Gap btw ceremony and recepti

Kerri006 · January 2012

Im having my wedding at 2:30 in the afternoon and my reception doesn't start until 6:30. I tried to move the ceremony to 3 but was told we would not have any time for pictures or recession line and MUST be out of the church by 4:00 since confessions start then for 5:00 mass. Is it necessary for me to plan somewhere for the guest to go in-between? My grandmother lives about 3 minutes from the church and the reception hall is only about 15 mins from there. Some guests will be checking into the hotel then but i don't know what to do with the random.... i hope this makes sense! i dont know! haha helpp

DramaGeek · January 2012

Some on here say a gap is normal and expected. I, however, would be extremely put out if I had to find something to do for 3 hours during an even where I expected to be hosted. Chances are good that if I went home or to my hotel room, I'd be changing clothes and not leaving again.

Your best option is to host a cocktail hour from 3:30-4:30 (or 4-5, if you think you can fill that extra 30 minutes with a receiving line and the drive to the venue) and then start your reception at the end of the cocktail hour.

WildMagelet · January 2012

I would not want to have to wait around 3+ hours for a reception.

melntaitt · January 2012

Oh no sweetie; think if it were you...would you want to wait around for a few hours for a meal?

Is there anyway to move the cocktail hour up? I'm not a history buff but I think it's called a cocktail hour for a reason.

Can you move the reception time up? At all? I can't speak for all your guests but like pp said...I would end up napping back at my hotel room...

Simply Fated · January 2012

You can't move the ceremony time, but why can't you move the reception time?

NOLAbridealmost · January 2012

Start the reception earlier.

artbyallie · January 2012

Do all your pictures before the ceremony (first look?) and have the ceremony start at 3. Skip the receiving line (it's boring anyway and you can do table visits at the reception instead) and go straight into the cocktail hour when your ceremony ends. Serve dinner at 5 or 5:30. Ta-da! No gap.

monkeysip · January 2012

If it's a full Catholic nuptial mass, then a 3:00 start time is pushing it. The ceremony is usually a solid hour, and you need a little time to get every person out of there before 4:00. Maybe 2:45? If there's no mass, 3:00pm is fine.

But I have a feeling the church may not budge on this issue. I know churches are very wary of wedding groups still being in the church at a late time, so the church probably feels better with a 2:30 ceremony just so there's a good buffer.

OP, definitely provide something for the guests in between. I know a lot of venues usually will not allow anyone in before 5, but 6:30 is really late.

We're planning on having a cocktail hour and a half from around 3:30 to 5 (2pm ceremony), and let the reception begin at 5 (dinner around 5:30). We're not sure if our desired venue will let us in before 5, otherwise, we will hold the cocktail hour somewhere else close by.

Do what you gotta do to shorten that gap and provide something for the guests in between!

roxiems75 · January 2012

This is always the issue with a full catholic mass. we are also getting married at 2:30 because we cannot get married any later due to 5:00 mass. our reception starts at 6pm the earliest we could start since there is a party in the afternoon. My parents live 5 minutes from the church and 10 from the venue. My parents are opening up the house for light refreshments and light snacks for anyone who needs a place to go. if your family and friends are caholic they are use to this. My FI family will be traveling an hour or so to be with us that day and I want to make sure they have a place to go after the ceremony. most of my famiy are local and will most likely go home.

I would ask your grandmother if you could use her house for refreshments for your guest. Do coffee, soda, water, beer and wine if you would like. then some chips, veggie tray etc.... have it all ready to go that who every can open up the house that all they need to do is take out the veggie tray. hope this helps.

stefaniewattie · January 2012

ya this is rough - i have to have a gap too - for a different reason though - our ceremony and reception are at the same place, so we need to have the gap so the staff have time to change the space from ceremony to reception.
I was stressed about it but...if theres nothing you can do, theres nothing you can do.
People get an invitation to your wedding - they can see before they even RSVP that there will be a gap, and RSVPed yes anyway, so unless your guests cant read, they have no excuses to complain.. The people that want to be at your wedding will be at your wedding, gap or no gap. Theyre adults, if they cant find something to do to kill a couple hours, thats pretty pathetic.
I would suggest maybe on the back of the program, or on a seperate paper listing things to do in the area? if you have the money to host one of those things for your guests, great! if not, your ADULT guests can find something to do and kill time, just expect that most will chose to go to a pub and drink so you may have some intoxicated guests before the reception even starts.

