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No help from my side.

ttandmtttandmt member
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in Moms and Maids

Getting married in July 2014. My FI friends and family are so excited. His brother already planned his BP to Costa Rica, including excursions while they are there including having everyone chip in to pay for my FI expenses for the trip (not including airfare). Don't get me wrong my friends and family are excited but the MOH has not even scratched the surface of planning anything! (all guests including bridal and grooms party do not live in the same city so it s important to get things done early so people and guests can plan ahead) and my Dad is kind of off in his own world since he got remarried. I am feeling really bummed about it.

also once I told the MOH if she was too busy or didn't thing she was up to it is was okay and she said: "o no of course, I want to!"

Maybe I am being a baby but I just imagined everyone being excited, having a bridal shower, and BP....?????

 

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Re: No help from my side.

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ttandmt said:

    Getting married in July 2014. My FI friends and family are so excited. His brother already planned his BP to Costa Rica, including excursions while they are there including having everyone chip in to pay for my FI expenses for the trip (not including airfare). Don't get me wrong my friends and family are excited but the MOH has not even scratched the surface of planning anything! (all guests including bridal and grooms party do not live in the same city so it s important to get things done early so people and guests can plan ahead) and my Dad is kind of off in his own world since he got remarried. I am feeling really bummed about it.

    also once I told the MOH if she was too busy or didn't thing she was up to it is was okay and she said: "o no of course, I want to!"

    Maybe I am being a baby but I just imagined everyone being excited, having a bridal shower, and BP....?????

    The only "duty" of anyone in the WP (including MOH) is to show up to the wedding in the dress sober and on time. The designation of MOH or BM is an honorary title that YOU give to THEM - not a title that means THEY do things for YOU. 

    I think if you lower your expectations, you will be much happier. If no one offers to throw you a BP, engagement party or a shower, you just don't have one. It's not a big deal at all. Lots of people don't have pre-wedding parties. Your wedding will still be just as fun and special!!
    *********************************************************************************

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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    edited October 2013
    Agreed - lower your expectations. They don't have responsibilities beyond getting the dress, showing up on time, smiling for pictures, and being pleasant on your wedding day. 

    Lots of people don't get b-parties and showers. It's not the end of the world. Those parties are gifts and should not be expected or demanded. 

    You're marrying the man you love - anything else is just gravy. 

    ETA: Your new mantra : "No one will be as excited for our wedding as me - and that's ok."
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    ttandmt said:

    Getting married in July 2014. My FI friends and family are so excited. His brother already planned his BP to Costa Rica, including excursions while they are there including having everyone chip in to pay for my FI expenses for the trip (not including airfare). Don't get me wrong my friends and family are excited but the MOH has not even scratched the surface of planning anything! (all guests including bridal and grooms party do not live in the same city so it s important to get things done early so people and guests can plan ahead) and my Dad is kind of off in his own world since he got remarried. I am feeling really bummed about it.

    also once I told the MOH if she was too busy or didn't thing she was up to it is was okay and she said: "o no of course, I want to!"

    Maybe I am being a baby but I just imagined everyone being excited, having a bridal shower, and BP....?????

     

    First, you should never have even said this to her.  This is just rude and comes off as you pushing her to do something that maybe she doesn't want to do or can't afford to do.

    Like the other posters said, you need to lower your expectations.  Pre-wedding parties are gifts and are in no way required.  Many brides do not get thrown bridal showers or bach parties.  This in no way affects then getting married.  If you don't get them it is not the end of the world.  Life will go on and not having them is no way a reflection on your friends and families excitement level about you getting married.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Aside from the fact that it's nobody's job to spend money on you and host stuff for you, it's also WAY too early to be thinking about pre-wedding parties.  Your wedding isn't until July 2014!  Showers and bachelorette parties, if they happen, usually occur in the the last 1-3 months before the wedding.  It's a non-issue until at least May 2014.  Cool your jets.



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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    My friend is getting married the same month you are.  Us BMs have not even discussed a bparty!  And her FI's friends have already said they are going to Vegas.  So it's the same situation!  You need to slow your roll.  Even if everyone is all around the country, if someone knows a b party is in the future and wants to save up to attend, they can do that without knowing the exact date or place.
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    ktjanesmomktjanesmom member
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    Gosh I just want to know what the men are going to costa rica.  And the grooms friends are expected to chip in and pay for his expenses?   He must have some rich friends.  Why is everything so out of hand these days.  Do your family and friends have money?  Lower your expectations is right girl.
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    Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
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    Can you all please stop scolding this poor girl?  If you read carefully, I bet you would see that her main hurt is that her father just re-married and is more into his own stuff than his daughter's engagement.  Even if those of us who are older get a second chance, we have already had the wedding experience.  He needs to wake up and realize that he is not a new, 20something groom and it is his daughter's chance to be in the spotlight. She is feeling left out because she is the bride and the men in her life seem to be getting all of the attention.  Just not fair.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    Lauderdale Pink said:
    Can you all please stop scolding this poor girl?  If you read carefully, I bet you would see that her main hurt is that her father just re-married and is more into his own stuff than his daughter's engagement.  Even if those of us who are older get a second chance, we have already had the wedding experience.  He needs to wake up and realize that he is not a new, 20something groom and it is his daughter's chance to be in the spotlight. She is feeling left out because she is the bride and the men in her life seem to be getting all of the attention.  Just not fair.


    So, to remedy the situation, you encourage this poster to immerse herself into "her own stuff"? 

