side lined sister.

yankie40l · March 2010

My sons finance asked his older sister to be a bridesmaide and told his youger sister ( who will 18 by wedding) that she would a jr birdesmaide and would NOT be standing w/ the other bridesmaides she would sitting w/ the younger children in wedding to keep a eye on them. My sons younger sister is very hurt by this, because she has been told in the past she would be a brides maide. We are very close to my sons fiance.We always include her in all family events as if they were already married. They have been together for 7 yrs now. My son told his father that his fiance was tring to think of a way to include his younger sister.
We have chose to have his younger sister just sit w/ us. I do not want her to the baby sitter. My son has 2 sisters and we have always been a close family.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Completely off topic, but does anyone else imagine The Todd giving Jagore a "putting up with Brooke five" when they see both sig pics on the same day?

jagore08 · March 2010

Haha! No but I will from now on!

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_side-lined-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5c5b4143-2a5b-4d18-9689-3b8fca2ea293Post:325c4123-90e9-430c-8b65-bab6545bbd45">Re: side lined sister.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this also may be a time where the sister needs to talk to her brother.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>This. What the bride and groom are doing is wrong, but it isn't your place to step in. The sister is 18 and old enough to speak for herself. She needs to tell her brother and FSIL that she is insulted to be asked to be a Jr BM and even more insulted to be asked to babysit, then decline the "honor" and be a guest instead. </div>

mbcdefg · March 2010

I agree that, at 18, your daughter should speak up if she feels like she's being treated unfairly (which I believe that she is). If I were her, I would politely but firmly tell my brother and his fiancee that I do not want to babysit, and I'd then graciously bow out of the wedding party if she insisted that I had to be a junior bridesmaid/babysitter or nothing.

But I also think that your son ought to talk to his fiancee if HE feels that this isn't fair. I'm 26 and an adult, but I know my mother would've come down on me like a ton of bricks if she felt that I (or my fiance) was giving my brother or sister the shaft.

I agree that getting involved can turn this into a lot more drama, but I also think that your kids have to learn that there's a right way to treat people and a wrong way. Even if they're adults. Better to correct them now and have them learn from it, than to allow them to continue bad behavior as they get older and let it grow into a habit.

suz62984 · March 2010

You daughter needs to speak with your son about this. She should just tell him that she feels uncomfortable being a junior bridesmaid since they are usually 7-13 years old and decline the position. Also, that she is not willing to babysit the children at the reception.

Unless they are having a plated dinner or specific seating arrangements they will not be able to dictate where she sits. That's pretty inconsiderate of your FDIL to assume she would be the babysitter.

lalap69 · March 2010

18 is wayyyy too old to be a "junior" anything.

If this was my brother's wedding, you'd better believe I would be talking to him about this.

However, I think that sometimes it is best for a mother to get involved because your son and his FI are treating your daughter badly. I would talk to your son and tell him that you think they're not treat your daughter well and why telling her that she has to babysit is essentially unfair. Ask him if he wants to hurt her and potentially damage their relationship over this. You could also suggest that he instead ask his sister to be a groomswoman, so that he has control over her role in the wedding. If they absolutely need someone to watch the younger kids, maybe you could offer to hire someone for them.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

I know that by the time I was 18, my mom wasn't fighting my battles anymore. Your daughter needs to deal with this on her own.

lalap69 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_side-lined-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5c5b4143-2a5b-4d18-9689-3b8fca2ea293Post:d8a3d5f5-70c7-4cc6-9467-20e6edd575e5">Re: side lined sister.</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that by the time I was 18, my mom wasn't fighting my battles anymore. Your daughter needs to deal with this on her own.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
My mom still gets involved sometimes. She doesn't fight our battles, but if any of my siblings get into a big fight with each other, she'll talk to one or both sides separately and try to offer some perspective and mom wisdom. I don't see anything wrong with this. She can't tell us what to do anymore, but she can still give guidance.

emilykathleen511 · March 2010

I agree that if your daughter (and only if SHE is, not just you) is hurt or offended, then SHE needs to be the one to talk to her brother and let him know that. She can decline their "offer" for her to babysit and can maybe offer to stand on her brother's side if he is open to it and just wear a black dress. If he doesn't seem open to that idea, then she can just attend as a guest.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

It just seems that a lot of family wedding drama comes from parents getting indignant on behalf of children who don't give a damn. My mom kept going on and on and ON about how I had to make my brother's stepdaughters the exception to the no-kids rule or he'd never forgive me, and it turned out he had no intention of bringing them in the first place.

lalap69 · March 2010

I've been operating under the assumption that this is an issue for the daughter, as OP said "my son's younger sister is very hurt by this." I'm assuming she knows this because daughter said something.

I think it's weird that she refers to her daughter as her son's sister though.

blackfire5th · March 2010

Why are you blaming your FDIL? It sounds like this is your son's fault.

side lined sister.

Re: side lined sister.

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