Cash Bar/wedding invitations

terrapv · May 2010

Hello, I am having a cash bar at my reception. I will be providing two drink tickets for each adult guest, and wine at dinner. My question is should I state on my invitation that there will be a two dollar cash bar?

danieliza1127 · May 2010

No it should not go on the invitation.

Sorry but please be prepared for some negative responses. Many people think cash bars are very tacky and rude.

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

Please don't do a cash bar. They're REALLY tacky. I think the drink tickets thing is even tackier.

Serve what you can afford to serve.

If you are REALLY dead set on this idea and don't want to listen to what a lot of us will say, then let it spread by word of mouth... just don't whine when you hear about people complaining about how tacky it is.

jnic0319 · May 2010

I think a cash bar is incredibly tacky, but I grew up in a part of the country where it wasn't so I will leave it at that. But please, do not do free drink tickets, a friend of mine is doing this for each guests (first two drinks free) and she is being seriously criticized behind her back. It just makes the tackiness of cash bar soooo much worse. Do not put it on your invites.

frogurt814 · May 2010

I agree with PP. Do not put any info about the cash bar on your invites. The same would go even if you had an open bar. That kind of info doesn't belong on the invites. When your guests get to the reception, they will then figure out if it's open bar or not.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Oh what the hell, why not put it on your invite? You have already gone the hugely tackariffic mile of having a cash bar. Why not keep the wedding theme going?

mandybear7 · May 2010

I would spread it by word of mouth or put it on the website. I would never have a cash bar, but if I were a guest, I would want to know ahead of time. I never carry cash and would want to know I would need it that night.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Just my $0.02 but I definitely don’t think cash bars are tacky. I think that people who expect free drinks
all night are tacky. A wedding is already expensive enough, no need to add an extra $1,000+ so that people can get drunk on your dime. I have been to plenty of weddings and the couple always hosts 1-2 kegs and anything the guests want beyond that is their responsibility to pay for. I think that is more than adequate. I’ve been to 2 that had open bar for a period of time and both of those weddings had wealthy parents paying for the wedding. When you’re paying for it yourself, there are way too many other things to worry about paying for, such as dinner, dessert and entertainment for all of your guests. And in response to your original ?, I wouldn’t put it on the invitation. I’ve never seen anything about wether alcohol will be hosted or not, on one.

number55 · May 2010

I hate cash bars as much as the next person but you do have to find a way to communicate the information to guests so that they have cash on them on the night of. Either way, cash bar is going to annoy your guests but at least this way it won't be a surprise. If you don't think word of mouth or website will work, put it on the invite. But as PP have said, be prepared that people will be talking about it behind your back (and not to your face, because really, most people will not voice their opinion to you, but they will certainly do so amongst each other).

The Mel and Todd Show · May 2010

Oh, absolutely, right on the invitation. If you can word it as though it were a wee poem, it would be truly ideal.

Please don't forget to hit the mac machine
on your way to our wedding
in order to keep our wallets green
no free drinks will you be getting

I think this works well on several levels. It is appealing to those who enjoy poetry, yoda, and brisk slaps in the face.

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:6f503552-752d-48aa-9141-894931ee893b">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Just my $0.02 but I definitely don’t think cash bars are tacky. I think that people who expect free drinks all night are tacky. A wedding is already expensive enough, no need to add an extra $1,000+ so that people can get drunk on your dime. I have been to plenty of weddings and the couple always hosts 1-2 kegs and anything the guests want beyond that is their responsibility to pay for. I think that is more than adequate. I’ve been to 2 that had open bar for a period of time and both of those weddings had wealthy parents paying for the wedding. When you’re paying for it yourself, there are way too many other things to worry about paying for, such as dinner, dessert and entertainment for all of your guests. And in response to your original ?, I wouldn’t put it on the invitation. I’ve never seen anything about wether alcohol will be hosted or not, on one.
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]

Many budget brides have been able to provide adequate alcohol for their guests. It's about being a good host.

jnic0319 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:6f503552-752d-48aa-9141-894931ee893b">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Just my $0.02 but I definitely don’t think cash bars are tacky. I think that people who expect free drinks all night are tacky. A wedding is already expensive enough, no need to add an extra $1,000+ so that people can get drunk on your dime. I have been to plenty of weddings and the couple always hosts 1-2 kegs and anything the guests want beyond that is their responsibility to pay for. I think that is more than adequate. I’ve been to 2 that had open bar for a period of time and both of those weddings had wealthy parents paying for the wedding. When you’re paying for it yourself, there are way too many other things to worry about paying for, such as dinner, dessert and entertainment for all of your guests. And in response to your original ?, I wouldn’t put it on the invitation. I’ve never seen anything about wether alcohol will be hosted or not, on one.
Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]

The reception is a thank you to guests, if you can spend all of that money on flowers, a dress, tuxes, a limo, etc. you should be able to thank your guests properly. At least offer beer, wine, soda.

