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Wardrobe change for the groomsmen - ummm, no?

kerbohlkerbohl member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey all!  I just want to get other people's opinion on this in case I am in the wrong.

I was talking with FI last night about attire.  We are having a medieval themed wedding, but I didn't want my BM and his GM in costumes, so I had told him months ago to research things that are modern but that we can add medieval elements to (ex. My BM will have maille hand flowers but are wearing normal dresses).  Well, he had sent a BM dress suggestion to me which was a flat-out medieval costume.  I was concerned that he didn't understand what I meant by "no costumes", and it turns out that all the research that he has been doing on what the GM will be wearing is very costumey.  I think a theme should be kept more to the reception, and so he now wants the GM to wear suits for the ceremony AND THEN CHANGE INTO MEDIEVAL COSTUMES! My thoughts are that this will reflect oddly on us as the couple that we are being so extravagant as to have half of our wedding party (no way are my BM having two outfits) have a wardrobe change, and also that this is asking way too much of his GM.  Isn't it rude to ask GM to get two outfits for one day?  And I'm pretty sure FI knows that getting extras for attire is a cost that we should budget for, but I'm not seeing room for buying three medieval costumes for the GM in our budget.  So I think he might be expecting them to foot the bill, which I also think is not right. 

Am I wrong?  Or am I missing something?  If we do pay for the extra outfits, would it not be bad etiquette to get the GM to change, or should I go with my gut that this is asking too much of them and is completely unnecessary? 

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Re: Wardrobe change for the groomsmen - ummm, no?

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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Agree with Kate - nothing says "you are just a prop for my party" like trying to make your nearest and dearest change into costumes.  There is NO way I would pay for two outfits for a wedding and I would be royally ticked to be expected to wear a costume at all.
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    MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
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    If I was your groomsman I'd think you're crazy to ask me to wear a costume to any part of your wedding. The GMs should be in appropriate modern attire the whole day / night.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Costumes are for halloween or stage productions, not weddings.

    It would also be ridiculous to ask this of your GMs.  There role in your wedding is over once the ceremony and pictures are done.  When the reception rolls around they are just guests like everyone else, so to ask them to spend more money on a costume and to change into that for the reception is a bit much.

    I think it may be time to do a bit of research yourself and show your FI what you were thinking for the GMs.  I realize it is the FI responsibility to pick the attire for the GM but I think it is time you step in and help.

    As for themes, I am not a fan of them for weddings, but I don't mind having items that reflect the couples likes and personalities.  I think what you are going for is just a general feel of medieval rather then an all out theme party.


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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    No way. Have you even priced this out? This could get very expensive very fast, plus, as a guest, I would seriously laugh my ass off. 
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Honestly, I think perhaps you should drop the theme since your fiancé seems to be confused by it. Weddings don't need themes.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Yeah, I don't like it. I know someone who had a full-on costume Medieval wedding, and I thought it was kind of strange. I think if someone wants to do that, it's their business, of course, but I think it would look odd to change into costumes for the reception. If you're going to do it, just do it for the whole event. I think you have the better idea  with incorporating your theme into the small touches as opposed to making it a costume party. 


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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Where do you want the focus? On the two of you and your new union or on the costumes that your wedding party will be donning? If you do costumes of any kind or clobber guests over the head with things that scream "THIS IS OUR THEME - GET IT? GET IT?!", you risk shifting the focus away from the wedding and what's really important. What about other ways to incorporate this? Like naming tables, hanging escort cards from chainmaille, having introductions or first dance to period music, etc...

    Also, it's kind of insulting and objectifying to dress your wedding party up like this - especially if they have to pay for it! How embarrassing. I'd drop out, honestly.

    Your FI sounds really enthusiastic and that's awesome. Maybe give him the job of planning a medieval theme party for another time (pick some random knight's birthday or something). Then if people want to dress up and buy costumes for it, they have the option.
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    rel1988rel1988 member
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    I'm trying to think of subtle ways to incorporate the medieval theme into basic wedding formalware. Maybe a sword lapel pin instead of a traditional corsage? I'm not really knowledgeable in that era...

    Please don't ask you GM to wear costumes. While this is something your FI is interested in, that doesn't mean they all are. I would feel very uncomfortable having to parade around in a costume all night. In my opinion I would incorporate your theme into your reception decor and leave it at that.

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    harper0813harper0813 member
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    I think the subtle medieval idea sounds fun, especially with the smaller and less in-your-face ideas you mention. I would find it really odd if any of you WP wore costumes - especially if only one side did it. I'm a brat, so to be honest, I'd laugh AT them, not with them. And you can show your FI this comment. :)

    Can you suggest something less Medieval Times-y to your FI? Maybe those stick-horses they can ride into the reception for a grand entrance? And then you can pass them off to kiddos to play with during the dancing portion. Or maybe some plastic swords? Maybe he can have some customized crest pins made to go on the guys' lapels? You're right in thinking that it's his/your duty to pay for these extras, not the groomsmen's. I think if you made it into some brief comedic relief (keyword: brief), it will be more amusing to your guests than weird, and then hopefully your FI will be satisfied.
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    kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Okay, I'm not wrong in thinking that this isn't a good idea.  Thanks everyone!  I appreciate the comments.  I'm going to tell FI that it will be modern attire and that the medieval elements will be in the smaller touches.  That will be cheaper (yes, I've priced historical clothing, it can be astronomically expensive) and will look better, and just less of a headache.

    And I understand the arguments against having a theme, but we met at a medieval sewing class, I went to school for Medieval studies, and FI is a history teacher with a special interest in medieval.  It's a theme, but it is also our way of bringing our personal side on the wedding.  Mostly I had planned for that to be in the decor, but I think FI is getting confused and trying to incorporate it elsewhere.

    And @zobird, the time for the plastic swords has passed - pretty much the first thing FI did after we were engaged was buy actual swords for his GM.  He was so excited about it.  I believe he wants them to wear the swords for the wedding, but I don't think it is appropriate for in a church unless it is a military wedding.       

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    kinsey0628kinsey0628 member
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    kerbohl said:
    And @zobird, the time for the plastic swords has passed - pretty much the first thing FI did after we were engaged was buy actual swords for his GM.  He was so excited about it.  I believe he wants them to wear the swords for the wedding, but I don't think it is appropriate for in a church unless it is a military wedding.       
    hahaha omg that is funny.  theme makes sense given your guys story :)
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Tell your FI to save the medieval elements for decor, music, etc. and drop the costume idea.  It will annoy the hell out of his groomsmen to have to wear costumes.
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    kathrynrfkathrynrf member
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    I am currently in a similar situation and have decided to just let it go. My deal is a little different than yours though. 

    My FI and his friends have always been huge Ireland fans. They spent all of their early twenties hanging out at an Irish pub with live traditional Irish music. Basically, I am marring the biggest dork. Well, I stupidly picked a date that is the same weekend as St. Patrick's day. Well, of course, they all decided that kilts are the appropriate thing to wear to the wedding. I thought I was being smart by saying it was stupid to expect everyone to go out and buy a kilt to wear to the reception and rent a tux to wear to the ceremony. My FI never said anything after that, then his best man asked about it at a party we were having. He then informed me that all of the groomsmen already own kilts (of course they do) with the exception of my brother-who is more than excited to get one now. 

    Basically, I have said they can do whatever they want as long as they have the tux's on during the ceremony and half of the pictures. I figure, it is his wedding too, and all of his friends are down for it and aren't being put out at all, so whatever. 

    I do agree with everyone else though, to expect them to rent both though wouldn't be very fair. 
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