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Family fallout

Stefyb71Stefyb71 member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I got engaged to my highschool sweetheart back in August. We broke up 22 years ago, but remained friends through each of us getting married and me having two children.  We had only been back together a few months before deciding to move in together and were engaged about 7 weeks after that.  My issue is that my sister, who is one of my best friends and my favorite cousin both have been very upset by my getting married.  The two of them have been going around town telling all sorts of lies about me and causing other friends and family members to do the same without talking to me about whats really going on.  I have stopped talking to my cousin altogether, and now my sister is making me want to do the same with her. She came to my shower an hour and 45 minutes late and was rude to my maid of honor and several guest and spent a half an hour talking about the cruise she just came back from. So my question is this, I love my sister, but I am tired of the garbage that she is putting out there and after 4 months of trying to get to the bottom of this I'm ready to cut her off too.  Am I being too extreme or should I try one last time to talk to her about what the problem may be?  Any help out there?
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Re: Family fallout

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    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think there is more to the story. Why don't they like the dude?
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    Stefyb71Stefyb71 member
    First Comment
    It's not that they don't like him.  I think that some of it may be they are mad that it's not happening to them.  My cousin has been engaged 4 times and never been to the alter, and my sister has, according to her, been living in my shadow all her life.  I have never put myself out there as better than anyone.  My sister and cousin however, have always done that.  It has always been a game of "anything you can do, I can do better" with the both of them.  My cousin claimed she didn't want to be in the wedding party because she would feel obligated to put me in hers.  I told her that however she choose to do her wedding would be fine with me, but I wanted her in mine.  When she backed out I asked a dear friend and then my cousin accused me of "replacing" her.  My sister keeps saying I never "FORMALLY" asked her, what was I supposed to do, get down on one knee or send her an engraved invitation?  I think my sister may be upset that I asked my best friend to be the maid of honor insted of her, but I wasn't upset with her asking her BFF to be hers at her wedding.  I was just happy to be a part, any part of her day. I and others feel like they are both jelouse.  I haven't been a bridezilla and have been rather calm about the whole thing. Just really conflicted about what to do.
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    MinMMinM
    First Comment
    You asked if you should try to get to the root of the problem with your sister, yes? Yes. She has told you what it is...she wants a formal invitation. If you do that and she is still butthurt, then it's on her.
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    Stefyb71Stefyb71 member
    First Comment
    That's just it.  She was formally asked along with my other sister and my friend, 4 nieces, one of whom is her daughter, my goddaughter and one of my mentees.  I have tried, along with my mom and sister, tried to talk to her about what's wrong and she keeps avoiding all conversations, but continues to talk about me behind my back. I am going to be 41 in March, and I don't have time for these childish games she is playing.
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    staceycainestaceycaine member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-fallout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:76f2b2f4-5e57-430b-87c3-33622fe0395dPost:2e94462e-59bf-4bfa-bb20-5f7f72c7a054">Re: Family fallout</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's not that they don't like him.  I think that some of it may be they are mad that it's not happening to them.  My cousin has been engaged 4 times and never been to the alter, and my sister has, according to her, been living in my shadow all her life.  I have never put myself out there as better than anyone.  My sister and cousin however, have always done that.  It has always been a game of "anything you can do, I can do better" with the both of them.  My cousin claimed she didn't want to be in the wedding party because she would feel obligated to put me in hers.  I told her that however she choose to do her wedding would be fine with me, but I wanted her in mine.  <strong>When she backed out I asked a dear friend and then my cousin accused me of "replacing" her.</strong>  My sister keeps saying I never "FORMALLY" asked her, what was I supposed to do, get down on one knee or send her an engraved invitation?  I think my sister may be upset that I asked my best friend to be the maid of honor insted of her, but I wasn't upset with her asking her BFF to be hers at her wedding.  I was just happy to be a part, any part of her day. I and others feel like they are both jelouse.  I haven't been a bridezilla and have been rather calm about the whole thing. Just really conflicted about what to do.
    Posted by Stefyb71[/QUOTE]

    But you DID replace her.
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    ScorpioSmittenGeminiScorpioSmittenGemini
    First Comment
    Tell them to either shape up or ship out.  These women can take their drama elsewhere.  These kinds of events ALWAYS trigger true colours.  
    ?I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me na?ve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.? ? Ana?s Nin
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    Stefyb71Stefyb71 member
    First Comment
    So I'm supposed to have two people in my wedding that are not happy for me and have been bad mouthing me for months because they are family?  Is that what I'm hearing from 1covejack and staceycaine?  Yes, I replaced my cousin, but only after almost begging her to stay in the bridal party.  I didn't pick a couple of people to participate because I wanted my family (sisters and cousins) to be bridesmaids. I don't think its fair to hold myself accountable for how they are feeling about our marriage, and then to have them apart of our big day because they are family.  If they would sit down with me and tell me what I did or why they feel I have slighted them, then maybe we could work something out, but the fact that they are avoiding me at every turn lets me know they don't care enough about our relationships to make time for this.  I don't in any way feel entitied. All I did was say I was getting married and wanted them to be apart of it. But if it makes me selfish to exclude them, then I'll be that.
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    ScorpioSmittenGeminiScorpioSmittenGemini
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_family-fallout?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:76f2b2f4-5e57-430b-87c3-33622fe0395dPost:ebc620e0-9d21-48ea-8787-1bfe73a97ea8">Re: Family fallout</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, you shouldn't replace people in your wedding party.  It will just reflect badly on you, not on them.  Go ahead  though, you seem convinced that you're doing the right thing.  Carry on.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>No one said anything about stomping around.  Things can be said tactfully.  It's her day, so YES, she sould have things peaceful.  Having people there that don't support you just to save face is "people pleasing".  If that's the way YOU handle things... well good for you (I guess).</div>
    ?I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me na?ve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.? ? Ana?s Nin
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