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:3650f68c-e7a1-43ec-b826-8e9ebc1301e0">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, absolutely, right on the invitation. If you can word it as though it were a wee poem, it would be truly ideal. Please don't forget to hit the mac machine on your way to our wedding in order to keep our wallets green no free drinks will you be getting I think this works well on several levels. It appealing to those who enjoy poetry, yoda, and brisk slaps in the face.
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

WIN. Where did you come from?

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Kari - there is a difference between being a gracious host and a gracious guest. I would never show up to a wedding and hate on the hosts for having a cash bar, so yes, that is tacky. You should strive to be both rather than the cheapass you come across as in your post.

An open bar is not an 'extra' - it is a standard wedding item to be budgeted for just as food and entertainment are budgeted for. Just because it is easy to make your guests pay for something doesn't mean it is ok to do. You would think it completely bizarre to make guests pay a few bucks to see a centerpiece on their table, why are bar items different?

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Maghan, as far as "An open bar is not an 'extra' - it is a standard wedding item to be budgeted for just as food and entertainment are budgeted for."
I guess this just depends on what type of person you are and what type of people you have in your life. As I mentioned I've been to tons of weddings and it is not a "standard" just as entertainment, food etc. I have never been to a wedding with no DJ or band, but almost all where only 1-2 kegs, and pop are hosted, I don't think that free alcohol is a "necessity" for your guest and I would never ever expect it to be free at anyone's wedding. To describe something as "tacky" to me says that everyone is talking behind the Bride & Groom's back on their special day saying, "OMG I can NOT BELIEVE they are making us pay for our OWN alcoholic beverages!" which to me, sounds very stuck up, rude and snotty.

We have $7,000 to spend on our wedding, now because we cannot afford to spend another $1,500-$2,000 for everyone to have free booze should we just get married in the courthouse then?? Because we "only" have $7,000 to spend on a single day of our lives? I think it's insane to spend what people do on weddings and I wish it didn't even have to cost us as much as it is. $7,000 is still a LOT of money. It's one day of your life.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

As Meaghan said, at this point you don't have a lot of etiquette karma, so it doesn't really matter.

Kari, I'm paying for my wedding myself and I'm paying for the bar. It was very important to my FI and I to host that. It is expected in my family. When I invite people to my home I don't tell them to bring food and drink, so this isn't any different. Also, it's funny that people think cash bars are fine, but would balk at having people pay for their food or centerpieces. Same thing.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:eb2f3959-1e41-4ce8-ab8d-2bc2ec9d0d5e">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : WIN. Where did you come from?
Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE]

She's a newish reg on WP, I think. She's cool.

andyandhillary · May 2010

OP, if you're on a tight budget try and play with different ideas like beer and wine only. That may or may not save you money (it didn't for me) but it's worth looking in to. What about having a dry reception? Can you have an open bar even for a little while? I don't get how you have tickets AND a $2 cash bar. So they can only have two drinks all night? They get two free drinks and then they have to pay?

balasj · May 2010

Have you considered just offering beer and wine and no hard alcohol? Maybe then you could avoid the cash bar? Otherwise, I say word of mouth. Invitations are strictly for inviting you to the ceremony and reception and giving the time and location. Other details should be communicated elsewhere (maybe an additional insert to the envelope if you must...) Just as you wouldn't put your registry info right on there - that's something people would ask your mom or MOH about if possible.

eastunder1 · May 2010

Yesssssssssssssssss. Of all the ridiculous, tacktastic, horrible ideas that come across this board, my absolutely hands down favorite one is DRINK TICKETS.

One time I went to a carnival and won a goldfish from the ring toss game. I had someone hold my goldfish while I rode a ride and they THREW IT IN THE ROAD and killed it. I cried. Anyways, I hope nothing like that happens at your carnival wedding. Maybe just hand out stuffed animals to be safe.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Just the fact that you think having your guests PAY for something is ok, and that good hostessing is not a necessity pretty much says it all. This is an etiquette board after all. It may not be common to see an open bar in your circle and I can understand that. It does not mean you get a 'get out of bar free' card though.
Obviously you can convince yourself of whatever you want. But ,if my friends come over for dinner you can be pretty damn sure I provide for them. I did the same at my wedding.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

msmerymac It's definitely not the same thing. Why then do cash bars exist but a guest "paying for their meal or centerpiece" is completely unheard of. Have you literally ever heard of that??

