what is the purpose of a rehearsal dinner?

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

Is it just for my bridal party and us?

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

Ok, well my other question is do I need to have one?

ameraznhuney · June 2013

I agree that you do not necessarily need to have a rehearsal dinner. Traditionally the rehearsal dinner was for the families/close friends of the bride and groom to meet for the first time before the wedding. If you don't have any family or BP travelling from out of town, then you don't really need a rehearsal dinner.

manateehugger · June 2013

ameraznhuney said:

I agree that you do not necessarily need to have a rehearsal dinner. Traditionally the rehearsal dinner was for the families/close friends of the bride and groom to meet for the first time before the wedding. If you don't have any family or BP travelling from out of town, then you don't really need a rehearsal dinner.

This isn't entirely true. You still need to have a rehearsal dinner if you're requesting BP and others to attend a rehearsal - regardless of whether they are local or not. OOT makes no difference.

Jen4948 · June 2013

You only need a rehearsal dinner if you are having a rehearsal, which is only necessary if 1) your officiant and/or ceremony venue requires it and/or 2) you have a complex ceremony or it has non-mainstream elements that wedding party members may not be familiar with.

The point of a rehearsal dinner (which actually doesn't have to be a "dinner", it can be any time of the day) is to thank your wedding party members and officiant for participating in the rehearsal. It is not necessary to invite out-of-town guests or anyone other than the couple, wedding party members, immediate family members of the couple, the officiant, and their partners/SOs. It is necessary to invite partners/SOs of anyone who participates in the rehearsal though.

freebread03 · June 2013

RetreadBride said:

Rehearsal = need for a rehearsal dinner

No rehearsal = no need for a rehearsal dinner

Out-of-town guests have nothing to do with this, because their invitation to an RD is OPTIONAL. In fact, I've only attended a few RDs where OOT guests were included, and then it was usually grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Edited to add: It's NOT necessary to add the SOs of anyone who participates in the rehearsal if that person is only a date, or doesn't live with the WP member. If they're married, yes. If they're only dating, no. Engaged - possibly, if they wish to come. The RD really isn't a social event.

I totally disagree with this-that only those SOs who live with a wedding party member or maybe are engaged have to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I was just in a wedding last weekend-and if my SO had not been invited to the rehearsal dinner (we are engaged, but another bridesmaid brought her boyfriend who she does not live with) I wouldn't have gone either. And if the other bridesmaid's boyfriends had not been invited, I would have skipped and had dinner with them. We all travelled over 5000 miles to be there and spent thousands of dollars in flights and hotels, and to ask our significant others to figure out dinner on their own in a country where they don't speak the language would have been beyond rude in my opinion. Significant others, whether engaged or not, are a social unit and should be included in events such as a rehearsal dinner.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

Rehearsals are totally up to you. If you have a rehearsal you will need to have a dinner to thank the people who came. If you feel your WP can handle being directed the day of the wedding and do it the way you wan't, you wont need a rehearsal. I have to pay an extra 200 for my venue if I have a rehearsal the day before plus cater bc we are not allowed to have our own food. So I am opting to do the reheasal before the wedding since all our WP will be there early that morning anyway. If you want to get all your WP together the day before and spend some time with them because the day of will be hectic, have a dinner.

MuppetFan · June 2013

In addition to the reasons others mentioned above, I'm inviting OOT guests to our RD so we can spend some quality time with them too. One of my best friends (a groomsman) will be flying 3K miles and spending a lot on his ticket and more if he brings his GF just for the weekend and then going right back and i won't see him again this year. So, I'm really happy to spend the time together.

We are just having some platters that I'm ordering from a restaurant and some sides....beer...nothing big.

xxstardust · June 2013

We're having a rehearsal. I didn't think it was really necessary (we all know how to walk), but my mom was pretty insistent. The more I think about it, though, I'm glad - one of our readers has never actually been to a non-Hindi wedding before, so the whole process is new to him, and it'll give our priest time to get to know the church (we got permission from the church for our priest from college to do the ceremony).

