Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dances

schmella · April 2011

My fiance and I both have rather strained relationships with our fathers. And awesome relationships with our mothers. My father and I speak about once a year for the past 9 years and the only times I've seen him in that time have been purely accidental. We are inviting both of our fathers to the wedding, but my cousin or uncle will be walking me down the aisle.

I will not be dancing with my father, no ifs ands or buts. But I'm having a hard time figuring out how to handle his mother- I absolutely in no way want to take that dance away from her. I know that if we asked her, she would tell us its no big deal, she is WONDERFUL. But I'd really like them to have that moment. Any suggestions on how to handle this? We've just barely begun planning but this idea is driving me crazy.

PS this is my first post, I'll get all the abbreviations down someday!

kmmssg · April 2011

Don't overthink this. Just have the mother/son dance and call it good. Some brides actually dance with their mothers too. You owe no one an explanaition of why there was only a mother/son dance. Welcome to the boards and good luck!

HopefulLife · April 2011

First off - congrats and welcome to TK. I agree. If you don't do it, that's your choice and you shouldn't have to explain yourself. Have just the mother/son dance or whatever ya'll decide (dance with the uncle or cousin or whatnot even). It's the special day celebrating your marriage and just do whatever seems right to the both of you on this. ^-^ Good luck!

novemberrain1103 · April 2011

Im pretty much in the SAME EXACT situation. So my brother is walking me down the isle. I'll probably dance with him or my best friend who is also a guy. Not sure yet. I say, whoever is the closest male in your life will do just fine : ) My family is aware of my strained relationship, or lack of, so they will understand. good luck. and congradulations. : D

[Deleted User] · April 2011

It is perfectly fine for your FI to dance with his Mom. You don't have to do any dances you don't want to or are not applicable (like a parent is deceased) to you. Don't worry about it. People won't think anything of it and besides, it will mean more time they can be up socializing and drinking rather than watch a bunch of special dances.

Tiger_Tammer · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_fatherdaughter-motherson-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c3a31ebd-6d4c-48d5-9814-00cbbc8a2a78Post:7091f61b-b94f-45a1-af4b-5de7c055343c">Re: Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dances</a>:
[QUOTE]Im pretty much in the SAME EXACT situation. So my brother is walking me down the isle. I'll probably dance with him or my best friend who is also a guy. Not sure yet. I say, <strong>whoever is the closest male in your life will do just fine</strong> : ) My family is aware of my strained relationship, or lack of, so they will understand. good luck. and congradulations. : D
Posted by novemberrain1103[/QUOTE]

This was my thinking exactly, however my mom was very hurt that I never even considered her. Please remember, it does not need to be a man that walks you down the aisle. IMO It's really a position for the person who contributed the most to raising you, and helping you become the person you are today.

AmberMarieTX · May 2011

Could you dance with your cousin, then have your uncle cut in, and maybe even have your mom cut in last?

schmella · May 2011

Thanks for all the support! I was just worried that if we do the mother/son dance, everyone will wonder when the father/daughter dance would come up. But you are all right, nothing says we have to do all the traditional dances. I'm actually loving the idea of dancing with my mom... maybe drag my sister out with us too.

Thanks for the suggestion!

emmmbeee · May 2011

I'm in the same position OP! My father is invited to my wedding and told me he will "try to make it" so it's not even an option to have a first dance with him or have him walk me down the aisle. FI has a great mother and we're trying to figure out now how to honor her. I told FI that he should do mother/son dance with her if they both want it. We were also thinking about just giving short speeches about the women in our lives because FI also has a wonderful grandmother that helped raise him.

My two sisters are married and they had to go through the same situation. One of my sisters had helped raise her stepson so when she got married she did her dance with him (it was really cute!). My other sister's husband did his mother/son dance and she just skipped the father/daughter. Pretty much everyone at the wedding knew about her situation with her father so it wasn't awkward at all.

novaofsweden · May 2011

I have no relationship with my father and he won't be attending the wedding. I asked my mother to walk me down the aisle instead.
I talked to my fiancee and asked him if it was ok that we did our first dance uninterupted. So that we get to have our moment and I don't have to be reminded that I don't have a father to dance with. We talked to his mother and she was prefectly fine with having a dance with her son after our dance when we open up the dancefloor. I thougt it was a nice compromise and I feel lucky that everyone is so understanding.

diehld · May 2011

My Grandpa is walking me down the aisle and my my mom's youngest brother is then dancing with me! Dance with whom ever you want!

jemmini6 · May 2011

I'm in a similar situation. My relationship with my dad has only recently become majorly strained (the last 2-3 years). I will still have him walk me down the aisle because I figured I shouldn't let the last couple years negate the fact that he was actually a pretty decent father before that.

However, I just can't imagine giving him the honor of walking me down the aisle AND a first dance, when he certainly doesn't deserve it (although I was joking about what song I'd do if I had to and my top 2 choices were from Michael Buble...either "You Always Hurt the One You Love" or "Irresponsible"...lol).

FI's mom, on the other hand, is absoultely wonderful and in now way do I want him to give up his dance with her. I think it's one of those things that people don't really remember if you didn't do it....it's not like we'd announce it like "and now the groom would like to share a special dance with his mother, but don't wait around for the bride's dance with her father because that shiit ain't happening". We'll just announce FI's dance with his mom...and then move on. People might expect it later, people might forget, but I don't really care either way. Having guests wonder is better than doing it just because you feel like you 'have to'.

Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dances

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