GL!

DramaGeek · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:b302aef6-d0a1-4b1f-8db6-0ac9122ead4c">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]This is always the issue with a full catholic mass. we are also getting married at 2:30 because we cannot get married any later due to 5:00 mass. our reception starts at 6pm the earliest we could start since there is a party in the afternoon. My parents live 5 minutes from the church and 10 from the venue. My parents are opening up the house for light refreshments and light snacks for anyone who needs a place to go. if your family and friends are caholic they are use to this. My FI family will be traveling an hour or so to be with us that day and I want to make sure they have a place to go after the ceremony. most of my famiy are local and will most likely go home. I would ask your grandmother if you could use her house for refreshments for your guest. Do coffee, soda, water, beer and wine if you would like. then some chips, veggie tray etc.... have it all ready to go that who every can open up the house that all they need to do is take out the veggie tray. hope this helps.
Posted by roxiems75[/QUOTE]

No, it's not always the issue. I have been to multiple Catholic weddings with full mass and never was there a gap between the ceremony and reception.

aragx6 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:0ce729f3-56f9-481d-90fa-9666f7712086">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]ya this is rough - i have to have a gap too - for a different reason though - our ceremony and reception are at the same place, so we need to have the gap so the staff have time to change the space from ceremony to reception. I was stressed about it but...if theres nothing you can do, theres nothing you can do. People get an invitation to your wedding - they can see before they even RSVP that there will be a gap, and RSVPed yes anyway, so unless your guests cant read, they have no excuses to complain.. The people that want to be at your wedding will be at your wedding, gap or no gap. Theyre adults, if they cant find something to do to kill a couple hours, thats pretty pathetic. I would suggest maybe on the back of the program, or on a seperate paper listing things to do in the area? if you have the money to host one of those things for your guests, great! if not, your ADULT guests can find something to do and kill time, just expect that most will chose to go to a pub and drink so you may have some intoxicated guests before the reception even starts. :) GL!
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

The way people think about and treat their nearest and dearest is truly stunning to me sometimes.

monkeysip · January 2012

@ aragx6

Agreed. Of course your guests are adults and can manage to survive a gap. But wouldn't you want your guests to be having an awesome time on the day of your wedding? Don't you want to provide some refreshments and entertainment for them and not let them fend for themselves?

Having a large gap like runs the risk of people only going to either the ceremony OR the reception.

kmmssg · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:0ce729f3-56f9-481d-90fa-9666f7712086">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]ya this is rough - i have to have a gap too - for a different reason though - our ceremony and reception are at the same place, so we need to have the gap so the staff have time to change the space from ceremony to reception. I was stressed about it but...if theres nothing you can do, theres nothing you can do. People get an invitation to your wedding - they can see before they even RSVP that there will be a gap, and RSVPed yes anyway, so unless your guests cant read, they have no excuses to complain.. The people that want to be at your wedding will be at your wedding, gap or no gap. Theyre adults, if they cant find something to do to kill a couple hours, thats pretty pathetic. I would suggest maybe on the back of the program, or on a seperate paper listing things to do in the area? if you have the money to host one of those things for your guests, great! if not, your ADULT guests can find something to do and kill time, just expect that most will chose to go to a pub and drink so you may have some intoxicated guests before the reception even starts. :) GL!
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

I did one Catholic wedding like this and won't do another one. We were in the middle of BFE, didn't know anyone else and I"m sorry, but we don't do the bar thing. I should not have to kill 3 hours due to poor planning.

We found an Applebee's where we stayed for an inordantly long time and then went to the reception. Any couple CAN arrange a wedding and reception without the gap, it's just that they don't want to give up the evening reception so the rest of us have to deal with it. If I get another invitation like that, I will certainly send a lovely gift, but I will certainly decline.

Kerri006 · January 2012

I just want to thank everyone out that actually offered me advice and gave helpful tips. I appreciate it a lot.

We can not move up the reception because there is a party in the afternoon at our venue so asking my Grandparents to host a small refreshment time seems great. It will also give time for guests to check in the hotel if they haven't done so yet and take the shuttle over.

