean up crew and insurance. A caterer is going to be a total bargain.

One last thing to consider is what will happen if someone gets food poisoning at your self catered reception - there is a reason caterers are so well insured. People will sue over this, especially if there is a hospital bill involved. One of the knotties has a mom who got food poisoning at a self catered wedding, passed out in her bathroom after throwing up, hit her head on the sink and was in the hospital for a couple of days. This may be the extreme, but obviously it can happen and don't assume that nobody you know would sue you over this; they absolutely will.

HobokensFury · January 2012

Pot lucks are not proper for wedding receptions. Receptions are a thank you to your guests. By having a potluck you are asking guests to provide food for your wedding and essentially pay for it.

kmmssg · January 2012

Please don't do this. What you are saying is "we really don't want to pay to feed our guests, we want some of them to take care of this for us and work at our wedding."

Your reception is your thank you to your guests . It is your RESPONSIBILITY to pay for their meal!!

skippylouwho · January 2012

If I'm ever invited to a potluck wedding while I may attend the ceremony I will not be attending the reception. I don't mind pot lucks at work or for organizations I belong but I'm not schlepping food to a wedding reception. I don't care if the couple chooses to do this, it is their wedding but I won't be joining them.

Avion22 · January 2012

There are a lot of budget-friendly reception ideas:

1. Get a restaurant to cater. Could be barbeuce, mexican, italian, or even pizza. A lot of restaurants do party trays and deliver.

2. Have a reception at a non-meal time (like mid-afternoon) and do cake and punch.

3. Use a caterer, but give them your budget and see what they can do for you. You might be surprised at what they come up with.

Don't do potluck....

Simply Fated · January 2012

Potlucks can be a lot of fun, but not for a wedding reception that you're hosting. It just creates work for your guests.

mandydc0509 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:036d2322-2b96-4097-9429-ab7dc349ee0c">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If I'm ever invited to a potluck wedding while I may attend the ceremony I will not be attending the reception.</strong> I don't mind pot lucks at work or for organizations I belong but I'm not schlepping food to a wedding reception. I don't care if the couple chooses to do this, it is their wedding but I won't be joining them.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

This, plus the other legal/logistic issues that the pps discused. I would consider the other cost-saving ideas suggested; potluck is not a good idea.

bsn1752 · January 2012

I'm late to the party... But ditto everything above. Potlucks are a no-no!

scdowd · January 2012

Um..okay, I guess I should've been more clear. Obviously that's my fault. None of this advice was helpful at all though.. And I'm really surprised at all the assumptions...

But just to clear things up:
1. Hiring a BBQer.
2. Hiring a culinary student to manage the table
3. Guests are not bring anything but their ownselves. The food will be handled by me and my family.
4. Linens and such are already included at the reception/ceremony site, which is free :P

Thanks anyway.

bsn1752 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:608abc52-95b6-4c91-a763-e0108570c159">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um..okay, I guess I should've been more clear. Obviously that's my fault. None of this advice was helpful at all though.. And I'm really surprised at all the assumptions... But just to clear things up: 1. Hiring a BBQer. 2. Hiring a culinary student to manage the table 3. Guests are not bring anything but their ownselves. The food will be handled by me and my family. 4. Linens and such are already included at the reception/ceremony site, which is free :P Thanks anyway.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

I think given the information that you provided, there was only one assumption to make based off the title "potluck". After all, a potluck, by definition is having guests bring food from their own kitchen.

The advice you received is very helpful given the topic, actually. Try to not jump to being rude immediately.

scdowd · January 2012

Wasn't trying to be rude, BSN. I thought I was pretty clear in my last paragraph of my 1st post that I wasn't going to "hire" guests...

Seems like everyone read the title and nothing else.

