Chit Chat

The Money Dance!

I was talking with a family friend about my up coming wedding  and how were planning on doing the money dance, and she thought people might be giving us money as a gift so its rude to ask them to give money to dance? Is it? At my sisters wedding they just had a jar and said if you want to you can. SO i'm not sure if we should have the dance or not.
Whats your opinion?!?!

Re: The Money Dance!

  • I abhor money dances.  Your guests are already giving up their time to come to your wedding.  They may be paying traveling expenses.  They may have purchased new attire.  They've probably given you a gift.

    And now you want more?  IMO, it's in very poor taste to ask your guests to pay for the "privilege" of dancing with you on your wedding day. 

    I married into a family that ALWAYS has money dances at weddings.  Except for ours.  Our son and DIL didn't have a money dance, and neither did our DD and SIL.  All of us had wonderful weddings, without shaking down the guests.

    Unless there's a pole in the picture, you shouldn't be dancing for money.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to The Money Dance!:
    I was talking with a family friend about my up coming wedding  and how were planning on doing the money dance, and she thought people might be giving us money as a gift so its rude to ask them to give money to dance? Is it? At my sisters wedding they just had a jar and said if you want to you can. SO i'm not sure if we should have the dance or not. Whats your opinion?!?!
    Posted by crcanclini
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I know my opinion on will be in the minority.  While I do not think the dollar dance is a required event (and I wouldn't miss it at a wedding), it is extremely common in my area.  I don't think I've been to a wedding that hasn't had one.  I personally do not see them as tacky because that's what I've always seen at a wedding so it's never been out of the norm for me.

    I think a lot of people do consider them tacky so I would advise you to skip it.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
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    edited September 2010
    Warning: this is a very hot topic on these boards, so prepare to get flamed.

    Personally, I don't like the idea of having people open their wallets at the reception, but I understand that it's a tradition in some cultures.  I'm fond of non-monetary alternatives: the guests exchange slips of paper with well-wishes for the dance, they're provided with chocolate coins or Hershey kisses to present in exchange for the dance, the bride and groom give the guests the candy following the dance, the bride and groom dance with their guests with nothing changing hands, etc.  That way, if it is very common in one or both of your familes and some people have factored that money into their gift, they can still give it if they desire, but no one has to feel awkward and left out because they don't want to or aren't able to pay.

    Though I should note that even if there isn't money changing hands, the dollar dance tends to kill the party.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Asking for money is rude.  

    It doesn't matter if you put a jar, if you put a machine, or if you dance for it.  It is inappropriate to ask your guests for money.  

    If you want to dance with your guests, you should.  But charging them for the privilege (or leaving a tip jar for the privilege) is wrong.  
  • I don't like money dances at all. As PP have already said, they most likely got you a gift, have traveled and they now have to give money to dance with the bride or groom. I just find it tacky. 

    All the weddings I have been too, only one had the money dance (and that was the first time I ever heard of it). It was for my FSIL who was 19 and well that whole wedding is a whole other story in itself. 
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  • I've seen the money/dollar dance at EVERY wedding I've been too.  I personally don't think it's rude. We're planning on doing it at our wedding. If my guests don't want to participate, then they don't have to.


    Maya
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  • I think they're lame, but if I lived somewhere that the money dance was the norm, I'd probably want to do one; so I'd say if it's normal for your family and/or location and you want to do it, go ahead with it knowing that people who aren't used to it will probably sit there during the dance and judge you while those who are used to it might enjoy it.