As for the people with the negative comments, im here for suggestions and help not to hear that i have poor planning and dont want to give up an evening reception. lets keep this a positive board instead of making snappy comments to each other

stefaniewattie · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:b3382f53-2b62-4db2-9720-73d58663c16b">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti : I did one Catholic wedding like this and won't do another one. We were in the middle of BFE, didn't know anyone else and I"m sorry, but we don't do the bar thing. I should not have to kill 3 hours due to poor planning. We found an Applebee's where we stayed for an inordantly long time and then went to the reception. Any couple CAN arrange a wedding and reception without the gap, it's just that they don't want to give up the evening reception so the rest of us have to deal with it. If I get another invitation like that, I will certainly send a lovely gift, but I will certainly decline.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

Its not poor planning or a want for an evening reception its the venue telling me they need "x" amt of time to change over from ceremony to reception..im sorry, but your not going to satisfy everyone and if the people ive invited because i love them are mad because they have to kill a bit of time, cmon. if they want to rsvp no because of it, clearly they didnt want to see us get married and id rather them stay home if thats the reason they decide to not attend. :s
and somehow i doubt that if someone you loved dearly was getting married, you would decline the invite because they had to have a gap. :s

hoffse · January 2012

We're going to do cookies and coffee and stuff at our parish hall - I just posted this on E-board and people seemed to think it's fine. I think as long as there's a place for people to sit and have some refreshments then it's fine, particularly if people's hotels are nearby.

DramaGeek · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:8994d32b-1f97-4121-b505-23e793dc35d9">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti : Its not poor planning or a want for an evening reception its the venue telling me they need "x" amt of time to change over from ceremony to reception..im sorry, but your not going to satisfy everyone and if the people ive invited because i love them are mad because they have to kill a bit of time, cmon. if they want to rsvp no because of it, clearly they didnt want to see us get married and id rather them stay home if thats the reason they decide to not attend. :s and somehow i doubt that if someone you loved dearly was getting married, you would decline the invite because they had to have a gap. :s
Posted by stefaniewattie[/QUOTE]

You're right, I'd go to the ceremony and skip the reception. There is no need for a gap, ever. You made a choice to use a venue that requires it, and that's just rude to your guests.

kmmssg · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:8129aaf0-53ad-44da-a6f0-9402c110b33a">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti : You're right, I'd go to the ceremony and skip the reception. There is no need for a gap, ever. You made a choice to use a venue that requires it, and that's just rude to your guests.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

This exactly Drama! I would not go to both as I'm not killing a whole day like that and having to figure out what to do in the interim.

lebast · January 2012

Every wedding I've ever been to has had a gap and I went to about six weddings in the past couple of years. Gaps can get a little long; however, I would never skip the ceremony or reception because of a gap. A three hour gap is kind of long. An hour or hour and a half I think is fine. People expect it where I'm from and nobody really complains. I don't think it's rude.

LawyerBride2012 · January 2012

The gap is fine - especially for a Catholic mass. People understand (especially if most are Catholic). Don't stress about it - it is perfectly normal where I'm from (Detroit). Yes, it is a little bit of a pain for your guests, but it's not earth shattering like the other drama starters suggest above.

LawyerBride2012 · January 2012

...and no, you don't have to plan aything. I have seen couples host a movie between the ceremony and reception (pretty cute - they rented out the theater). It would be nice - but it is definately not necessary.

LawyerBride2012 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_gap-btw-ceremony-recepti?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:b4dc7f42-214e-4f7d-8f56-2450343969c6Post:4f73fa7d-c2fe-44b0-b9c6-8a7f4d35187d">Re: Gap btw ceremony and recepti</a>:
[QUOTE]I just want to thank everyone out that actually offered me advice and gave helpful tips. I appreciate it a lot. We can not move up the reception because there is a party in the afternoon at our venue so asking my Grandparents to host a small refreshment time seems great. It will also give time for guests to check in the hotel if they haven't done so yet and take the shuttle over. As for the people with the negative comments, im here for suggestions and help not to hear that i have poor planning and dont want to give up an evening reception. lets keep this a positive board instead of making snappy comments to each other
Posted by Kerri006[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS! Very true. Why do some of you come on these boards just to start drama? </div>

AllieHysh19 · January 2012

Personally, I don't know how you guys do it in the states, but in Canada - a gap is totally normal. In fact, people here expect one so they can get off their feet and relax in the afternoon. Our wedding will probably have a 2.5-3 hour gap (130pm ceremony, 3pm pictures, 530pm cocktail hour, 630pm dinner), and we are totally expecting it. In fact, our parents are already planning to host a few members of our family in a large suite at the hotel inbetween while we go take pictures. Not sure why this is such a big deal..... I still want that time to spend with my FI after the ceremony to really revel in what just happened.