And yeah, I took responsibility for the lack of clarity. I guess what I should have said was "self-catered" but until today I didn't know what that was. People could've asked questions if they were unsure of something, that's all I'm saying.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:e99a07c0-cda0-42b7-9c6b-699cafddfcfd">Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I don't want to spend the money on a caterer... especially with so many good cooks in the family! So I was thinking of doing a potluck style dinner -- at least for the sides.</strong> I want really simple stuff to go with a "dry" bbq (i.e. no bbq sauce). Haven't planned a menu to the detail yet as I'm still poring over recipes... Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has done this and kept their sanity? (if so, how?) ;) Oh, and I plan on serving this buffet style... Any suggestions would be great for this as I have no idea what to do about servers/helpers. I'd like to hire someone to manage the tables but I'm not sure where to turn to for that.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

<div>This definitely sounds like you were planning on asking family members to make and bring side dishes - that's what we were commenting on. No one was being rude to you, we were just letting you know what etiquette says about that particular idea. If you aren't planning to ask any of your guests to cook and bring food to your wedding, then your word choice was quite confusing.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I just saw that you said the food is being handled by "you and your family" - your family are also guests, so everything everyone said about asking guests to work and to bring things still applies. Family =/= free labor. Sorry.</div>

Simply Fated · January 2012

OP, you definitely said potluck. It's in your op and in the subject title of this thread. Your family are guests. So, yeah, it looks like you're expecting some of your guests to be providing the side dishes. My advice remains the same because it's perfectly relevant, even with your updated info.

tldh · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:608abc52-95b6-4c91-a763-e0108570c159">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um..okay, I guess I should've been more clear. Obviously that's my fault. None of this advice was helpful at all though.. And I'm really surprised at all the assumptions... But just to clear things up: 1. Hiring a BBQer. 2. Hiring a culinary student to manage the table 3. Guests are not bring anything but their ownselves. <strong>The food will be handled by me and my family.</strong> 4. Linens and such are already included at the reception/ceremony site, which is free :P Thanks anyway.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

<em><strong>I don't want to spend the money on a caterer... especially with so many good cooks in the family! So I was thinking of doing a potluck style dinner -- at least for the sides.</strong>I want really simple stuff to go with a "dry" bbq (i.e. no bbq sauce). Haven't planned a menu to the detail yet as I'm still poring over recipes...

</em>
How in the world were we supposed to glean that you were planning on hiring caterers and that guests were not brining potluck dishes from your first post????? Andplusalso, your family is not unpaid labor for your wedding and it's still a horrible/financially dangerous plan to not have professional handling ALL of the food.

JnK13 · January 2012

Y'all stop being mean to this poor girl! Sheesh! It is unnecessary!

To SCDOWD:

I am planning on self-catering (this is the best term to use for what you are talking about) my wedding as well.

I will tell you what I am doing, and maybe this will help you.

(Keep in mind I am catering for 75 people.) My plan is to come up with a few casserole recipes (we are using family recipes) and easy sides. We will have a cracker display with assorted crackers, assorted cheese, pepperoni, & chicken salad. Two crock pots, one with cocktail weenies, another with meatballs. We will have a fresh fruit display too.

I am compiling all the recipes, purchasing all the food, suppling all containers, trays, display stuff, etc. I am paying a friend of a friend that enjoys cooking for very large crowds. I know this person can handle the cooking and she knows what is expected of her. She will do all the cooking the day of the wedding at the venue; it has a full kitchen.

I am holding a meeting with a few acquaintances of mine that have either expressed interest in helping out, or I know they would like to help out. (These are not family members, wedding party, or best friends. In my opinion those people deserve to enjoy the wedding as guests) At this meeting I will tell them what I need: a greeter, a chef's assistant, someone to refill food display, and a few people to clear up food after eating is done, etc. I will explain the duties, and either ask for volunteers, or tell them how much each position pays. I will "hire" extra people just in case someone can't come, is sick, or changes their mind. Anything can happen and it's best to have your basis covered. Each person knows their job, and everything gets done.

All of this will cost less than hiring a cater. Yes, there are risks involved by self-catering, like food poisoning and suing, but I am willing to take the risk. My family has several reunions and gatherings per year (usually about 35-45 people) and we all cook the same things I am preparing for the wedding with no hickups or poisioning or problems. I am self-catering to save money, but also it is important to me to serve family recipes, all food that I know the majority of my guests will be familiar with and enjoy. Some people might see self-catering as a headache, but to me it is a joy to organize and prepare all of this myself.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

scdowd · January 2012

See, the thing is, I just don't understand why you all are bringing etiquette into it. In my family at least, the idea of a potluck reception or self-catered is not considered rude or insulting to them. In fact, the ones that I have asked for help are excited about it and are going over what they want to bring and such... No one has said anything negative at all about it. Plus my wedding is not all that formal anyway.

