FI and I are a year away from our wedding date and, though I love him, I don't even want to be around him right now.
A little background information...
I'm 23 and I went from living with my mom, to living in a dorm at an out-of-state college, to moving into my FI's apartment with him. (We now have a townhouse together). So, I've never technically lived on my own (in a house or apartment). My FI takes this to mean that I have no idea how to pay bills, manage money, or anything like that (yet I'm good enough to cook, clean, and do laundry). I have a job and I help with paying bills (at my last job I was making $500 more a month than he was, but he was taking a portion of my checks for bills and I could spend the rest however I wanted), but I feel like I'm not treated as an equal partner in our relationship. In fact, I feel like he treats me like a child because he never includes me in household decisions. (In fact, he even told me how much we can put toward our wedding each month when it's my money, too).
He claims it's because he grew up in a very traditional household where his step-father worked and his mom was a stay-at-home mom, so that's what he's used to. Well, that's fine, but I grew up with a single mom who worked full-time.
I just feel like he is unwilling to compromise with me on anything. (He's a very 'my way or the high way' type person, as his mother said his father was). He refuses to even compromise with me on when to buy a house or have kids. I want kids in the next few years and he said he's not going to be ready then. So, because I'm so frustrated, I told him that I want my first child by the time I'm 30 or I'm leaving (and that would be in seven years). (Note: There is nothing wrong with having kids after 30, I would just start now if I could). He called that 'emotional blackmail.' Maybe it is, but I really have no idea how else to get through to him and to prove that I'm serious because talking to him hasn't worked. (I realize that saying I'm going to leave in seven years is crazy, but I'm just hoping he will get on the same page as me eventually).
Also, my dad died two months ago and that's when FI claimed I started changing. (He also says that's why I've been 'pushing' him to have a baby - that and because I'm bored with my life - which isn't true at all... I've always wanted to have kids relatively young). He says I've been taking my anger out on him, but he's just been irritating me. Maybe it has something to do with my dad's death or maybe I'm just fed up - I don't know. But he told me last night that he didn't want kids unless I went to my grief support group (which I was debating about continuing to attend after the last meeting) and learned to 'manage' my grief. I think I've been managing my grief well - no one else seems to have any issues with me (that I know of). Anyway, we're already in pre-marital counseling, which seems to help, but I feel it hasn't lately because I feel like he doesn't listen to me (and he doesn't take any responsibility for his actions).
I spoke with FI's best friend of thirteen years (he has a psychology degree, though he doesn't practice) to get his opinion from a professional and personal standpoint and he said 'you need to decide if these are things you can live with because he's never going to change.' (Hopeful, right?)
I love my FI and I really don't want to leave, but I have no idea what to do. Any advice would be appreciated. TIA.