    PP's aren't scolding this girl.  They are simply offering a reality check.  This bride should focus on her ceremony and reception plans, and not worry about what others may or may not plan for her.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Lauderdale Pink said:
    Can you all please stop scolding this poor girl?  If you read carefully, I bet you would see that her main hurt is that her father just re-married and is more into his own stuff than his daughter's engagement.  Even if those of us who are older get a second chance, we have already had the wedding experience.  He needs to wake up and realize that he is not a new, 20something groom and it is his daughter's chance to be in the spotlight. She is feeling left out because she is the bride and the men in her life seem to be getting all of the attention.  Just not fair.
    Oh for fucks sake.  That is not her main reason she is upset.  Is she upset that her Dad is in la-la newlywed land?  Yes.  But she is also upset that her MOH hasn't planned anything for her and she is worried that she isn't going to get a huge bach party like her FI is.

    Life is not fair.  Get over it.

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    nsweare said:
    My dad is an absentee drug addict. I think my bridesmaids owe me a pony.
    Best response ever!

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    manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Yeah, I don't think my dad was into my stuff since the day I was born.

    Funny, I'm still not demanding my bridesmaids load me up with money and gifts.
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    Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
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    I think you all need to have a heart and stop the nonsense, especially the profanity.  Can we please use our "big girl" words?  These boards are also a place to post vents and get them out of the person's head and get some SUPPORT.  You all are just way to harsh.  
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    Lauderdale Pink said:
    I think you all need to have a heart and stop the nonsense, especially the profanity.  Can we please use our "big girl" words?  These boards are also a place to post vents and get them out of the person's head and get some SUPPORT.  You all are just way to harsh.  
    I suggest you remove the rose colored glasses for a minute.  Not one "harsh" word was said prior to your first post admonishing posters. Only after YOU decided to become the internet police did things even begin to border on "harsh".  Responses were honest and blunt.  Big difference.  Huge.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Lauderdale Pink said:
    I think you all need to have a heart and stop the nonsense, especially the profanity.  Can we please use our "big girl" words?  These boards are also a place to post vents and get them out of the person's head and get some SUPPORT.  You all are just way to harsh.  
    Some people cuss.  Deal with it.



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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    To be clear I am not looking for money or gifts, I just want to have a good time with girlfriends. I would be happy with board games and a sleep over. I just have a lot of girls asking me what is going on with the party because everyone lives in different states and they need to get time off, plane tickets ect. I don't see my friends often because like I said they all live in different states, its more about getting together with everyone. BTW she offered to plan a batch party without me asking and everyone was under the impression she was planning a party they all emailed her and she never replied to them.

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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    Thank you for that. :)

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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    I don't think I mentioned that I was expecting money and gifts. I could see how that could be implied by the word "shower", maybe I should have be more clear. I was more looking for a fun weekend with friends. I was never expecting them to pay for my stuff. plus she is the one who offered to plan it without me asking.
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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    I agree with that mantra. so true

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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    wow I must really sound bad, but if you knew me you would know I do not want money or gifts. I just want to have a good time with all my friends that I never see because they live all over the country.

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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    I have a lot of girls asking me what, when, and where because they have to request time off a year in advance.

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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    By definition, a "shower" is a party to give the bride money and gifts.
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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    I guess I should not have said the word shower. Excuse my error. Just any gathering would be nice.
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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    Gosh I just want to know what the men are going to costa rica.  And the grooms friends are expected to chip in and pay for his expenses?   He must have some rich friends.  Why is everything so out of hand these days.  Do your family and friends have money?  Lower your expectations is right girl.

     

    Not that It matters but Costa Rica is actually pretty cheap, and when it comes to Indian weddings a culture the friends and family go all out. CR is the same place they went for his brothers BP. No one is rich, just normal people with normal jobs. Also I never expected to do CR when my MOH asked where we should go I suggested Vegas because there are always deals to fly to there from anywhere. My expectations are not high I just want my WP and family to just as excited as his.

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    ttandmtttandmt member
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    I have had ppl specifically tell me that they need to request specific time off by December for 2014, also people plane summer vacations and need to schedule things accordingly. say this because this is what other girls that want to come have said to me. You guys really took my question the wrong way. And yeah it was kind of harsh. P.S. sorry if your Dad wasn't around FYI mine was not either so the guy I call my Dad is from my Mom's 2nd marriage and he has always treaded me like his own, I am blessed to have him but now im like where did he go? My Mom is no support and my friends seem like they could care less. Sorry if you though I was a spoiled brat.
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    We can only read what you write.  So going by your posts, it seemed like you were being a spoiled brat because people weren't paying attention to the bride and planning you parties.

    I'm going to assume you meant to put December 2013 for needing to request time off.  If people have contacted the MOH and she has ignored them, anyone of them can take up the reigns for planning a b party and just let the MOH know.

    Also, I read in another of your posts, that your FI is Indian and they go all out in their culture.  Could that be why his b party is already planned?  Notwithstanding your friends PTO issue, most times b party in the American culture are not planned this far in advance.  Maybe your MOH is seeing how expensive it will be to go away for your b party and is having a hard time letting you know this.  Or she doesn't think your b party NEEDS to be planned this early.  It could be difficult for her to understand why someone needs to have their PTO request put in so far in advance because maybe her job does it differently.

    Lastly, it really helps when you reply to other people, if you quote that person's response so we know who you are talking to.

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    ei34ei34 member
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    It might be regional, but where I'm from, the bridal shower and bachelorette party are a surprise.  I was my sister's MOH this past year, and she didn't ask me about pre-wedding festivities once...she knew they were happening (I might have been a little too excited to plan and coordinate everything!) and she ended up having a great time.

    As for your fiancé- some guys get really excited about bachelor parties...and if it's taking place in another country I can see why it couldn't be a surprise, your fiancé must have had to take some time off work, pack, etc.

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