If you really need the rehearsal, keep the RD simple. We're doing antipasto platters, pizza and beer/wine.

ashleyep · June 2013

freebread03 said:

RetreadBride said:

Rehearsal = need for a rehearsal dinner

No rehearsal = no need for a rehearsal dinner

Out-of-town guests have nothing to do with this, because their invitation to an RD is OPTIONAL. In fact, I've only attended a few RDs where OOT guests were included, and then it was usually grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Edited to add: It's NOT necessary to add the SOs of anyone who participates in the rehearsal if that person is only a date, or doesn't live with the WP member. If they're married, yes. If they're only dating, no. Engaged - possibly, if they wish to come. The RD really isn't a social event.

I totally disagree with this-that only those SOs who live with a wedding party member or maybe are engaged have to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I was just in a wedding last weekend-and if my SO had not been invited to the rehearsal dinner (we are engaged, but another bridesmaid brought her boyfriend who she does not live with) I wouldn't have gone either. And if the other bridesmaid's boyfriends had not been invited, I would have skipped and had dinner with them. We all travelled over 5000 miles to be there and spent thousands of dollars in flights and hotels, and to ask our significant others to figure out dinner on their own in a country where they don't speak the language would have been beyond rude in my opinion. Significant others, whether engaged or not, are a social unit and should be included in events such as a rehearsal dinner.

@freebread03 I think a good rule of thumb would be that if you're inviting someone's guest by name on the invitation, you should invite them to the rehearsal dinner too. No need to invite someone's "+1," but should definitely invite someone's SO.

My cousin's rehearsal dinner was at a function hall type of place, and she opened the room to guests after the dinner. That way we could still come and hang out, but she didn't have to host all of us for dinner.

BangBangs39 · July 2013

I've always been told it is proper etiquette to invite guests who are flying in from OOT and staying local for the evening. This is so that they have something to do. In addition - inviting SO's is important because now your taking time away from that couple to be together.

Viczaesar · July 2013

BangBangs39 said:

I've always been told it is proper etiquette to invite guests who are flying in from OOT and staying local for the evening. This is so that they have something to do. In addition - inviting SO's is important because now your taking time away from that couple to be together.

No, that's not proper etiquette, but it is a nice gesture if it's feasible.

Jen4948 · July 2013

BangBangs39 said:

I've always been told it is proper etiquette to invite guests who are flying in from OOT and staying local for the evening. This is so that they have something to do. In addition - inviting SO's is important because now your taking time away from that couple to be together.

Etiquette doesn't require that OOT guests be invited to rehearsal dinners. This would only be necessary if the OOT guests in question were members of the wedding party and there was a rehearsal.

Jen4948 · July 2013

@KnotPorscha - looks like we have a fight going on here.

Redbride801 · July 2013

RetreadBride said:

If they're just bringing a date to the wedding, it isn't necessary to bring the date to the RD. The date can come to the wedding.

RetreadBride said:

Rehearsal = need for a rehearsal dinner

No rehearsal = no need for a rehearsal dinner

Out-of-town guests have nothing to do with this, because their invitation to an RD is OPTIONAL. In fact, I've only attended a few RDs where OOT guests were included, and then it was usually grandparents or aunts and uncles.

Edited to add: It's NOT necessary to add the SOs of anyone who participates in the rehearsal if that person is only a date, or doesn't live with the WP member. If they're married, yes. If they're only dating, no. Engaged - possibly, if they wish to come. The RD really isn't a social event.

If a RD isn't a social event, what type of event is it??

AddieCake · July 2013

Jen4948 said:

@KnotPorscha - looks like we have a fight going on here.

So? Nobody has violated TOS in it. No need to tattle to the principal.

Jen4948 · July 2013

AddieL73 said:

Jen4948 said:

@KnotPorscha - looks like we have a fight going on here.

So? Nobody has violated TOS in it. No need to tattle to the principal.

But it did divert the thread from the question asked by the OP into a personal quarrel between two members. There doesn't have to be a question of TOS violations to ask a moderator what she thinks about what is going on, especially given how pissy nearly every regular member has been lately.

what is the purpose of a rehearsal dinner?

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