That is great that you're paying for your wedding yourselves as well AND you can afford to spend a couple thousand on alcohol for your guests, but I can't, my friends and family can't and never have nor have I ever expected it of them. We are hosting tap beer as long as 2 kegs last and it will cost about $500, not $1500. Alcohol is a luxury, you don't HAVE to drink when you attend a wedding. If someone wants to drink more than that, they can do it on their own dollar.

Cash bars are just not ever expected or even talked about with my friends and family's weddings.

andyandhillary · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:bccd613e-5f69-47cc-9adc-0b73156452b0">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]As Meaghan said, at this point you don't have a lot of etiquette karma, so it doesn't really matter. Kari, I'm paying for my wedding myself and I'm paying for the bar. It was very important to my FI and I to host that. It is expected in my family. When I invite people to my home I don't tell them to bring food and drink, so this isn't any different. Also, it's funny that people think cash bars are fine, but would balk at having people pay for their food or centerpieces. Same thing.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I'm not disagreeing with you, more adding on, but I think it's more rude to have an appetizer reception, even in the afternoon, or have gross food than to have a cash bar. I think feeding people a good meal (good =/= expensive) is far more important than getting them lit and yet most weddings I've been to haven't felt the same way.

gypsybride2010 · May 2010

OP, would it be possible to use the money that you would spend on the 2 free drinks per guest on supplying a limited bar with just wine and beer? As a guest I would rather have limited choices than have to pay for my beverages. I think most people would be happier with that option.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

As far as your comparison in inviting your friends over for dinner, how often do you take 150-250 people out to a nice restauraunt? That costs a lot more than inviting a few couples over for a homemade meal.

And if my friend invites me over for dinner, I ask what I can bring to the table, which is often, a bottle or two of wine.

JennaV26 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:6f503552-752d-48aa-9141-894931ee893b">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]Just my $0.02 but I definitely don’t think cash bars are tacky. I think that people who expect free drinks all night are tacky. A wedding is already expensive enough, no need to add an extra $1,000+ so that people can get drunk on your dime. I have been to plenty of weddings and the couple always hosts 1-2 kegs and anything the guests want beyond that is their responsibility to pay for. I think that is more than adequate. Posted by kari_lynn222[/QUOTE]

I think having kegs at a wedding is tacky, leave them for the frat parties.

Cash bars are tacky but if you are insistent about it and open beer and wine is not an option, let people know by word of mouth.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Actually we have heard of people paying for their meals or their 'admission to a wedding.' It is pretty horrific. Please stop posting on an etiquette board when you have no idea what you are talking about. Also, I giggled when you said alcohol is a luxury. SO IS A WEDDING. Really? Are you really this dense? Now you are picking an chosing which items are luxury. I see what is going on here - an expensive dress is not a luxury but alcohol is? Again, alcohol is just easy for you to write off into other people's pocketbooks because you have seen it done before. Congrats on taking the low road.

Andy - that is pretty bad too.

mandybear7 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-barwedding-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dc2eff87-6f6f-4cf1-9859-8c02f87a5d23Post:f5a1dc7c-0f4d-4dcc-80b2-bd51adb9c5aa">Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar/wedding invitations : I think having kegs at a wedding is tacky, leave them for the frat parties. Cash bars are tacky but if you are insistent about it and open beer and wine is not an option, let people know by word of mouth.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

Meh, I went to a backyard wedding last summer and they had kegs. It was fun. It wouldn't fit the vibe at my wedding, but it worked for them.

tlv204 · May 2010

I don't think that cash bars are the worst thing on the planet (unless you clearly spent far too much money on frivolous things like clothing and decor), but drink tickets are just ridiculous to me. It's a wedding. I agree that trying to take that money and redistribute it better would make more sense. If you're already having wine during dinner, plus the drink tickets, I'm sure you could afford to host beer and wine just from that information.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

Yeah kegs = frat party to me too.

As for your comment about feeding 150 people being expensive - again we are back to you and your penchant for spending other people's money, just not your own. And I would hope you would offer to bring something to your friend's home if you were invited over. That is common sense, no?

nda_roxybabe · May 2010

Kari- When I do get married my budget more than likely will only be 5-7k, I still will figure out some way to host the alcohol myself. I'm throwing the party, its not a BYOB BBQ. It's a wedding.

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