What I asked for advice for was what to do about a food manager -- that is, someone who can set up and keep the table filled.

I truly just feel like you guys just didn't like my idea and jumped all over me for it. A potluck reception is really not as bad as it sounds and in fact, it used to be the traditional way of doing things.

Even if there WAS a misunderstanding about my posts, I still don't see anything wrong with a potluck reception.. Also googled it, and I'm not the only one apparently...

ootmother2 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:079e9a4f-da42-44c1-93df-f1b90b90c5ce">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Potlucks can be a lot of fun, but not for a wedding reception that you're hosting. It just creates work for your guests.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

also, it's a potential disaster just waiting to happen

scdowd · January 2012

JNK13 -- thank you! This is what I was looking for. It's important for me for everyone to love the food too (which doesn't happen with catering sometimes). Definitely taking some of those ideas into consideration..

I had planned on doing some cooking before hand and freezing stuff.. Then having a hired person (not guest) to warm and serve everything.. My aunts, cousins, and a couple of very good family friends have expressed interest in cooking for the wedding -- and this is something I didn't even have to go TO them for. They just said they'd like to do it. But, yeah definitely want them to be able to enjoy themselves so I want to hire other people.

One of my neighbors mentioned I should go to a culinary school around here and see if I can hire anyone from there..

Simply Fated · January 2012

JnK... you joined two and a half years ago and decided now, after all these years, to finally post JUST to validate an unpopular opinion? I call AE lol.

mavargo · January 2012

My brother and his wife did a pot luck buffet styled reception( all the food was made by our families). Everyone got great food and it was simple and easy. We used warmers and crockpots... There is nothing wrong with making food yourself or having family help you make it. In fact it used to be more common for families to help cater weddings back when they were more intimate affairs.

bsn1752 · January 2012

So, do you know how clean everyone's kitchen is? Are you going to carry the proper insurance that a typical caterer would carry? Does your venue approve? How do you know the food will be cooked thoroughly and to the correct temperatures? Hopefully you can certainly see why it's a bad idea to potluck or even "self cater" your wedding for many many reasons.

scdowd · January 2012

Simply Fated - Although it's been clarified that what I have in mind for my reception is not a potluck by definition (instead it's "self-catered") potluck receptions are really not all that unpopular or even unheard of. I dunno, maybe they are in Long Island, but in rural areas or places that have a more "countryside" type of feel to the community, it's really not a faux pas. As mavargo also said, it was the thing to do way back when. Lots of things have changed in the past few decades with how weddings and receptions are run. To me, whether unpopular opinion or not, the way they did weddings and receptions in my grandmother's day are far more appropriate than the way they do them now. And that's one of the reasons why I chose to include my family in my planning. One of my cousins in fact said that she was honored to help make the food because she has just started learning to cook. So now she feels special.

BSN - my venue has a commercial kitchen and all the food will be cooked there. It really isn't a problem and these are things that were already considered. It would've really helped if everyone just stuck to the original question -- What to do about food management during the reception. And no, I still don't see the problem because I have also heard many good things about potluck/self-catering from people I know who have attended such weddings. It IS possible -- some people just don't have the motivation or organization or want to do it.

Opie&Bubbles · January 2012

For my first wedding we did something like a pot-luck, but the only thing is we asked the guests to help us start a family cook-book as our gift. So we asked them to bring a dish and also share the recipe with us. We were able to get away with this because we had it in a church that was very close and the people attending knew of our situation. Also we didn't do any "main dishes" we had a wedding tea which also made it so we could go with a semi-potluck type of reception. Personally I think if you wanted to do this it would depend on who your guests are.

I know I am having my grandmother help us with all the cooking for the reception, but that is because I am filipino and the best filipino food is made by the family - and tradition allows me to ask for the family to help me cook all the food.