Kellykins12 · January 2012

I've got a similar problem with a gap between the church and reception. When we were setting the time of the ceremony, I was worrying if it was rude having a long time to take family pictures after the ceremony, my priest told me "put clearly on the invitation the time of the ceremony, approximately how long it will last and when cocktail hour at your reception begins. Worry about doing what you need to do and if your guests don't plan accordingly that's their problem". Really it's nice to be considerate of your guests but it's your day, do what makes you happy and hopefully the people you're inviting care enough about you to know not every detail will be perfect for every guest.

whitandrior · January 2012

Every wedding I've ever been to had a long gap in between and I don't think it's weird at all. We always just get a snack, get a drink, heck, even just stop at Walgreens or something. Or go back to the hotel if we're staying in one. I really don't see the big deal and I would never skip a ceremony or reception because I don't feel like wasting a couple hours. I think that's rude.

toothpastechica · January 2012

I think while a GAP isn't ideal, it often comes with a wedding and most people realize that there is going to be a gap, maybe a short one, maybe a long one. I went to a wedding in the fall with a 4.5 hour gap 2 hours away from the city! THAT one did hurt not gonna lie, was pretty bored by the time the reception came..but having said that if they had provided some games/magazines/food.....i probably wouldnt have cared nearly as much. Not to mention we had to leave the reception early because the reception went really late and I have a baby at home and homework for school, it felt kind of silly waiting that long just to leave early, if that happens again i wont stay for sure! having said that we are having a 2 hour gap, because we need the time for pictures and we cant get our venue till 5. BUT we have given gests a list of things that are really close locally to check out with the invites, as well as a list of nearby coffee shops etc. So im not too worried about our guests being bored...plus the beach is only 3 minutes away!

kateguess22 · January 2012

For me, a big gap would be a bit of a pain as a guest but I certainly wouldn't hold it against the couple. It's to be expected at weddings. I would find something to do. I live in Canada so it would probably start with a "hey-who wants to go to Tim Hortons?" or go back to the hotel room to relax for a bit. If there's something fun to do in the area I might look into that. I don't think you have to plan anything. For our wedding after the late-afternoon ceremony the cocktail hour will begin immediately- (ceremony and reception all in one place) while our guests mingle we are going to head out to finish up photos before coming back for our 'grand entrance' and begin the reception. I like that there won't be a gap for guests (that's the plan, anyway) but if there was a gap I wouldn't plan anything but maybe talk to some guests beforehand who are close to me about what they are going to do and make sure that they have a plan for that time.

kateguess22 · January 2012

Also wanted to mention that I went to a wedding where on the back of the programs it said "The bride and groom love this area and hope that their guests are able to enjoy all that it has to offer. May we suggest..." and then they had a nice list of their favourite shops etc. The grooms favourite chococolate shop (he had a sweet tooth) Brides favourite place to grab a tea. They got married in a cute tourist downtown (St. Jacobs, Ontario.) and all of us guests actually enjoyed 'The Gap' between the ceremony and reception because we were able to walk around and laugh and let loose before sitting down to dinner again.

Andrea&Daniel · January 2012

This happened with my sister in law. Her ceremony was about 45 mins drive from the reception and about 5 hours earlier. What can you do? My fiance and I went back to our hotel room, frechened up and grabbed some food. Some out of towners went about exploring the town, other people got together for drinks at a local bar.

At then end of the day, its your wedding, and you have to do what works for you as a couple which includes reglious aspects, budget aspects and anything else. People come to your wedding because they love you and want to celebrate your life, if people have a big problem because they might need to go back to their hotel or home for a little bit then let them and honnestly they wont be missed at your wedding. You cant please everyone, but you can please yourselves.

Its just a wedding, dont stress over it. It's your marriage to the person that you love most in the world that is important.

Have a great wedding.

speckjian · January 2012

Wow- I have to concur. I attend pretty much all my friends' and familie members' weddings, and I have never skipped the reception because of a time gap, let alone even complained about it! Being a good friend or loving family member means setting aside my time to celebrate someone I care about getting married! (It's not about me, it's about loving them!)
I also love Mother Theresa, so I'm ending with one of her quotes:
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

Plenty of people who love you will not leave simply because of a time gap.

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