This happened months ago but still bothers me from time to time and so I just wanted to see some of your alls opinions as you aren't close to the situation.
After I got engaged I asked on of my friends *Kayla to be a bridesmaid. She and I had been good friends for ~3 yrs. and was the reason my FI and I met.
She and I had some issues a few months before I got engaged. She asked my opinion about a guy she wanted to date. I told her I didn't think he was looking for a serious relationship and had alcohol issues. I got this from comments on his FB such as "Fat chicks better not even bother talkin to me cuz I ain't wasting my time". Also he had multiple DUI's and had been to jail a few times for alcohol related incidents, still drinks regularly and not in any kind of program. She got mad that I would judge him because he told her he wanted a serious relationship and was fine with alcohol (yea like he is going to tell you he just wants in your pants). We stopped talking for a few weeks until the inevitable happened (he was an a$$ to her and she realized I was right, he just wanted in her pants). She apologized and was going to try to be a better friend. Even though she wasn't the biggest fan of fi and I dating anymore(jealousy I believe because as soon as she had a man she would always say how awesome it was we both had someone and want to double date, then when no man was around she hated that I spent time with fi) she had been a good friend to me previously so I thought we could give it another try.
Once FI and i got engaged she was super excited and wanted to help any way she could. I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She was great and super stoked about our destination wedding. As none of our friends have money to spend we worked it out so we could pay for most of the trip. 5 days, 4 nights in Costa Rica for $250 per person (doesn't even cover the plane ticket, was more of a guarantee they wouldn't flake on us). About a month and a half into planning (luckily before any money was put down on anything) I check in with her about the destination wedding and if she can afford the $250. She says yes and asks if it will be $250 for *Dameon as well. I ask who that is as I had never heard of him before. She tells me he is this guy she started dating a week ago. I say we can't afford that and we are only have close friends and family go(20 ppl total including FI and I). She says he may be able to pay some more but not sure. I say it makes me kind of uncomfortable as I had never met him and the wedding was still over 9 months away. That's a big thing to commit to for someone she's dating a week.
She and I hang out a few times and we discuss her and him. She tells me how great he is and that he has a degree, a good job, and even a house. I say wow and ask her about the house. She tells me where it is but says she's never been because (brace yourself) " Oh I haven't been to the house yet, his wife still lives there". Hold on a minute what? He's still married? Yeppers. Oh but he's gonna get a divorce.
I talk to my FI and we decide there is no way we can be comfortable with her bringing a MARRIED man that we've NEVER MET to our VERY private and intimate wedding. I try explaining to her we aren't comfortable with it but that we would love for him to come to the at home reception.
She gets extremely mad, tells me they are meant to be together and are spending the rest of their lives together (yea I'm pretty sure his wife thinks/thought that too). Says it's not fair she'll be alone at the wedding (all the other people going are couples because 1) they are married and I'm not telling someone to leave their spouse at home 2) both people are in the wedding). I try explaining to her our reasoning but it's to no avail. She then proceeds to tell my FI still has his ex girlfriends name on the house we live in (I already knew that bad decision plus market crash = can't get her name off) so its no different than *Dameon still being married. I say UM NO!! I find adultery MORALLY WRONG, having an ex's name on the house sucks but is not morally wrong. I say i'm not trying to judge them, yes he marriage may really be over, yes *Kayla and he may be in love and live happily ever after I'm just saying i feel uncomfortable with the situation and would like to avoid it if possible. She then says "good luck with your marriage, we both know it wont last". I'm shocked at this point and just stand there silent, I wish I could have said "Wish I could say the same but oh wait he's not married to YOU now is he" but I couldn't I was just caught so off guard by her comment. She then also tells me I'm a selfish B and to go to hell. I say well i'm guessing your not going to the wedding. Good luck to you and *Dameon. I believe we are done. She hangs up.
On top of it all the day we have this convo is my birthday and she didn't even know it. I don't really feel to bad as she had become a bad friend anyways and it was best to end our friendship.
I still would like to have your opinions. I know your not supposed to judge invited guests relationships (I gave all my guests to the reception a plus 1 regardless of time dating, etc.) but what about adulterers? Was I wrong to tell her it made FI and I uncomfortable to have her married adulterous boyfriend (that she had just met) to our very private wedding (it seemed like a slap in the face at the principal of marriage, bad mojo you know)?
There, sorry it was so long, kudos if you read the whole thing, you deserve a drink. LOL.
*name changed