KellyBrian2013 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:905a4d57-06be-4287-abab-1db0a9da452f">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Simply Fated - Although it's been clarified that what I have in mind for my reception is not a potluck by definition (instead it's "self-catered") potluck receptions are really not all that unpopular or even unheard of. I dunno, maybe they are in Long Island, but in rural areas or places that have a more "countryside" type of feel to the community, it's really not a faux pas. As mavargo also said, it was the thing to do way back when. Lots of things have changed in the past few decades with how weddings and receptions are run. To me, whether unpopular opinion or not, the way they did weddings and receptions in my grandmother's day are far more appropriate than the way they do them now. And that's one of the reasons why I chose to include my family in my planning. <strong>One of my cousins in fact said that she was honored to help make the food <u>because she has just started learning to cook</u>.</strong> So now she feels special. BSN - <strong>my venue has a commercial kitchen and all the food will be cooked there.</strong> It really isn't a problem and these are things that were already considered. <strong>It would've really helped if everyone just stuck to the original question</strong> -- What to do about food management during the reception. And no, I still don't see the problem because I have also heard many good things about potluck/self-catering from people I know who have attended such weddings. It IS possible -- some people just don't have the motivation or organization or want to do it.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

1) Oh goodie, so your guests get to be your cousin's test subjects as she "learns to cook"! Be sure you carry the proper insurance in case your guests get food poisoning.

2) Will your venue allow amateurs to cook in their kitchen? Because no respectable venue that I know would allow anyone outside of their own staff to use their facilities to prepare food. It's one thing to hire an outside caterer - it's another totally to have the B&G's (unexperienced) family using the venue's kitchen to prepare the food. And would seem like a giant liability on the part of the venue to me... what if someone gets sick because food is prepared incorrectly or not kept at a correct temperature? What if your family cooks don't keep the kitchen sanitary (like using a cutting board for raw meat and then processing other foods on it) and someone gets sick? What if someone gets hurt while in the venue's kitchen?

3) This is a public forum. Anyone may post as they wish, even if it isn't the advice you'd like to see. You do not get to dictate how anyone else posts. Perhaps people aren't answering about "food management" because it is inappropriate to expect/ask your guests to cook for you simply because you don't feel like hiring a caterer to do it.

scdowd · January 2012

It's not about whether I want to see the advice or not. It's a huge waste of my time, your time to just completely ignore the original question and say whatever you want. I have every reason to expect people to answer my question instead of standing on their soapbox ranting about things that are already taken care of. If you want to stand on a soapbox and tell everyone the do's and don'ts of wedding receptions, go start a blog. Don't hijack someone's thread.

My problem with some of the posters isn't their difference in opinion, it's their lack of ability to stay on topic. I also think that some of the attitude is really inappropriate and unnecessary.

Anyway, I do thank some of the ladies for their time and advice here.

bsn1752 · January 2012

"Standing on a soapbox" =\= giving you good and sound advice If you chose to ignore good advice, that's on you. But given the advice you've received, I hope you reconsider. And I will state another obvious point... Hiring family or friends is NEVER a good idea. Hopefully that needs no explanation. ETA: my grandmother and my mothers weddings were both catered by professionals. Please don't use eras and region as a basis for an argument because it will seldom hold any weight.

scdowd · January 2012

My argument wasn't a strawman, BSN. Anyone can google it. Sure some people had professionals and what have you, but there were plenty of people who did it the old-fashioned way.

bsn1752 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_potluck-style-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:c22f0488-e3ee-4e19-9edf-d623d11d5f91Post:e7be6e1a-71f2-4070-89f8-c27db0e40942">Re: Potluck style reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]My argument wasn't a strawman, BSN. Anyone can google it. Sure some people had professionals and what have you, but there were plenty of people who did it the old-fashioned way.
Posted by scdowd[/QUOTE]

That's true, and no one is negating the fact that people have done it your way (your way is not the "old fashioned" way) however, I believe that PP's were trying to give you reasons (and etiquette) as to why you shouldn't. Hopefully you think of the opposing side too.

Erinkathleen84 · January 2012

This is a really funny discussion. I LOVE reading the etiquette board for this exact reason.

Thanks for the entertainment this fine Tuesday

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