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Unnecessary Future MIL Drama

I am having some serious issues with my future MIL. Here's the situation:

I am a recent college grad still searching for a job and my fiance is a crane operator. We have outlined our budget to be $20,000, which we think we will be able to comfortably afford (even more so when I get a job, which I am confident will happen), and even if our parents decided not to help out (which we have told them is up to them whether or not they wish to contribute).

After having an adult conversation with my parents, they offered to pay for the brunt of it, however, we settled on a number less than that since we would like to pay for the majority of it.

When my fiance talked to his mom about it, she freaked out and doesn't understand how anyone would want to spend $20,000 on a wedding, and had the nerve to say my fiance wouldn't be able to afford it because he's the only one making money and supporting me (wrong!) and she assumes my parents are poor (which they are not).

I have been doing odd jobs here and there to 1) Pay for my portion of the rent and 2) Pay for groceries, however, his mom doesn't believe me and thinks I'm taking all of her sons money.

Is it just me or is she being completely irrational? Up to this point, it's been me who has paid for the venue deposits and other random wedding expenses, but she will not believe me. I just feel she's being completely immature, everyone else thinks our budget is reasonable and within reach, while she is just trying to throw a wrench in everything and make things stressful, when they don't need to be.

 

 

Re: Unnecessary Future MIL Drama

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    If she's not paying, or even if she is, the budget and how it is split up is none of her business. We have very amicable parents and we still agreed early on to only discuss price with whomever is paying for that part of the wedding. I would stop talking wedding with your fmil for now and plan with what you can reasonably contribute combined with your parents contribution.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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    The budget is only the business of the people contributing to it. 
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    I am not sure why you are even discussing how much you plan on spending with her.  The only number she needs to worry about is the amount that she would be providing (if she contributes).

    From this point on stop talking about your finances with her ASAP becasue it is none of her business.


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    Your fi invited his mother's commentary when he gave her a run down of who is contributing what amounts to your budget.He shouldn't have brought up money with her unless she volunteered to help out. And then he should have only discussed her contribution and how she wanted to handle it. Your parents money is none of her business. 
                       
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    I am not sure why you are even discussing how much you plan on spending with her.  The only number she needs to worry about is the amount that she would be providing (if she contributes).

    From this point on stop talking about your finances with her ASAP becasue it is none of her business.

    Exactly this. Somebody wise said something about keeping talk of religion, politics, and finances to a minimum. If she's your FMIL - start living and breathing this now.
    *********************************************************************************

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    exactly what PPs have said.  She has no business knowing about the finances, and I sure hope your FI backs you up when his mother makes these remarks--that is not a MIL problem, that is a FI problem!
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    Anniversary
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    You and your fiance's finances are no one else's business. Even if he was financially supporting you, that's between you and him. Not her.


    When my fiance talked to his mom about it,
    Why was he talking about your wedding budget with her?
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    Ditto Maire, who is always wise.  Have you discussed the can of worms your FI opened here?  Does he understand he opened his mouth and inserted his big fat foot?  Does he understand now that money discussions don't happen with Mom?  
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    I'm not sure why he even brought it up to her in the first place. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    I agree with everyone else.  It is none of anyone's business how much you are spending on YOUR wedding esp. if they are not contributing.  It sounds like your FMIL wants to just give you a hard time.  I'm not sure what I would do in this situation I would def. talk to your fiancee and ask him to discuss it with her.  He should be standing up for you any ways when your mother in law makes rude comments.  It's your life together, not hers, and unless she lives with you, knows your conversations, and understands your life, she has no business saying anything abot your life and how you guys live it.,
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    kmj500 said:

    I am having some serious issues with my future MIL. Here's the situation:

    I am a recent college grad still searching for a job and my fiance is a crane operator. We have outlined our budget to be $20,000, which we think we will be able to comfortably afford (even more so when I get a job, which I am confident will happen), and even if our parents decided not to help out (which we have told them is up to them whether or not they wish to contribute).

    After having an adult conversation with my parents, they offered to pay for the brunt of it, however, we settled on a number less than that since we would like to pay for the majority of it.

    When my fiance talked to his mom about it, she freaked out and doesn't understand how anyone would want to spend $20,000 on a wedding, and had the nerve to say my fiance wouldn't be able to afford it because he's the only one making money and supporting me (wrong!) and she assumes my parents are poor (which they are not).

    I have been doing odd jobs here and there to 1) Pay for my portion of the rent and 2) Pay for groceries, however, his mom doesn't believe me and thinks I'm taking all of her sons money.

    Is it just me or is she being completely irrational? Up to this point, it's been me who has paid for the venue deposits and other random wedding expenses, but she will not believe me. I just feel she's being completely immature, everyone else thinks our budget is reasonable and within reach, while she is just trying to throw a wrench in everything and make things stressful, when they don't need to be.

     


    Why on earth are you discussing the budget with her? Were you hoping she'd offer to kick in some money?
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    LAM524LAM524 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Whats been discussed thus far is a done deal. I get how easy it can be to discuss finances with parents, especially while planning a wedding. Your budget should be a non-issue for her. Your choice, your decision. Period. Is it possible that she reacted this way because she feels that she MUST contribute as your mom is..."keeping up with the Joneses" kinda thing? Could she be freaking about what your Mom is contributing with the fact that you "dont" work (I know you do)  because she thinks she going to get stuck paying the shortage when she can't or doesnt want to? I can't imagine why she would react like this unless its personal to her and she thinks its going to affect her pocket (which isnt true because you can afford it).

    As far as her not "believing" you and what you are contributing because you ARE working, I agree with PP, certain things are none of her business. Because its already out there though, couldnt your FI set his mother straight, like PP said, "defend you" and shut her down? She is being very hurtful. Would she believe him?

     I've been there..done that with my ex MIL. While I wanted to scream things were none of her business, I also wanted her to believe me. I wanted the validation. I was a stupid young girl!

    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
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    Your FMIL is not chipping in, so the finances are none of her business. It would be similar to you asking her how much her mortgage payment is per month, or inquiring about her recent credit card bill. Whenever the topic is brought up, your FI should say personal finance discussions are off limits. Keep repeating himself until she gets the point.
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    Did you guys talk to her because she offered to chip in, and then she freaked out about spending that much? You guys could just always tell her you've lowered your budget, just to get her off your back. Then decline to discuss it anymore if she's not contributing. Your finances are none of her business. If you don't feel comfortable telling her that, just have your fiance do so. 
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