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  • Every wedding I have been to has had a money/shot dance.  Usually you pay a dollar, get a jello shot and a dance.  I don't find it rude at all. It's only a dollar. It's not like you are asking for their checkbook.  And it's optional. You aren't required to participate in it.  It's just a fun wedding game. 
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  • I agree with PP - people can choose to participate or not.  I've been to wedding where they were done and some people just didn't do it.  People will think what they will think no matter what.
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  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    I've seen the money/dollar dance at EVERY wedding I've been too.  I personally don't think it's rude. We're planning on doing it at our wedding. If my guests don't want to participate, then they don't have to.
    Posted by annagtz82
    Ditto
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  • Every wedding I've been to they have the dollar dance. Here we call it the "dollar" dance because usually people only give you a dollar, sometimes more.... I think it all depends on where you live. People here are suprised if you do not have one and everyone has been asking if I'm doing it and tell me I most def should have one. My sister did one and got around $100 and it is ment to be used on your honeymoon. At least around here that is what the money is used for!!
  • This is how tacky I see them - when I hear money dance or dollar dance the first word that comes to mind is ... hooker. You might as well stand on a corner and sell it.  That is exactly how I feel about them.
  • I had never heard of money dances until I came on here. It seems really bizarre to me.
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  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    I had never heard of money dances until I came on here. It seems really bizarre to me.
    Posted by Beads921
    Ditto.
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  • edited October 2010
    One thing I'm finding on these boards is that there are different customs all across the country for all aspects of celebrating a wedding & reception.  There are plenty of other things that I have never heard of until joining TK.  Just about every wedding I've been to has had a dollar dance (not all, but about 95%.)  Participation is optional, it is not required, and it is not viewed as rude to people who are accustomed to participating/being around them.  If you are from an area where it is viewed as unusual or different then I can see how it would come across as strange or rude.  You aren't telling your guests "Dance with me and pay me money or else..."  Far from it.  If your social circle doesn't normally do them, then don't do it.  If it's widely accepted then do it.
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  • I will have a money dance at my wedding.  They are most definitely considered the norm in my area.  And I don't think that I have ever been to a wedding without one.  I can certainly see how someone who has not been raised around them could think that they are rude.  However I find it rude of people to condemn a cultural aspect of a wedding just because it is not socially acceptable in their area.  I am not familiar with aspects of every culture's wedding however I certainly wouldn't comdemn a common practice in that area if I attended a wedding there.  If it's not common in your area then don't do one.  If it's something that is rather common where you are from then feel free.  As other PP's have said, participation is not mandatory.  If some of your guests don't know/like the tradition then they can use that as a chance to sit down and relax.
  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    In Response to Re: The Money Dance! : same here.  seems like the tackiest possible thing to do at a wedding.  
    Posted by flyjawn
    Even tackier than asking guests to bring a dish to pass to a potluck reception? Or asking them to BYOB? Or asking them to wear specific colors to a wedding so as not to clash with the bridal party or in keeping with the bride's fantasy theme? Or dictating who their "and guest" can or can't be? Or kicking out a bridal party member?

    I can think of a lot of things that beat the dollar dance in terms of tackiness.

    And again, nobody is forced to participate.

  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    I had never heard of money dances until I came on here. It seems really bizarre to me.
    Posted by Beads921
    Ditto...and then my FSIL mentioned it to me the other day...she thinks we should have one...not happening...
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  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    Okay, I get the whole "it's a tradition tied to our heritage" or "every wedding we've been to has had one" arguments, though I still don't agree with it. But when a family friend finds the idea abhorrent enough to tell you to your face it would be insulting to your guests to do it, I'd listen.  Because if this person who is close to your family isn't down with the idea, that tells me that it's not that common in your family/area and you will DEFINITELY offend people.
    Posted by StageManager14
    Agree with this 100%.  They are clearly not socially accepted everywhere and you should follow the custom from where your wedding will be. 
  • I have considered having a Dollar dance at our reception, but after reading these posts, I'm rethinking that.  Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have dollar dances, so I never thought of it as rude, but I understand that you shouldn't ask your guests to pay for anything. 

    Another thing, I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and they had a Dollar dance and it went on FOR-EV-ER!  I think it lasted 20 or 30 minutes.  I think they went through 5 or 6 songs!
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  • In Response to Re: The Money Dance!:
    I have considered having a Dollar dance at our reception, but after reading these posts, I'm rethinking that.  Most of the weddings I've been to in my area have dollar dances, so I never thought of it as rude, but I understand that you shouldn't ask your guests to pay for anything.  Another thing, I was at a wedding a few weeks ago and they had a Dollar dance and it went on FOR-EV-ER!  I think it lasted 20 or 30 minutes.  I think they went through 5 or 6 songs!
    Posted by redeyes_10_04
    Okay this is a little ridiculous.  One song or maybe 2 but really one is sufficient.  The last wedding I went to the MOH an BM stood with a little white satin purse and they acted as a sort of regulator in moving people along in a timely fashion and rotating dancing partners.  The entire process lasted 1 song.  20-30 minutes and 5 songs worth is way over the top.
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