If you have kids already

kittybutton · December 2011

Are you having kids (besides your own) at the wedding? Im not sure what I want to do yet. Im 60% sure I want kids there but once I factor in the time and the open bar, Im not so sure. I still have 8 months to go but im having a little anxiety.

right1thistime · December 2011

We invited all the children in our lives. Our kids were 16 & 14 at the time, and we invited our friends & family's children who were the same age, older & younger. We did not invite work colleagues' children, as we did not know them. One mother was concerned about child care, and we encouraged her to bring him along if child care would stop her from coming. The parents were mature enough to decide whether or not they wanted them to attend. My brother did not bring his kids (who we are very close to) since they wanted to party. Others brought their kids. We sat all the kids with their parents, but also had a seperate teen table. The teen table was unassigned, and the kids gravitated to it. It had teen friendly munchies on the table, and the wait staff knew that the table was non-alcoholic beverages only. The kids preferred the goldfish and other snacks to the passed hors d'oeuvres, although they did eat some of those as well. I thought this worked well for us. ~Donna

blush64 · December 2011

I am inviting all of my nieces and nehpews and cousins but none of my older cousins' kids. (also I have invited any infants whose parents want to bring them)

It was easy to just make the cut off at the children of my sisters and the children of my FI's brother. I also have all my neices and nephews in the bridal party.

My ceremony starts at 4pm and the reception is directly after. (open bar 5-1:30am)

Sue-n-Kevin · December 2011

We had my husband's nieces and nephews kids there, it was no big deal. His one nephew's son who was 4 y/o was our ring bearer and was actually the life of the party, LOL....... he danced his little tail off and we all had fun dancing with him.
Most people know when their kids have had "enough" and head home. To be honest, I can't recall one wedding where the kids were anything but delightful. I do notice however that the parents of young kids do tend to leave earlier, or make other arrangements.

debbiem56 · December 2011

I cut it off at close family members.

handfast4me · December 2011

We had no one at our wedding, but if we had invited anyone (I have a grown daughter) no one under the age of 18 would have been invited. I know that other people disagree with what I'm about to say, but that's OK; everyone is entitled to their opinion. I strongly feel that marriages, and the ceremonies that occur to make them, should be an adult decision and an adult occasion. I think that most very young children don't understand what's happening anyway; and many of the older ones are bored. I've been to several at which children have disrupted the celebration, which is why I have come to this opinion.

right1thistime · December 2011

Our wedding was 10:30 am, and the reception was immediately following, so not an evening event.

blush64 · December 2011

EDIT I respect that some people have their own reasoning and that's what's great about these boards, different points of view. I just wanted to explain my reasoning better...for your situation you would have to look at your reasons for wnating them there and the reasons you don't, as well as the other people you have invited. (and how the parents behave, some are great and as we all know some parents aren't very good at watching their children)

My reception will begin at 5 and end at 1am. There will be alcohol served BUT I think it's wrong to say that alone makes the environment inappropriate for children. I can respect that some people don't want children there or that there may be certain people who act inappropriately when drunk but those people won't be at my wedding.

You have to take into consideration the people who are there. Some receptions with alcohol might be wildly inappropriate, mine will not be. I can say this for sure because I have only invited my close family. The parents of the children will all watch their children because they want to. (and have done so at all the family parties thus far, our annual family Chrismtas party can go until midnight) If a parent would like their child to leave early they will take care of that. I trust the parents to do what is right and comfortable for themselves and their children. My sisters and sister-in-law are the mothers of the children invited.

Open bar-- The bartender will not be serving the children. I trust that the adults who drink will still act properly. They have at every other wedding and party so far.

If you want to invite kids then invite them. IF you don't want to invite them, don't. But make sure not to have kids in the wedding party unless you plan on inviting them, otherwise that is extremely rude. I suppose it really depends on how you feel about it.

right1thistime · December 2011

Blush - I read your original post and didn't think it needed to be edited, BTW. I agreed with what you wrote. I think that there are celebrations that are kid friendly and those that are not. I think Retread's point about speaking only about HER wedding is a very similar point to what you were saying. As the host & hostess, you decide how kid friendly your event is. The hostess who chooses to have an evening wedding that is sophisticated, elegant & formal may not choose to invite kids.
Our event was very elegant and formal, but during the day, and kid friendly. Our ceremony was short. Our time between the ceremony and reception was very brief. The cocktail hour was relaxed and had offerings that were appropriate for the kids. My teens traveled to the reception soon after the ceremony, and could be teen hosts to the kids. The dance music was varied and open to kids' requests (with limits set by me). That is how we chose to host.
As you said, you know how your guests will manage the children. If they won't, then you have to decide to invite or not. Another reason would be the tone or mood of your wedding; if kids don't fit into what your vision is, then don't invite them. Budget and space constraints may mean that kids are not a priority for invitations as well.
My personal opinion is that there is no absolute on this subject. Day or night, dry or open bar, informal or formal: kids can be invited or excluded. And as long as the hosts do it appropriately, its fine.

hisbabygirl76 · December 2011

I am newly engaged and this is my 2nd mariage. I have 3 children and they will be there as will my neices and nephews. I am not setting it as a no children wedding but I am pretty sure most of my friends with kids, will take it as nice night out without their kiddos. If they choose to bring them I am ok with that too. As many have said it really is a personal preference as to how you want your day/night. Dont let anyone push your choice. Remember its you and your fiance's day

blush64 · December 2011

I only edited because I didn't feel I explained myself well I gave my opinion but not why. I was trying to explain why I felt the way I do and why I made my choice. I agree with what you wrote, I don't think there is a right answer, just different situations and different opinions.

I do want to add, I have seen bartenders serve clearly underage guests. I know they won't at the venue I am going to but I wasn't being difficult, I can see some people might be worried at underage drinking because sometimes it can happen. (I have even seen guests get the drink for the younger person when they weren't served which I found disgusting)

Lisa50 · January 2012

We did not want any children under age 13. Our wedding vows were followed by an elegant dinner party and dancing, open bar, etc. One couple replied and let us know their plans to bring their 2 kids -- an infant and a toddler -- and we let it slide. We made sure we put them at the table furthest from ours. Everything was fine.

RichNicci4211122 · January 2012

We have 6 children between my FI and I. So not to have children at the wedding and the reception would be difficult. So we have planned to also have "kid friendly" activities for the little ones such as coloring books and crayons, a teen table with the kid friendly munchies. Plus even though we are having an open bar at the reception, none of our friends or family are much of "drinkers", and I plan to inform the wait staff as well as the bar staff to use their best judgement as to when a guest has had enough. I will not tolerate guests that are fall down drunk. They will be asked to leave, and I know that sounds a little harsh, but it is a fun festive occasion not a frat party.

lynetteb79 · January 2012

We're having children at our wedding...we have three of our own, and lots of our guests have children. But ours is at an outdoor park in the afternoon with no alcohol as the park won't allow it, so that might be a different scenerio. It really is, and I'm trying to plan it to be a family event.

Hawt83 · February 2012

I have 4 kids, and my FI has 2 nephews and a niece...plus we have a few clse friends with kids...we figure all the kids can celebrate together....we will also have a chalet for them to crash in after they are done at the reception. Baby-sitters already booked!!

If you have kids already

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